I need some advice!!

[squash500]

Oh I get that part of it completely. I think that using SPs for that means is right, but I also think that there are other things in your life that you can do, but don't because of your disorder, and I think that given some time and hard work on yourself, you may be able to date a civilian woman. You are selling yourself short all the time.

Look at how you have grow just in seeing SP's. Not letting them take advantage of you, getting the service you want etc. Getting over the anxiety. Not completely but you are getting much better at it.

So just keep that in mind. First thing is stop saying you can't because of your AS. Start say that you can in time.

I agree with you again . However don't forget at one time I was married twice. Both of these women were civilians with no learning disabilities etc.

The reason both of my marriages failed was due to economic reasons. I earn even less money now then I did back then. For this reason alone civilian dating does not make sense in my situation. My income potential is very weak. That's what a lot of these civilian women look for in a partner and who can blame them.

With regards to sps. They don't care what your occupation is as long as you can come up with the appropriate dollars.

I'm not sexually attracted to this supermarket woman. Why lead her on? It would just end up in a disaster. I was just flattered and surprised that she asked me out to begin with. If I was sexually attracted to her then I might have pursued the situation. However even in this scenerio things could have ended badly as well!

 

[squash500]

I agree, you did well.

Oh, and Luv, my issues are still bigger

Thanks A1. Your stories and issues are much more entertaining and enlightening then mine will ever be .

 

[tboy]

Are you kidding me????

Dude - you don't need advice, you are looking for validation. 2 completely different things. You don't want her around, she is not around. So clearly you did right. You don't care about her, so who gives a shit if you pissed her off or hurt her feelings.

.....

Which is why I knew there was something wrong with you right from the get go. To "not give a shit" if you hurt someone's feelings has got to be the most callous statement I have ever read or heard.

Maybe the OP DOES care that he hurt someone's feelings which is why he posted here......and rightly so I might add.

 

[Rylan]

I agree with you again . However don't forget at one time I was married twice. Both of these women were civilians with no learning disabilities etc.

The reason both of my marriages failed was due to economic reasons. I earn even less money now then I did back then. For this reason alone civilian dating does not make sense in my situation. My income potential is very weak. That's what a lot of these civilian women look for in a partner and who can blame them.

With regards to sps. They don't care what your occupation is as long as you can come up with the appropriate dollars.

I'm not sexually attracted to this supermarket woman. Why lead her on? It would just end up in a disaster. I was just flattered and surprised that she asked me out to begin with. If I was sexually attracted to her then I might have pursued the situation. However even in this scenerio things could have ended badly as well!

Dude, you did fine. There is no doubt about that. I just don't think you should be so shocked that she asked out. I think that is where you let your AS get the better of you. Not just your disorder, but some of the life changes you have had to make because of your disorder{s}. For example, not being able to drive, working from home, limited income etc.

Which is why I knew there was something wrong with you right from the get go. To "not give a shit" if you hurt someone's feelings has got to be the most callous statement I have ever read or heard.

Maybe the OP DOES care that he hurt someone's feelings which is why he posted here......and rightly so I might add.

Take it in whatever content makes it easier for you to take a shot at me Tboy. No worries mate. I know what you are attempting to do and it ain't working.

As for posting here about this dating advice, again you show how you talk out of both sides of your mouth. In one thread, he shouldn't be getting advice from men on an escort site, but in this thread he should. You make so much sense!!! LMAO

Next....

 

[hunter001]

It sounds okay.

I don't understand why you had to write all the preamble though.

 

[squash500]

Which is why I knew there was something wrong with you right from the get go. To "not give a shit" if you hurt someone's feelings has got to be the most callous statement I have ever read or heard.

Maybe the OP DOES care that he hurt someone's feelings which is why he posted here......and rightly so I might add.

Tboy you are 100% correct . I do care that I hurt this woman's feelings. She suggested two different days that we get together this week. It was after she said this that I told her that I never wanted to see her again.

I'm not a good game player. So I just told it to her straight.

That's why it's interesting when I read cute-balds threads about being only 5'5 and not being able to get dates even though he owns a mansion etc.

I'm 5'10 and presentable looking. However with all my mental impairments I might have a much easier time of it being in CB's position----who knows?

 

[Captain Fantastic]

Squash, you know that I'll always be honest with you - to a fault.

I have to ask you, are you looking for validation or an honest opinion? If you're seeking the former, I'll have to pass; if it's the latter, read on...

First off, I agree with Rylan in that I think you're underestimating yourself and letting your Asperger's control you to an unhealthy extent. I also think that you sometimes use it as an excuse to just not think or care - because I've seen you provide intuitive thought and an understanding of emotional IQ before. This woman (and your two exes) also thought enough of you to want to see you again to validate your worthiness.

