Is there something wrong with me? (possibly TMI in this thread)

[Aardvark154]

Fact of the matter is that not every guy can get aroused with a stranger.

For me it's always better when I'm with somebody I know and feel comfortable with. So one nighters were always difficult.

Also true.


Danintoronto, if none of the advise you have already been given "fits' you might what to get a referral to a specialist.

One of the nice things about being living in the vicinity of a city such as Toronto is that there are physicians who are specialists in this sort of thing.

 

[The Oracle]

Some guys need foreplay too apparently.

Unfortunately our perception of sex is skewed by the pornography we watch.

As Jenna Jamieson once said '' very few guys could be Peter North".

Also most guys are not honest with each other about there sex lives.

So the impression we get is that everybody is performing like a porn star when the reality is just the opposite.

 

[LoneSearcher]

Jenna Jameson is absolutely right..

..most of us -normal guys-can't perform in porn because it takes a certain personality(sexual exhibitionistic)withn cameramen,soundmen,staff,producer,director etc-despite all of us fantasizing about Christy Canyon,Seka,Keisha etc-in private as our girlfriend-YES,YES but not as such.The only 'one night stand'I've ever had was with a dancer from MDS(not take-out!) and it was unmemorable to say the least-I'm normally always raring to go but the mechanical not to say clinical setting and the woman's all-of-a-sudden-coldness-turned me off completely-add to it the anxiety, psycho-emotional reservations, possible consequences etc inhibited me totally.If all else is equal Daniintoronto (you're in good general health,no diseases ,no real psychological sexual problems etc)then like me your anxiety ,nervousness and perhaps apprehension of the whole situation inhibited you as it did me those years ago-there is nothing wrong with you.
Remember our best ,greatest sex organ is the brain-if it isn't comfortable then it will put the "brakes" on everything else-it's a protective mechanism.

 

[Iconic One]

Dan - maybe you're not a sport-fucker. You sound like you like to have relationships with women, not just bone them. That's not a bad thing - you are what you are. If you're choosing a sp, just be selective. Find the ones that are more giving, nurturing, hot. Start slow, talk with them, kiss them, carress them. Give both of you some time to warm up to each other. It'll feel more natural to you. Try doing a better job of reading the reviews to find your right one. There's lots of lovely women here and there's one for you too.

Listen, if a woman's not into me, I know it and my dick knows it. If you've had good sesxual relations with women in the past, don't worry about it. You're fine. Just think about what you liked about these women and seek that out in when making your next sp choice.

Oh, and don't rub one out 10 minutes before.

 

[GDLLover]

As others suggested you may not be a sport-fucker. You need to have some forplay to get you excited. I also have the same problem and found that I look for SPs that cater more to GFE where they are putting in that extra effort to give some passion to the session.

 

[blank_dave]

There's a lot of good advice above.

As others have said, if you think you can get it up without emotions being involved, there is something wrong with you. It's not a balloon you can blow up at will. You have to at least want to take the ol log to the beaver.

But I don't want you to think I'm picking on you...I posted up a similar thread about a month and a half ago, and I was describing similar problems. Difference was I was a virgin at 38. But I'd like to quote some advice from that thread...

A few generic advices, until you answer some of the relevant questions asked to you by other posters:

1. Sex is supposed to be about fun. Try keeping that in mind when you're naked with a hot chick.
2. If you're paying for it, it's not about her, it's about you. It doesn't mean that you get free license to act like a selfish ass, but it does mean that you shouldn't have to worry too much about "performing" or "pleasing her".
3. Do your research to find an experienced, somewhat dominant or assertive, friendly and easy-to-relate to SP who is well-known for being able to lead a session. As a general rule, I would favor an older (25 and above) over a younger lady until you have more control over your nerves.
4. Close your eyes. I know, you're missing part of the experience when you do that, but as a case of ADD myself, I find that closing my eyes help me relax and focus on what is being done to me without letting my brains go in 10 different directions.
5. If you can afford it, go for a two hours or longer appointment. This will give you enough time to chat a little bit and relax without having to worry too much about the clock running. It will also allow you to fuck some, laugh some, talk some, fuck some more, quick rinse, more fucking, more talking and laugh, etc. When the clock is not ticking at you, it's easier to relax and enjoy your time for what it is, instead of making it about the SOG.

What she told me in private later is none of your business.

Take what you will from the above. Myself, I've taken quite a bit of her advice to heart. I wish I could be as dirty as her, but alas...

Also the longer sessions help. I'll be honest, I can't fuck that long, plain and simple. To paraphrase Gen "chat, fool around, fuck, rinse and repeat in desired order." If the fuck isn't happening, just chat and fool around some more...It'll come.

Now some of the guys have commented on the emotional attachment issue. If you think you're having a hard time "doing a stranger." See if you can contact her in advance, be it via email, PM, what ever, and just talk to her. Get to know her a bit. I did it with one SP (who knows who she is, but I don't want to flood her inbox even more), and am doing it with another. It helps you relax because she isn't quite the stranger she used to be...And the same applies to you for her.

Seeing as I'm being annoyed, I'll have to leave it at that.

 

[tboy]

Good points there dave but something to consider is the financial aspect. Many aren't comfortable paying $250.00 an hour just to chat or to book longer appointments. Dont' get me wrong, talking with the ladies is great and a great warm up but really, if I wanted to chat, I'd call up a couple of female friends lol.

Now if one has a 6 figure bank account balance, sure have at it but I think the OP was alluding to the fact that he would like to be able to fuck on demand.

Putting the actual reasons aside, (be them physical, psychological or whatever) if that is truly what he wants, then there is a simple solution.

