relationship question

[jw01]

whats up everyone.
so ive been posting recently in terms of relationships "what to do" and "what not to do". recently my gf and i been on different pages, in terms of love making, affection etc. it's a peck and barely ne hugging here and there, yet we see each other everyday. she claims she needs space which is understandable and not the end of the world but mentally i feel like it is. i feel if i just give her space things will work out, but im worried or scared tht what if it doesnt so i dont want to lose her.

anyways, so recently my love for her has grown bc of this, even though i spoiled her like crazy before, i'm doing so more by taking her out, buying her $ items and frankly spoiling her and still not getting any loving lol. shes been really down on herself in terms of her self esteem and feels horrible. doesnt eat, and wants to get implants and etc to make her feel better. so she doesnt eat and works and worksout so she tires herself by the time 8o clock hits and wants to just cuddle and sleep. i feel neglected cause there is no sexual tension or any making out sessions. ive been trying hard recently to ignore this but now im trying really hard to win her love back, and i shouldnt be that way. im buying her flowers, clothes w.e hoping she feels better and yet end up arguing with her over randomness and i feel that is kind of depleting our relationship. she's like just b yourself not being so clingy and yeah, but mentally i feel neglected.

so that is our brief background and yeah, just really worried and i want her back to being normal. all she wants now is her implants and anytime i want some loving or anything, she;s like man up, take it easy etc, and mentions if i dont she will go see someone else etc. now ive done alot for this girl over the 3yrs but just feel our relationship is being wierd. she doesnt respect herself at all so i guess for her to respect me is kind of hard to ask but shes nice to ppl at work, and other ppl but towards me a bitch lol, which i should hold myself responsible for cause i usually take her shit, thinking ill b the bigger person etc.

so shuold i keep flowering her up? i was thinking today i go by her work and get one of her co worker to give her a card which says "your secret admirer" and write instructions for her to meet me at my car when she is done work. im planning on getting her fav book from when she was young and ask her to open my trunk of the car with the book being there, with a old valentine card she wrote me. .....would this be too much? am i going overboard? ive recently gotten her alot of rose and she's like just relax. but should i do what i have in mind or would that make things worse? pls help guys, cause i cant obviously change the way she thinks or control her but i want her to feel special and do everything for her. pls help guys. thxs.

cheers,

 

[john frankly]

Sound like she has something bothering her emotionally. Also sound like she is mad about something, and not expressing her true feelings. I suggest you ask her. Since every relation varies differently. Requesting help on a board with such a fragile subject can get varying results since no one really knows you personally enough in person to answer your relationship like questions.

What you need to do is stop focusing on buying her stuff and focus more on why she feeling the ways she feeling…sound like a bit of depression and this means needing to visit a profession in the health industry.

 

[BigBear7]

Fuck.

This is one of the reasons why I gave up and only date Asian women now (not "bananas" who were born here). Never have to face this bullshit.

 

[john frankly]

The joys of being in a relationship....it means actually caring, enough to be there. Kind of like building a bridge....with every new situation and adventure begins LOL

 

[jw01]

whats causing her a depression or bothering her is her image. she use to be overweight so alot of ppl said shit to her (guys etc) and now she's lost weight, all the guys compliment her and she feels great. in a way im worried cause she's easy to manipulate/gullable and i guess who doesnt like the attention.

but she has lose skin on her body and she feels as if her breast dont compliment her so again , even though she looks amazing cause of her weight loss, and ppl compliment her left and right, shes feels like crap inside and wants to get surgery and what not to make herself feel better and has made up her mind. that is why when she is low on herself i try to make her happy by getting her stuff or being there for her but she gets frustrated cause she doesnt eat and overwhelms herself. so in a way when i dont get any affection from her one bit, i feel neglected and end up looking like a desperate fag and things get ugly.

shes 100% going for surgery soon which she hopes will make her feel amazing, and she wants to pursue modeling and thinks this is the break she needs etc. her whole focus on life is wanting to look perfect and look sexy and she likes the attention guys give her, and she neglects me.

so ive been flowering her up and do w.e i can in my will power to make her happy but shes so hard on herself and doesnt apprecaite it or seems so caught up in her world. how can i do better? should i do the "secret admirer" thing i have planned for her tonight, or is that another clingy stupid thing that will get me no where? pls help guys...thxs

 

[john frankly]

Sound like she has something bothering her emotionally. Also sound like she is mad about something, and not expressing her true feelings. I suggest you ask her. Since every relation varies differently. Requesting help on a board with such a fragile subject can get varying results since no one really knows you personally enough in person to answer your relationship like questions.

