To answer your question, we are early 40's, been married 16 years. We have a daughter that started high school.
I'd be agreeable to that!!! just sayin'
Is there a right time for the divorce talk?
- Thread starter renuck
- Start date
Be ready for a very painful experience. You might see that nice person turn into the most vile vindictive and greedy person you can imagine. The desire for revenge can be incredibly powerful.
I would try the marriage counseling route first, if it does.not work or she is not interested then see if she will agree to a mediator.
The first thing the lawyers will do is get your financials then get together to see how much they can take you for.
If you are a man in Canada, you have to understand the deck is stacked against you regarding fair treatment in divorce. Even if you have a pre nup.
The divorce industry is a multi billion dollar business. Don't expect to get fair treatment in Canadian family courts.
I would try the marriage counseling route first, if it does.not work or she is not interested then see if she will agree to a mediator.
The first thing the lawyers will do is get your financials then get together to see how much they can take you for.
If you are a man in Canada, you have to understand the deck is stacked against you regarding fair treatment in divorce. Even if you have a pre nup.
The divorce industry is a multi billion dollar business. Don't expect to get fair treatment in Canadian family courts.
Copy that. I too am in my mid fifties, and I married in the mid 1990's. Marriages have their ups and downs. If the kids are small you have to cut your wife some slack. For me, the first several years were good, then they were not so good. At 50 I spoke to one of my male relatives, several years divorced, and he asked me lots of questions. At the end of our conversation he basically said I should give my head a shake.To the OP,
I share my own experience with you,too. I'm in my late 50's. Married for 30 years. The first 10 years was wonderful with kids and all. Then, the middle 10 years was hell! Lots of infightings and hatred. The last ten years to the present? I can't ask for a better partnership as we grow old together. LOL!
The point here is that you can't take the forum seriously with whatever you planned to do with your future. I was in a similar situation like you. Spent a lot of times 'thinking' of how to divorce the right way, or spent times on the internet and talked to people for advices on divorce. Then, lo and behold it hit me that I SPENT so much times TRYING TO DESTROY A MARRIAGE. Why can't I spend the same amount of time to SAVE my marriage? So, I guess you want to be honest to yourself why don't you want to 'being married'? Will you remarry after divorce? You also mentioned that she is great and all. What's the itch to get out? Happiness being single again? Be careful for what you wish for. The grass is not always greener on the other side,imho.
Perhaps,can you ask her for a separation if all things failed? See, if you can survive without your wife and kids? I would keep the lawyers away as long as I can if I were you. Can't stand the thought of them sucking all of my hard earned money!
Also, many years ago I read a feature article in Toronto Life about the trials and tribulations of life in the city. It profiled several families that lived in the city, then sold their homes and moved outside the city. I remember that besides reaping a financial windfall, one of the couple's home life and marriage improved, for the reason that they no longer had to cope with living in the city- mainly traffic and what it does to people. Perhaps you or your wife are one of the people that apart from work and sleep, spends more time in your car than anything else, not just driving to work and back, but also driving the kids around to their piano lessons etc. This is not good, and it puts a strain on yourself and on your marriage. As for me, the last several years have been good, both of my kids are in uni, so they are out of the house, and mainly we are retired so there is no outside stressors. The sex is 'meh' but it's not as much of a priority as it was. Wifey looks after me in every other way. Furthermore, many researchers have found that middle age is a time when people are least happy- probably because kids are teens and parents are thinking about their future, your job can be stressful, and lots of other reasons I'm sure. Try to make it through this period. Life does get better. I'm sure you have heard this many times, but it's still true- work on yourself. If your marriage is not dysfunctional, then put on your game face and make it work.
P.S. I remember a comedian joking (?) to his friends- "now that I'm married I can get laid all the time." Then after his divorce he said "now that I'm divorced I can get laid all the time."
To answer your question, we are early 40's, been married 16 years. We have a daughter that started high school.
I was a bit older but had kids later so mine were 14 and pre-teen when we separated with my eldest finished high school by the time the divorce was finalized. Your daughter is definitely old enough that I would bet she knows all about the problems. Kids can sense when things are not right. From my experience, my kids were much happier after the separation because they got quality time with each of us vs mediocre or tense, forced times when we were together. Even vacations were more fun. One tip: if you go the divorce route try to insulate your daughter from all the BS which will occur. Eg: no matter how pissed off I was at my FUCKING INSANE ex-wife, I never complained or badmouthed her in front of my kids. And if my ex tried, they were old enough and smart enough to dismiss it. Hopefully your wife is wise about this too.
My marriage was over 20 years - 15 of those were good. If I'm honest - I will have to admit that I hobbied throughout. I'm not going to pretend that was good - but I had the means and the opportunity and can say that the impact on my marriage was minimal. My ex and I had a very healthy sex life - it was totally my problem - I've always had trouble with monogamy and I worked in a very high stress job and sometimes just needed an outlet for the adrenaline. There was nothing emotional and it was all about sex. I do think I'm a good Dad though and honestly had way more of a parental influence on my kids than my ex, who wasn't really crazy about the "Mom" role. So even though there was a physical attraction, certain things just started to bug me and eventually my ex felt the same about me. When that happens, there is no going back. In hindsight, I should have cut the separation time by at least half, not bothered with the attempts to reconcile, and moved forward with the divorce maybe 2 or 3 years earlier than I did. And now that I know how adversarial the entire process was - I would have tried to settle asap, even if it cost more than it ended up costing (which was a lot). That would have saved about 3 years of unnecessary stress which is priceless in hindsight.
You are going through a mid life crisis! Your current life situation mirrored mine when I was your age,lol. My daughter was also starting high school. Today, she is a university grad and with a full time job. My wife and I are empty nesters so the sex is back to 'steamy' like it was during our honeymoon phase. Don't forget that you need to pay attention to changes from your wife,too. She is definetely going toward menopause. And, you know what happened when women experienced menopause. If you valued your marriage and believed in having both parents for your daughter sake,you should hang in this thing a bit longer just like what happened to me at your age. Good luck!To answer your question, we are early 40's, been married 16 years. We have a daughter that started high school.
I'd be agreeable to that!!! just sayin'
