relationship question

[Moraff]

i want her to stop hating on me and start caring/luving me....how can i slowly do this?

YOU CAN'T MAKE HER CHANGE UNLESS SHE WANTS TO CHANGE.

You guys need to talk out why she's hating on you.... chances are she's not happy with what you've become either.

If you're not going to talk (and again I would recommend a counselor to help guide you through it) then you may as well break it off.

And just cause I can't bite my tongue any longer.... you may be 24, but you sound like a 14 year old with his first crush.

 

[jw01]

YOU CAN'T MAKE HER CHANGE UNLESS SHE WANTS TO CHANGE.

You guys need to talk out why she's hating on you.... chances are she's not happy with what you've become either.

If you're not going to talk (and again I would recommend a counselor to help guide you through it) then you may as well break it off.

And just cause I can't bite my tongue any longer.... you may be 24, but you sound like a 14 year old with his first crush.

your right, i cant change unless she wants to change. im really hoping things can work out for the better b.w us and she's back to her normal luving self towards me. and in terms of this being a 14yr crush lol, its really not, just hurt considering how much ive done for her so i thought in my head she'd b the last person to ever do this to me, or treat me this way or have shit affect our relationship.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

You're not going to like this, but...

To the OP: You both sound extremely immature. Her slightly moreso, but we also don't know her side of things either. Honestly, we don't know a damn thing about her other than what you've told us, so all the advice you read (including this) is worth exactly what you paid for it.

The fact that you would stick it out with and continue to "flower her up" even her after she 1. saw another man and 2. threatened to see the same guy again tells me that you lack self-esteem, emotional security and confidence too.

Frankly, you need to sit down and have a good heart-to-heart conversation with her. Let her know how you feel - without blaming her. Ask her what she feels and what she wants out of a relationship and be prepared for the worst - i.e., be prepared to have your heart broken or walk away if you continue to hear things that don't work for you.

After that, if you're still a couple, you shouldn't "play" anything. If you want hugs and affection and she witholds, then just get up and leave. Don't give her that kind of power over you. Start acting like a man and maybe you'll be treated like one. Because right now - call it love, heartache or whatever - you sound like a whiny, immature and insecure little boy.

My advice is simple: at the very least, look out for your own happiness - you cannot "make" someone else happy if they're not. If her games, insecurity and lack of affection are making you unhappy and there's no end in sight, then I suggest you move on. Don't get dragged into a cycle of trying to prove yourself worthy and doing things to make an inherently unhappy person feel happy - it's a sucker's game.

Edit: Now that I've seen your ages, then I can tell you with all honesty that you have both grown - in different directions. This happens - at your ages (LOL, I'm not THAT much older) you're both still trying to figure out who and what you are. That includes what each of you wants out of relationships and life.

Good luck - you'll need it.

 

[keepmovingforward]

lol so ur like my age. im 25.

u seem to be more like her parent than a bf. and at 20..and the way she is...she's looking to get out and see what she needs to see in life and grow the fuck up. dude..at 24 u got better things to do than babysit. if she doesnt see what u see like a future..than obvious u need to move on. build ur future...enjoy meeting other woman and build ur career. by trying to convince..means nothing..she's frigging 20..she doesnt know what the fuck she wants. had u told me she was a lot older...older being late 20s or well into 30s or 40s..things would have been slightly different....but at 20...and she is the way she is...let her loose NOW!. u aint changing her anytime soon. seen this show a million times...and funny thing is...there is never an exception. STOP thinking ur the exception..UR THE RULE!

 

[keepmovingforward]

i agree with mega...she needs the attention..she needs the security...while she's out and 'bout with other things.

for the record..im usually one who really looks at both side of things and really thing from different perspectives..

in this case...really...ur just wasting ur time.

 

[wantoplay]

break up already...

she's using you...

Just so you are aware...you are acting like a needy girl, YOU ARE A MAN! DAMN IT!

see if you can nail her one more time for the road... LOL

 

[keepmovingforward]

see if you can nail her one more time for the road... LOL

normally...i would give it 2 thumbs up on this...but this dude cares about her...give her the last nail would only get him more attached.

 

[wantoplay]

normally...i would give it 2 thumbs up on this...but this dude cares about her...give her the last nail would only get him more attached.

Ture. Maybe he should le me do it for him..... Sorry could not resist safving him the agony.

 

[jiiimmm]

sorry guys for venting out...but you could i just be going nuts and making my situation worse than what it really is?

should i not worry about anything and she will be back to being normal, cause i guess me being so nagging is making things worse. so should i play a cool guy, not nag for hugs or kiss and just be a good understanding bf?

or am i blowing things out or porportion and driving myself worse?

Do you thrive on this MTV drama? Life is too short for this and you don't have enough invested in her to have to take it. (ie children)

Suck it up buttercup, there's a whole lot of women out there who want to be with you, so grow a pair and go find a few of them!

 

[jw01]

normally...i would give it 2 thumbs up on this...but this dude cares about her...give her the last nail would only get him more attached.

lmao thats jks. i will see how things pan out over this week and how things develope. if things go ugly as usual, ill have my talk with her, ask her sincerely her plans and what she wants to do, and if unfortunately im not part of the plans for the time being, ill give her the space, thinking it should do the trick. i just dont know if she will leave me once she gets her implants? ive asked her and she's said no but lmao fuck ill just try to b cool again and not try to let it affect me this much!

 

[keepmovingforward]

dude...why the fuck even talk to her about what she wants. she clearly doesnt care about how u feel 95% of the time. just put it this way u say.

