Need help: Knocked a girl up, need to know my rights

[Polaris]

Again, you're asking me to step up and I may not be the father, ergo you are moralizing. I have stated I will step up, how many times do I need to repeat this. In the meantime, I will do everything I can to get her to abort. I am honest.

Hey Chairman, you fucked up big time this time.

But don't worry. It can only turn out good.

1. Being a parent, it's truly is one of the best things in life.

2. If it is not yours, well, maybe next time.

But since I like you, your tactics of phsycological/interogation warfare upon the pregnant woman who could be carrying your child, is absolutely despicable and low life slime ball behaviour. Please do not do that.

This is what I think Chinese people would do in such a situation.

The key obviously is the woman.

Does she want to have a child and by extension a meal ticket from a reluctant sugar daddy, as required by law?

Have a mutual friend approach the topic "if you want to abort, if someone gave you an offer $$$, what would you say". How she responds should clarify everything.

Frankly speaking, if she is only after the money, this is the best solution. She is having a child she does not want, and is looking for the meal ticket. Kind of like the stories of the welfare moms who have several kids knowing that the cheque increases with each additional child.

If she is having the baby willing because that is what she wants to do now in her life, you should offer her support (emotional). If it is yours, you should offer her support (financial).

Do the right thing.

Sure, you can ask for the best legal advice from all the lawyers out there, which was your original question.

But has any lawyer ever adsived his client :-

Do the right thing?

Haha.

 

[fijiman]

As soon as I saw this thread's title, I knew it would get messy.

Some thoughts...

Pro-Choice vs Pro-Life
If someone posting is a pro-lifer, then they should be upfront about that. Especially since neither the OP nor the woman appear to be pro-lifers.

No Condom, No Rights
If you believe that not using a condom is different than if he had used a condom and it broke, than you should say so. I think it is irrelevant. The girl got pregnant. Sure, she is more likely to get pregnant if you don't use a condom, than if the condom breaks, the pill fails, etc. I agree that the OP should feel more responsibility, but so should the woman. No one forced her to hop onto his uncovered communist wang.

The Anti-Rocker Abortion
I think this one is the absolutely key. Presuming you've described the situation honestly, she would have the abortion if the rocker is the dad? In that case she doesn't want to have a child, she wants to have a child only if it is yours.

If you don't agree, then you should tell her that you feel about her as the mother of your child the same way that she feels about the rocker as the father of hers. Specifically, you think she is emotionally and psychologically unfit to raise your child at this time.

If she is willing to disdain the rocker as a suitable father for her at this time, then it is pure hypocrisy for her to disdain you for having the same opinion about her.

I would tell her this in no uncertain terms, and I would cease providing any emotional support or reasonableness towards her. I would tell her that even though you are only 50/50 at best to be the father, nonetheless your lawyer will be in touch with an offer of support for the finest medical treatment available if she chooses to terminate the pregnancy. And I would include in that medical treatment some "rehab" time off work with all expenses paid. (I think you understand my meaning).

I would make it clear that this offer is not intended as an inducement, but rather it is her choice to make. And in the interests of the child I would put a date limitation on the offer, to avoid any unnecessary delays on her part

My 2 cents, based on the details provided.

fj

 

[alexmst]

According to the internet site I just checked, the monthly child support payments in Ontario (I didn't know what they were and was curious) if the partners were not living together or married at the time of conception is:

income 90k = 798 monthly payment
100k= 877
120k= 1031
150k= 1254

For incomes over 150k, the monthly amount is 1254 + 0.74% of income over
150k.

So, if one had an income of $450,000, it would be 1254 + (740x3) = $3474. per month.

The site went on to say that if the blood test proves you are the father, you are responsible for support regardless of whether you were in any type of ongoing relationship at the time of conception. So this includes one night stands.

 

[alexmst]

Yes, I've heard about the formula method used by the government for support.

I suppose I can understand why a high-income person would pay more, but how much can a baby eat so to speak?

Yes, I see your point. On the low end of the income scale the payments are really low. If one has a McJob the support payments required seem less than a kid would need to eat well. On the other end, if this is about supporting the child and not the mother in a non-relationship pregnancy (eg not spousal support because she has her own income/job), at the high end of the income scale the support payments get rather generous. I guess the rationale behind the scale is that the child should be entitled to a lifestyle keeping in line with what he/she would have as the support payers' child if he was in the kid's life. So if you make half a million a year, the logic is your kid should have a better lifestyle through more generous support than if you are a middle manager making 80k a year, even if neither father ever sees the kid. A wealthier dad generally provides more creature comforts to his kid, so the scale gives the kid this same advanatge. If the support payer is poor, then the kid has that economic disadvantage.

 

[lawyerman]

Ok, lawyer advice.

She cannot force you to have a paternity test until the child is born and she goes to court to collect child support. Then the judge will make you submit to a test if you deny paternity.

It's her decision 100% if she wants to have the child. If she does and it's yours, you have to pay child support. The child comes first in the eyes of the law.

Going to court to collect child support is fairly cheap, quick and simple in legal terms. If it's yours, there is no defence and the judge will be all over you. The whole process is somewhat user-friendly and she may well not even bother to use a lawyer.

Gotta be careful when you play, MTT. I apologize for being smug and a smart-ass, but it's pretty basic.

I couldn't have said this much better myself.

Best of luck Mao.

 

[y2kmark]

My thoughts exactly ...

If (and i say this with the utmost of sincerity) you are the father... then instead of rights, you should be talking about your responsibilities.

Just my nickels worth.

Just from reading the thread title. Glad I read down before making a redundant post. Also seems that looking at this strictly from a cost standpoint vs. having any consideration for the child that will probably result is winning hands down - nature of TERB, I guess.

 

[Cycleguy007]

Just from reading the thread title. Glad I read down before making a redundant post. Also seems that looking at this strictly from a cost standpoint vs. having any consideration for the child that will probably result is winning hands down - nature of TERB, I guess.

Thanks y2kmark. (Hey dickshit... I guess someone DID care after all...)

 

[dirkd101]

Mao, I think she knows your a nice guy and is using this on you. Since the other dude told her to drift she needed a back up and your it. Talk to a lawyer, a good one, since you are "well off". You have rights too and drunken one night stands with unknown girls are common. Find out where you stand legally. A lawyer may help scare this scam artist off.

 

[Aardvark154]

But has any lawyer ever adsived his client :-

Do the right thing?

Haha.

Perhaps not in so many words and more likely phrased as have you considered (since the decision is the client's to make).

 

[LadyTY2Uall]

I believe the title of your thread was......

Need help: Knocked a girl up, need to know my rights

Lol, this thread won't go away even though I have.

Far too many people proving that they can't read but sure can moralize:

I am not yet the baby's daddy, people. All that's happened is that the woman is question has told me she is pregnant, but has admitted there are other men at the table.

So keep on moralizing, but nothing's decided except I may be being played. If the baby is mine, then everything changes and I will step up. Until then, who knows where the truth lies.

Thanks again to those trying to help. To everyone else, go fuck yourself (but wear a condom.)

Adios again

 

[Sasha Jones]

Hey by the way everyone:

Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex Durex

There was your half of the decision and YOU decided not to make it.

It is too late for any decisions from you now. Should have been paying attention in the first place.

At any rate, get the test done, by the sounds of it, once a woman has made the decision to keep a baby there is no changing her mind.
It is a bond that no matter what happens is pretty damn tough to break, even that early on.
If this does turn out to be your child, would you ever want that child to know what kind of an ass you were to the mother before it was born. That may ruin the relationship you built with that child forever (assuming you have the balls to actually have a relationship with the child providing it is yours).

Find out sooner rather than later whether the child is yours so you can move on and do what is right. That kid is likely coming into this world with or without your say so you better get used to it.
If it is yours, you made your bed, now you have to sleep in it, as shitty as you and everyone else might think it is.

 

[great bear]

By the time this thread is finished Mao might have to change his handle to Papa Mao.

 

[djk]

You should do something which is called a "hail mary" technique. This technique will let you smoke out the scandalous skanks that'll get knocked up on purpose to trap a guy.

It will be more difficult than usual as this sounds like a one night stand. Hail marys usually work when you're in a relationship.

Meet her face to face and deliver something along the lines of:

"Honey, it's great that your pregnant. You know that I love you so much and that you're the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with. But we are not ready to have a child. When we are ready, we will be living in a better place, I will be making more money, and we will be able to afford the best medical care for having a baby. Our child will get the very best. I want to be with you always. I want our child to be born in a loving and stable family. This will not happen if we start struggling to support a baby."

Mention you're struggling in school. She's not ready to be a mother yet. You're working like crazy to get the right job. Whatever you think will appeal to her to have the abortion. If she decides to have an abortion, stick to her like lint. Isolate her from other sources that may convince her to change her mind until that day.

This probably won't work if the girl is a one night stand. However, if you think she wants to be with you, it just might. Hence the name -- "hail mary".

If she has the abortion, promptly 86 her out of your life afterwards. Getting pregnant to trap you? That's financial blackmail - out, out, out.

If she does not, demand a paternity test. If it is yours, your only legal and moral obligation is to pay child support. Anything above and beyond that is a private matter and totally up to you.

 

[lolathelovely]

Mao, have a conversation with the woman and calmly ask her a couple of things. If I'm the father of the child and you decide to keep the child, do you want me to 1) financially support the child? 2) be an actively involved parent to this child?

What I'm trying to say is she might not want you in her life anymore at all even for the money. Not all women are after men's money. You might be just some guy she had unprotected sex with while drunk. You might be even less to her than she is to you. She might like it better if she didn't have to deal with you at all. Maybe? I'm just trying to imagine if I was in her shoes. I'm very independent though. Not everyone is like me.

 

[KBear]

... she is pregnant, but has admitted there are other men at the table. ...

Would be interesting to know how many men she can have the courts order to go through a paternity test.

This must be a really tough call for the girl, in her 30’s that wants a child, but also wants to know there will be someone committed and able to support her.

Good Luck

 

[rama putri]

Can't wait for the Springer episode.

 

[Mia.Colpa]

Why do I have the feeling MTT just wanted some attention last night?

Judging by MTT latest post, I still stand by my previous post, he's pulling your leg, he just wanted to liven things up a bit on here. Next topic.

 

[spitze]

Oh boy all gotta say...after you start to pay child support you wont be able to afford this hobby hahahaha

 

[digdoo]

Was it an escort? Was she paid for the session? What if an escort gets preggers during a session? Still child support?

 

[a 1 player]

What if an escort gets preggers during a session? Still child support?

Yes, still child support.