Somewhat uncomfortable...Help...

[[ALIMEISTER]]

I recently started a part time job. I love the work, the hours are great as well as the pay. I'll be graduating from university in about a year and it's related to my field so i'm very hesitant to quit. I'll tell you why i'm even considering to to do so.

About a year ago, I visited a well known incall establishment and booked a session with a wonderful lady who I saw twice. I believe she still is an escort. It turns out she works there and to make matters more uncomfortable, in the same department as I do.

I recognized her as soon as I stepped in on the first day. I'm quite positive she recognized me as well. She gave me this stare down as if she was undressing me with her eyes. It kind of turned me on, but thats not the point. Her position requires her to consult with me atleast twice daily, so yes we have to talk. I'm not sure if it bothers me as much as it bothers her. She has trouble making eye contact and tries to avoid me as much as she can which I can understand.

I can't seem to express myself totally and give her my opinion when it comes to the assignments we're working on because I feel as if she just wants to get the hell away from me. This is a factor which I believe will hinder assignment creativity, productivity and the quality of work which will need to be presented. I've thought of bringing up the fact that i've seen her as a client and to tell her that her secret is safe with me and she does not need to worry about anything being spread in the office or elsewhere, but i'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. It may make matters worse. Aside from her, I get along very very well with the rest of the people in the department. I'm actually feeling somewhat paranoid that she may be spreading some nasty rumour about me which could lead to me getting fired.

Any thoughts on what I should do?

 

[papasmerf]

call the place you booked her thru and book her again


Then spend the time discussing your uncomfortablity with her.

Also if you are wrong and it aint her, you get a great session and might have a crack at the lady in the offie

 

[HVY_MTL]

wow.. Definitely think you should have a sit down with her. Clear the air. She knows what she does so you wont be shockng her. But you need to clear the air for your own sanity. Good luck. Let us know what happens.

 

[superquad1968]

Ali,

I would definitely sit down with her and talk about it. I'm guessing she doesn't want to be found out either.

 

[assoholic]

..bottom line is she will be uncomfortable around you, respect her space and in time she will get over it to a certain extent.

 

[freakshow]

100% great advice guys.......thats the way to go ali, maybe better to do what smurf said make another appoitment and talk to her.

 

[toulouselautrec]

Maybe she will give you a special rate because she knows you now.

On the other hand, you could always blackmail her to give you some free services or you will tell the other guys in the office.

Just kidding of course!

Seriously though, if you clear the air with her you may be able to have a sexual fantasy in an office and do it on top of a desk. Does she have her own private office?

 

[shyguy2222]

I had to deal with a very similar situation a few years ago. The difference was that she was an outcall escort whom I had seen a few times, and she was coming to work as an administrative manager in an office where I was a senior manager. She and I had to work together but I was not her supervisor.

At first I decided not to bring up the subject. A few weeks into her tenure, I noticed that she and I started having problems. I would assign work to her, and it would never get done with no explanation. It finally got to the point where this was turning out to be a very unproductive professional relationship. So I asked her out to lunch one Friday afternoon - my treat.

I made reservations at a really good restaurant some distance away from the office. We killed a bottle of wine, had great food, and spent the rest of the afternoon at lunch. More important - we had a very productive chat. Turns out that she was very upset because I had not acknowledged knowing her previously. I had felt that by ignoring our past, I was making things easier since we were now working together. But she took it as an insult and felt humiliated.

We were able to talk things through, and we both decided that it would be ok for us to work together. She and I have had no problems since our long lunch, and I am very glad to have her as a productive member of my team.

Bottom line - I would suggest that you attempt to clear the air with her.

 

[midLifeCrisis]

call the place you booked her thru and book her again


Then spend the time discussing your uncomfortablity with her.

I suggest instead that you send her a PM, via TERB or (if you know management at the incall well enough) through her incall's management's PM. I wouldn't go so far as to book an appointment - her knowing that there is a certain identification will only make the situation worse.

Assuming that you're right, though, I'm not sure that there is a good way out of this situation. No matter how nice a person you are, no matter how discreet you are, no matter how much in fear you are of being exposed as a "client" .... it is still a whole lot worse being exposed as an escort than it is to be exposed as a client. Not many people are going to be comfortable with a colleague having that much power over them. Would you be?

So ... don't expect an answer to your PM or eMail and don't book an appointment and don't even visit that incall again unless you're sure that she has quit. All you can do, really, is let her know that you work at YYY and you suspect that she also works at YYY or at least that someone who looks an awful lot like her does.

Emphasize that you are not only not absolutely sure of the identification but that you wouldn't dream of checking up on it. There's no more you can do. On the job, be absolutely professional at all times - no risque jokes, or asking her to have lunch with you or getting drunk and horny at the office party next month! She's not just worried about embarrassment, she's worried about blackmail - if not for money than for something else - and there is absolutely nothing you can do to reduce that fear.

 

[mtl_guy]

I would get out of there.

Theres no good that can come out of this.

So you graduate from U and start working there. You go to drinks after work and your g/f joins you. Do you want situations like this going on into the future?

Id cut my losses and get out.

Lifelong hobbyists will tell you different. But do you want this hanging over your head going into the future? Your career? Personal life? Your REPUTATION in general??

Its a misconception to think that you are safe because its a secret for her too.

Would you want it known in your work place that you PAY for SEX?