Back to the condom issue: as much as gen can't understand it, even with gf's when I had to use a condom is really takes a LOT of the fun out of the equation. I equate it to caressing a woman's nipple with an ovenmitt on. Not quite the same thing. Now I know it is a necessity of an active sex life but for 20 yrs I suffered from limpus dickus due to condoms and every since I went on ED drugs, sex has become amazing again. Now I don't have to concentrate on getting and maintaining a woodie, I can let nature take its course and enjoy all the other sensations.

 

[blank_dave]

Good points there dave but something to consider is the financial aspect. Many aren't comfortable paying $250.00 an hour just to chat or to book longer appointments. Dont' get me wrong, talking with the ladies is great and a great warm up but really, if I wanted to chat, I'd call up a couple of female friends lol.

Now if one has a 6 figure bank account balance, sure have at it but I think the OP was alluding to the fact that he would like to be able to fuck on demand.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that and I'm in the same boat as well. But I've found it helps me. I don't think I could fuck on demand myself, I've got to get warmed up as well.

 

[Danintoronto]

Thanks for all the kind advice everyone. Just knowing that others out there are experiencing similar issues is going to help me deal with it. As others have pointed out, it could be a variety of things, most likely the ones I suspected to begin with:

No emotional attachment
Frequent masturbation (though I don't the day of a session, I pretty much rub one out every day of the week)
Overthinking the situation

I don't think I want to start taking a pill at this point in my life since I'm concerned I will form a dependency on it and then have trouble performing without it even in situations where otherwise I wouldn't have had a problem.

I think I'm just going to quit this 'hobby' for a good long while, though that's probably easier said than done.

Thanks again, everyone.

 

[Hiding]

Thanks for all the kind advice everyone. Just knowing that others out there are experiencing similar issues is going to help me deal with it. As others have pointed out, it could be a variety of things, most likely the ones I suspected to begin with:

No emotional attachment
Frequent masturbation (though I don't the day of a session, I pretty much rub one out every day of the week)
Overthinking the situation

I don't think I want to start taking a pill at this point in my life since I'm concerned I will form a dependency on it and then have trouble performing without it even in situations where otherwise I wouldn't have had a problem.

I think I'm just going to quit this 'hobby' for a good long while, though that's probably easier said than done.

Thanks again, everyone.

Best of luck Dan

 

[LoneSearcher]

All the best to you Dani...

after some more introspection I have come to the conclusion that I too,am also not "sportfucker" and it's not a bad thing at all-just that we are all different and valid in our own way.I guess that's why I enjoy the stripclub experience-when it's good that is-I feel in control,I feel "chemistry clicking' with that certain girl,I have that 'buildup",-now quite often I do wish that certain dancer I "clicked" with can go home with me/or to hotel and have that wild night of mutual passion...but it most likely not going to happen so keep your perspective and NOTHING beats a good real,relationship(in all spheres-physical,emotional ans psychological)if you got a "good thing"-don't fuck it up.

 

[Blue-Spheroid]

I consider myself a very sexual person - I'm think about sex all the time, which is why sometimes I give in and see an escort.

I think there may be a clue to your reaction in this sentence in your original post.

If you feel that seeing an SP is "giving in" to your sexual desires, you may be approaching the encounter feeling like you've let yourself down and - what do you know - it becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

I believe that this hobby can be enjoyed responsibly and in a healthy frame of mind but it's not for everyone or for every situation. An encounter with an SP is not a replacement for an emotional relationship; it's a guilt-free, no strings intimate encounter of a completely separate sort. Many rookie hobbyists have gotten into trouble over the years because they blurred the line between the hobby and mainstream life (and started to get emotional feelings for their providers).

It sounds like you'd prefer a traditional girlfriend but are settling for an SP because you're unattached at the moment. If this is how you feel, I'd suggest that an SP is not what you're looking for right now so it's not really a shock that your body and mind are not really into it.

Perhaps you can try the massage angle of the hobby if you're looking for a skillful and intimate release. That may work better for you because it's more clearly NOT a date.

 

[blank_dave]

I can see where both Dan and LS are coming from, and I wish you the best of luck in the directions you choose. And I can empathize with their choice as well, as I also feel "this isn't for me" It doesn't feel right. (Ok, it feels great, but you know what I mean) But like Holden Caulfield, I have to figure out what I'm looking for. (Thanks, Brill) So in the mean time I guess I'll stick with "hobbying," at least until moddin' season starts again.

 

[mmmhungry]

to OP:

I'm 27 and have had many similar experiences as you.
Never had this problem in my civilian life (with my current SO and previous) so had me worried the first few times it happened while seeing an SP.

I'm def young, workout religiously, stay active etc...
To tell you the truth, I don't know what the problem is.

For me it's just an anxiety to perform and more importantly paying for sexual experience. I know it's hard not to think about it but the more you think softer your dick gets.

Just remember dude, you are just there to have fun. lie back relax and watch a lovely lady nibling on your cock.

 

[Tip-Drill]

........Back to the condom issue: as much as gen can`t understand it, even with gf`s when I had to use a condom is really takes a LOT of the fun out of the equation. I equate it to caressing a woman`s nipple with an ovenmitt on. Not quite the same thing. Now I know it is a necessity of an active sex life but for 20 yrs I suffered from limpus dickus due to condoms and every since I went on ED drugs, sex has become amazing again. Now I don`t have to concentrate on getting and maintaining a woodie, I can let nature take its course and enjoy all the other sensations.

The following condom sensation poll from 2007 may be of relevance in the present context:

https://terb.cc/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=158373