What you need to do is stop focusing on buying her stuff and focus more on why she feeling the ways she feeling…sound like a bit of depression and this means needing to visit a profession in the health industry.

Yes self image is a dreadful thing...especially when one does not believe in themselves. Dimly we look face to face in a mirror. The question is do we like what we see and who we are?

 

[jw01]

Dump her and move on...

as much as things are bad at times, i cant leave her i uno why. i just wish things would be back to normal cause shes cool with other ppl just anal wid me.

if shes not hugging me or really kissing me, should i keep pushing for it? thats wht ive been doingm asking her to hug me and kiss me constantly, so i am nagging at her, which is not cool, but at the time same, i kno she doesnt love herself, she doesnt respect herself, so i should realy be helping her out and not being so clingy or nagging but should i fail to see how she can lose all affection or any kissing or hugging feeling. when i do try to push, she gets annoyed and what not and keeps mentioning how she will do date someone else.

 

[NIGHTWINGS]

Weightloss and relationships

JW01, this sounds like her weightloss and her new look has possibly opened up a few new opportunities.
She looks better, and the new attention has made it possible to seek a better situation, and she wants to improve further with the implants.

Be careful she may be falling out of love with you, and her old life.
This could explain a lot, she may have her eyes on another guy, and that's why she is so down and hopes the new improved her will have a chance.

Seems she is slowly separating from you. It's hurting you of course, and the fact you you do all these things to spoil her only pushes her away.

Sadly, you may be losing her, I hope i am wrong.
all the best. You seem like a good guy.

 

[jiiimmm]

Dump her and move on...

I have to agree here. If she's taking you for granted now, imagine when your married with kids. Cut your losses now, if she's getting all kinds of compliments from everyone else and treating you like shit then she has her sights elsewhere and your not it.
This may sound cold but dump her and find youself someone that's into you!

 

[wantoplay]

Fuck.

This is one of the reasons why I gave up and only date Asian women now (not "bananas" who were born here). Never have to face this bullshit.

LOL!! I second that. Another reason Asians Rule!! (Ukrainian girls are awesome too.)

I agree. Sounds like she is seperating from him. Could be time to move on, or have it out with her and ask her WTF is going on??

 

[keepmovingforward]

hey dude, dont waste your time. she is clearly not into you.

i can write a whole page about this situation. but really dude, stop wasting your time with these gestures. she clearly doesnt want it or care for it. time to move on....

 

[jw01]

JW01, this sounds like her weightloss and her new look has possibly opened up a few new opportunities.
She looks better, and the new attention has made it possible to seek a better situation, and she wants to improve further with the implants.

Be careful she may be falling out of love with you, and her old life.
This could explain a lot, she may have her eyes on another guy, and that's why she is so down and hopes the new improved her will have a chance.

Seems she is slowly separating from you. It's hurting you of course, and the fact you you do all these things to spoil her only pushes her away.

Sadly, you may be losing her, I hope i am wrong.
all the best. You seem like a good guy.

yeah she did see some other dude a few weeks ago. shes like i wanted to see how things would be like and what u really mean to me. like i said she gets very frustrated and when things get ugly between us, she threatens that she will go see him now etc. she has a problem even if i look at another girl, yet she constantly bitches at me how she will go see this guy. 2 weeks ago she was angry at me and started talking to him again and lashed out about me to him (how i'm fucked up etc and how she wants him) etc. im obviously really hurt by the way shes doing this cuase ive been there for her and nice to her. yeah, ive fucked up before in this relationship in terms of doing shit behind her back but never neglected her or made her feel this way. i realize she's really confused about herself and her image and tells me 24.7, and depresses herself, but i fail to understand how she can completely shut herself off to me. so im trying really hard to win her back, making myself look desperate and taking her even after her stunts she pulled with random guys. she likes the attention she gets now cause she was overweight before, and shes gullable and immature and inexperienced.