 

[SucroseFree]

I don't think she is worried about blackmail because she could easily turn it around and make it into something where she could sue the company for sexual discrimination.

And the situation could be salvagable is he applies common sense, respect for her personal space and professionism.

 

[maverick]

pretty small world out there... just take her for lunch and air it out... maybe you'll get a freebie (j/king)

 

[cnmb]

I agree with shygug2222,
sit down and talk to her, this will be a secret between you and her forever.

 

[pineappleguy]

Ali,

I would definitely sit down with her and talk about it. I'm guessing she doesn't want to be found out either.

I agree. The truth will set you free, but you've got to approach it carefully.

Start the conversation with something very positive, like, "In the interest of having a good, professional working relationship, I'd like to clear the air on something that I expect we are both concerned about...."

 

[xarir]

You absolutely have to do something. Ignoring the situation will not make it go away. Deal with things by confronting them head on in a diplomatic way. Do not do this in the office though - do it over lunch or a long coffee or seomthing outside of the office. You need to have a personal conversation with her so do it in a personal place as opposed to the office.

You have to assure the lady that you have nothing personally to gain by "outing" her just as she has nothing to gain by outing you. From there on you can enjoy a productive professional relationship. And as midLifeCrisis noted - no risque jokes or any other such allusions to her (or to anyone else in your office).

Good luck! Let us know how things go.

 

[Annessa]

Open Communication Is Always The Best Way To Kill The Uncomfortable Silence

I would get out of there.

Theres no good that can come out of this.

So you graduate from U and start working there. You go to drinks after work and your g/f joins you. Do you want situations like this going on into the future?

Id cut my losses and get out.

Lifelong hobbyists will tell you different. But do you want this hanging over your head going into the future? Your career? Personal life? Your REPUTATION in general??

Its a misconception to think that you are safe because its a secret for her too.

Would you want it known in your work place that you PAY for SEX?

I respect your opinion but you are very wrong. Do you think that escorts go around telling everyone and anyone what we do to make a living? like we are proud of it. I'm not ashamed at what I do but at the same time I'm not proud of it. I have worked very hard at keeping my job very private and personal (until I was needed to step up to the plate for the CityPulse 24 news broadcast) and in return I expect the same privacy from a client if I was to run into them in any public situation.

shyguy2222 IMHO has given the best advice. It is an uncomfortable situation but I believe that if you take the time to talk to the person you will find that they are just as uncomfortable or afraid that her secret will get out as well.
Take the lady out for lunch and have a talk.




Annessa
xoxo

 

[raverboy]

...I can't seem to express myself totally and give her my opinion when it comes to the assignments we're working on because I feel as if she just wants to get the hell away from me. This is a factor which I believe will hinder assignment creativity, productivity and the quality of work which will need to be presented. I've thought of bringing up the fact that i've seen her as a client and to tell her that her secret is safe with me and she does not need to worry about anything being spread in the office or elsewhere, but i'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. It may make matters worse. Aside from her, I get along very very well with the rest of the people in the department. I'm actually feeling somewhat paranoid that she may be spreading some nasty rumour about me which could lead to me getting fired.

Any thoughts on what I should do?

Hi Alimeister,

I can definitely empathize with you on the situation you're in.

I agree with others that have replied to this thread in that you should sit down and have a chat with her, however IMO I disagree that this should be done in the form of another appointment with her at the incall establishment.

I guess first and foremost I'd say, "welcome to life and its mysteries!" - things like this can and will happen - such is life. She probably understands the fact that you *both* have a secret to share - she knows you as her ex-client (and hence a "john", please excuse the label, meant for illustrative purposes only ) and now she has to report to you in an office environment. You know her as an incall escort and now have to interact with her professionally on a day-to-day basis.

I am still undecided as to whether it would be good form to initiate things, my gut instinct is to allow her to make the first move. I can imagine that she is probably 'sizing you up' as to whether you are a threat to her continued employment at your place of work. That is probably where you read her 'undressing you with her eyes'. As soon as she determines that she is comfortable enough to breach the topic she will likely initiate such contact. Allow her to get comfortable enough with you to do so. In the meantime, I would accord her with the same level of professionalism as you would any colleague.

 

[drlove]

Would you want it known in your work place that you PAY for SEX?

What's wrong with paying for it?? I think people in general need to get over themselves and stop being so uptight about everything. You'd think we were still living in the Victorian era.

 

[Annessa]

What's wrong with paying for it?? I think people in general need to get over themselves and stop being so uptight about everything. You'd think we were still living in the Victorian era.

It's called showing her respect that you see her more then just an escort because she is part of the company he works with. If she is already feeling uncomfortable, humiliated, ashamed and fearfull that her secret will get out then why add to that by booking an appointment with her. It will show to her and make her feel that you will never see her as an equal in the 'real world' work force but 'once an escort... always an escort'
Take that money that you would spend in booking an appointment with her and take her out for lunch and speak with her.




Annessa
xoxo

 

[drlove]

Annessa...

I wasn't reffering to this particular situation at all; I agree that in this case it's better to be discreet. I meant generally speaking, (incidents like this excluded) it's really no one's business what another's sexual "arrangements" are, nor should anyone be and/or feel offended by them.

I don't go around advertising it, but in a few instances I've admitted it to people. If they're not comfortable with it, that's their problem.