Sexuality and Disabilitites

[Summer]

I watched a documentary a while back called Scarlet Road which follows some of the work of Rachel Wotton, an escort in Australian, who has become highly specialized in working with clients with disabilities. Passionate about her work, her philosophy is that human touch and sexual intimacy can be some of the most therapeutic aspects of our existence, including, of course, the lives of those living with a disability. My heart was deeply touched as I watched her story and listened to her ideas. Sexuality is such a key part of our human makeup. In doing further research I began to understand what some of the hurdles to fulfilling this aspect of ourselves that someone with a disability may have to overcome. This stems from not only the limitations of the disability itself, but also from the necessary lifestyle arrangements of many people, such as a lack of privacy from being dependent upon others for daily living, as well as the possible misconception of those around them that they do not have a desire for sex, intimacy and sensual touch, as well as the ability to respond and be sexually fulfilled. They may not have access to even being able to make arrangements with an escort without the help of another, further hindering their ability to secure sexual gratification.

Are there other issues that an escort should be mindful of when making arrangements to see someone who is disabled? What can an escort do to make the arrangements easier and the session successful? I am not thinking sexually, as I think I can figure that one out, but I mean logistically.

Or any other advice would also be appreciated.

Feel free to PM me privately, if you prefer.
Thank you.
Summer
xo

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

I used to go see a client once a month who was wheelchair bound. He had no movement in his legs and little feeling from the waste down. He could reach orgasm however and liked to watch himself being played with. Apparently the visual was enough to overcome the lack of sensation. His caregiver was the one who would help get him into bed then back in his chair after I left. The only issues I had was in the heat of the room, he usually had it sauna like for his comfort and I had to make sure to drink lots of water during a session or I would get really light headed. He was quite intelligent and a great conversationalist and had no problems letting me know what he enjoyed.
I have a few clients that have various degrees of disabilities and as long as my room is accessible to them there really is nothing too difficult to manage. I have found that most will apologize at first but as soon as you reassure them that you are totally cool with their particular issues then they will relax and ask for what they need.
The only issue I have had is when I had to help someone get up off the bed, my back is crap and I gave it a good wrench helping him into his chair.
I am not sure if that is the kind of information you are looking for but hopefully it helps.
Mainly the important thing is letting them know that their disability does not frighten you or give you the willies.....yes, there are some who have had bad experiences with escorts that have freaked out on them. Once they are comfortable with you then they will let you know what they need. Accessibility is key also.

 

[Summer]

Yes, Lady Ty, that is helpful information and I appreciate it!
Thank you!

 

[acutus]

This is an interesting topic for discussion. I Believe I may have heard about this documentary as well. I believe that there may be a Hollywood version of this story out recently, but of course real Life drama is always far more interesting.

Thank you for your insights on this topic, Ms. LadyTY2Uall. Sincerely, Jon .

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

My pleasure My greatest satisfaction comes from showing them that they are able to fulfill their sexual needs and that they do in fact have a lot to offer a woman. Too many men feel that their only sexual tool is the one that lies between their legs. They simply need to be reminded that there is far more to sex than inserting a penis into a vagina

 

[staggerspool]

The therapeutic aspect of the hobby is unrecognized and highly under-rated, often by some of us who are the chief beneficiaries. A lot of us probably have emotional issues and self worth issues and body image issues... how to deal with that, as well as all the drives that play into sexuality - social, biological, spiritual, aesthetic...

Physical disability can be overwhelming, particularly around sexuality. But social and psychological disabilities are big problems too.

I am very thankful to the SPs I have seen for their generous compassion over a few years of hobbying, who have helped me gradually through my own stuff, to the point where I now feel totally confident in my sexuality, and completely happy with who I am in that part of my life.

I also thank them for allowing me to have an adventurous and satisfying sex life without having to have someone living in my apartment, distracting me from my other obsessions... I'm very happy with my life in general, and I think a lot of that is because of what I have worked with through the hobby.

My sense is that the hobby will some day be seen, broadly, as what it is for me: a therapeutic practice. And an aesthetic practice. And a sport or fitness practice. And an evening of great fun, adventure, humor, and general pleasure.

Unfortunately, some of those who most need the hobby are those who cannot access it, as their minds are trapped in philosophical/social/religious/etc dogma. This prevents them from realizing that their fear of sexuality is something that can be worked with, opened up, and explored safely within a commercial relationship. Like you go to the doctor to get your medical problems worked on. Only much more fun. (I am myself contemplating an alternative prostate exam with someone who I haven't seen in a while... she's a lovely smart woman, and I look forward to the conversation as much as opening up a new frontier. Funny, until I met her, I hadn't thought about this particular possibility... I have offered to review her, but she prefers not to be reviewed.)