But more importantly, I guess the question is this: how would you like to be treated? If the shoe were on the other foot, would you like someone to say that they didn't ever want to see you again because of your "mental illness issues." That their doctor told them to avoid guys with mental issues and that you and your mental illness would be a bad influence on them? And that their doctor wouldn't approve.

How would it make you feel if someone was that brutally honest with you? I'm just curious and truly asking in all sincerity.

I think that sometimes, telling a little white lie to help spare someone's feelings is ok. You can give the same message ("you're a nice enough person, but I'm just not ready for dating right now") without being rude or hurtful. Comprende? (And if you can't think quickly enough on your feet, just tell her that you're busy, but will check your schedule for the two days she offerred and get back to her later.)

 

[squash500]

It sounds okay.

I don't understand why you had to write all the preamble though.

I'm not sure why I had to write all that preamble? . I guess before I started to post on terb I could barely type. Now I'm really starting to enjoy typing on the computer.

My handwriting is awful. I should have learned how to type properly years ago!

 

[LKD]

you talk like we're supposed to feel sorry for you... Let's face it, if it was a beautiful chick you wouldn't be here complaining no matter how bad she treated you, or whether she is a bigger alcoholic. You're just looking for free sex, no wonder its hard for you to get into any relationship or be social around women

 

[Rylan]

How would that make you feel if someone was that brutally honest with you? I'm just curious and truly asking in all sincerity.

I love it when someone with intelligence figures it out. I was putting that "not giving a shit about her feelings" out there in hopes that Squash would pick up on it and pick up on it the way you did. However, it didn't work out that way.

You are right about what he said maybe not being the "right" way to say it. I think a simple "I am not looking to meet again" would have been much better.

I guess we are going back to being Fucktastic and Rytard after this, but I think you got the better name out of the two. LOL.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

I love it when someone with intelligence figures it out. I was putting that "not giving a shit about her feelings out there in hopes that Squash would pick up on it and pick up on it the way you did. However, it didn't work out that way.

You are right about what he said maybe not being the "right" way to say it. I think a simple "I am not looking to meet again" would have been much better.

I find that the direct approach with real-world examples works better with squash.

I guess we are going back to being Fucktastic and Rytard after this, but I think you got the better name out of the two. LOL.

Only if I get a bump in rank to "Major Fucktastic." Of course, you do realize that eventually I'm bucking for General Fucktastic.
<Shaking head> Seriously, I've heard high school kids come up with better "put-downs." (And that's a kind stretch for his attempt.)

 

[squash500]

Squash, you know that I'll always be honest with you - to a fault.

I have to ask you, are you looking for validation or an honest opinion? If you're seeking the former, I'll have to pass; if it's the latter, read on...

First off, I agree with Rylan in that I think you're underestimating yourself and letting your Asperger's control you to an unhealthy extent. I also think that you sometimes use it as an excuse to just not think or care - because I've seen you provide intuitive thought and an understanding of emotional IQ before. This woman also thought enough of you to want to see you again.

But more importantly, I guess the question is this: how would you like to be treated? If the shoe were on the other foot, would you like someone to say that they didn't ever want to see you again because of your "mental illness issues." That their doctor told them to avoid guys with mental issues and that you and your mental illness would be a bad influence on them? And that their doctor wouldn't approve.

How would that make you feel if someone was that brutally honest with you? I'm just curious and truly asking in all sincerity.

I think that sometimes, telling a little white lie to help spare someone's feelings is ok. You can give the same message ("you're a nice enough person, but I'm just not ready for dating right now") without being rude or hurtful. Comprende? (And if you can't think quickly enough on your feet, just tell her that you're busy, but will check your schedule for the two days she offerred and get back to her later.)

Captain I do respect your opinion . This woman also had other problematic issues besides the alcohol that I better not talk about. I had to take these harsh measures for a reason.

It's not like DR. Love's dating thread where the woman he was pursuing sounded relatively normal. In my case a white lie would only be delaying the inevitable. I had to end this quickly for various reasons.

I would rather have someone be brutally honest with me. My family doctor who I see once a week is brutally honest with me. That's why we get along. My doc told me that if she was as brutally honest with most of her other patients they would go home all upset or maybe even crying.

My doc tells me things and situations to avoid. I for the most part respect her and her medical training and expertise.

 

[Rylan]

I find that the direct approach with real-world examples works better with squash.

I know, but he is really a smart guy and has been picking up alot more of the undertones in people's post, so I was giving it a shot. I was at least hoping for a "No, I care about hurting her feelings" which would have opened the door for the real world examples.

