Is it possible for a provider to develop feelings for a client?

[CasualHobbyist25]

In my experience, lots of women have romantic lives outside of this they won’t disclose for obvious reasons. They have boyfriends. They have friends with benefits. They deal with rejection just like everyone else. They have a real life. The escort client life is an illusion. It’s all play and no responsibility. You get to have great sex and perhaps pleasant conversations with some. We might develop a true connection with some of them because we’re human. We might start liking them and they may feel something for us(rare), but at the end of the day we are just a number to them. If they like us, they think we’re pleasant enough to be in their company and get paid for it. Both parties need to respect boundaries and treat this for what it is. Enjoy yourself, make good memories, and most importantly don’t catch feelings.
I say this as someone who’s seen more women in this industry that I can count( not proud of it). I’ve fallen in love with them before. I’ve gotten to know them on a personal level. This is the reality.

 

[CasualHobbyist25]

Another thing I should add. Most escorts will never admit to this. But they get addicted to this lifestyle because it allows them to spend time with men who obsess over them and treat them like princesses while getting paid. But behind the scenes they’re out there dating men in their personal lives who never value or respect them but they enjoy the chase. Even when they do find someone genuine they find it very hard to give up this life because to them this is “just a job”. They keep their clients and boyfriends separate. Neither knows about the other. They have double lives. I could write books and do podcasts on my experiences and what I’ve learned. Most lessons learned due to my own naivety but I learned at a young age and I’m smarter for it. Unfortunately this life is not something I can discuss in public. Ultimately this game is a losing game. You lose time and money. It’s only worth it if the fun is worth the money to you, you can afford it, you don’t get addicted, and feelings don’t get involved.

 

[Bootysmasher]

Bottom line is go see them for fun and that’s it. If you do catch feelings for one then stop seeing them and see the countless other ones. If you get your feelings in check go see the one “you loved” after. Relationships are more than sex. How can you fall in love with someone you don’t know? When you know a woman’s personality, character traits, body and sex is a bonus.

 

[Bootysmasher]

Although I may not have much experience with this hobby, I would never let this to happen to me lol. Love or any feelings just cant come when I can't get past the fact that she's seeing multiple men throughout the week. I understand if someone has a cuck fetish but hope it's common sense to keep feelings separate from this hobby.

Unless you’re both exclusive SPs are still human to. But if they’re banging other guys everyday of the week there’s no reason to be in a relationship. Plus isn’t the main thing you want in a relationship sex? If a girl doesn’t fuck you but she’s a nice girl you’d leave unless you’re her doormat and put her on a pedestal. Yes those guys exist

 

[hawktoulover]

It’s all about money, mate. If you’ve got it, you can have any girl you want. Nobody cares about your looks or hobbies and if you’re raised right and she’s into you, the attraction’s there and she’ll give you her best for a while. But if you’ve got money, my friend, suddenly time has no limits.



“Successful men are rare, beautiful girls are everywhere.”

 

[Muchadoaboutnothing]

Bottom line is go see them for fun and that’s it. If you do catch feelings for one then stop seeing them and see the countless other ones. If you get your feelings in check go see the one “you loved” after. Relationships are more than sex. How can you fall in love with someone you don’t know? When you know a woman’s personality, character traits, body and sex is a bonus.

My friend fell for one of the ladies and he then decided to have a a duo happen in the middle of a seven hour with the one he loved to see if she would get jealous of the other lady lol and then they would have angry passionate sex after she left.

 

[Valcazar]

Trust me, we're much better as a fantasy, muse and escape than a long term partner.

To be fair, so are most people.
Real people are complicated and messy.
There is a reason fantasies are fantasies.

 

[MatureMan]

My experience:

Pros:
- Sex
- Free stuff: The girls I've dealt with were always buying me gifts and food

Cons:
- Some sort of mental illness (most of the time severe)
- Hate men
- Everything is transactional even if its your attention (their currency if you get past not paying)
- Trauma dumping (childhood/ex bf trauma)
- Substance abuse (if drugs/alcohol weren't actively used, they were used heavily in the past and they're paying for it presently)
- Clinginess - Could be a pro for some lol (girls did not have many friends (one had no friends at all), not even in the industry because there were conflict between other SPs (It can get very nasty between some girls)
- They're super lonely. (This profession is lonely).

