I Don't Get It

onomatopoeia

Bzzzzz.......Doink
Jul 3, 2020
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Cabbagetown
This was first published on another board, and nobody got it. I am hopeful that at least a few people here will understand:

I

I don't get it.

On one hand, the law says you have to be eighteen years old to look at nudity legally, but the legal age of consent to have sex is sixteen. So what, do you give kids in high school tickets, if they do it with their eyes open? Or is it OK if you do it in the dark, where you can't see anything? How are they going to know? There can't be any eyewitnesses. Even if there were, they couldn't see anything either. Maybe if the kid is Catholic, and confesses.

That must be it.

II

I don't get it. When I look up the spelling of a word like syzygy:

syzygy.png

Why is the Polish so much bigger than the English? How would you even know how to pronounce something like that? It's like the coach of Duke, the guy who looks like a mortician. You know who I'm talking about.

That must be it.

III

I don't get it.

I understand the part about how God the Father doesn't approve of that love thy neighbour crap, and about the kid with the long hair, who thinks he's God, but he's "too good" for a career in the building trades. I got one like that at home. I keep telling him "How many feet do you think you're going to have to anoint to pay for a mortgage, because you ain't living under my roof, forever".

I also understand about the part where His missus gets knocked up by the guy who came, and vanished like a puff of smoke, while the Big Guy was off in the wilderness, with a "40". Got one of them, too; I can tell from the eye colour.

Little Marty is a good kid. He showed me how to take the subtitles off on the TV, so I could see the whole picture. I don't need them, because I ain't deaf. The first kid I know is mine, because I was there.

What I want to know is, what about the other guy, who did the deed? Why don't they have any statues of Him? But what would you make one out of? Would it have feet? If it did, why would it?

That must be it.
 
IV

I don't get it.

This was first published on another board, and nobody got it. I am hopeful that at least a few people here will understand:

I

I don't get it.

On one hand, the law says you have to be eighteen years old to look at nudity legally, but the legal age of consent to have sex is sixteen. So what, do you give kids in high school tickets, if they do it with their eyes open? Or is it OK if you do it in the dark, where you can't see anything? How are they going to know? There can't be any eyewitnesses. Even if there were, they couldn't see anything either. Maybe if the kid is Catholic, and confesses.

That must be it.

II

I don't get it. When I look up the spelling of a word like syzygy:

View attachment 41741

Why is the Polish so much bigger than the English? How would you even know how to pronounce something like that? It's like the coach of Duke, the guy who looks like a mortician. You know who I'm talking about.

That must be it.

III

I don't get it.

I understand the part about how God the Father doesn't approve of that love thy neighbour crap, and about the kid with the long hair, who thinks he's God, but he's "too good" for a career in the building trades. I got one like that at home. I keep telling him "How many feet do you think you're going to have to anoint to pay for a mortgage, because you ain't living under my roof, forever".

I also understand about the part where His missus gets knocked up by the guy who came, and vanished like a puff of smoke, while the Big Guy was off in the wilderness, with a "40". Got one of them, too; I can tell from the eye colour.

Little Marty is a good kid. He showed me how to take the subtitles off on the TV, so I could see the whole picture. I don't need them, because I ain't deaf. The first kid I know is mine, because I was there.

What I want to know is, what about the other guy, who did the deed? Why don't they have any statues of Him? But what would you make one out of? Would it have feet? If it did, why would it?

That must be it.
 
Pondering such things is proof you have way to much time on your hands. Take a hike🥾...
 
It's a satirical Christian religious allegory. The narrator is 'Joseph', cast as a blue collar cross between Archie Bunker and Yogi Berra.

Part I is an oblique reference to The Immaculate Conception.

