This is a tactic used by people to make them more attractive. Do you think this tactic works, or does it backfire? What are your personal experiences, as either the catch or the pursuer?
playing hard to get?
- Thread starter stinkynuts
- Start date
I wouldn`t even think about persuing someone unless they give me an obvious sign that the light is green.
The thought of persuing someone who hasn`t even acknowledged that I exist and is playing hard to get just seems ludicrous and desperate to me.
I don`t see any point in playing hard to get and I also don`t want to appear too anxious or desperate and I always want it to be clear that I am ready to pull the plug at any time.
I had a girl try to manipulate me a couple of weeks ago by telling me that this was the last time I was going to see her.
I got up to leave but she wouldn`t let go of my arm.
And I saw her again last Thursday and had the best time of my life.
The thought of persuing someone who hasn`t even acknowledged that I exist and is playing hard to get just seems ludicrous and desperate to me.
I don`t see any point in playing hard to get and I also don`t want to appear too anxious or desperate and I always want it to be clear that I am ready to pull the plug at any time.
I had a girl try to manipulate me a couple of weeks ago by telling me that this was the last time I was going to see her.
I got up to leave but she wouldn`t let go of my arm.
And I saw her again last Thursday and had the best time of my life.
A wise man once told me that the chase is the name of the game ................. until she decides to let you catch her. Tally Ho!!!
The psych research says people are more likely to be interested in you if they think you're interested in them than if they think you're not. But they're most likely to be interested in you if they're not sure whether you're interested or not, perhaps because that gets them to think about you more (wondering about that question).
Sir, I believe once you've tasted their forbidden fruit, it's time for them to chase you.....until you decide to put a ring on their finger. If they play hard to get, there are plenty of other forbidden fruit to sample. I like to sample at least 3 times before the tables turn. And I don't mean chasing you for your cock or wallet, I mean chasing you for your heart and soul after you've proven that their fruit was worth every sample.
There is mor ethan oen reason for a woman to play hard to get. Unfortunately, one of them can be immaturity, as was the case with an ex-girlfriend of mine. If immaturity is the reason for the hard-to-get behaviour, don't waste your precious time. I moved on to find my SO of nearly 20 years who has been with me side-by-side through thick and thin. She is so dedicated to being a mom and wife that I am many times ashamed to have hobbied.
Well, considering, of the top three SO's who have been the largest part of my life, the longest lasting, 20+ years, was also the one with the most impact. I asked her out three times, my usual self imposed limit, over a 6 week period and she said no each time, for then unknown reasons. For whatever reason I decided for one more shot and she said yes and three years later we married. About 10 years later, her brother explained why. She was sweat on one of his best friends and wasn't one to play the field. He also thanked me for being persistent as I turned out to be good people. She, being in the room when he told this story, blushed, laughed, and then agreed to his assessment. Sometimes you fish and cut bait. Then other times you follow your gut and stick it out. There are seldom any hard and fast rulesSir, I believe once you've tasted their forbidden fruit, it's time for them to chase you.....until you decide to put a ring on their finger. If they play hard to get, there are plenty of other forbidden fruit to sample. I like to sample at least 3 times before the tables turn. And I don't mean chasing you for your cock or wallet, I mean chasing you for your heart and soul after you've proven that their fruit was worth every sample.
Glad things worked out for you in the end Blackrock. I'm all for success stories.
Three times over a 6 week period? May as well have begged her! I pursued a girl over the course of 4 years, one I had every intention to marry if she just showed me an ounce of interest or heartfelt emotion during those years when I needed and wanted her most. Unfortunately, due to her immaturity or her desire to play the field, she still hasn't found anyone and I've made a decision that she's just not worth pursuing anymore. In fact, I just challenged her to find the man she's interested in and moved on...she may be a closet lesbian for all I know. My desire for her is diminishing anyway as she approaches 30, which is less than a year and a half away. There's no need to knock-up a 30-something prude and spinster when there are so many horny 20 year olds!