Again, this is my experience. You also gotta remind yourself that when you're seeing a SW, you're only getting a version of them. They're in character. Keep it professional and don't kill the fantasy for yourself. And bro don't ever bring up seeing her outside of work, if she wants to she'll bring it up herself. If they're not pursuing you, don't even bother.

So I agree in everything you say here. I’ve had an experience with an SP outside the “business”. Though I was probably lucky that she did not have an attitude of using me for my money and our time together felt really natural.
I was also extremely wonderful to her. Of course it ended , for various reasons (many of which are typical of any emotional women). I will say one thing, I think these girls are so sad. Their lives are a mess to begin with. What you see in the session is a show, a performance, and when doing it over and over again, causes burn out , which leads to a more messy life. They are in a vicious cycle between financial survival and mental well being. Add substance abuse, you got a recipe for disaster. This is why reading reviews makes me feel even worse for these girls, but I get why we are all here. It’s all a fucken train wreck.

 

[Forbiddenone]

I’ve been seeing a regular for the past 19 years… I realize that’s a bit out of the norm because providers come and go. She’s a great girl and we always have a good time together. I’ve found that over the years the barriers have come down, so we talk about more personal things simply because we’ve known one another for so long.

She’s been officially out of the industry for a long time, married with kids etc, but she continues to see me regardless. I’d say we’ve formed a very nice business friendship over the years. We obviously like one another as people and it’s usually just a text like hey, do you want to hang out for a bit? When we make arrangements to meet. At the heart of it, it’s a symbiotic relationship which has outlasted all of my civilization ones! lol I get what I want, and she gets what she wants. It’s just some harmless fun all the way around.

However, I’ve never once thought of it being anymore than what it is. In my 25 years plus as a hobbyist, I’ve only heard of real relationships forming between a client and provider a handful of times. We’re all human of course, but just remain cognizant of the environment in which the interaction started before you get too carried away. Put it to you like this, you might really enjoy talking to your plumber… Hell, you might even invite him over for a beer and a bbq while you watch the game if you’ve gotten chummy. Just remember though… he’ll still charge you to fix your toilet!

19 years is longer than most relationships and even marriages. Don't downgrade what you have because it reads like something well above even soulmate territory. You just described something higher level than those supposed "real" relationships. Chances are both of you know more about the other than anyone in the world. Chances are it will be perpetual.

 

[rhuarc29]

Yes, it's possible. I started seeing a lady off-the-clock frequently, though for a time I also maintained on-the-clock time as well. Then when she retired, we continued seeing one another off-the-clock. Things only deteriorated because it was obvious I didn't want more, and she wanted to find a husband. That said, I think such arrangements are rare. We got there only because we had insane chemistry, I was willing to have deep talk on my dime, and she was willing to continue said talk after the clock ran out, so it was a mutual exchange.

Much more likely than genuine affection is the use of a pseudo relationship as a tool to extract more money. Not every provider is immoral enough to do this. Though many will not see it as immoral, even though they're intentionally deceiving the guy. A LOT of guys fall into this trap. It's a huge money maker for the ladies, but also has the potential for very negative consequences.

There's a third option middle ground where a provider enjoys spending time with you, but wouldn't bother if she wasn't getting money out of the equation. You're just preferred over some of her other clients. She may also allow you to take her out on shopping trips, or dinners, or other events...provided you are paying. But would not do these things with you without you opening your wallet.

 

[lunaseraphim]

Since I already participated in this conversation I'll add to it.. One person is saying that women in this industry are unwell. I don't really like entertaining this stereotype.. Okay, let's say it isn't false, but that's true for a lot of other industries. I can also say the same thing about a lot of clients, and I mean that in a sincerely empathic way. I think that some guys who view this as a hobby have a sex addiction and are using this to escape. Other guys will hire an escort or see multiple SP's during a difficult time of their lives or when they are lonely, which can create misunderstandings depending on the state of their mental health, the type of information that's being fed to them etc. If you are a lonely client and you go on a review board on which men are bragging about hanging out with SP for free, maybe you'll get your hopes up...