 

[Rockslinger]

I believe that there may be a Hollywood version of this story out recently, but of course real Life drama is always far more interesting.

Maybe "The Sessions"? Also, there have been earlier movies about sex with the physically challenged. Jane Fonda in "Coming Home" and Helen Hunt in "The Waterdance".

 

[cutecadyclark]

I think society grossly underestimates the therapeutic value of sex in general. We all have needs that we want fulfilled and that's not a bad thing. Some people are caught up in the taboo of paying for sex, while others simply cannot afford it. Someone with a disability (be it physical or mental) can gain a lot from gaining an interpersonal connection. When I refer to a mental disability, I am referring to mental health not to those individuals that do not have the capacity to consent. I think it can have a really positive influence on someone's life and it shouldn't be written off simply because society thinks it's a "moral" wrong.

 

[Summer]

I am happy to see all these thoughtful and supportive comments and PMs. Here is a link to Rachel's website.
http://rachelwotton.com/
and here is a link to the documentary.
http://www.scarletroad.com.au/

I also found an article which refers to almost everything that has been mentioned here already--including such as privacy, body image issues, etc.

I did watch "The Sessions." It was very good. I don't think it was about Rachel herself, though. But it was still a good story.

I love staggerspool's comments. I aspire to be like the SPs to whom you refer!

 

[AllisonElm]

I think you can watch the Scarlett Road documentary for free here: http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/ID/2314258771/

I hated The Sessions but Helen Hunt looks great naked. Here is a review of the Sessions by sex workers which is really good... pretty sure it gives away the entire movie so if you haven't seen it then spoiler alert! http://titsandsass.com/the-sessions-2012

This is the actual article the movie was based on: http://thesunmagazine.org/issues/174/on_seeing_a_sex_surrogate
The movie is totally different than the article. Very Hollywood. Did I mentioned Helen Hunt looks great naked?

This is a good book to read, though the very short part about sex work probably won't thrill you.
http://www.comeasyouare.com/shop/product/The-Ultimate-Guide-to-Sex-and-Disability

This shop makes an effort to be accessible:
http://www.comeasyouare.com
http://www.comeasyouare.com/sex-information/sex-and-disability

I've put a little blurb on my site for clients with disabilities. Mainly about me interacting with personal support workers, which I'm fine with. And if they are are unable to discuss sexuality with their PSW I know a great PSW who we can work with instead... if their experience meets the client's needs of course. I think mentioning accessibility information on your website would be helpful for people looking for a provider. Setting up a meeting w/ a sex worker when you have a disability can often require additional planning... so knowing your provider has some knowledge and is reliable is probably going to be reassuring.

 

[AllisonElm]

(I am myself contemplating an alternative prostate exam with someone who I haven't seen in a while... she's a lovely smart woman, and I look forward to the conversation as much as opening up a new frontier. Funny, until I met her, I hadn't thought about this particular possibility... I have offered to review her, but she prefers not to be reviewed.)

I think I know who you're talking about. *cough cough*

 

[Nate1]

I think I know who you're talking about. *cough cough*

Put your finger on it--so to speak?

 

[AllisonElm]

HA! Yes! Where have you been? Email me sometime!

 

[AndyQuest]

I think you can watch the Scarlett Road documentary for free here: http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/ID/2314258771/

Thanks Allison for that link. I will certainly watch the documentary.
Several years ago I saw an episode of Secret Diary of a Call Girl where a disabled boy was brought to see Belle by his father. Although the episode's storyline was more about Belle and her boyfriend, I personally retained more from the touching action taken by the father, providing a way for his son to experience pleasures that life and society had denied him.

 

[xl105]

here's a few questions for you guys.

how would you deal someone who is blind? or someone who is deaf?

 

[Summer]

I've put a little blurb on my site for clients with disabilities. Mainly about me interacting with personal support workers, which I'm fine with. And if they are are unable to discuss sexuality with their PSW I know a great PSW who we can work with instead... if their experience meets the client's needs of course. I think mentioning accessibility information on your website would be helpful for people looking for a provider. Setting up a meeting w/ a sex worker when you have a disability can often require additional planning... so knowing your provider has some knowledge and is reliable is probably going to be reassuring.

I just looked at your beautiful website (very well done!) for your blurb. I plan to add a similar blurb to mine. I hope you don't mind. Thanks for the idea.

 

[Summer]

My thoughts are that with someone who is blind, I could more easily or quickly learn what exactly the person prefers, since communication would not be as hindered as with a deaf person. Touch and sounds are so integral to sensuality that it seems to me that sex could/would still be very erotic.

