I loved someone who didn't like my smoking habits. So I quit on his birthday as a birthday gift. He was very happy then and I'm very healthy now. 
smokers and how to get them to quit
- Thread starter jw01
- Start date
they work for me but i was a mild smoker
must get the ones with nicotine not the variety store ones
Regardless of the harms of smoking, you started dating her as a smoker, it seems kind of controlling to be asking (expecting) her to quit. That almost never ends well.
+1
She will quit when she wants to not when you tell her too …it seriously isn't easy quitting smoking so if it bothers you that much date a non smoker.
Does she make any effort to quit?
Does she make any effort to accommodate you such as only smoking out doors?
I've been there and if this is your only problem. . .
Does she make any effort to accommodate you such as only smoking out doors?
I've been there and if this is your only problem. . .
+1
I started smoking in my early teens, I began the struggle to quit in earnest in my late 20s with many relapses, and didn't "quit-quit" until my mid-30s. I still lapse occasionally, especially around alcohol and / or strip clubs. My big lessons, that have kept me quit are: 0) Don't smoke, 0.5) Don't have smoking pariphinalia, 1) Don't accept excuses to lapse, and 2) if you do lapse don't bring home smokes or paraphernalia.
The simple truth is that a person has to want to quit for themselves. This self realization can be externally triggered (birth of a child / death of a smoker), but the person has to honestly want it for themselves. What a person who loves / likes a smoker can do is not nag, bribe, or badger, but: 1) State your honest opinion without nagging or harping on it. "You smell bad.", "I don't want you to be sick.", and "I don't want you to die." are all good, but just don't harp, nag, bug, badger, or bribe. It's a YMMV thing. 2) Understand that the person will be 'bitchy'. 3) Understand that the person will gain weight. 4) Understand that cravings will come and go over a long period of time (causing random bouts of bitchiness), and that people have triggers. 4) Try to minimize triggers. 5) Understand that lapses will pretty much always happen, and do your best to help make sure that after a lapse no paraphernalia is left behind without becoming a "smoking inducing" stresser, or excuse to smoke, yourself.
I would never date a smoker,and yes it is a deal breaker.It's just a nasty habit any way you look at it.Bad breath,smelly hair,car,cloths.Don't even get me started on the site of an ash tray.
I think people bring up some good points here.Don't nag,cut the cord before it's to late.I am sure I will get some flak for this comment,once a smoker always a smoker.The cravings will always be there.
I think people bring up some good points here.Don't nag,cut the cord before it's to late.I am sure I will get some flak for this comment,once a smoker always a smoker.The cravings will always be there.
Hey guys
Thanks for the pointers and words of wisdom...I sent her the video that was posted, not sure if she will view it but to her credit she has cut down....my deal with her is that she can smoke when she is partying, technically that should be on a weekend but she often is out on we days so she found a loop hole lol. Regardless, last week I was chilling with her and her bff who somewhat chain smokes.
Initially my girl asked me if she can smoke and I ignored her...she then was getting frustrated and asked me again and I said, a deal is a deal only when jamming. She said ok fine but then her gf started another smoke and she picked up the smoke and said, why am I even asking u if I csn smoke.....at that point I made up my mind if she smokes, I just walk away bc thst means she doesn't respect what I have to say.....but within a min of her picking the smoke, she put it baxk and didn't smoke at all.
I appreciated that and even sent her a message that night to say how much that meant to me and I truely adore her for that....Although she smokes ganja regularly, she's told me she's barely smoking cigarettes and bc of me doesn't even buy any packs which is all true.
So yep....hopefully she can eventually drop the habit all the way, but not sure if I should be more firm or just let her figure this out in her own head.
Thanks for the pointers and words of wisdom...I sent her the video that was posted, not sure if she will view it but to her credit she has cut down....my deal with her is that she can smoke when she is partying, technically that should be on a weekend but she often is out on we days so she found a loop hole lol. Regardless, last week I was chilling with her and her bff who somewhat chain smokes.
Initially my girl asked me if she can smoke and I ignored her...she then was getting frustrated and asked me again and I said, a deal is a deal only when jamming. She said ok fine but then her gf started another smoke and she picked up the smoke and said, why am I even asking u if I csn smoke.....at that point I made up my mind if she smokes, I just walk away bc thst means she doesn't respect what I have to say.....but within a min of her picking the smoke, she put it baxk and didn't smoke at all.
I appreciated that and even sent her a message that night to say how much that meant to me and I truely adore her for that....Although she smokes ganja regularly, she's told me she's barely smoking cigarettes and bc of me doesn't even buy any packs which is all true.
So yep....hopefully she can eventually drop the habit all the way, but not sure if I should be more firm or just let her figure this out in her own head.
Bingo! It's her gig, no one elses.
That said, love made me a cold-turkey quitter 35 years ago. She was asthmatic and all she ever said was please don't smoke in my house, where it'll linger when you leave. And she only said it once. How could I defeat my own heart's desire by keeping up a habit that required me to stay apart from her, even briefly?
It wasn't easy. I had tried a couple of times before, and not gotten over the hump. I still felt occasional cravings decades later, and the relapse and failure stats are worse than for heroin.
Getting off the 'I'm a failure' treadmill, which is close-coupled with the 'I can't live without my cigs', was what worked. Telling myself it was my choice, and no deal at all to light up, as long as I wasn't in her house, made it sound easy. So it seemed easy enough to extend that to anytime I'm with her, then to as long as we're a couple. Then it got to be my thing, 35yrs and no longer counting.
If you always know you're permitted and entitled to that next cig you want, then you're just postponing. And getting really good at it. Even if you have to slack off for a period before you take another run at quitting, the practice you had will help. Just postpone. But start now. This fall my sister's competing in a world championship sports event in Italy and it'll be a family occasion. Except for my brother who can't manage the flying time because of his tobacco addiction.
Tell your sweetie the only thing you want her, or anyone hooked on is love, then leave it up to her, and run your life accordingly.
I am going to have to disagree with you hear and say that it is in fact not dangerous to quite smoking cold turkey at all. That's purely made up by smokers that want to smoke , same with the heroin thing. The actual fact is that less people successful quit smoker compared to those that try to quit heroin. If this woman decided to quit smoking there may be a day or 2 cravings as the drugs leave her system but that's it. Smoking is 99.9 percent mental and .1% physical.
That's not been my experience, but I've seen other people handle quitting far better than me. YMMV.
I think Shake is right even if he skewed the ratio a bit. But it's mostly mental the same way climbing a mountain is. Once they decided, even handicapped people have done Everest. It was the decision that made the difference.
The addictive properties in tobacco leave the system rather quickly and the so called craving that is felt is purely mental after the first 48hrs or so. The problem is that the smoker has convinced him/herself that they need a crutch or something and think that the tobacco will cure this craving when it deed the tobacco creates it in the first place. It is a vicious cycle that can only be broken my not smoking. This is why I say that it is almost completely mental because its a smoke and mirrors show but the mind is convinced that the smoker actually gets something from smoking , which they do not
You know what smokers hate? Being told to quit! We know the facts and dangers, so we don't need to be constantly reminded of them.
You have control issues that you may want to address. Why ignore someone who asks a question or play such games as deciding to walk away if she smokes? Most people will tell you that quitting smoking is the hardest thing they will ever do so give her some time. It's an addiction. Try being supportive instead of being a dick. As said above, you chose to date a smoker. You told her you didn't like it. She is making an effort to change her behavior for you. Positive reinforcement seems a better route. Btw most smokers put on weight when they quit smoking.
