Self harm

[curvyb]

I've seen escorts in ads and in person with scars from cutting themselves. I'm of an age that young girls didn't do this so I don't know how serious this is. Is this just something young girls do or does it indicate a serious emotional problem in their past or present.

How do you feel as a hobbyist when you encounter scarring? Do you feel it's none of your business? Do you think you shouldn't see that escort because she may have baggage or not have peace of mind to choose this profession?

Some very mature ladies read these posts. Your input would be most welcome.

 

[withpassion]

I've seen escorts in ads and in person with scars from cutting themselves. I'm of an age that young girls didn't do this so I don't know how serious this is. Is this just something young girls do or does it indicate a serious emotional problem in their past or present.

How do you feel as a hobbyist when you encounter scarring? Do you feel it's none of your business? Do you think you shouldn't see that escort because she may have baggage or not have peace of mind to choose this profession?

Yes!

Meaning it depends upon the attitude and mindset of the individual. People who cut themselves are usually going through bad times. Some are over it, some are not. Just tread carefully and use your good judgement.

 

[Cassie.King]

I think it's important for clients to know that there can be so many reasons a provider has self-harm scarring. It may not be related at all to this industry. Many women, including older women have self harmed. Men as well!

It's admirable that you as a client want to understand this issue more. Yes, it can be a serious mental health issue. Does that mean you shouldn't see that provider? No. Just because a provider has struggled with self harm, past or present, that doesn't mean she should be avoided. Mental health issues affect everyone. This doesn't mean she is mentally unstable.

So to me the real question here is...Should you bring it up or get involved...? No.
Out of respect for boundaries, I think that would be crossing a line.
If they bring it up, that's fine. But obviously it's a very personal issue for most people. Just use some common sense and respect personal boundaries.

I think, obviously the only time you should ever get involved is if a situation becomes life threatening.
(For example, an actual suicide attempt)
Yes, that's risky... But LE can be dialed from a providers phone even if it's locked.

 

[StillROAMing]

OP,
Your concern itself is indicative of an endearing quality, that of someone being thoughtful and, though you may not have or did just meet, caring of them and their mental well being. As Cassie mentioned above, "these signs may not be related at all to this industry." The truth is, until they open up and share with you one can only assume the nature of their struggles. Also as Cassie mentioned, "Should you bring it up and get involved?" Her reply of 'No' is my sentiment as well, in fact 'never' should this be done. If or when this ever occurs, let them freely share with you. As much as one may be curious pointing it out to them and/or asking questions, as most can imagine, is not a suggested approach as this can only help you but have a negative effect/impact on them.

Understanding the signs or stages of someone who is or has done this can help you understand where an individual currently stands in regards to their current mental health.
-Do the scars seem recent or of years past. Fresh scars would concern me. For example if the cuts were not completely healed and/or the scar tissue itself is still red or pink in color as this would be a sign of something fairly recent. Scar tissue can take one and a half to two years before appearing white, so scar tissue with a white appearance would likely be a sign of troubles past.
-Does the person seem comfortable in their own skin and not trying to hide their scars or are they showing behavioral signs of not feeling comfortable around someone new and in any way trying to hide these scars. Many people, most in fact, who have dealt with any type of mental struggle overcome them and live a normal, healthy and mentally stable life.

From my experience when the time is right for them they, man or woman, will more than likely open up and share their story with you one day. In real life, just like in this industry, we don't all come from pleasant story book type upbringings.

 

[jazzbox]

Generally good advice Cassie but, on the other hand, I think some do this and display their scars as a plea for help or sympathy. There may even be a narcissistic element to it all. I had a co-worker that would self harm and then go through a subtle ritual of showing off the scars at work. She never said a word about it but made it very obvious that she wanted others to take notice. It left everyone in a quandary because - as time revealed - she does have major mental health issues and needs help. I fear she will commit suicide at some point...

I think it's important for clients to know that there can be so many reasons a provider has self-harm scarring. It may not be related at all to this industry. Many women, including older women have self harmed. Men as well!