In the meantime, the consequence of her play-hard-to-get attitude is causing me to be a great lover to many stunning escorts with whom unfortunately I share no feelings. However, the young women I sample make a great substitute for the years we could have spent together doing the same thing (and probably spending the same amount of money on her), but with added feelings of mutual love, respect and companionship. Indeed everything in life does happen for a very good reason.
Three times over a 6 week period? May as well have begged her! I pursued a girl over the course of 4 years, one I had every intention to marry if she just showed me an ounce of interest or heartfelt emotion during those years when I needed and wanted her most. Unfortunately, due to her immaturity or her desire to play the field, she still hasn't found anyone and I've made a decision that she's just not worth pursuing anymore. In fact, I just challenged her to find the man she's interested in and moved on...she may be a closet lesbian for all I know. My desire for her is diminishing anyway as she approaches 30, which is less than a year and a half away. There's no need to knock-up a 30-something prude and spinster when there are so many horny 20 year olds!
In the meantime, the consequence of her play-hard-to-get attitude is causing me to be a great lover to many stunning escorts with whom unfortunately I share no feelings. However, the young women I sample make a great substitute for the years we could have spent together doing the same thing (and probably spending the same amount of money on her), but with added feelings of mutual love, respect and companionship. Indeed everything in life does happen for a very good reason.
I think playing hard to get makes her interesting, but only to a certain point. Maybe she really doesn't like you?
She might be just testing you, finding out your reaction which would tell her a lot about your intents and personality.
Treat it like a game, you've got nothing to lose by finding out if she's interested or not.
She might be just testing you, finding out your reaction which would tell her a lot about your intents and personality.
Treat it like a game, you've got nothing to lose by finding out if she's interested or not.
Hey you figure it out. 3 times in 6 weeks, meant once every two weeks after a struggling university grad got paid, put money in the tin can for rent and food. Entertainment was done with what was left and that wasn't much. She worked in the same company so even went against that rules held sacred by some. I must have got that bit of rebel blood from my dad who also married a girl from inside his company. Word had it that she was also being asked out by others and turned down for the same reason. She was definitely a one man woman.
I think a certain amount of 'hard to get' is good, in anything other than a pure pickup situation. I think it goes too far if a person is stringing somebody along for a long time, ACTUALLY teasing them, or basically jerking another human being around. That can be really harmful to the other person, their life, their work, and their potential relationships.
May dating life can be varying degrees of hot or cold, but at this point *I* won't put out on the first date (or several dates). Part of it is that it does up the anticipation, and the other part of it is that it gives everybody a chance for second thoughts. I suppose that counts as 'hard to get', but I'm not really big on games.
I actually have a bigger problem in the other direction. I'm not rich, super suave, or a stud-- I look decent, dress decent, have a decent life, like to have fun and am social, and try to be a decent human being. The thing is I don't much like monogamous dating / going steady / whatever you want to call it. Far too many women read this as playing 'hard to get', or as some sort of challenge to be 'the one'. (Other women simply can't tolerate it.) It's tarted up a lot of good things because you end up in the, "Let's go steady" talk where I either have to bail, or try then fail or bail. Too many women just don't get that an otherwise normal guy can actually choose to not be in a highly co-dependant and highly domestic life.
In my case I had two multi-year things, and a few 1ish year things, and I'm in the bottom half of my 30s. I hardly 'hate women' or have 'women issues', it's literally just a matter of really not being there for the last half decade. I'm at the point in my life where I have some money, can still date and get laid, and TBH monogamous relationships are a lot of work (with rewards) at a job I just plain don't want right now.
When you've been to paradise and back, nothing else in life matters...or at least some of life's challenges become trivial by comparison, like the "play hard to get" ones. Perhaps pussy is not as powerful as it once was to a new generation of men who can and have experienced their ultimate desires. There's an old adage along the lines of why it's a great challenge to unite a gentleman and a lady...because "a lady never puts out on the first date, and a gentleman never asks twice."
