Don - You definitely have a dilemma on your hands. I wonder what Dan Savage would say.
Maybe your problem is that you are hiding that kinky side due to fear of rejection. You tried to broach the subject and she did not react well, so you backed off. But maybe you need to keep trying. Either that or bail on the relationship. I'd go with keep trying.
How about this...you say she is marriage material, but have you told her that? Others have suggested breaking her into the whole fetish concept gradually, maybe through fantasy role playing. Is she open to that at all? Maybe you need to work harder on getting her to reveal her fantasies and then fulfill them. As she experiments more with her fantasies, she may be more open and comfortable about yours. All in the context of wanting to spend a lifetime together but not wanting the sex to go stale like you see in so many marriages.
In fact, that may be a good way to approach the subject with her. Such-and-such fictional acquaintance at work is splitting up because after a few years, you tell her. The sex life went downhill. So in that context, you discuss with your gf how you can spice it up for her, so it doesn't get old.
It sounds like she is worth a little more time and effort. In the meantime, avoid the temptation of getting it elsewhere by the hour. Something to consider - if you don't resolve this before marriage and kids arrive (assuming that is the direction you want to go) how do you think your sex life will be when those things do enter the picture?
I wish you luck.
Maybe your problem is that you are hiding that kinky side due to fear of rejection. You tried to broach the subject and she did not react well, so you backed off. But maybe you need to keep trying. Either that or bail on the relationship. I'd go with keep trying.
How about this...you say she is marriage material, but have you told her that? Others have suggested breaking her into the whole fetish concept gradually, maybe through fantasy role playing. Is she open to that at all? Maybe you need to work harder on getting her to reveal her fantasies and then fulfill them. As she experiments more with her fantasies, she may be more open and comfortable about yours. All in the context of wanting to spend a lifetime together but not wanting the sex to go stale like you see in so many marriages.
In fact, that may be a good way to approach the subject with her. Such-and-such fictional acquaintance at work is splitting up because after a few years, you tell her. The sex life went downhill. So in that context, you discuss with your gf how you can spice it up for her, so it doesn't get old.
It sounds like she is worth a little more time and effort. In the meantime, avoid the temptation of getting it elsewhere by the hour. Something to consider - if you don't resolve this before marriage and kids arrive (assuming that is the direction you want to go) how do you think your sex life will be when those things do enter the picture?
I wish you luck.