she's made her up mind so i cant force her to act differently or even kiss me or be sexual, which has really died down to barely once a week. i dont want to see her get hurt cause shes immature and thinks once she has her implants and shit, she'll be able to achieve greatness etc. ive told her to be realistic wid her approach on life and its not that easy, cause there are millions of there out there that want to do, be a model and she just wants the attention that sexy brings and yeah. im not sure how to handle the situation cause i dont want to her lose. im really losing myself in this whole game, cause im backtracking my life and her response is "man up". she knows ill always be there for her and will do anything for her and i always have her back.

how can i test her to see if she really cares or, if she's waiting to get implants and shit and she will leave me? she's told me she wont, cause shes like if u had my at my worse u deserve me at my best. but how i can go test that theory and find out. cause i dont want to be with her if she is going to leave me for a dumass or if she's stupid once she feels shes looks like a model. so guys, i would really apprecaite your help cause im really desperate to have her back, and to find out what her mind really has in store. she's mentioned she wants to experience life and see how things are, and these are thoughts she's had randomly pop up but at the same time, i dont want to be wasting my time and money if she's gonna be a retart. pls help! thxs

 

[keepmovingforward]

another thing...i've been in a similar situation like urs in the past in a sense that i was interested in a girl who had the same self-esteem as urs. its one thing when u try to be there and help her...but when she isnt responding in a positive manner...it just means ur not gonna be that person who's gonna show her the light...no point beating a dead horse.

here is a thought...just break up with her...and see what happens. and when u break up with her...break it clean...cut her off cold turkey and see what she does.

1)you'll help yourself by doing this
2)if u break if off clean and not a loosey goosey one, she may change..in a sense that...people tend to not realise what they have until they lose it...but mind you..chances of this happening where she changes is slim..so please dont break up with her just to get a reaction out of her. just BREAK IT OFF!!!!

at the end of the day. if someone doesnt appreciate you...why bother? at the end of the day, you need a back bone. im not saying be a jerk. im just saying..have self worth...

how can you get her to start having self respect for herself...when in a sense...u can't do the same for urself? u probably deserve more than what she is giving to you..

btw..i didnt pro-read this and it came off the top of my head so if this offends you in any way...it was not what i intended it to be.

 

[keepmovingforward]

from what you just said..she is using you as a backup plan. ur a life boat atm and when the cruise boat comes along..she's gone.

dont get me wrong..im sure she is confused herself..but when you take out the emotions and really think logically what she has done and said...u can really clearly see where this is going.

and for the record...nothing will ever be 1 sided..in a sense there is always going to be pros and cons in every situation so u'll never really b able to decide. but u kinda need to...u just need to stick to the fundamental rules and think logically which is never easy...ur gf seems to be a character in many movies we've all seen. here is a hint...the character is the crazy gf that you need to run far, far away and dump asap.

 

[jw01]

another thing...i've been in a similar situation like urs in the past in a sense that i was interested in a girl who had the same self-esteem as urs. its one thing when u try to be there and help her...but when she isnt responding in a positive manner...it just means ur not gonna be that person who's gonna show her the light...no point beating a dead horse.

here is a thought...just break up with her...and see what happens. and when u break up with her...break it clean...cut her off cold turkey and see what she does.

1)you'll help yourself by doing this
2)if u break if off clean and not a loosey goosey one, she may change..in a sense that...people tend to not realise what they have until they lose it...but mind you..chances of this happening where she changes is slim..so please dont break up with her just to get a reaction out of her. just BREAK IT OFF!!!!

at the end of the day. if someone doesnt appreciate you...why bother? at the end of the day, you need a back bone. im not saying be a jerk. im just saying..have self worth...

how can you get her to start having self respect for herself...when in a sense...u can't do the same for urself? u probably deserve more than what she is giving to you..

btw..i didnt pro-read this and it came off the top of my head so if this offends you in any way...it was not what i intended it to be.

no offence taken at all. what your saying is dead on, practically im beating a dead horse, but what takes me away is that, she'll tell me she loves me, wants to change, wants to treat me better and bc im with her so much, she doesnt get a chance to miss me, which she is right in everyway. i feel at times she loves me and cares, but she's just so caught up with trying to look perfect she's lost who she is, who i am and what her goal in life is - the only thing she cares about is looking perfect, having perfect body, tits so she can be PERFECT! I dont know what i can do to help her. i lecture her but i end up nagging at her and she rebels against what i say. its a emotional roller coaster and i dont want to leave her, but i dont know if she means what she says, cause im trying hard to make her happy now even more. i guess thats life, when you try hard, shit never falls for you and being a jerk is a good thing. when i tell her this, she complains how she loves the way i treat her and how i can change myself, yet she is completely anal with me lol.

how can i test her to be sure, she is being real with me? or if she will leave me. she says alot of different things depending on her mood, so i dont know what to take seriusly and shit, and i dont want to leave her - my biggest issue lmao. so any advise, outside of, leave her?