It's always been a conundrum, someone has to put out once...or twice! LOL
LOL, and some might argue that it's better to ask for forgiveness than for permission.
It is?
I think you'll find the original quote to be, it's 'easier' to ask for forgiveness ........, much different.
Your point being? Perhaps she realized her momentary error in judgement and then chose me. He became a long hall trucker and declared bankruptcy and got divorced and has disappeared. Over the years I met all 3 of her ex's and I was definitely not the fallback or compromise .
Yeah, and my future SO will hardly be my first choice either...for mind blowing sex...but I'll settle for the ugly one so none of you mofos would even consider nailing her...even if you were HER first choice! LOL Thank heaven for the pleasures of hobbying and its unintended consequences.
Somehow, it's not always easy for the guilty party to ask for forgiveness. Even if a lady knows she is wrong, good luck getting her to feel sorry and take action. Then again, according to Chris Rock, women never feel guilty! Great, so I always hobby with a guilt-free conscience knowing that I was denied that which I at least had the courage to ask...and be patient for. So it will be quite easy for me to ask a lady for forgiveness if/when she ever decides to put out and apologize on her behalf.
The article below is interesting. DocOdd's point is right, according to the research.
But I also believe in being honest upfront. How can I do both if someone asks me whether I like them?
Does Playing Hard To Get Really Work?
by Jaqulyn Spezze | July 1, 2011
{ 8 comments... read them below or add one}
Most people have heard that “playing hard to get” is an essential part of dating. Our friends, movies (Swingers, He’s Just Not That into You), television shows (Sex and the City, Entourage, Friends), and advice books reinforce the concept of “playing hard to get” over and over, where it seems to be a must when dating. On one hand, you do not want to seem too eager or overzealous about a new person because you might be perceived as desperate or annoying. On the other hand, if they have not communicated with you for over two weeks or after calling them two or three times (and why three?) then they are probably just not that into you (and not just “playing hard to get”). So where does that leave you? Is the principle of “playing hard to get” really a dating essential and does it really work? Do we have to jump through the hoops of “playing hard to get” even if we like the other person?
Should I “play hard to get?”
If you are a woman, surveys say yes. These studies have found that women who are physically attractive, appear healthy and youthful, and are “hard to get” correlates with them being reproductively valuable to men. In other words, “playing hard to get” is a tactic used by women that show men that they are something to be valued and therefore are more desirable to men. Women that “play hard to get” give the appearance that they are more selective in choosing a mate and will not just date (or for that matter mate) just any guy. We know from earlier blogs how high-maintenance women use this tactic in spades. This theory suggests that “playing hard to get” functions to test a man’s motivation, ability to invest resources (time, money, effort, etc.), and/or a sign of his fidelity. Therefore it is reasonable to assume that “playing hard to get” is a beneficial tactic for women to use.
But what about men, should they play hard to get?
A new study by Whitchurch , Wilson, and Gilbert (2011) on uncertainty and romantic attraction would also say affirmative. They found that women were most attracted to men when they were uncertain of whether these men liked them in return. In this study, the researchers told the women that men from different universities rated their Facebook profiles. The researchers informed the women that they were rated based on the degree to which the men thought they would get along with each woman (but what the women did not know was that these men and their Facebook profiles were fictitious). The women in this study were either told that the four male profiles they were examining were men that liked them best, liked them an average amount, or in the uncertain condition (which meant that the men either liked them the best or liked them an average amount, and the women were unaware of what the men had rated them). The study found that the women were most attracted to the men when they did not know how they were rated (aka the uncertain condition). Also the women in the uncertain condition reported thinking about the men the most and it is suggested that this enhanced their attraction toward these men. It is proposed that the reason for this increased attraction is that the women might have spent more time thinking about these men and wondering how the men felt about them. This study suggests that men who create a sense of uncertainty (kept the woman they are dating guessing about how they feel about them), can actually increase that woman’s interest.