Part II is about The Bethlehem Star, and alluding to 2001: A Space Odyssey. The 'guy who looks like a mortician' is Duke University basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski,

Mike_Krzyzewski_in_2011_(cropped).jpg

(pronounced 'Shi-chev-skee')

Part III is a generation gap explanation of "Joseph" and his Millenial son. Joseph is 'God the Father in this house'. Joe Jr. is ungainfully employed, and still living in his parent's house, despite being over 30. Marty is Joseph's illegitimate son from his wife's affair with a stranger when Joe was away for a weekend getting drunk. Marty pretends to be deaf so he doesn't learn the wrong lessons from Joe and Joe Jr. 'The guy who did the deed' is The Holy Ghost, and Joe Sr. ponders what a statue of The Holy Ghost would look like.

This is Part IV, which originally appeared on a different board, with minor changes made:

IV

Q: Why didn't Jesus come back? - Name withheld

A: Oh, you mean Strongbeau? I heard he found true, and left them others' behinds.

Q: Very funny. No, I mean Jesus, THE LORD.

A: Well, let me ask you. When you started junior high, how often did you go back to visit your buddies who were still in grammar school?

There's a few of them guys like that; Jesus was just the one who spoke English. That Buddha guy, he's already got his Bachelor's, and he's working on his Masters'. I think one day, he might bcomee the Ph.D, when the other guy goes Emeritus.

As for Jesus, he tries to come back every so often, but it doesn't always work. A couple of times he got aborted, because a lot of people are skeptical about virgin births these days. One time recently he was Black, but he was assassinated at a relatively young age, while still gathering momentum. More recently, he wasn't a dude, so a lot of people didn't know it was Him.

You have to understand that a lot of things have to line up, before He can even try to come back. First you need to have a guy who's got some of the Holy Ghost seed in him, and I mean, in his nuts, not the way you other guys were picturing it. Then that guy has to go in apache, and one of his good boys has to win the race. It's difficult to plan that in advance, because all that's got to happen about nine months before something like the appearance of a bright comet, or an asteroid hitting the moon, or a space shuttle explosion, or even just a syzygy; those happen a lot more often, and can be predicted in advance.

Then He'd need to educate himself, to unlearn a lot of the things he'd be taught in school these days, or from other people who don't get it. Then we'd just have to cross our fingers, and hope that we get it from Him, before He gets it from one of them.
 
Still don't get it.

What is it satirizing?
Why would we care about a Duke basketball coach?
 
Still don't get it.

What is it satirizing?
Why would we care about a Duke basketball coach?

The word syzygy somewhat resembles the spelling of Mike Krzyzewski's surname. Joe Sr. thinks the phonetic spelling 'siz-i-jee' is the English word, and syzygy is Polish.

The satire is mostly at the beginning of III, the relationship between 'God the father' and the eternally teenage son 'who thinks he'd God'.
 
The word syzygy somewhat resembles the spelling of Mike Krzyzewski's surname. Joe Sr. thinks the phonetic spelling 'siz-i-jee' is the English word, and syzygy is Polish.

The satire is mostly at the beginning of III, the relationship between 'God the father' and the eternally teenage son 'who thinks he'd God'.

Right. OK.
So not knowing this guy is doing a weak "Archie Bunker/Yogi Berra" schtick, why were we supposed to get this?
And what is it actually trying to satirize?
Part I is fine - basic comment on the weirdness of age of majority laws. (Back in the day when the Age of Consent in Canada was 14, people pointed out you could sleep with a 14 year old, but if you took a naked picture of them you could be fined for possession of child pornography. )

Part II is just "I am dumb about foreigners."
I guess it is introducing syzygy for the "Star of Bethlehem" riff in Part IV.

Part III is one of the oldest, most worn out jokes there is.

Part IV kind of has a cute riff with the grammar school bit.

But why did you cut Part IV off when it is clearly part of the whole thing and ties it together? It even pays off the dumb set up in Part II?

Why present it like this:
This was first published on another board, and nobody got it. I am hopeful that at least a few people here will understand:
and then not include the whole thing? Of course no one "got it" - it was deliberately left incomplete.
(This is separate from thinking there is anything worth "getting" in the piece.)