 

[jw01]

sorry guys for venting out...but you could i just be going nuts and making my situation worse than what it really is?

should i not worry about anything and she will be back to being normal, cause i guess me being so nagging is making things worse. so should i play a cool guy, not nag for hugs or kiss and just be a good understanding bf?

or am i blowing things out or porportion and driving myself worse?

 

[Moraff]

You both sound like you need some counseling, seperately and together.

She needs to come to terms with who she is... getting surgery won't help if she still "sees" the fat girl she was before when she looks in the mirror.

You sound like you need some counseling as to why you are so clingy. With what I'm reading if I was your partner all that "doing stuff to try and get sex" would be really really annoying.

You both need some counseling re your relationship. Obviously you two aren't communicating well.

 

[keepmovingforward]

there is not advice or options outside of leave her....actually...there is only one...and it really is...just take it up the ass...be her bitch and wait for the day she leaves you or when u get too fed up and realize your back to square one again and 10 years go by and u realized u wasted ur life.

its really just that. people like that dont change for the better EVER in this situation. she can tell u w/e she wants. it dont mean shit. it really doesnt.

here is the reason. ur gf is clearly an emotional creature. she jumps from one thing to another...one decision to another...purely because she is over-ran by her emotions. the second she feels like shit for treating you the way she does...she will say all the things u want to hear or give you all the hope u need. the next day when she feels like she is the talk of the town..she'll treat u like that annoying pet she's just trying to kick around. people like that cant change. if they do...the chances are like winning the lottery. reason being...if ur trying to get good at something...it takes year and year. what she is bad at is controlling her emotions. and that is probably one of the hardest things to control when ur not one who can. its tough as shit.

to be honest..im sure u probably wont even listen to me. and im not one to tell u i told u so down the road either...i just hope for some slim chance..this post will reach out to you and help you realize things now and not waste ur life and money. really...don't hope for things to get better...treat urself better..have a little bit of dignity and self-respect and know u deserve better. u may be miserable for a while..but if ur a "yes-man" and open urself to the world, u never know what u may find...even if it takes a while.

so i end this thread in really the only way i can and hope you really understand.


LEAVE HER NOW!!! AND DON'T TURN BACK! DON'T THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. there is nothing else. its not like its an arguement between whether to leave the toilet seat up or not. this is something she needs to see a shrink and its not for u to help..do for her...push her...or support her...she needs to do it ALL on her own. SAVE URSELF! lol ..I MEAN IT!

 

[keepmovingforward]

oh yeah..i noticed a trend...ur bouncing around like a pinball too...stop trying to act "cool" one second and "romantic" the next...the "nagger" after that and then "hurt puppy" after. ur kinda doing the same thing she is...to be honest. btw..how old are u? it will kind of help the situation and what im telling you...though it wont change much...but its always good to know.

 

[jw01]

oh yeah..i noticed a trend...ur bouncing around like a pinball too...stop trying to act "cool" one second and "romantic" the next...the "nagger" after that and then "hurt puppy" after. ur kinda doing the same thing she is...to be honest. btw..how old are u? it will kind of help the situation and what im telling you...though it wont change much...but its always good to know.

im 24 and my gf is 20. and i thx u for your advise, but im too weak at my heart for her which is my flaw. she is very very emotional and every since i can remeber, been up and down emotionally (at first it was her weight, now her skin, and her implants she wants and how she should b a model).

the thing is other guys dont care, she'd tell them her desires, adn they will b elike, yeah you can def, model do playboy cause your hot etc, when really they dont give a fuck one bit.

i try telling her yeah she can model but be open and focus on realistic approach on life etc, when she rebels against and goes, i will prove you wrong! lol i uno she thinks once she has implants and shit she will be on top of the world, which would be the case.

i was never nagging in my previous relationships and never thought id get like this, even jealous cause i was never jealous, but now i am, and she complains to me to "man up" and how "its her problem" if she is doing something lol, yet i cant even look at another woman. i want her to stop hating on me and start caring/luving me....how can i slowly do this?