question for the men

[Esco!]

Kat, I just got back from the Brass Rail and I actually talked to a girl about this. It's very hard for peelers to hold down a serious boyfriend. There's probably a 100 reasons for this but the fact remains that MOST of the girls I know that strip cannot and do not
maintain long-term relationships. This is not an assumption but a fact. Same thing goes for SP's

Me personally, I'd rather have known true love and died poor then have never known it and made a lot of $$$$$

But thats just moi

 

[pool]

I honestly do not know.

On a superficial level there is an appeal to having an SO/GF that other men lust after, but I'm probably not secure enough to be able to get into a serious relationship and accept it for too long, if at all.

Then again, it could be said that if he truly loves you he should accept who you are and your goals as well as respecting your personal morals.

I'd be conflicted between the two previous statements.

I think I could accept it more, if the girl in question was already in the industry and I knew it when I met her, but she planned to get out soon.

Maybe you do not need to make a choice and factors (ie: the SO) beyond your control will make it for you, in which case that may be an indicator of things that were to come, if indeed you had made a conscious choice.

The answer is very subjective. Love is extremely hard to find, but sometimes when we think we have found it, life takes us on another path and then we realize what we had wasn't love and only now have we found true love, but have we ...

It's a tough situation, but whatever you do [at the risk of stating the obvious] you have to be honest with yourself as well as the person in your relationship. Relationships do take work and compromise, but some things [like love and ambitions] shouldn't be compromised ... only you know ... It may seem like a no win situation, but at least there is the possibility of positive consequences no matter which path you take. I don't envy your choice, yet at the same time I do.

good luck

 

[pineappleguy]

Yes. I would. With the right one. Trust is the key. I have gotten to know a few dancers that I could seriously consider a relationship with. Groundrules would have to be established and abided by, but like I said - with the right one, yes.

 

[Malibook]

please answer as honest as you can.


would you be able to have a serious relationship or even marriage to a dancer? if you knew she did lap dancing but very clean and had a certain goal in mind and a date she would quit?

I have considered these questions many times.
I have been seriously considering them a lot lately.

I have gone out with quite a few dancers but only one was what I would consider somewhat serious.

Generally speaking, my answer would be no, fuck no, but you hit the nail on the head with your last sentence.
If she was low mileage and had a plan to get out (I don't mean winning the lottery or Mr. Sugar Daddy) there would be a chance.
Of course I would help her out as well.

There is one dancer I am still seeing right now.
We always have a great time together but I feel that there is no way for us to be a couple, and she knows I feel this way.
She is 27, has 2 kids and no plans of getting out, plus she is a high mileage dancer.

There is another dancer who I am seriously thinking about but again the problem is that she is high mileage and has no plan to get out, and at 34, I would have hoped she would at least have some ideas on some possible exit strategies.
I have known her for a long time and I think I could easily fall in love with her but I am not one who blindly believes that love conquers all.
She has wanted me for a long time but I have always turned her down.
She has always been too money grubbing for me and also the last time I saw her she told me that she has had sex with a few of her customers.
I think she thought I would be impressed that it was only a few after so many years but the reality is that this turned me off way more than anything and I was ready to give her a chance until I heard this.
I didn't bother to inquire as to how many times or how recently.
Other than this and the fact that she is high mileage and has no exit plans, she is perfect for me.
Her looks and personality are incredible but I'm not sure if I should proceed.

Good luck and best wishes kat19.

 

[Mufflicker]

I guess that thought I have is this. Do you or can you two share common goals. You say that you have personal goals. Does he share them. He's asking you to make a major and significant change in your life, what changes in his life is he willing to make to be with you? Will he find a better paying job even if it isn''t as convient or rewarding as the one he has now or will he take a second job. If one person is making all the changes then it isn't going to work. Just my two cents.