"this shit aint working, i can''t take ur shit. i'm out, good luck".

 

[a 1 player]

"this shit aint working, i can''t take ur shit. i'm out, good luck".

When communication breaks down, and one knows that they are being used, sometimes that is the only thing left to do.

 

[genintoronto]

My mom gave me two great life/relationship advices which may be helpful here. I know they've been for me.

1. You are responsible for nobody's happiness but yours.
2. A romantic relationship should make you more happy than not. Of course, any long term relationship will have its ups and down. But in the balance, the ups should outweight the downs. If you are more unhappy than happy in a relationship, it's your responsibility to call it quit and leave.

And if I may add to this:

3. We tend to get hurt much more by trying to avoid the stuff we are afraid is going to hurt us than by confronting it.

 

[OddSox]

Um, I hope you're not paying for the implants? Tell me it's not so....

 

[keepmovingforward]

Um, I hope you're not paying for the implants? Tell me it's not so....

i agree...lol

 

[Cycleguy007]

I am...



At this entire thread... **shakes head**

 

[keepmovingforward]

want to know what sucks even more, jw?

my gf and i just broke up. it was mutual. though i think i wanted it more. and the worst part is....she didn't do anything wrong. so i basically ended up hurting her feelings. i kinda feel guilt...a little bit of remorse...but at the end of the day i know i didnt want this relationship long term just cause we're different and i couldnt see myself with her at the end.


your gf...from what ur telling me...is a psycho and has done more than enough things for u to get rid of her.

 

[jw01]

as much as i hate what is happening, im just confused as to what is happening inside her mind. yeah she is very unstable, both emotionally and mentally and ive been dealing with her bullshit for years but i thought there would come a time where i would get a reward or at least cherish a decent side of her. ofcourse she;s been low on herself in terms of her self esteem cause of her weight, but i wonder if getting those implants will make our relationship better, or give her a reason to be more open and go with some other dude.

at times she will tell me how she's excited and happy to have me, and how she cant wait till we live together etc, but then she will be either hungry or see another girl that she want to look like or thinks im staring at her, and she will go buck wild and tell me how she's gonna leave me for this guy she saw and she hates me etc.

i feel the more i press on this issue, the worse its getting so for the past day or so ive not really tried to pms interms of her not showing alot of emotion. she will turn around gently kiss me and say she loves me, but nothing too enticing or passionate. i give her a lot of breaks, thinking she doesnt eat enough and gets very tired and how she is emotionally/mentally draining herself in terms how she wants to look perfect etc, but i dont kno if she would act the say way towards another moron in terms of showing them passion and affection.

the more i talk about this issue, the more agitated she gets and i make myself look more and more desperate. as you can probably tell, i love the girl alot and i ve done alot for her, but she's just so confusing. shes asked me for a break in terms of, i dont get a chance to miss u and raelly appreaciate things u do for me cause ur with me all the time etc etc, but if i dont answer or respond, im being a perv or pig prob fucking other girls etc etc lmao

so as you can see things are unstable in terms of her thought process. so based on this, is this just image issue thats really making our relationship so wack and fucked up adn the fact she takes all her anger out on me, yet shows lil to bare minimum affection is something i should b ok with and hope things get better as her image improves?

ive really seemed desperately lately, cause i think of all the things ive done and how its unfair to get treated this way, and she will respond, yes i want to be single so i can think (cause again her image and me nagging doesnt help in a way) but if she can talk with random cock and seem to smile, why the grudge against me and hate lol? i realize im all she has at the moment in terms of friends, bf, someone she trust, so is the way she acts expected bc she has no1 else and she really cares inside?

thxs guys for hearing me out, im trying to be optomistic about my relationship and i want to be with her, but obviously i cant force her to do something she doesnt want but yeah.

 

[dcv]

Oi vey!

Dude, Take the advice previously given. Most of us have been in your shoes... to some extent.

Pardon my bluntness...

You can't go into a relatioship expecting a reward for everything you put into it!
Acccept the fact that she isn't capable of giving you what you want, and that you can't "Make Her" do them for you.

Someone alot smarter than me said "Set a bird free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be" or something along those lines.
In other words let her go. Let some time pass.. Live a little, learn a bit more, expand your horizons. And let her do the same.. chill out and let her make her own mistakes, it's the only way to really learn. Let a few months pass. If she comes back to you after that, then you'll have a clean head on your shoulders and see things in a different light.

Food for thought
Professor

 

[jw01]

Dude, Take the advice previously given. Most of us have been in your shoes... to some extent.

Pardon my bluntness...

You can't go into a relatioship expecting a reward for everything you put into it!
Acccept the fact that she isn't capable of giving you what you want, and that you can't "Make Her" do them for you.

Someone alot smarter than me said "Set a bird free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be" or something along those lines.
In other words let her go. Let some time pass.. Live a little, learn a bit more, expand your horizons. And let her do the same.. chill out and let her make her own mistakes, it's the only way to really learn. Let a few months pass. If she comes back to you after that, then you'll have a clean head on your shoulders and see things in a different light.

Food for thought
Professor

yeah that seems to be the theme of this discussion and my boys have also mentioned the same thing. things in the past couple days have been good, but if things go ugly or something stupid comes up, i will go forth with the advise this time and let her to do her thing and move on with my life. i guess if its meant to be and if she's smart enuf to realize, she'll be wise and not have to learn the hard way, i just dont want her getting hurt but yeah. thats the same plan now lol