I have to pay for Intimacy

[toulouselautrec]

Being an outcast I am doomed to walk the downtown Toronto streets of loneliness. My short stature, limp walk and mangled arm repel the beautiful women to turn away in horror. As I walk down a busy avenue or enter a public place their eyes and heads turn in another direction after gazing at my disfigurement. If I glance at a lady in a desirable way or even just look at her, it is an invasion of her privacy because I do not qualify to her standards of desirability. It is an emotional pain to see better qualified man with beautiful women showing them affection while I am condemned to the daily life a miserable loner inside the stuck-up walls of Toronto the Cold.

My only intimacy is when I pay for it to a kind hearted PA. Yet in this backwards society they want to condemn me for seeking my deserved natural requirement. Do they want me to spend my whole miserable life in complete isolation? They should encourage such moments. I dream of being in a situation and position where I could earn enough money to pay for the more than just a half hour once every month of intimacy from a lovely goddess or even being able to attract a real girlfriend.

 

[ackack]

I'm not in your situation, but a similar one. I hear what you're saying and you're not alone in those thoughts.

 

[Scarey]

I've heard alot of "points of view" on this site.....but i believe this is one of the most poignant I have ever heard.

 

[Drunken Master]

Sorry to hear about that.


But.....


When you see and unattractive woman, what do you think?

Do you apply a double standard, waiting for some beautiful woman to discover your "inner beauty" even while you steadily reject anyone who doesn't possess ample amounts of the "outer" variety?

 

[Esco!]

The drunk hits the nail on the head.

 

[midLifeCrisis]

I dream of being in a situation and position where I could earn enough money to pay for the more than just a half hour once every month of intimacy from a lovely goddess or even being able to attract a real girlfriend.

You don't have to pay for intimacy - you can't, it's not for sale.

What you are paying for is hassle-free casual sex. There's a difference. Intimacy is as available to you as it is to anybody else.

 

[SSS]

there is always Esmeralda for each of you somewhere...

 

[kramer]

"Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec contracted syphilis, possibly from a prostitute whom he painted many times, Rosa La Rouge, and it eventually killed him."

 

[Esco!]

Yet in this backwards society

Toulouse neglects to mention that he is also an instrument in this " backwards society ". If he has ever rejected a girl based on solely her looks then he is no better then anyone else, sorry to say.

And BTW neither am I

 

[Perry Mason]

Yet, each of us suffers loneliness, Toulouse, in our own indiosyncratic ways...

It's part of our collective lunacy in thinking that we are separate and independent of each other.

"No man is an island entire of itself; every man
is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;
if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe
is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as
well as any manner of thy friends or of thine
own were; any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind.
And therefore never send to know for whom
the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. "

Perry

 

[jeffham29]

Re: Re: I have to pay for Intimacy

You don't have to pay for intimacy - you can't, it's not for sale.

What you are paying for is hassle-free casual sex. There's a difference. Intimacy is as available to you as it is to anybody else.

I totally disagree. As a man who has had a disability all his life, intimacy is not available to me in the same way. I cannot give a hug or receive one without asking. I cannot spontaneously kiss my date after dinner and a movie. So many social cues come from body language and position that it is impossible for the playing field to be close to even. I also think that many SP’s have intimate connections with their clients with disabilities, since many of those clients don’t have “relations� in a traditional manner. They spend much more of the time talking a getting to know the client as a person. Besides, whether you call it sex or intimacy seeing an SP is still financially prohibitive for most people with disabilities. The vast majority of those people live in a world where a woman wouldn’t look twice at them other than out of morbid curiosity or disgust. So, how else do these human beings find warmth and companionship in this world is really the question.

In my case, what happens when severe disability trumps your genes? As a quadriplegic who acquired a disability as a result of a birth defect and extreme medical negligence, I was doomed from a young age to exist in pain and loneliness. You see, I am attracted to pretty not necessarily beautiful or gorgeous women, but am unable to compromise beyond this. I look to my genetic makeup to give me something to help explain my dilemma. My father and all my brothers are handsome, healthy and very successful to various degrees. All the males in my immediately family are married to beautiful, healthy and brilliant women. My disability isn't caused by genetics, but my low self-esteem, sketchy health, abnormal looks and body are the result of a lifetime sitting a wheelchair.
Love is 1st and foremost about chemistry. No relationship, love affair, tryst or long-term marriage could ever begin without that initial attraction that stems from our primordial reproductive urges.

 

[Drunken Master]

Don't worry, DQ. Although I normally excommunicate people for disagreeing with me, in your case I'll make an exception.

No question, we are socially and biologically oriented to regard good looks as something close to godhood. I don't care what anybody says, if you are good looking - and a good looking woman especially - you have an easier go of it through life. Oh, yes, I'm well aware that they have all the emotional and mental and perhaps even physical crap to deal with that we all do, but they get to look great while they're suffering. The rest of us look like shit and feel the same way.

