Paying for women on dates

[Adrenaline]

I'm curious what other people's views are about paying for the woman you're going out on a date with, whether it be her meal, drinks, movie ticket etc.

I'll state the obvious... if you're on a date with a woman and it's going well, she's hot, and you both seem to be into each other, you obviously pay for her meal, drinks etc., that's if you want a second date and want a chance to get into bed with her. My question is, if you're on a date and say you met her from an online dating site, and you're either not attracted to her in person, or you're just not that into her, or you feel that she's just not that into you, do you still pay for her?

I used to always pay for my dates even when I wasn't into them and knew that there wouldn't be a second date, because that's the gentlemanly thing to do, and that's how I was raised, but I go on a lot of dates, and just adding up all the costs it was getting to be too expensive, so now if I'm on a date and I'm not into her, I just offer to split the bill. I'd never let the woman pay for me, ever. Most of the time when I say we should split the bill, she's shocked, but I don't feel bad because the setting up of the date is mutual in all cases i.e. I didn't ask her out, and if I'm never going to see her again, why should I be footing the bill? I'd rather spend my money on a woman that I like.

What are your thoughts, and what do you do in those situations?

 

[red]

if i ask someone out on a date - I pay.

 

[looking-2play]

100% if you asked her out........you should pay.

Just my 2 cents

 

[Adrenaline]

if i ask someone out on a date - I pay.

yes, I do too, but what about in a situation where going on the date is mutual and you're just not into her and you know there won't be a second date? And I don't mean paying for her $3 coffee at Starbucks, I mean a date with a significant cost.

 

[fuckinghead]

i still paid (in my days). coz thats decent. if u r so $ alert u should b alert of your pickup/choice as well.

 

[rgkv]

I'll state the obvious... that's the gentlemanly thing to do, and that's how I was raised

you had it right,,,,,,,,,,you don't like the way you were raised?

 

[HetroGuy]

yes, I do too, but what about in a situation where going on the date is mutual and you're just not into her and you know there won't be a second date? And I don't mean paying for her $3 coffee at Starbucks, I mean a date with a significant cost.

Why would you go on the first date if you know there will not be a second ? Going on the date isn't mutual - someone asked first if it is the woman and she agrees it does not mean that they must share the costs. If the woman asks and you said up front - 'look I'd go but I'm short on cash this week - would going Dutch be OK ?' - I see no problem.

 

[biogenicx]

a date is a mutual meeting by both parties- I've never been on a date where the girl didn't offer to front her half of the tab.

If the girl isn't at least offering to pay her half than she's probably not even worth seeing again anyways.

*should also note the majority of dates I've been on I've been asked out on- or they've said "so when are we going to get together" etc.*

 

[Kyra.Graves]

I have always believed the person that made the invitation should pay, if I suggest a date then I should pay and if he invites me then he should pay. I generally won't go on a second date with someone that splits the bill, I find sitting there calculating each individuals costs ruins a perfectly good evening. It's also important to me that my date allow me to pick up the cheque at times, if we are looking towards building a relationship then it should start with the two of us being contributing members.

 

[red]

I have always believed the person that made the invitation should pay, if I suggest a date then I should pay and if he invites me then he should pay. I generally won't go on a second date with someone that splits the bill, I find sitting there calculating each individuals costs ruins a perfectly good evening. It's also important to me that my date allow me to pick up the cheque at times, if we are looking towards building a relationship then it should start with the two of us being contributing members.

totally agree.

 

[Adrenaline]

a date is a mutual meeting by both parties- I've never been on a date where the girl didn't offer to front her half of the tab.

If the girl isn't at least offering to pay her half than she's probably not even worth seeing again anyways.

*should also note the majority of dates I've been on I've been asked out on- or they've said "so when are we going to get together" etc.*

I agree with what you've said. A date is a mutual agreement between both parties, and the majority dates I've been on the woman has asked if we can go to so and so place at whatever time and date.

If a girl doesn't at least offer to split the bill, she's probably not worth seeing.

Still, if I'm attracted to the woman and we're having a good time I'll pay for everything, and even if she offers I'll refuse and keep refusing until she lets me pay. The question of my thread is aimed at the times when you're on a date and you don't plan on seeing her again, and I still stand by what I've been doing lately, and that is splitting the bill.

If you meet a girl from an online dating site and she uses dated pictures, or flattering angles, it misleads you into wanting to go on a date with her, and so if I don't find her attractive in person and don't plan on seeing her again, I won't be paying for her.

 

[Adrenaline]

I have always believed the person that made the invitation should pay, if I suggest a date then I should pay and if he invites me then he should pay. I generally won't go on a second date with someone that splits the bill, I find sitting there calculating each individuals costs ruins a perfectly good evening. It's also important to me that my date allow me to pick up the cheque at times, if we are looking towards building a relationship then it should start with the two of us being contributing members.

By splitting the bill, I mean splitting it in 2, not calculating what each person ordered, that's a bit ridiculous.

Also, going on a date is mutual, both parties agreed to go out, so if you suggest to a guy that you should go out, you shouldn't be paying for him. I'd never let a woman pay for my meal, even if I'm not into her. I'd gladly let her pay for herself, but definitely wouldn't mooch off of her and let her pay for me.

