Some Major Suggestions

[mb12ca]

She is giving it to her family members. That is why she is using so much.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, how much are you willing to pay to get access to her vagina and her attention. If you think you are paying too much, go get access to another vagina and companion. I know this sounds harsh, but if your spouse was a dude and he was your friend, would you accept such behaviour from him? You wouldn't, right? Well, the only reason you are accepting the behaviour your wife presents is because she has a vagina. So, again, how much is access to her vagina worth to you?

 

[Mervyn]

As for her stuff, you can always ship them to her.

As for her deportation, she commited fraud. Plain and simple.

How can you trust her ? ?.. in fact don't answer that, you don't trust her as that is evident when you have stated you are unable to tell her about your financial situation. Money aside this doesn't sound like a relationship based upon a solid foundation to me.

 

[FTMFW]

I would choose to cut your loss and find someone else. I know OP is emotionally attached to the SO, but she seems to be a baggage (financially) and doesn't really care much about OP's financial situation.

Move on, plenty of trees out in the forest.

 

[danmand]

I once was in a somewhat similar situation, although not nearly as serious. The solution, I believe, is to put her on a strict budget.

If , as is likely, the next step is a divorce, you are well advised to divorce her in Africa, where the divorce laws are much better for the man than in Canada. However, divorcing remotely is expensive in legal fees, but I believe worth it.

 

[Aardvark154]

She is giving it to her family members. That is why she is using so much.

This may be the case. However, and I have only women from Eastern Europe to base this on, if she is helping her parents, or helping put her neice through school etc. . . this is something about which she should be open and tell you what she is doing, not treating it as a secret. Further real wives know that there are limits to what they can do to help their parents, they don't treat spousal money as a "bottomless piggy bank"

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Sammy, reading between the lines are you saying that your wife was deported from Canada for entering illegally and under false documents, or was there another reason?

The more I learn the more strongly I believe that you need to speak with a lawyer who has experience both in immigration law and in family law sooner and not later. Usually initial consultations are not billed.

 

[Aardvark154]

I once was in a somewhat similar situation, although not nearly as serious. The solution, I believe, is to put her on a strict budget.

If , as is likely, the next step is a divorce, you are well advised to divorce her in Africa, where the divorce laws are much better for the man than in Canada. However, divorcing remotely is expensive in legal fees, but I believe worth it.

Wise advice.

 

[Sammy78]

Aardvark- She was deported for entering Canada illegally and under false documents. I have an immigration lawyer now that is looking after our case. I'm afraid if she does come back to Canada there will be alot of stress and problems in my house between everyone.

 

[Aardvark154]

Aardvark- She was deported for entering Canada illegally and under false documents. I have an immigration lawyer now that is looking after our case. I'm afraid if she does come back to Canada there will be alot of stress and problems in my house between everyone.

Regrettably you likely are correct. I am sorry you are in this situation, any of us who have had marital/fiancée problems particularly with someone overseas have real empathy for you. As has already been said you need to try to separate the emotional from the factual and pragmatic - that I realize is very much harder than many think it is to do than to say.

Further, although my knowledge of Canadian Immigration Law is far from extensive, obtaining (ARC) Authorization to Return to Canada is not easy.

 

[Scooter Brown]

She's not telling you what she's spending money for? Why is that? What is she hiding from you? It's the money you made and you have the right to know where it goes. Deportation is a serious thing. Why did she use false documents at first place? Legally you are married, but also (legally) you are separated with all the consequences. Why friction if she comes back?

Your situation is complicated. I would first investigate your situation in the light of law (deportation and separation). Know exactly where you stand legally. Second, figure out what you want to do, with regards to your situation. Do you want her back here? Under which circumstances? Is it realistic? Or, do you want to divorce her? And so on. Third, when you figure out what you want, get a lawyer to help you do what you want.

 

[Mervyn]

Does him knowing that she came her under a false name implicate him in any way ??

 

[Sammy78]

Thank you everyone for your comments and suggestions.....It took me quite some time to decide and I am cutting my losses and I'm moving on. I went to sign a paper at my lawyers about 3 weeks ago to stop the sponsorship and I have an appointment to see a divorce lawyer on monday. I was so afraid to pay my visa bill in case my wife didnt have any money for herself that visa cutoff my card and my credit rating is gone down the drain. Does anyone think if I call visa and explain to them the situation that I might be able to work something out with them?

 

[fuji]

She is giving it to her family members. That is why she is using so much.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, how much are you willing to pay to get access to her vagina and her attention. If you think you are paying too much, go get access to another vagina and companion. I know this sounds harsh, but if your spouse was a dude and he was your friend, would you accept such behaviour from him? You wouldn't, right? Well, the only reason you are accepting the behaviour your wife presents is because she has a vagina. So, again, how much is access to her vagina worth to you?

You're divorced, right? Or soon to be? Or... never been able to attract a woman? I can smell "failed relationship" all over you.

I wouldn't rush to judge the OP. Lots of people manage relationships over large distances. It's unclear what is going on there--it is very possible that she is giving all the money she can to her family members there in Africa. It's possible that her family members are all in tough situations and she believes she's helping. It's possible she doesn't realize how much trouble it's causing for her husband. It's equally possible that she is just cynically taking him to the cleaners. We just don't know.

The situation is untenable and unsustainable but I wouldn't view it through that sort of cynical lens. I think he needs to find a way to have a heart to heart with his wife about it, and figure out what the next step is. A really honest and frank talk where everything is on the table. If she's never coming back to Canada, that might be something they just have to face as a couple, and it may end them. In any case he needs to stop transferring to her money that he can't afford to give.

 

[fuji]

Does anyone think if I call visa and explain to them the situation that I might be able to work something out with them?

Yes you can. They won't care about what caused the problem, but they should be willing to talk to you about a viable repayment plan. If you are paying credit card interest rates, north of 20%, you should be able to get that knocked down to something much more reasonable. Tell them you can't afford the interest rate they are charging you and you want to negotiate a better payment plan with a more reasonable interest rate. They should be willing to talk to you--be businesslike about it.

Rather than give them a sob story about your personal history just lay out for them what your income is, what you can afford, and be businesslike in working out an arrangement. They want to get paid, they don't want you to go bankrupt and not pay them, so they will work with you.