relationship question

[Cassini]

I must confess, I haven't completely followed the thread, but this sounds alot like a codependent relationship.

You have to walk away, and it will be very hard for you to do. Otherwise, it could take you years to figure out that you can't do anything about this relationship. If you don't walk away, you will be older, wiser, and still single.

It also sounds a little like your girlfriend may have issues with depression.

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

Hon, I hate to say this but it sounds very much like she wants to move on with her life but without you. Begging her for affection is simply making you look pitiful to her and she will end up despising you for it. Do yourself a favour and stop being a puppy. I have been where you are and I understand the desperation you feel but I also know that with every time to cling or beg and hover you are just pushing her further away. You need to get a hobby or something that will keep you focused on something other than her. if you could force yourself to walk away now you might retain some of your dignity but at the moment you are behaving like a doormat.
Everyone has issues hon, we all have problems and self esteem issues and emotional baggage,,,,it does not give us the right to treat another person like dirt. You deserve to be respected and appreciated, if she does not do it then find someone who will. Good Luck Doll

 

[Kifarurx]

JW,

You asked for advice but aren't listening. You have given so many excuses and keep trying to justify why she still needs you.
I've been where you are and then some.
The harsh reality is that she's using you.
Just when things are at their worst she gives you little glimmers of hope to string you along.
Those are just cruel mind/emotional games. She's probably already seeing some other guy to boost her confidence and satisfy her sexual needs and you're just the doormat she wipes her shoes on when she comes back.
Don't try and be a hero. You're wasting your time. I know you say you love her but it just seems like pity and guilt now.

You're worried about other guys not being good enough for her etc. but let that go. If you were good enough for her then she wouldn't need to see another guy. How can you make an excuse for that? Really after all the support you've given her what excuse can she give that is good enough to justify her seeing another guy while she is 'committed' to you?????

If you were the other guy wouldn't you think of yourself as pathetic? He gets to drive the car and have the fun and you're the one who gets to fill up the gas tank and clean up the mess at the end of the day.

If she gets her implants and miraculously transforms into a non-selfish true loving person then be glad you were a part of that.
What if her one way of healing herself is to not be with you?
Would you love her enough to let her have that?
You've lost your own way man and you need to heal and move on.

The truth is that if you really love her and care for her then you will let her go.

If you are a decent guy then another woman will be attracted to you. Ease off on the smothering of love. It's like putting on too much cologne...smells better in smaller doses.
One other thing...the woman who is right for you or loves you won't be with you because she needs you or you need her.
She will be with you because she wants to be with you. Funny thing is that if she's the right one for you that you'll want to be with her too.
If she's really great then you'll only need to bring flowers every once in a while and she'll even do nice things for you!
And yes...I've been on the good side of things too and trust me the grass is greener when you meet the right person.

JW...don't just read...listen.

 

[Questor]

Wow! What a fucked up situation. I'm practically speechless. I couldn't read the whole thread as jw's emotional pain and desperation is very difficult to read about. jw, I wish you luck. I think both of you have emotional issues that need to be dealt with. For starters, self esteem issues. And I don't say that in a condescending way (I hope). I am not without my own issues. If you can muster the courage, you need to walk away from her. She is not into you. She is using you. She does not respect you. She is completely fixated on her own gratification and ego. Walk away now.

If you can't walk away, and it doesn't sound like you will, stop being such a doormat. You need to deal with the issues here. She wants to make the issue you and your neediness. Well, I agree that is an issue. But it would be an issue with most men if they were put in that kind of a situation where they are being abused and neglected by a selfish bitch. But let's be real here. You put yourself in that situation. And that is why it is an issue.

But on the other side of the equation are her issues. And she is totally ignoring them. Well, many people would if they had someone like you in their life to accept all the blame and responsibility.

Sorry, this is turning into just one more overly long post in this thread. Its a complicated situation and as I am realizing now, its not easy to sum up without saying the words "Dump her" and "Just walk away."

In all sincerity, good luck with this. You could both use therapists, together and separately, to unravel some of this. You are both quite young though. I expect it might not be an option financially. But it doesn't sound like she would agree to this anyway.

Don't worry though. If you can't muster the courage to dump her, it will be over soon enough. She's pretty close to walking away from you herself. So you have a choice. A lot of pain. Or a lot of pain with some dignity and self respect. Take your pick.