With someone who is deaf--it certainly could still be as erotic. I just think it might take me a little longer to learn what he wants, simply because of communication. This is presuming that this person would also have difficulty speaking.

On the other hand, I am a teacher (by day) and I have learned to be quite creative and inventive in communicating! lol. You should see me in the classroom sometime! One of my favourite quotations about teaching is: Good teaching is 1/4th preparation and 3/4 theatre. So true!

I also have an acute sense of humour!

Have a great day, all!

here's a few questions for you guys.

how would you deal someone who is blind? or someone who is deaf?

 

[staggerspool]

I think I know who you're talking about. *cough cough*

busted....

 

[staggerspool]

My thoughts are that with someone who is blind, I could more easily or quickly learn what exactly the person prefers, since communication would not be as hindered as with a deaf person. Touch and sounds are so integral to sensuality that it seems to me that sex could/would still be very erotic.

With someone who is deaf--it certainly could still be as erotic. I just think it might take me a little longer to learn what he wants, simply because of communication. This is presuming that this person would also have difficulty speaking.

On the other hand, I am a teacher (by day) and I have learned to be quite creative and inventive in communicating! lol. You should see me in the classroom sometime! One of my favourite quotations about teaching is: Good teaching is 1/4th preparation and 3/4 theatre. So true!

I also have an acute sense of humour!

Have a great day, all!

Thanks for the thread, great discussion and links to explore. I'll be back later when I have time to write more.

 

[staggerspool]

My thoughts are that with someone who is blind, I could more easily or quickly learn what exactly the person prefers, since communication would not be as hindered as with a deaf person. Touch and sounds are so integral to sensuality that it seems to me that sex could/would still be very erotic.

With someone who is deaf--it certainly could still be as erotic. I just think it might take me a little longer to learn what he wants, simply because of communication. This is presuming that this person would also have difficulty speaking.

On the other hand, I am a teacher (by day) and I have learned to be quite creative and inventive in communicating! lol. You should see me in the classroom sometime! One of my favourite quotations about teaching is: Good teaching is 1/4th preparation and 3/4 theatre. So true!

I also have an acute sense of humour!

Have a great day, all!

Humour is key in any sort of therapeutic process - not necessarily getting laughs (though that is always a good sign), but having a light and open attitude that allows for fun.

Another key talent is the ability to read the person you are working with, to see quickly where they are and what they need.

Clearly, working with physical disabilities can require technical solutions. The "science" will be in knowing what needs to be done, what tools are necessary, or adequate; what kinds of limitations must be addressed, etc.

The "art" is in making all of that transparent to the client, making it fun, erotic, exciting...

The science will differ from person to person, according to their disability. The art is probably the key skill a great provider brings to ANY session.

It really is a challenge: some guy calls you, and then the door opens and here he is, suddenly right there with all his stuff, waiting to be serviced. A lot of information must be noticed and interpreted immediately. And it isn't always the case that the client really knows what he wants, let alone what he needs. As the OP says, she can figure that out, that is what makes a successful provider. I admire that skill, and enjoy it in my sessions.

One thing which helps is that sex is pretty much the epitome of the healing experience. So the provider doesn't have to do psychoanalysis, she has to figure out how to deliver the appropriate sexual experience to this random guy.

For some, a simple hug might be it. (I remember the last scene in THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE where the client is blathering on about his business problems as he removes his clothing, but bursts into tears when the provider simply embraces him - I bet things like that happen a lot, not necessarily tears, but a real relaxation out of the terrors of the day into the arms of a willing warm woman for hire.)

Others might need something more elaborate. I have a friend in another city who is the organizer of an ongoing series of S&M parties, and he himself is the senior dominant in the scene. He is a guy who has grown into my most respected friend through his experiments in these areas. Nothing like really exploring your motivations and drives to help you tame them and make them useful in your life.

With disabled clients, all of this is there too, once you get beyond the technical difficulties presented by the disability. If you handle the basic issues around the disability, really the challenge is the same as with all other clients. If you are able to satisfy "normals," I am sure you can be equally successful with disabled clients - perhaps even more so, because your caring in the process of setting up or facilitating the technical supports will help the client trust you, and thus give himself to the experience.

And I notice here that I am assuming male clients... probably there are disabled females who would enjoy this sort of service too?

I remember there was a guy around a while back who was in a wheelchair - I think his handle was "irishguy." There are threads he commented on which might be of interest to the OP.

To the OP - possibly all of this is obvious to you... you seem to have the sensitivity I think is necessary for this sort of work. (In fact, I find your thoughtfulness thoroughly inspiring.) Someday I'd like to explore a little more, experience some of your other skills... are you ever in Toronto?

and on the general idea of commercial sex as therapy, an old song I really didn't understand until I took up the hobby: