marriage

[Figure8]

Well, it has happended. My wife has stumbled upon my hobby, and needless to say she is not happy. The good thing is, she wants me to get my act together, and work things out. I know it is going to be a tough road, having led a secret life for soooo long. It sure as hell is not worth it in the end when you consider what's at risk.

Any advice from people who have been in this situation?

 

[hambone]

If you want to make it work with her

Focus your attention on her. Answer her questions honestly. I know most will say don't but unless you have a very good memory she will catch you and will never believe you again. You will be answering questions for a VERY long time.

 

[kz65]

You could blame it all on her & her lack of putting out and that is the primary reason you are going elsewhere to get some action. If her cooking sucks and you are hungry wouldn't you go for takeout food?

you could try to explain that hobbying is better then having a mistress.
There is no emotional attachment/falling in love with an SP or MPA it is a simple business transaction between 2 consenting adults not soo true with a mistress...

 

[s_licker]

Man...how did she find out?

You will have to go the extra mile to re-establish trust, possibly get the q-tip in the knob treatment, and talk at length about the issues that led you to hobby.

Find subtle ways for her to be able to confirm your whereabouts/activity at times where she might be suspicious. Rebuilding the trust will take time - and indeed, its possible it will never happen.

Lots of talking ahead, dude. Good luck.

 

[hambone]

.......
you could try to explain that hobbying is better then having a mistress.
There is no emotional attachment/falling in love with an SP or MPA it is a simple business transaction between 2 consenting adults not soo true with a mistress...

Women outside the hobby do NOT subscribe to this theory.

 

[Figure8]

Man...how did she find out?

You will have to go the extra mile to re-establish trust, possibly get the q-tip in the knob treatment, and talk at length about the issues that led you to hobby.

Find subtle ways for her to be able to confirm your whereabouts/activity at times where she might be suspicious. Rebuilding the trust will take time - and indeed, its possible it will never happen.

Lots of talking ahead, dude. Good luck.

Sounds like you are speaking from experience, and I really appreciate your thoughts/insights. It going to be a long road, but I do want the marriage to succeed, however, the trust factor is huge. Taking words directly from her "I don't love you any less, or hate you, but I *do not* trust you".

First step, I will get an STD test done as a starting point and then work from there.

Thanks for the support.

 

[MrLimpet]

Kiss a big part of your pay cheque and half your pension (if you have one) good bye.

ROFLMAO if you really wanted your marriage to work you wouldn't be hobbying in the first place.

 

[fart]

Make her feel important and give the best!!!Get a vintage bottle of Baby Duck 2007, put on the best music by the man, Dan Hill..."Sometimes when we touch, the honesty is too much!!" A fresh jar of vasoline...toss the old dirty one in the trash..increase her allowance by agreeing to give her at least half the dough you spend on the hobby.She will forget about how bad you were...Make her feel like a princess....Hope this helps...

 

[leprofdodge]

The lesson here his...... never take any risk ! always think twice and make left no mistake behind.....

Dont do this from your computer at home or your cell. I do everything from my work..... So I wont never make a mistake....

Mistake = $$$$

 

[s_licker]

Sounds like you are speaking from experience, and I really appreciate your thoughts/insights. It going to be a long road, but I do want the marriage to succeed, however, the trust factor is huge. Taking words directly from her "I don't love you any less, or hate you, but I *do not* trust you".

First step, I will get an STD test done as a starting point and then work from there.

Thanks for the support.

Not quite speaking same spot you're in, but I have been there, done that with regards to lost trust and didn't rectify. Those are the things that could be done.

FYI, I'd be careful with the results of the STD test. My feeling is to have that in your pocket if needed, but don't come home waving it triumphantly...that may be counterproductive if she hadn't thought of that factor - though she likely has.

 

[bjsk90]

I second s_licker's question, "man, how did she find out?" Bills, bank account records, or did she just catch you someplace?

As for the advice about having a long sit-down and talking to her honestly? I don't think it's gonna matter how long and honest you are: she's gonna make you feel the pain. A long honest discussion really just means a long excruciating argument. As for the honesty part: she's not going to believe you're being honest ... afterall, you haven't been honest up until now. My suggestion, keep the answers short, when you let her grill you. Don't expect any logical discussions here, it's going to be 100% emotional.

 

[markvee]

The good thing is, she wants me to get my act together, and work things out.

I've never been married, but
I'd count myself lucky
and go with the flow,
meaning discuss only if she wants to discuss.

Sometimes more discussion = more restrictions.
Maybe she is looking for you to give up SP's now, but after further discussion, maybe she will be looking for you to give up SC's and online porn too.

In terms of engaging in any discussion that she may initiate, I believe that honesty is the best policy, but I've met one woman who would prefer lies and discreet hobbying. You know your own situation best.

Thanks for sharing.

I hope things work out okay for you and your SO.

 

[ottawaguy03]

agreed

My best advice would to be honest with her about why you started and offer to share your experiences with her, exploring your sexuality is not a bad thing - apologize to her when you are truly sorry (not just for getting caught) and invite her to experience a sensual massage herself (I know men and women willing) or even better, invite her to join you for a couple's massage. A couple that plays together, stays together...

totally agree. tell her what drove u to explore and maybe she is willing to work with your needs. it could be a blessing after all?

 

[toughb]

Now that is unique....

My best advice would to be honest with her about why you started and offer to share your experiences with her, exploring your sexuality is not a bad thing - apologize to her when you are truly sorry (not just for getting caught) and invite her to experience a sensual massage herself (I know men and women willing) or even better, invite her to join you for a couple's massage. A couple that plays together, stays together...

********************************

Honesty from a cheat!

Divorce that's your answer!

 

[riceking]

Make her feel important and give the best!!!Get a vintage bottle of Baby Duck 2007, put on the best music by the man, Dan Hill..."Sometimes when we touch, the honesty is too much!!" A fresh jar of vasoline...toss the old dirty one in the trash..increase her allowance by agreeing to give her at least half the dough you spend on the hobby.She will forget about how bad you were...Make her feel like a princess....Hope this helps...

ROTFLMAO!!!

 

[mrkay]

I love this place....lol.....you guys crack me up!!!

 

[ladez1st]

Kiss a big part of your pay cheque and half your pension (if you have one) good bye.

ROFLMAO if you really wanted your marriage to work you wouldn't be hobbying in the first place.

Actually F8, if you really want your marriage to work, you've got to fix whatever it is that led you to hobby. Paying penance and working hard to regain your wife's trust, but still being fundamentally unhappy in marriage, is not a formula for longterm bliss. She might eventually love you for no longer straying, but you'll soon resent her for whatever is lacking in the relationship. You gotta fix what's broke.

 

[AX_matic]

Well, it has happended. My wife has stumbled upon my hobby

How did she find out?

 

[OldNerd]

Simple advices about how to lie to you wife:

- Never lie about small staff, just big one;
- Never relay on you friends or other people to lie for you;
- Never admit that you lied;
- Don't use your home computer;
- Cell phone call could be tracked too;
- It depands on ones sex life, but keep the same pattern all the time, or fake headache

 

[fart]

Simple advices about how to lie to you wife:

-

Never lie about small staff, just big one

;
- Never relay on you friends or other people to lie for you;
- Never admit that you lied;
- Don't use your home computer;
- Cell phone call could be tracked too;
- It depands on ones sex life, but keep the same pattern all the time, or fake headache

"Yes Honey. Honestly I never put the big staff in anyone else."