It's admirable that you as a client want to understand this issue more. Yes, it can be a serious mental health issue. Does that mean you shouldn't see that provider? No. Just because a provider has struggled with self harm, past or present, that doesn't mean she should be avoided. Mental health issues affect everyone. This doesn't mean she is mentally unstable.

So to me the real question here is...Should you bring it up or get involved...? No.
Out of respect for boundaries, I think that would be crossing a line.
If they bring it up, that's fine. But obviously it's a very personal issue for most people. Just use some common sense and respect personal boundaries.

I think, obviously the only time you should ever get involved is if a situation becomes life threatening.
(For example, an actual suicide attempt)
Yes, that's risky... But LE can be dialed from a providers phone even if it's locked.

 

[curvyb]

Thanks for the feedback. It seems that cutting is serious and an indication of past or current troubles. I guess my concern is possibly exploiting a mentally vulnerable person. Balancing this with Cassie's point about not excluding a provider based on their past problems is the trick. I'm not one to pry, so bringing this up with a provider isn't something I'd do.

 

[1minuteman]

I have lurked here for a while silently absorbing the wisdom of the group. Or perhaps more accurately, the wisdom most here have.
I have never posted before but this topic motivated me to do it.
Self harm is not easily pegged to a serious mental health problem. There can be many underlying reasons to take this action. As anyone who is not familiar with it, it looks much more concerning than it really is in many cases.
My case: my teenage child did this (cutting) on and off for close to 2 years. I got a physiologist involved. The outcome was: my teenage child was immotionally not mature and was not able to properly express emotions. It was not a cry for help. It was a method of control... controlling how you felt. Something to focus on. If that makes any sense. When things get rough, or overwhelming, cutting is a centering feeling or focusing and a distraction. My teenager has ample friends, successful at school, and overall as good as a rotten, self centred, gross teenager can be. My teen does not have mental health issues. But due to the cutting, we monitor it. Self harm is a growing trend recently (I think) that more teenagers use as on outlet than we all realise.
So don't get freaked out by it. But as above, also not cool for you to initiate a conversation about it.
After educating myself about it with prefessional resources, it is not as scarey as it looks which I guess is REALLY BAD for this group because hey... looks are important for what we are all after here!

 

[sinister7]

I have lurked here for a while silently absorbing the wisdom of the group. Or perhaps more accurately, the wisdom most here have.
I have never posted before but this topic motivated me to do it.
Self harm is not easily pegged to a serious mental health problem. There can be many underlying reasons to take this action. As anyone who is not familiar with it, it looks much more concerning than it really is in many cases.
My case: my teenage child did this (cutting) on and off for close to 2 years. I got a physiologist involved. The outcome was: my teenage child was immotionally not mature and was not able to properly express emotions. It was not a cry for help. It was a method of control... controlling how you felt. Something to focus on. If that makes any sense. When things get rough, or overwhelming, cutting is a centering feeling or focusing and a distraction. My teenager has ample friends, successful at school, and overall as good as a rotten, self centred, gross teenager can be. My teen does not have mental health issues. But due to the cutting, we monitor it. Self harm is a growing trend recently (I think) that more teenagers use as on outlet than we all realise.
So don't get freaked out by it. But as above, also not cool for you to initiate a conversation about it.
After educating myself about it with prefessional resources, it is not as scarey as it looks which I guess is REALLY BAD for this group because hey... looks are important for what we are all after here!

This was enlightening. I’ve encountered a lot of well reviewed SP’s even and wondered what the deal was behind that, (and why no one hinted it out) fearing the worst (if they’re not happy with their lives/job, then it’d almost be like contributing to that)...I’ve been tempted to address it, even if it’s innaproriate, I’m naturally into self improvement and motivating others to do the same if need be. But then considering the narcissism aspect thats even scarier...good thing I practice tough love! Still sucks to see amazing women resort to self harm like that but if it’s not dangerously mental health related and more of a compulsion when they’re wound up or something, then ya it’d be awkward to bring up if they rather not own up to it lol understandable though...

 

[JordanR]

Yes!

Meaning it depends upon the attitude and mindset of the individual. People who cut themselves are usually going through bad times. Some are over it, some are not. Just tread carefully and use your good judgement.

Totally agree with your point.