So what does this mean for me in the dating world?
It means that if you are a woman you can maximize the chances of getting into a relationship by valuing your self-worth and “playing hard to get.” You can do this by not being overly available and having (or just appearing to have) other male options. For men, it means that you should not immediately tell the woman you are dating that you like her and leave your feelings about her a mystery for awhile. By leaving your feelings a mystery she may think about you more and therefore be more attracted to you. Of course if both women and men play too hard to get then there will be no chance of anyone getting together. So please “play hard to get” responsibly.
But I also believe in being honest upfront. How can I do both if someone asks me whether I like them?
Does Playing Hard To Get Really Work?
by Jaqulyn Spezze | July 1, 2011
{ 8 comments... read them below or add one}
Most people have heard that “playing hard to get” is an essential part of dating. Our friends, movies (Swingers, He’s Just Not That into You), television shows (Sex and the City, Entourage, Friends), and advice books reinforce the concept of “playing hard to get” over and over, where it seems to be a must when dating. On one hand, you do not want to seem too eager or overzealous about a new person because you might be perceived as desperate or annoying. On the other hand, if they have not communicated with you for over two weeks or after calling them two or three times (and why three?) then they are probably just not that into you (and not just “playing hard to get”). So where does that leave you? Is the principle of “playing hard to get” really a dating essential and does it really work? Do we have to jump through the hoops of “playing hard to get” even if we like the other person?
Should I “play hard to get?”
If you are a woman, surveys say yes. These studies have found that women who are physically attractive, appear healthy and youthful, and are “hard to get” correlates with them being reproductively valuable to men. In other words, “playing hard to get” is a tactic used by women that show men that they are something to be valued and therefore are more desirable to men. Women that “play hard to get” give the appearance that they are more selective in choosing a mate and will not just date (or for that matter mate) just any guy. We know from earlier blogs how high-maintenance women use this tactic in spades. This theory suggests that “playing hard to get” functions to test a man’s motivation, ability to invest resources (time, money, effort, etc.), and/or a sign of his fidelity. Therefore it is reasonable to assume that “playing hard to get” is a beneficial tactic for women to use.
But what about men, should they play hard to get?
A new study by Whitchurch , Wilson, and Gilbert (2011) on uncertainty and romantic attraction would also say affirmative. They found that women were most attracted to men when they were uncertain of whether these men liked them in return. In this study, the researchers told the women that men from different universities rated their Facebook profiles. The researchers informed the women that they were rated based on the degree to which the men thought they would get along with each woman (but what the women did not know was that these men and their Facebook profiles were fictitious). The women in this study were either told that the four male profiles they were examining were men that liked them best, liked them an average amount, or in the uncertain condition (which meant that the men either liked them the best or liked them an average amount, and the women were unaware of what the men had rated them). The study found that the women were most attracted to the men when they did not know how they were rated (aka the uncertain condition). Also the women in the uncertain condition reported thinking about the men the most and it is suggested that this enhanced their attraction toward these men. It is proposed that the reason for this increased attraction is that the women might have spent more time thinking about these men and wondering how the men felt about them. This study suggests that men who create a sense of uncertainty (kept the woman they are dating guessing about how they feel about them), can actually increase that woman’s interest.
So what does this mean for me in the dating world?
It means that if you are a woman you can maximize the chances of getting into a relationship by valuing your self-worth and “playing hard to get.” You can do this by not being overly available and having (or just appearing to have) other male options. For men, it means that you should not immediately tell the woman you are dating that you like her and leave your feelings about her a mystery for awhile. By leaving your feelings a mystery she may think about you more and therefore be more attracted to you. Of course if both women and men play too hard to get then there will be no chance of anyone getting together. So please “play hard to get” responsibly.