I do agree that a provider who ''plays along'' and pretends to be in love with a client to get more money isn't doing something great ultimately.. But we are selling a fantasy. We either sell the pornstar fantasy, or the girlfriend fantasy. Clients have to understand that we are providing a service. I will never pretend that I'm in a relationship with a client or lead him on in order to get more money out of him, but what you need to know is that often when clients ''develop feelings'' for providers, they don't actually want to pay more most of the time.. They usually want to pay less, or they want more attention for free. I have a lot of long dates with clients that actually feel like civ dates, but I can tell the client knows what he's doing. He's paying me for my time and to enjoy himself with someone like me. He doesn't have the hope of developing a relationship with me outside of this.

If a client can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality anymore, that isn't really my fault. I do tend to bring some clients back down to earth sometimes if I feel like they are getting carried away and I break the fourth wall a bit. A lot of clients don't mind that.. Otherwise, I don't feel like it's fair to put the blame on an escort if a client lies to himself so much and goes above and beyond to convince himself that this is going to become an actual romantic relationship...

One of the reasons why I don't want to develop a friendship with a client anymore is exactly because in my experience it ruins their fantasy about escorts and about the industry. When I've talked to men who partake about the challenges I face, they are often disappointed, sometimes they express feelings of guilt or anger. Kinda like when we talk about negative aspects of the business, clients think we are complaining about ALL OF THEM and trying to guilt them for hiring providers, when that isn't the point at all.. The goal is to share our side of the experience so that people have more awareness and so that this experience can become better for everyone else involved

 

[lunaseraphim]

To be fair, so are most people.
Real people are complicated and messy.
There is a reason fantasies are fantasies.

Here we go. You got it. This isn't just about providers.. I feel like people generally tend to prefer a fantasy instead of getting to know somebody for real, particularly if the person is physically attractive. Even with civ dating I find that really often people will create an image of who they want you to be, in their minds, and project it onto you. Having had a lot of these experiences, I am better at understanding what's expected of me as an escort. But it's important to remember that behind the branding of the SP you see, there is a complex individual and you aren't necessarily seeing everything.

 

[drlove]

19 years is longer than most relationships and even marriages. Don't downgrade what you have because it reads like something well above even soulmate territory. You just described something higher level than those supposed "real" relationships. Chances are both of you know more about the other than anyone in the world. Chances are it will be perpetual.

Thanks, I think you’re right. What I enjoy the most is the fact that it’s 100% honest - no pretense. It is what it is, and we both know it lol. What’s more, we don’t care! It’s like giving the middle finger to convention, so to speak. That’s more real to me than a marriage in which you both swore to have your backs that ends in a bitter divorce. (Which by the way, will cost you more than seeing escorts by far).

Either way, you’re paying so why not just be upfront about it to begin with? We both have our reasons for being there and choose to stay of our own accord. That’s what freedom is. I didn’t exactly plan that, but it’s funny how life works out sometimes… She’s the one constant in my life, and will continue to be…

 

[rhuarc29]

If a client can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality anymore, that isn't really my fault.

That may be true in your case, but there are plenty of escorts who exploit a vulnerability (such as loneliness) using deceit to extract more money. In that case, partial blame would fall on them. But that's not just true of escorts. Twitch streamers often do the same thing. They leverage the pseudo-relationship to extract more money even when there's clearly something slimy about what they're doing. Heck, I won't even watch Twitch anymore because it makes me severely uncomfortable to read and hear the supplicant comments by viewers begging for some attention. There's an attention epidemic in the world right now, and I just can't get behind people who take advantage of it.

This, of course, makes me far more admirable of the people who don't take advantage of it, like yourself, who establish and maintain those boundaries, rather than purposefully make it a grey area full of pitfalls for the client.

It would be fascinating to know the motivations of the client base and why they engage in this industry. Most would profess they're looking for sexual experiences or variety that they can't otherwise get in their life circumstance, but I suspect the percentage of clients who do it because they are lonely or starved for attention is much higher than self-reported.

