Looking for advice and perspective.

[Jungleismassive]

I am relatively new to this game. Became involved when I found that I was not sexually fulfilled in my spousal relationship. In other words, I am not getting it at home. Approaching the ½ century mark as is my wife and she is disinterested in sex (at least with me J). I’ve discussed this predicament with a select few male friends and I don’t think that I am the only man of my age experiencing this problem. In most other respects I am quite happy in my relationship with my wife. She is intelligent, caring, accomplished professionally, a great mother, and a good friend. I do love her but frankly, I have now lost sexual interest in her. I don’t want to discuss the situation with her because I don’t think that by talking about it, my feelings are going to change and I think that she will be devastated.

I know that I could start a relationship with a woman and look for sexual fulfillment through an affair, but I have seen too many of my friends fall into this trap. Sneaking around in a secret affair has no appeal being too expensive emotionally and ultimately financially…a woman scorned, divorce lawyers, kids that hate you, pissed off relations, etc. It’s not for me.

Enter the SP…beautiful, articulate, and sexy as hell. She’s great in the sack and I feel like my old self again. Before meeting her I was going crazy, thinking about sex far too much and feeling very unfulfilled. I am not interested in sampling a lot of strange pussy. I simply would like to fill the sexual gap in my life by getting to know this SP on both a sexual and personal basis (more of a fuck buddy) but with few emotional strings. She doesn’t have to act with me. If she likes me--great, if she doesn’t and I sense this, I move on. I don’t mind that money is a big factor in our relationship. Show me any relationship that doesn’t come down to security on some level--and money provides a lot of personal security. I am generous with her and respectful of her as a person. STD’s are a serious consideration hence I prefer to know one woman who practices safe sex with A+ hygiene. Discretion is also paramount in this relationship.

I think that the arrangement seems to be working…great sex and conversation and she appears to be enjoying my company.

I am sure there are many people on this board who have been in a similar situation and have come up with a similar solution to their dilemma. Any advice or comments especially from people who have obtained a perspective over time would be appreciated.

 

[neverwas]

Ditto!
I suspect that a lot of us are in this hobby for similar reasons. I hope, for my sake too, it is really as sensible as you make it sound.
Having the occasional sexual adventure takes the pressure off at home, and, I think, may make your marriage more satisfying (or is this just a rationalization).
Although it might be nice to have a regular SP, the danger that I fear would be the possibility of you getting too involved emotionally with this new person. It might be emotionally safer to spread the joy around. Variety may be the spice of life.

 

[Perry Mason]

Yup, you are not alone. In fact, I believe it is men like you (and me!) in these kinds of situations that are the mainstay of this hobby and industry.

I think your approach is sound. Spend some time on the escorts section reading reviews and comments and look at the ads both here and elsewhere (Escorts Canada and Toronto Exotics, for example) to find someone who appeals to your tastes and likes, and then do some more research using the search function to get more information to see what suits you.

Considering your own age and the kind of relationship you are seeking, look at the so-called mature ladies -- those over 30 who will be able to stay with you, intellectually.

And don't overlook the "good" MP's: there is often quite a bit of what will satisfy your needs to be found there... and I am especially including in this group the well known TuiNa/Shiatsu experts (Shirley, Coco, Sabrina) because truly excellent massage will go a long way, IMHO, to satisfy your needs for the physical touching and nurturing that are probably missing in your life right now.

I don't mention agencies only because what they do is not legal and you may not want to go there... the same is true of in-calls. On the other hand, at least in Toronto, no one seems to pay too much attention to this fact.

One thing you should know: your profile makes you an ideal client for many quality ladies, so I don't think you will have too much trouble finding exactly what you are looking for once you get your bearings.

But be prepared for some disappointments before you find someone with whom you really click. There is no substitute for personal, flesh to flesh research.

I can think of several ladies that may be a fit for you and, I am sure, some of the "serious" hobbyists can name several more.... but my advice is to try it on your own and find out for yourself.

Good luck! Stay in touch and feel free to ask more questions....

Perry

 

[Ophelia Black]

I have yet to hear the the stereotypical "My wife doesn't understand me" bit. But what I do hear on a very regular basis is, "Thank God for you girls - you've saved my marriage."

They love their wives and families. They don't love that something in the marriage has changed, and they need more sexuality in their lives - often these gentlemen have married young, been faithful for 20 years+ but know that they are on the brink of having an affair.

They don't WANT an affair. The emotional bond they have with their partner is incredibly strong and of great value to them. But they need to express themselves sexually and are at a crossroads.

And that's where we come in, and I'm very glad to be able to help these gentlemen, and, indirectly, their spouses and families.

 

[shredder]

They don't WANT an affair. The emotional bond they have with their partner is incredibly strong and of great value to them. But they need to express themselves sexually and are at a crossroads.

Exactly. An affair is the last thing most of us are looking for. We have fulfilling "spousal" relationships with one exception and SP encounters allow us to address that need for sexual expression and excitement in a straightforward, uncomplicated manner. Unlike SP encounters, an affair creates expectations on both parts that can be too problematic over time if there is no intention of getting out of the existing relationship.

SP encounters are still the easy way out though. Ultimately the challenge for those willing to put in a little effort is to find out how to transfer the energy and excitement of said encounters back into your relationship. For some it's easier than others and if it does come back great, but by no means do I feel you need to eliminate the encounters all together.

 

[shack]

Good post Perry, although he made it sound to me at least, that he already found his gal.

BTW, is Della still available?

 

[Jacques_Offe]

opinion

Stick to the pros...they will do you...not DO you !!!