Rant - So what do you do for a living?

[Riley.Royal]

This is my first rant, at least an official one.

Mine is when you meet someone new, and its the start of the getting to know them part why do they have to think it's ok to drill them about what you do for a living.

This is also a giant topic now around the dinner table, my mom and cousin feel the same way they are nurses and they hate it when people ask them what they do for a living me of course for obvious reasons I do not like being asked that question especially if I am in a casual dating setting.

What happen to the days when men where happy you just had a job and didn't care of the details of it when did this change and when can it go back to the good old days where you were happy just to have a women who will even talk to you without throwing a drink in your face or giving you an elbow in the stomach.

 

[a 1 player]

I do not see what the big deal is, it is only general conversation, trying to make topic, and to see if there is any commonality between the two people. I really don't care what my partner does, (so long as they do something productive), but others might see differently. If money, prestige and power are important attributes to a particular man, chances are that he is seeking a partner who wants the same thing. He probably will not find that with a woman who does daycare for a living. This is not a bad thing, it is just the way it is. Besides, isn't it better to get this stuff out of the way right off the start, then after 10 dates when one finds later that ones goals and ambitions are not common?

 

[Pencap]

Yeah, I am guilty of this. I feel like it's a pretty inoccuous question, and because work is such a huge part of most peoples daily life it is something that I have found to be a good conversation starter.

 

[genintoronto]

I think it's a perfectly legitimate question to ask when getting to know someone, especially in a dating context.

Not only does it often tell you a little bit about someone's interests and values, what someone does for a living also often have implications on their lifestyle: what their schedule is like, how many hours they work in a week, how much free time they have, do they travel a lot for work, do they bring work at home with them, is there job particularly stressful, dangerous, etc.

As for being an escort and being asked this question, I've always thought that potential partners/lovers have a right to know what I do for a living, and I've always made a point of disclosing that information early on in a dating situation, and always before we get naked together.

 

[Riley.Royal]

I find when you tell them what you do for a living they automatically start judging you which is the issue and is becoming very annoying and extremely irritating. I have enough stigma to deal with having my profession I have chosen cause I enjoy it but then to have them drill you so what do you do, and you answer and them keep asking and keep asking.

 

[Brill]

It's a conversation starter for those who like talking about work and are defined by their careers. I never like being asked because my job isn't who I am but I enjoy listening to someone talk about their passions.
For an escort to deflect the conversation, just say something boring but true - that they're in public relations or say something outlandish but true like being an undercover agent.

Then move on and talk about something else.

 

[Pencap]

I think the problem you're describing is a different one. If a man can't take a hint that a topic is something you are not comfortable discussing, then that guy is probably not a good fit for you, know know?

P

 

[Lenny Weinrib]

I pay extra for the elbow in the stomach.

-LW

 

[Kya_Jean]

This question is only really a problem for the unemployed or people such as yourself Riley who do not want to state what they do for a living. Not just because of escorting. Some cops don't like telling ladies what they do when starting to date.

The only way around it is to say some job that one cares about like working at Timmie's/Walmart or even as a secretary in some boring office job. temp services, call center work, which you have done. Or say that your are in school, studying something you actually know a bit about or telling the truth about what you do.

The good thing is that with your expereince with men, you should be able to change the subject quick enough that they don't bother going much further into the topic.

In dating, it is important. Most would care about what their possible partner does for a living. If a man you are starting date is in a career that takes him out of country for 6 months out of the year, that will make a difference in your relationship.

Just like you escorting will make a difference with them.

 

[Riley.Royal]

This question is only really a problem for the unemployed or people such as yourself Riley who do not want to state what they do for a living.

Really unemployed you really need to take that back you say anything about me.

 

[moresex4me]

The question is generally innocuous, a great conversation starter or continuation to a conversation, and not a problem. Again, in general.

Riley, you have a particular issue because of what you do and the stigma attached to it which makes you sensitive to this question. To blanket-statement say it is just wrong, is wrong. It is just uncomfortable for you.

Anyway, come up with something that changes the subject, that way you don't have to be subjected to all the questions and judgement that may come your way. Tell them you are a secret agent and can't really talk about it!!

 

[Kya_Jean]

Really unemployed you really need to take that back you say anything about me.

What? I am seriously confused here.

Did you not read what I wrote? When people ask an unemployed person what they do for a living, it usually bugs that unemployed person to have to say they have no job at the moment. Especially now with so many laid off. Although now more people can relate so I guess it is not to bad.

So WTF is wrong with that comment? Please tell me what and why I have to take anything back.

 

[Riley.Royal]

The question is generally innocuous, a great conversation starter or continuation to a conversation, and not a problem. Again, in general.

Riley, you have a particular issue because of what you do and the stigma attached to it which makes you sensitive to this question. To blanket-statement say it is just wrong, is wrong. It is just uncomfortable for you.

Anyway, come up with something that changes the subject, that way you don't have to be subjected to all the questions and judgement that may come your way. Tell them you are a secret agent and can't really talk about it!!

Maybe I need to practice telling them If I tell them what I do I would have to kill them so they can understand in a nice way it's nothing I want them to know at this point in the relationship.

I pay taxes and I do have another job but it's not exactly something you want to tell everyone even if being a cam model is legal. I don't want to go back saying I am a call centre rep anymore that life is behind me and school isn't yet a live thing for me.

webcam sites do you have you on payroll just that your an independent contractor.

 

[Dougal Short]

I find when you tell them what you do for a living they automatically start judging you which is the issue and is becoming very annoying and extremely irritating..

Are you talking about your job that we know about? Understandably, that would be worrisome for you and also a source of curiosity for anyone else... especially someone you are dating.

Do you have a non-escorting work "alias"? Maybe if you told people you sold life insurance that would put an end to their questions!

 

[Cycleguy007]

That's nothing...

This question is only really a problem for the unemployed or people such as yourself Riley who do not want to state what they do for a living. Not just because of escorting. Some cops don't like telling ladies what they do when starting to date.

Imagine being a professional hockey player for the Leafs!

Seriously though... Brill makes a good point... what I do for a living doesn't define who I am as a person. I would much rather talk about my kids, my wife, what I do for excitement etc... but you have to get to that point in a conversation, so the "So what do you do" part is simply a stepping stone to get there...

 

[moresex4me]

Really unemployed you really need to take that back you say anything about me.

?? Sorry, I didn't understand this post. Is your issue that she lumped you with the unemployed (she didn't, really), or that being unemployed wouldn't make someone sensitive to being asked? Sorry, it looks like it was typed quickly, and I don't get the meaning.

 

[Kya_Jean]

Imagine being a professional hockey player for the Leafs!

Seriously though... Brill makes a good point... what I do for a living doesn't define who I am as a person. I would much rather talk about my kids, my wife, what I do for excitement etc... but you have to get to that point in a conversation, so the "So what do you do" part is simply a stepping stone to get there...

You should see the amount of questions I get about my current job. Even worse then when I would tell people I was an escort. I get defined by this one too.

Sucks sometimes.

And ya, I would not be telling anyone I was pro hockey player for the leafs either. LOL

 

[Twinklegirl]

I just say "I'm inbetween assignments" and leave it to their imagination. I like knowing what people do for a living. It's networking.

 

[moresex4me]

Wow, posts are coming in fast and furious on this thread... Makes my replies seem disjointed!

 

[Riley.Royal]

Wow, posts are coming in fast and furious on this thread... Makes my replies seem disjointed!

Lol I do know how to stir up some hot topics.