Only if I get a bump in rank to "Major Fucktastic." Of course, you do realize that eventually I'm bucking for General Fucktastic.
<Shaking head> Seriously, I've heard high school kids come up with better "put-downs." (And that's a kind stretch for his attempt.)

LOL - ya think. I mean depending on the tone and sentence, it could sound like you are the fuck around. I don't need that title, because I already know that I am, but the acknowledgment would have been nice. LMAO!!!

I would rather have someone be brutally honest with me. My family doctor who I see once a week is brutally honest with me. That's why we get along. My doc told me that if she was as brutally honest with most of her other patients they would go home all upset or maybe even crying.

I like brutally honest too, but as you have already said, most could not handle that even from your/their doctor. So I think that is where the good ol' Cap't was coming from. Sometimes a softer honest it needed and better.

 

[squash500]

you talk like we're supposed to feel sorry for you... Let's face it, if it was a beautiful chick you wouldn't be here complaining no matter how bad she treated you, or whether she is a bigger alcoholic. You're just looking for free sex, no wonder its hard for you to get into any relationship or be social around women

You make a good point . However IMHO there's no such thing as free sex. If you have sex with a civilian woman you pay for it in other ways besides money believe me.

If she was a beautiful chick it might have made my somewhat harsh decision more complicated no doubt.

Thank goodness she wasn't attractive as it made my decision much easier that's for sure.

 

[Captain Fantastic]

Squash:

The world is not made up of black and white, right and wrong. It's comprised of a whole shitload of shades of grey. I guess what I'm saying is that not everyone fits into your (and apparently your doctor's) neat little package of what works and doesn't. Also keep in mind that your doctor isn't going to be there with you every step of the way - you have to learn to live your life to some degree of societal normalcy if you want to have an easier time of it.

I'm not going to argue other than to say that in the real world, subtly and diplomacy (particularly when dealing with feelings and emotions) are important traits to learn. My example of just telling her that you weren't interested in dating anyone right now would not have delayed anything and it would have allowed her to keep a little bit of dignity, which I think even you can understand and appreciate.

Good luck with everything.

 

[squash500]

Squash:

The world is not made up of black and white, right and wrong. It's comprised of a whole shitload of shades of grey. I guess what I'm saying is that not everyone fits into your (and apparently your doctor's) neat little package of what works and doesn't. Also keep in mind that your doctor isn't going to be there with you every step of the way - you have to learn to live your life to some degree of societal normalcy if you want to have an easier time of it.

I'm not going to argue other than to say that in the real world, subtly and diplomacy (particularly when dealing with feelings and emotions) are important traits to learn. My example of just telling her that you weren't interested in dating anyone right now would not have delayed anything and it would have allowed her to keep a little bit of dignity, which I think even you can understand and appreciate.

Good luck with everything.

Captain in hindsight I guess I could have handled things a little more tactfully . I realize that my family doctor won't be there for me every step of the way.

However I do have to respect her medical judgment as I have been seeing her once a week for over 5 years. My doc knows me quite well and she has sort of given me a blueprint on how to handle difficult situations.

I guess the way I handled this awkward matter is in line with that blueprint.

I do look at the world in more of a black and white scenerio. I'm trying to change my thinking on this but it is not easy to put it into practice.

 

[squash500]

Squash. You did the right thing under the circumstances. I don't want to belabor the point, but many of the people who make comments about your posts may only have a modicum of knowledge about people with Asperger's.
You did what worked for you, in what was obviously a very uncomfortable situation.

Thanks for the response . I guess as a trained medical doctor you can understand why I handled things the way I did more than the majority of people in society could!

 

[squash500]

Give the man a break Fuji.

I have 3 personal dating stories involving women who were lushes that would make his look like a picnic.

Look, I don't mind someone being drunk once in awhile - if she can let her hair down, that's a bonus, but when you see that it could be a problem early in the game, I get turned off real quick.

If someone fails miserably on a first date, why should he go for the second?

Thanks for that excellent response .

 

[a 1 player]

You know Squash, with Asperger's you would probably make a great foreman at a CAW automotive plant, that job is tailor made for you.

Just saying.

 

[squash500]

You know Squash, with Asperger's you would probably make a great foreman at a CAW automotive plant, that job is tailor made for you.

Just saying.

I think all the workers would wind up hating me . My rigid ways of doing things would get me fired in no time.

I've been fired from a few jobs in my younger days believe me. I never used to get along with the other co-workers for various reasons.

Thank goodness now I just work at home and don't have to deal with any co-workers. This fact has lowered my stress level greatly!