Paying for women on dates

[Adrenaline]

What does class have to do with splitting a bill? If it is your wife, meaning you have married her then obviously you are going to pay for it. But if it's some girl your taking out, I don't give a shit the circumstances, your splitting that bill with me even if the bill is only $20 bucks. It's for principle, money is not an issue.

Any girl who says she won't see a man because he wont pay the full bill and then trys to cloak her actions by claiming not to be a miner with a pick axe is only fooling herself. If you actually liked the guy, then splitting a bill shouldn't shock you or make you not want to see him again.

It makes no sense for the guy or the women to pay the full bill.

Exactly, I agree with everything you said. If the girl is my wife, or if I've been dating her for a while I have no problems paying for her. Even if it's a first date and I find her attractive and like her personality I have no problem paying for her. If I'm on a first date with a girl I've met online, and I don't find her attractive in person and/or don't like her personality, and I don't plan on seeing her again, there's no way in hell I'm going to pay for her, we're going to split the bill. It has nothing to do with class, if it's classy to waste your money on ugly women you never plan on seeing again then I'm guilty of having no class, but if that's the definition of class that we're using, I'd rather have no class than be an idiot.

 

[tboy]

Yep. That's the principle I go by as well. To me, what's in your pants has no bearing on who pays, it's who made the invite that matters. The person inviting is also usually the person picking the activity and the place, so the amount spent should not be an issue as you should pick something/somewhere that it within the range of what you are willing/able to spend.

Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong all these years? Since I don't know the person I don't presume to know what they enjoy so I typically have 2 or 3 options which are good for me and let them choose what's right for them.

 

[FOOTSNIFFER]

Methinks we all need a little reminder about what datings all about.....

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[The Options Menu]

Maybe that's what I've been doing wrong all these years? Since I don't know the person I don't presume to know what they enjoy so I typically have 2 or 3 options which are good for me and let them choose what's right for them.

I aim for something the woman in question will theoretically like (given my instincts and the information presented) and something I'll tolerate. I'm a pretty mellow guy and I can have fun doing pretty much anything so the list of things I find intolerable is pretty short. Mind you, any date you make should say something about you as well. Normally I review what I know is happening around the time of the date along with a site like Toronto.com, think about places to eat and other places near where the date is going to be, then mull over the theoretical spend... In a lot of cases, especially at a middling price point, women will decline an offer to pay. Mind you, pretty much all women like 'treats' (but don't try to force them on a woman).

Both 'no effort all spending' and 'all effort no spending' can be bad, but it is always better to err on the side of thought and effort, IMHO. Anyone who comes close to being 'the right type of woman' will appreciate that more.

I don't know about 'drafting a list of options' for a date. I suppose it would depend on how they are presented. Usually I'll just present 'the main event', gauge the reaction, and will have already considered a variety of 'other things to do'. That way you have an interesting focal point, but can adjust on the fly depending on how good the date is and the woman's reactions. The great upside of Toronto is that once you know your neighbourhoods, you can always adjust on the fly. That's why spending some time thinking, researching, and refreshing your memory ahead of time is important.

 

[tboy]

LOL i don't draft a list of options, it would normally be something along the lines of (say dinner): I know this great greek place down in the beaches or would you like seafood? Pier 4 has some great sole......blah blah, (kind of feeling her out).

I'd rather take her to someplace she likes.

But then again, I haven't really asked someone out on a date in probably 5 yrs or so so what do I know? lol.....

 

[The Options Menu]

When dates start becoming mutual, I don't like to split bills, either. I'll pay one time, and they'll pay the next time... They'll buy the first round, and I'll buy the next. It works out to be the same cost as splitting bills, but it doesn't have that same scrutinizing attribute of counting costs and tallying items. It's just more courteous.

While I prefer 'mutual-ism' with a woman who'll let me 'treat her' here and there (who treats back), in some ways the tyranny of the ATM has made splitting far easier. Everybody just vomits up $20s until they think it's fair unless you can't round a tip to $20. Then somebody forks over a $10 or fights over a ten. It doesn't really matter if it's a date or a group. Then again I won't abide by bean-counters so more often then not there ends up being $200 on the table to clear a $140 (with tip) tab. But if you're dealing with good friends or a reasonable woman you shouldn't sweat it as it should all come out in the wash. Preferences aside, the big thing is unless you're actually in need don't be cheap and learn to treat.

edit: 'not being cheap' is less about how much a date costs and more about how a person handles paying.

 

[DavidSam]

I took a girl out twice and I paid for everything both times. She said she'd call me to go out but after not hearing from her in over a few weeks I simply threw her number away.

 

[The Options Menu]

I took a girl out twice and I paid for everything both times. She said she'd call me to go out but after not hearing from her in over a few weeks I simply threw her number away.