 

[lunaseraphim]

That may be true in your case, but there are plenty of escorts who exploit a vulnerability (such as loneliness) using deceit to extract more money. In that case, partial blame would fall on them. But that's not just true of escorts. Twitch streamers often do the same thing. They leverage the pseudo-relationship to extract more money even when there's clearly something slimy about what they're doing. Heck, I won't even watch Twitch anymore because it makes me severely uncomfortable to read and hear the supplicant comments by viewers begging for some attention. There's an attention epidemic in the world right now, and I just can't get behind people who take advantage of it.

This, of course, makes me far more admirable of the people who don't take advantage of it, like yourself, who establish and maintain those boundaries, rather than purposefully make it a grey area full of pitfalls for the client.

It would be fascinating to know the motivations of the client base and why they engage in this industry. Most would profess they're looking for sexual experiences or variety that they can't otherwise get in their life circumstance, but I suspect the percentage of clients who do it because they are lonely or starved for attention is much higher than self-reported.

My question for you is, how do you know this? How do you know that escorts are exploiting a vulnerability using deceit, and that this isn't the narrative you've been told by certain guys you talk to online? I'm not saying that everyone in the sex industry is the same person and I know some don't have the best intentions. I think ultimately, many girls also get exploited by clients and it's unfair to just say we're the villains in these situations. I know a few escorts who were seduced by clients and ended up dating them, only to be in an abusive dynamic and no longer having a source of income.

Also, sometimes clients are just plain delusional. I've often met clients who called their sugar babies, escorts they were seeing and strippers they paid to hang out with ''their girlfriends''. A common thread between a few of these stories is that these women wanted out of the industry, and were offered a very minimal income to hang out with these men on a regular basis. I've also heard a lot of men say that ''there was ambiguity'' and they were taken advantage of and heart broken by a sex worker who ''blurred lines'', but often in my experience clients are the ones who start pushing for these blurred lines.. Someone told me they love me they other day. What am I supposed to say to that? Did I lead him to believe it was reciprocal? Absolutely not. I am just good at what I do, and it's not my fault if someone is confused by that.

There is someone above who say we ''get addicted to princess treatment'' meanwhile ''men in our personal lives treat us like shit''. That is BECAUSE what he views as princess treatment is a fantasy that guys are willing to pay for and indulge in, even if some clients don't get this. ''Treating a hot girl like a princess'' is actually a kink that some guys have, they are doing it for themselves. The dinner dates, gifts, champagne and all of that only are there because it's a fantasy and they are perks of a job that ultimately take a lot more energy and skills to do than most clients will ever understand. We know very well that the vast majority of people won't treat somebody they are dating like this. That's also why the client-provider relationship becoming romantic may not work..

If while escorting I met a really wealthy guy who can afford taking me on dates and helping me make my life a bit easier, and started dating him outside of it and not being paid officially.. I would be really weirded out if suddenly as a power move he decided to just be cheap with me. This is also something that has happened when I tried to date a client before. When I told him he didn't have to pay me anymore and he wasn't my client, at first he was super sweet, took me on car rides, took me out to eat, asked me how I was doing.. I'm not saying he was spending thousands of dollars on me, but he was acting in a way that you'd want someone you are starting to date, to act. Yet he stopped acting that way very fast. Eventually I was the one paying his meals when I saw him, and he just started taking everything out on me.. his frustration with work, with his social life etc. I was barely considered anymore and he expressed resentment for having done all of this for me in the first place, which is really unfair.

I think a lot of men don't realize that while it's easy for women to find sex and short term relationships, it's actually really hard to meet somebody who will treat you well and want to stick around. As a woman I'm not asking for all kinds of superficial criteria like the person being rich and looking like a 6' tall super model with a giant dick, a huge house and a luxury car. Most of us want someone who we have things in common with, someone we're attracted to, who we will connect with emotionally and who will actually be kind to us and try to understand. On dating apps, sure I can find guys who want hook ups.. They may or may not be honest about it, many of them are not. But the vast majority of the time these guys want to go to the park with a cheap beer, they don't want a relationship and they don't want anything other than sex. So it's understandable that some escorts find comfort in being well treated and even spoiled by their clients.. Just remember that there is a lot of work behind it. A teacher who gets Christmas presents from her student worked very hard. Even if she got expensive perfume and makeup and candy from her students, she isn't working for the gifts, these are perks.