 

[biogenicx]

I agree with what you've said. A date is a mutual agreement between both parties, and the majority dates I've been on the woman has asked if we can go to so and so place at whatever time and date.

If a girl doesn't at least offer to split the bill, she's probably not worth seeing.

Still, if I'm attracted to the woman and we're having a good time I'll pay for everything, and even if she offers I'll refuse and keep refusing until she lets me pay. The question of my thread is aimed at the times when you're on a date and you don't plan on seeing her again, and I still stand by what I've been doing lately, and that is splitting the bill.

If you meet a girl from an online dating site and she uses dated pictures, or flattering angles, it misleads you into wanting to go on a date with her, and so if I don't find her attractive in person and don't plan on seeing her again, I won't be paying for her.

ah gotcha bro- on any first date I don't reccomend dinner or anything along those lines unless you've met through friends on previous occasions and it's obvious you're really into eachother

Save yourself time and money- STARBUCKS is your friend for first dates where a) you haven't talked to the person a whole lot and are not sure if you even have anything in common or b) where it's basically a blind date ie. internet dating in your case.

Meeting up for coffee is perfect- no one likes being on a dinner date and realising in the first 5 mins you have no interest in the person and having to sit there for 2 hours. Coffee can be 5 mins or 5 hours- if things are going well stay longer- if it's not than just say it was nice seeing you and excuse yourself.

 

[Brill]

If I asked her, I'll pay. There's no expectation of sex, that's a separate matter if we're both into it.

If she insists on paying her share, I'll say okay.

If she's not as appealing as her on-line data indicates and I know there won't be a second date, that doesn't matter - I'll pay if we made that arrangement earlier.

If she makes good money but never offers to pay or cook a meal after several months of dating, that would nag at me. That's a bit too one-sided.

 

[Master_Bates]

Most of the time I approach dates by asking her to join me do something like shopping for new shoes for work, or going to the beach, or check out some new restaurant/event... usually its in expensive, and I will pay.

This gives me a chance to see if there's anything... if there is, we keep the date rolling... if not, we part our ways...

You should always pay, and always try to be a gentleman.

It's a small city and there are chances you will run into her later down the road. You want her to speak good things about you, even if it doesn't work out. It's about networking. Maybe you hook up with her friend when you run into her in a bar and she says you were nice. Or you make a business contact through her.

I try to never burn bridges, but that's just me.

 

[afterhours]

yes, I do too, but what about in a situation where going on the date is mutual and you're just not into her and you know there won't be a second date? And I don't mean paying for her $3 coffee at Starbucks, I mean a date with a significant cost.

Once a friend of mine was asking somebody from dating website out and suggested to go for coffee. She responded that they should go to a good restaurant. He said that he would not want her to be bored during the dinner, as they don't really know each other and what if she doesn't like him? She said that she is not worried about it and that dinner should be OK. To that he replied that if she is so sure that she will like him, why don't he book for them a vacation in Australia together if she doesn't mind.
To date I consider it a classic example of a conversation with the free-dinner bitches.
It should be noted though that both my friend and I are still single

 

[doggee_01]

if you invite the lady out you should pay

 

[The Fruity Hare]

Once a friend of mine was asking somebody from dating website out and suggested to go for coffee. She responded that they should go to a good restaurant. He said that he would not want her to be bored during the dinner, as they don't really know each other and what if she doesn't like him? She said that she is not worried about it and that dinner should be OK. To that he replied that if she is so sure that she will like him, why don't he book for them a vacation in Australia together if she doesn't mind.
To date I consider it a classic example of a conversation with the free-dinner bitches.
It should be noted though that both my friend and I are still single

Especially if Adrenaline is going out on these dates frequently, it could soon add up. If you were to go on a date a week at $100 or so each time, you are spending a lot of money on first dates with someone you don`t really know.

The coffee shop idea seems better suited until you can decide if a real dinner date is warranted.

 

[afterhours]

Especially if Adrenaline is going out on these dates frequently, it could soon add up. If you were to go on a date a week at $100 or so each time, you are spending a lot of money on first dates with someone you don`t really know.

The coffee shop idea seems better suited until you can decide if a real dinner date is warranted.

there is probably at least 4 out of 5 chance that you will not like the girl enough to go on a 2nd date. It is just plain ridiculous to waist two plus hours of your time on somebody who you don't feel like seeing again.

I must admit that I have recently helped a female friend of mine to set up a dating profile and I promised her that she would not have to pay for dinners during the next months and that she might want to stop buying groceries. It was a couple of days ago, so i haven't heard back, but i will report to you guys

 

[randygirl]

Adrenaline, there is a big, BIG difference between a meet and a date when doing the online thing.

A meet is drinks: coffee or a pint. It's over quickly. It's over even more quickly if the person is whacked or you aren't interested. A meet is for someone you have never laid eyes on, and should be casual, short with the option of extending if you find them attractive.

If you have made it to a date, then you should be thinking that you are attracted and want to sleep with her, no? Most people do not continue to see people they are not attracted to.

Problem solved.

edit: Ugh, and a first meet weeds out those only interested in free dinners. Tell them dinner is for the second time you get together..fercrissakes, make her work a bit to get dinner out of you.