 

[djk]

whats up everyone.
so ive been posting recently in terms of relationships "what to do" and "what not to do". recently my gf and i been on different pages, in terms of love making, affection etc. it's a peck and barely ne hugging here and there, yet we see each other everyday. she claims she needs space which is understandable and not the end of the world but mentally i feel like it is. i feel if i just give her space things will work out, but im worried or scared tht what if it doesnt so i dont want to lose her.

anyways, so recently my love for her has grown bc of this, even though i spoiled her like crazy before, i'm doing so more by taking her out, buying her $ items and frankly spoiling her and still not getting any loving lol. shes been really down on herself in terms of her self esteem and feels horrible. doesnt eat, and wants to get implants and etc to make her feel better. so she doesnt eat and works and worksout so she tires herself by the time 8o clock hits and wants to just cuddle and sleep. i feel neglected cause there is no sexual tension or any making out sessions. ive been trying hard recently to ignore this but now im trying really hard to win her love back, and i shouldnt be that way. im buying her flowers, clothes w.e hoping she feels better and yet end up arguing with her over randomness and i feel that is kind of depleting our relationship. she's like just b yourself not being so clingy and yeah, but mentally i feel neglected.

so that is our brief background and yeah, just really worried and i want her back to being normal. all she wants now is her implants and anytime i want some loving or anything, she;s like man up, take it easy etc, and mentions if i dont she will go see someone else etc. now ive done alot for this girl over the 3yrs but just feel our relationship is being wierd. she doesnt respect herself at all so i guess for her to respect me is kind of hard to ask but shes nice to ppl at work, and other ppl but towards me a bitch lol, which i should hold myself responsible for cause i usually take her shit, thinking ill b the bigger person etc.

so shuold i keep flowering her up? i was thinking today i go by her work and get one of her co worker to give her a card which says "your secret admirer" and write instructions for her to meet me at my car when she is done work. im planning on getting her fav book from when she was young and ask her to open my trunk of the car with the book being there, with a old valentine card she wrote me. .....would this be too much? am i going overboard? ive recently gotten her alot of rose and she's like just relax. but should i do what i have in mind or would that make things worse? pls help guys, cause i cant obviously change the way she thinks or control her but i want her to feel special and do everything for her. pls help guys. thxs.

cheers,

Walk away and save face. The chemistry is gone.

 

[Ironhead]

Time is tight, I only got thorugh half of the first page, but I got a sense she has an agenda. I think it is time for you to cut your losses(all the stuff you have bought/done for her) and get out. Sounds to me like she wants you to pay for the implants then she will leave you.
Warning signs I picked up on ... nice to others, bitchy toward you; no sex, but keeps on suggesting implants; wants to cuddle, but stops there.
If you do not get out, then cut back on gifts and stuff, see what happens. Still be nice, just cut back on $ spent on her.

 

[buttercup]

With your present attitude, dumping her won't work. Of course, she's gonna part with you sometime soon. But she wants it to be on her terms. Even if you intend your dump to be final, you know what you'll do if she comes back all charming and honey let's make a new start -- you will get back with her. But she wants to win, and the next thing is she will dump you, making your misery so much worse.

Dump her now, and MEAN it. And no matter what she says, don't go back!

 

[jerk chicken]

you know the right thing to do: dump the bitch and move on
but you admit yourself you are too weak at heart to do so.
asking advise here just an outlet to blow your steam. if it helps, great, but the right thing is simple: dump her and move on.
it is never easy to do the right thing. you are still young. find another woman. i went through the same thing when i was 30, felt like end of the world to me. but I am still here and kicking. it is NEVER too late...

 

[Questor]

yeah that seems to be the theme of this discussion and my boys have also mentioned the same thing. things in the past couple days have been good, but if things go ugly or something stupid comes up, i will go forth with the advise this time and let her to do her thing and move on with my life. i guess if its meant to be and if she's smart enuf to realize, she'll be wise and not have to learn the hard way, i just dont want her getting hurt but yeah. thats the same plan now lol

Well jw. Its been 2 days now. Don't keep us hanging. What happened? Nothing worse than a story with no ending.

 

[shoeguy]

...cut back on gifts and stuff, see what happens. Still be nice, just cut back on $ spent on her.

I fully agree with this approach.

Most of the guys here have been there I'm sure of it. And of course it's going to be one of those "If I knew what I know now, then" situations. You don't want that believe me.

Time to move on man.