 

[kat19]

I guess that thought I have is this. Do you or can you two share common goals. You say that you have personal goals. Does he share them. He's asking you to make a major and significant change in your life, what changes in his life is he willing to make to be with you? Will he find a better paying job even if it isn''t as convient or rewarding as the one he has now or will he take a second job. If one person is making all the changes then it isn't going to work. Just my two cents.

we share the same goals as far as settling down having a family. the thing is i guess im just more realistic and know that things, especially kids cost $$$ and want to be prepared for that. as far as my personal goals, i will be done school for good May 2006. i want to dance untill i am done school and can get a steady job in the profession im studying for, this way i will be able to pay off school debts, and put some away for my or his and my future together. he does not make alot of money and does not have benefits. so for the time being i think it is a good idea for me to bank the money. i don't live a extravagent lifestlye and when i'm not working i'm studying, so i don't know why he just can't see the positive side.

 

[papasmerf]

Kat

What are his goals for the future and his job prospects?

 

[baci2004]

I have something to add, but I'd like to know how old he is first...

 

[kat19]

it seems like he just wants to be comfortable financially. ofcourse he dreams of being well off, but he doesn't seem to have any plans. right now he works tech support for a small company. so i don't know what his prospects are like. he is 26 as well, and i don't think his carreer is set in stone, and that he is just doing that for now to pay the bills. i ask him what he wants to do as far as work, but he is unsure. i have even offered to pick up some of his bills he he wanted to go back to school.

 

[pool]

It`s not quite the same scenario, but your thread reminded me of a post by Lynn from a thread a while ago. It may have some insight of value.

https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?s=&postid=456349#post456349

PS I don`t mean to be insensitive and I hope I`m not out of place here, but did you ever comes to terms with you bf`s [lack of] reaction to the recent loss of your grandmother ?

 

[baci2004]

Okay here goes...

Kat, it seems quite clear to me that you have your head screwed on straight, you are bright, you have goals and confidence. The SO on the other hand, also quite clearly doesn't share the same qualities. I'm sure that he is a great guy and may possess those qualities as he grows older. (guys often take a bit longer) My feeling on this is that he is a bit insecure, or lacks self confidence due to his position in life at the moment, especially when he compares himself to you.

When I was 26 there would have been no way in hell I could have handled my gf being a dancer; So I can understand his position. It would be easy for anyone to say get rid of him girlfriend do what you want and don't let any guy tell you blah blah blah. But I think you should have a little sit down with him (obviously you care about him) and explain, or spell out all of the positives reasons for what you are doing.

I am a romantic, and have done some crazy shit for love, but if I were you I would not stop dancing yet.

hope this helps

 

[antaeus]

Wow! Profound questions. I'll try a profound answer. But, you do undermine yourself a bit when you say "clean dancing" and "certain goal". Why do you need to justify by using minimizing cautionary qualifiers. Your other post contains the heart of my response.

misty,

i'm 26 and i do love this guy very much, however, there are many things working against us. one of the main things is he says i need to quti dancing for good before he can totally open up to me and be on a real serious level.

It is a man's role to be strong. Strong will, strong mind, strong resolve. Part of being strong is knowing when and how to temper that strength. It's difficult and many men cannot or take a long time to learn. "From strength shall flow sweetness.."as it says somewhere in the bible.

When a man is faced with a situation requiring strength he will give a strong, reasonable answer such as "Yes...", or "That's very difficult and I need more time to think about it..." i.e. admitting a weakness and doing something about it. What a man will not do is duck the question and put it back onto you by laying down conditions. There is no sense of strength or self-awareness here, he wants you to do it all, rather like his mother used to. A male who ducks question, lays down condition, will be in the same frame of mind when condition has been met: that is wishy-washy, weak minded or not of strong resolve. Who knows what will happen next, I think it will always be bad.

No (one-sided) CONDITIONS!

To answer your original question. It makes no difference to me what a woman does provided she is in control and gets some enyoyment out of it.