 

[Trevor Wong]

My question for you is, how do you know this? How do you know that escorts are exploiting a vulnerability using deceit, and that this isn't the narrative you've been told by certain guys you talk to online? I'm not saying that everyone in the sex industry is the same person and I know some don't have the best intentions. I think ultimately, many girls also get exploited by clients and it's unfair to just say we're the villains in these situations. I know a few escorts who were seduced by clients and ended up dating them, only to be in an abusive dynamic and no longer having a source of income.

Also, sometimes clients are just plain delusional. I've often met clients who called their sugar babies, escorts they were seeing and strippers they paid to hang out with ''their girlfriends''. A common thread between a few of these stories is that these women wanted out of the industry, and were offered a very minimal income to hang out with these men on a regular basis. I've also heard a lot of men say that ''there was ambiguity'' and they were taken advantage of and heart broken by a sex worker who ''blurred lines'', but often in my experience clients are the ones who start pushing for these blurred lines.. Someone told me they love me they other day. What am I supposed to say to that? Did I lead him to believe it was reciprocal? Absolutely not. I am just good at what I do, and it's not my fault if someone is confused by that.

There is someone above who say we ''get addicted to princess treatment'' meanwhile ''men in our personal lives treat us like shit''. That is BECAUSE what he views as princess treatment is a fantasy that guys are willing to pay for and indulge in, even if some clients don't get this. ''Treating a hot girl like a princess'' is actually a kink that some guys have, they are doing it for themselves. The dinner dates, gifts, champagne and all of that only are there because it's a fantasy and they are perks of a job that ultimately take a lot more energy and skills to do than most clients will ever understand. We know very well that the vast majority of people won't treat somebody they are dating like this. That's also why the client-provider relationship becoming romantic may not work..

If while escorting I met a really wealthy guy who can afford taking me on dates and helping me make my life a bit easier, and started dating him outside of it and not being paid officially.. I would be really weirded out if suddenly as a power move he decided to just be cheap with me. This is also something that has happened when I tried to date a client before. When I told him he didn't have to pay me anymore and he wasn't my client, at first he was super sweet, took me on car rides, took me out to eat, asked me how I was doing.. I'm not saying he was spending thousands of dollars on me, but he was acting in a way that you'd want someone you are starting to date, to act. Yet he stopped acting that way very fast. Eventually I was the one paying his meals when I saw him, and he just started taking everything out on me.. his frustration with work, with his social life etc. I was barely considered anymore and he expressed resentment for having done all of this for me in the first place, which is really unfair.

I think a lot of men don't realize that while it's easy for women to find sex and short term relationships, it's actually really hard to meet somebody who will treat you well and want to stick around. As a woman I'm not asking for all kinds of superficial criteria like the person being rich and looking like a 6' tall super model with a giant dick, a huge house and a luxury car. Most of us want someone who we have things in common with, someone we're attracted to, who we will connect with emotionally and who will actually be kind to us and try to understand. On dating apps, sure I can find guys who want hook ups.. They may or may not be honest about it, many of them are not. But the vast majority of the time these guys want to go to the park with a cheap beer, they don't want a relationship and they don't want anything other than sex. So it's understandable that some escorts find comfort in being well treated and even spoiled by their clients.. Just remember that there is a lot of work behind it. A teacher who gets Christmas presents from her student worked very hard. Even if she got expensive perfume and makeup and candy from her students, she isn't working for the gifts, these are perks.

Hi Luna, first of all I have to give you a compliment. You write very well. In my opinion, this hobby is very tough for guys who aren't wealthy. A guy can save $400/hr over a couple of months, and get to be with an attractive SP. The problem is the guy feels a lot of pressure to perform, especially if he's not married or in a relationship, or not even dating. Therefore, he's not used to being around a woman, especially, an attractive one. Therefore, I can see why some guys might get clingy with an sp, as they don't know any better.