Now, I'm not bitter. I'm no more resentful that I didn't turn into Brad Pitt than I am that I'm not Mozart. But please - just as I've accepted my own hyprocrisy - I steadfastly refuse to search for someone's "inner beauty" when there's opportunity for the outer kind - can't we as a society just accept how deep our superficiality goes (note the paradox!) and move on?

 

[Nazer]

there is always Esmeralda for each of you somewhere...

I completely agree...

 

[save me]

We have all at some point in our lives turned down someone because of the way they looked, and the fact that we were not physically attracted to them, but we justify it to ourselves by saying "she is not my type".

 

[langeweile]

Most of us are here for similiar reason. While some diabilities are visible on the outside, most are non visible and in the soul.
If we all would be well adjusted and ou lives would be all what we hoped it would be, how many of us still would be here.

Most guys here are looking for something. Either something they never had or something they lost.
Is it the thrill of the hunt? Is it neglect by a partner? Is it loneliness? Is it insecurity? Is it perceived inadequacy? (fill in your own reason).
While Toulouse's handicap is obvious, many of ours are not.

 

[langeweile]

I agree with you, langeweile. But, I think it's almost universal.
I use the word 'almost' because I don't want to overgeneralize.
I don't trust generalizations - [isn't that an oxymoron??]

Damn, I try to always disagree with langeweile.
I've failed my mission once again.

Don

Most of us are closer than we want to admit. What seperates us are degrees of shade.
BBK might be different, he is way out there.(BBK I am joking relax)

 

[flyingdgn]

Aaah, TLLT, you're probably some above average income dude with good literary skills

Welcome to the Quasi club!!

You should go see Candy at S9. Her sessions are strangely comforting in a personal manner.

 

[toulouselautrec]

During a visit to downtown TO, for example, there may be hundreds or thousands of women I find attractive and would love to slam. It is true I am not attractive to everyone and wouldn't expect every single woman to be attracted to me either. Nobody would have enough time anyway to spend with every chick. But while I find one lady attractive, my buddies’ tastes are usually varied though there are general chicks we all find cute.

One point I was trying to make was that Toronto does not work for me than in other places. I have greater difficulty in the GTA because I believe many chicks are colder here (though think they are gods gift to the world). Other places are more laid back than Toronto the Cold and the chicks are just as lovely in those places but treat guys so much better.

I heard the East Coast is the friendliest part of Canada but I do not know. It is not only laid back but they serve lots of lively music and drink with the fresh fish. Learning their language and understanding them is the most difficult thing.

But here in GTA it is clear that unless we are born with natural good looks or have lots of money, we have to spend more time use our charm, artistic talent, sense of humour, etc or some other gift the gods gave us wining and dining them for a kiss on the cheek.

 

[yoniluvrca]

Being an outcast I am doomed to walk the downtown Toronto streets of loneliness. My short stature, limp walk and mangled arm repel the beautiful women to turn away in horror. As I walk down a busy avenue or enter a public place their eyes and heads turn in another direction after gazing at my disfigurement. If I glance at a lady in a desirable way or even just look at her, it is an invasion of her privacy because I do not qualify to her standards of desirability. It is an emotional pain to see better qualified man with beautiful women showing them affection while I am condemned to the daily life a miserable loner inside the stuck-up walls of Toronto the Cold.

My only intimacy is when I pay for it to a kind hearted PA. Yet in this backwards society they want to condemn me for seeking my deserved natural requirement. Do they want me to spend my whole miserable life in complete isolation? They should encourage such moments. I dream of being in a situation and position where I could earn enough money to pay for the more than just a half hour once every month of intimacy from a lovely goddess or even being able to attract a real girlfriend.

Another way of saying the same thing would be: I am a man with a physical disability. I live in a society in which people with such disabilties have a difficult time finding physical intimacy. Therefore, I have decided that rather than do without physical intimacy I will pay a professional to have my needs met.

The society that I live in looks down on women who provide such service and upon the men that frequent them. As a result, the women that enter this profession are sometimes, but not always, not as professional as they could be. Thankfully, I have found a review board when the men who use such services can communicate and exchange information about the women we spend our money on. It is easier now to find what I need and not to get ripped off.

One day I hope to find a girlfriend with whom I can be intmate. Until that time I am going to feel gratitude towards the women I meet who help me with my needs. I will communicate as clearly as I am able with all I meet how I am feeling inside.

I am alive!!

 

[learningtoplay]

Toulouselautrec,
Dont loose faith. The happiest individuals I know are happy with what they have and dont dwell on what they dont have. It may be that you are self-fulfilling your fate with assumptions about what other people are thinking and feeling. There is an excellent book called the Beauty Myth. It puts some perspective on male attitudes about women, womens perpectives of themselves and relationships. It may be that you are "looking for love in all the wrong places"
If you are looking for a trophy wife, then you are doomed. If you are looking for a companion and lover with a similar set of values and interests, then you have a fighting chance to find romance.