 

[Mufflicker]

I see three issues going on here. You have school, money and love which all interact. Can you finish
school without dancing? I see this as the first question to answer, because without school your are
likely to end up dancing much longer than you plan to. The next question is can you emotionally
make it through school without a supporting SO? The answer to that depends a lot on who else you have in your life in the way of family and friends. </br>
From what I'm reading into your situation I see that you can pick two out of three from the money, love, and school combination. If you have school and money love is going to be very hard to find. If you pick school and love then money will be almost nonexistant. If you go the way of love and money then it looks like school will be very hard to finish. <br>I get the sense that you are lonely and are afraid to let an opportunity for some companionship get away. I also sense that your gut is telling you this isn't the one you are looking for. Never ignore your gut if it is trying to tell you something. <br>
I'll make two suggestions. If there is someone in your life that knows your whole situation and you can talk to them do so. Take an extended vacation from dancing to give it a try, but put a time limit on it. If the relationship is going nowhere after a period of time, have the courage to end it, take some time to heal from the experience and move on. You can always go back to dancing for a while and try again. On the other hand maybe the relationship will work and then you'll know that you made the right choice. If you left dancing for a year then the worst you could be off is to be a year older when you get where you want to be with your personal goals. A year is not that long a time to risk to find love. I wish you luck

 

[Malibook]

But, you do undermine yourself a bit when you say "clean dancing" and "certain goal". Why do you need to justify by using minimizing cautionary qualifiers.

Probably because there are degrees to mileage that are relevant to many people.
Some dancers provide air dances and some do FS and there is a lot of middle ground.

The likelihood of a dancer successfully making a decent living outside of dancing is also a very significant factor to many people.

To me, a low mileage dancer who is persuing an education with a high probability of leading to a good paying job is considerably different than a high mileage dancer who is not going to school and also has little to no prospects of getting a good job.

IMO, kat19 is not undermining herself at all and in fact is highlighting some very significant realities.

 

[feste]

Kat19 ,

Not knowing you except through your posts here I find what makes you an attractive person, worthy of love, is your strength and vulnerability. By the path you have chosen you will likely soon attain your goal. Any other path, unless able to accomplish the same thing in the same period of time will diminish you and that way madness lies. Unless your bf has something better to offer he has to support you fully- emotionally and intellectually - or get out of the way.

 

[xarir]

I had a long post about how I felt but then I deleted it. Instead, I'll say this - kat19, your head seems screwed on pretty straight. You should perhaps ponder, would you be leaving your job, or would you be going to him? (I hope you can see the difference of leaving somewhere versus going somewhere.)

 

[djk]

please answer as honest as you can.


would you be able to have a serious relationship or even marriage to a dancer? if you knew she did lap dancing but very clean and had a certain goal in mind and a date she would quit?

Nope.

Cheers,

-djk

 

[Dominator-1000]

No problem Kat. A true man is one who supports his mate. Till he is self sufficient and can guarantee your future , with children, he has no right to dictate what you do. Love is just for the moment .. compatability and companionship will last you a lifetime .. if he is the one.
Seek your goals.. if he is the ONE .. he will wait .. if not ....
Dom
P.S. I am impressed with the true concern expressed by these so-called deviates .. grin. Guess they are not such low-lives after all Kat .. think?

 

[kat19]

P.S. I am impressed with the true concern expressed by these so-called deviates .. grin. Guess they are not such low-lives after all Kat .. think?

i thank everyone for their imput, some very valid points. and just to clarify, i have never even suggested that anyone on here (except pimps) are "low-lifes"...there seem to be some very intelligent, genuinly caring people that have replied to some of my threads. again, thank you. i still don't know yet what i'm going to do but i have already told him we need to sit and really TALK...i think i am able to AT LEAST take time off for awhile to give things a shot.

 

[tompeepin]

Life ain't easy! You always gotta pay one way or another. Often you even gotta pay again later.

What are the divorce statistics these days?

What is the price of love? And will it be a worthy investment?

Either way it is a roll of the dice. No easy street.

Ah yes ... for love or money ...

Kayla once said lucky in love unlucky with money; lucky with money unlucky in love. Or something like that.

Many are unlucky at both, very few are lucky at both. Very very few ... welcome to the rest of us, Kat. Something about slow and steady wins the race. Yer boy might make it one day when your money no longer seems significant, and if you stay by his side. The question is: why do you love him? What kind of person is he?

PS: Too bad you stood me up.