I guess the point of my post, is to illustrate things from a guy's prospective. On the one hand this hobby gives you hope, if you can cobble together $400/hr. A guy can be unemployed and still see an SP, if he can come up with the $400. On the other hand, once the hour is over, he's back to square one.

 

[iceberglemon]

Hi Luna, first of all I have to give you a compliment. You write very well. In my opinion, this hobby is very tough for guys who aren't wealthy. A guy can save $400/hr over a couple of months, and get to be with an attractive SP. The problem is the guy feels a lot of pressure to perform, especially if he's not married or in a relationship, or not even dating. Therefore, he's not used to being around a woman, especially, an attractive one. Therefore, I can see why some guys might get clingy with an sp, as they don't know any better.

I guess the point of my post, is to illustrate things from a guy's prospective. On the one hand this hobby gives you hope, if you can cobble together $400/hr. A guy can be unemployed and still see an SP, if he can come up with the $400. On the other hand, once the hour is over, he's back to square one.

Going out on a tangent here, but just want to state that this hobby really isn’t for anyone who needs to “cobble together” the cash needed to see an SP.

The money spent for an hour of pleasure should really be allocated to something that can bring longer-term benefit or simply saved.

 

[lunaseraphim]

Hi Luna, first of all I have to give you a compliment. You write very well. In my opinion, this hobby is very tough for guys who aren't wealthy. A guy can save $400/hr over a couple of months, and get to be with an attractive SP. The problem is the guy feels a lot of pressure to perform, especially if he's not married or in a relationship, or not even dating. Therefore, he's not used to being around a woman, especially, an attractive one. Therefore, I can see why some guys might get clingy with an sp, as they don't know any better.

I guess the point of my post, is to illustrate things from a guy's prospective. On the one hand this hobby gives you hope, if you can cobble together $400/hr. A guy can be unemployed and still see an SP, if he can come up with the $400. On the other hand, once the hour is over, he's back to square one.

I know this is an expensive service to pay for, but nobody ''deserves it'', not even me. Seeing an escort is a luxury. If you don't think this is good for you, then don't save the money to see an escort.. Also, none of us are putting any pressure for you to perform. We're here to give you a good experience as long as you respect our boundaries and as long as you treat us well. Nobody is judging you on ''performance''. I don't really know what point you're trying to make, but I appreciate the compliment.

I understand why men pay for escorting services and I'm glad I can bring joy in some people's lives, I really am.. I just don't think this is something that people are entitled to. I understand that some guys might get clingy, but they should not play victims. It's not like we twisted their arms to purchase our services. I don't go out of my way to try to convince men to pay for bookings. They just reach out. There's a demand for it and I'm not forcing anybody to be my client.. However, while I do have a responsibility to not make false promises, clients have to be realistic.

 

[lunaseraphim]

Going out on a tangent here, but just want to state that this hobby really isn’t for anyone who needs to “cobble together” the cash needed to see an SP.

The money spent for an hour of pleasure should really be allocated to something that can bring longer-term benefit or simply saved.

It's all about priorities. I don't judge people who save up their money to see me, and it's flattering that they do.. But I also think that the service we offer as escorts is a luxury. It's not like paying rent, buying food, paying your bills, etc.. It really isn't, despite how some people make it sound

 

[Trevor Wong]

I know this is an expensive service to pay for, but nobody ''deserves it''. Seeing an escort is a luxury. If you don't think this is good for you, then don't save the money to see an escort.. Also, none of us are putting any pressure for you to perform. We're here to give you a good experience as long as you respect our boundaries and as long as you treat us well. Nobody is judging you on ''performance''. I don't really know what point you're trying to make, but I appreciate the compliment.

I understand why men pay for escorting services and I'm glad I can bring joy in some people's lives, I really am.. I just don't think this is something that people are entitled to. I understand that some guys might get clingy, but they should not play victims. It's not like we twisted their arms to purchase our services.

I guess my point is that if you're a guy whose not used to regular sex, and then you spend $400/hr to see an attractive SP, then of course there's pressure on the guy to perform. The pressure doesn't come from the sp, it comes from the guy themselves.