That was probably wise, though I suspect the 'paying' is unrelated to the 'not calling'. You could have tried calling her precisely once at about the one week mark or slightly before... She would have either screened you, talked to you, or called you back... But either way. Much after the one week and no contact mark just put totally out of your mind...

edit: Some people are really big on phone games, or wanting you to call, not wanting you to call, or whatever. At the tentative phase it's probably not good to seem 'too eager' or desperate, but I've never had an issue with ignoring the 'who calls who' and just calling after a few days and saying, "Hey, do you want to grab a bite to eat tomorrow and catch the opening of X?". Either a person responds or she doesn't. After just a couple of dates it doesn't have to be any more or less than that.

 

[needinit]

I understand the question as a lot don't seem to...

If you are meeting someone trhough a site like plenty of fish, then both of you are 'setting up the date' . I believe that then it should clearly be pyow (pay your own way).

I hooked up once with a pof person and she wanted to go sky diving for a first date - WTF, no way I would be paying for someone the first time I meet them to do that!

I also met someone else and we arranged a couple of dates including a trip to a hotel room after a meal - we disccused how we paid before even meeting (ie. for a dinner). She actually wanted to split the hotel room as she didn't want to feel like a pro, so that worked for me.

If you are asking someone out, then by all means expect to pay!

 

[tboy]

That's exactly what I was going to say. If someone asks me out and suggests the location, I assume that they are paying (though I will still offer). If I ask someone out, I would go out (in the same respect) with every intention of paying. When dates start becoming mutual, I don't like to split bills, either. I'll pay one time, and they'll pay the next time... They'll buy the first round, and I'll buy the next. It works out to be the same cost as splitting bills, but it doesn't have that same scrutinizing attribute of counting costs and tallying items. It's just more courteous.

In a similar situation (but different) a buddy and I started this: you pay this time, I'll get the next one. Well it was fine until I started to notice that when it was his turn to pay, we did harveys, wendys, dangerous dans, less than $20.00 and no tip. Then when it was my turn, we ate at a sit down place. For eg: I was sitting there watching the tube one night, he calls me up and says: hey, I feel like chinese, let's go...so I thought, yeah I could eat chinese. So the bill comes, it's $39 plus tip, so I pull out a $20 and start rooting for change. He (with a straight face) says: ummm it's your turn, I got it last time. I was like, "whoa dude, we had harvey's and I only had a poutine and a coke", he shrugged. I said, you at least put in the tip, he said: I don't have any money. ARRRGH. The asshole wanted chinese, knew he didn't have any money, so manipulated it so I'd pay.

I put a stop to that RIGHT away.

Not to say I'm petty or anything, but I was trying to save for a house and that $47 was my grocery budget for the week. Blown in one sitting. I'm not saying ALL women would do something like that but it's something you have to be conscious of. If I was in love with someone I'd have no problem treating her to just about everything imaginable (and have) but it does get costly if you're on a budget.

Now one thing I've heard from women is that some guys tend to think: I've paid I better get something. So maybe it's a good idea to stress you're paying your own way? Take a look at the threads here on what is cheaper? a pro or a civvie? I just want to say I don't think that if I bought dinner and a movie for a woman I expect her to F my brains out but when, as a guy, you're putting out quite a bit of money on a lot of first dates, and go home with blue balls, it is more economical to just hire a pro.

BTW: your sig pic is quite naughty. mind if I "come over" for some sugar? *eg*

 

[rama putri]

Dude, this isn't 100 years ago where you HAD to pay for a woman on a date because she had no income. A lot of women make more money then men, so it's part of waking up to the realization that the girl you're on a date with wants to be there, and you shouldn't have to pay her to hang out with you. I say society's fine. I still pay for most my dates, but only if it feels right. I don't feel like it's something I have to do because I'm a man.

First learn to read. Second, I don't give a shit. Third, if you are a man and ask a girl out, you pay. That's it. It's about being a man then and it's about being a man now.

 

[afterhours]

when you get older, this issue becomes moot, since if the girl is young you have to pay, and if she is not young, you don't want to date her even if she pays.

 

[Alexxx99]

I like to play the feminist way.

Obviously I use to pay in full when I was younger, think before 20.

But now my rule is to always go dutch unless I'm asking a girl to an event, I mean sometimes I buy two tickets to a show, etc, and obviously I'm not going to ask her to pay the ticket.

But in terms of restaurants, etc.

Hardly ever, only if it's her birthday OR if I just won a bet and I'm feeling really nice and thinking I might get some.

I'm sorry I'm not financially stable enough to throw money around like this, I go on a lot of dates and msot don't progress beyond the 2nd ( I'm difficult ).