If you don't see the problem with your methods, there's no way I can explain it on the Internet...
How to get closer to a colleague from a different department?
- Thread starter hyperdog
- Start date
haha. Actually I did laugh.Step off, Rono.
HD, why the hell did you not ask us if you should sign your name or use initials on that card? 100% of us would tell you to sign your name. Are you going to play the secret admirer game or stand up and take ownership. Sending a card is a nice thing but now you started a game that she may not like.
The word to say is nervous. You don't want her to think you can't think straight, just nervous and that's ok.
Ok, the exact thing I will say is: "I want to apologize for not signing my name on the card. I was going to, but then my nerves got to me and I ended up initializing it instead. I realized it was a mistake, but it was too late. Anyways, I should have just signed my name right from the start."
Now, saying that "my nerves got to me" will be a strong implication to her. It is almost confirmation that I'm interested in her. I will arrive at work 7:00 am to remove the card from her mailbox if it is still there. If not, then I'll just view this as an opportunity to let her know that I'm interested.
No 'almost' about it. I suspect she knows. You're over thinking it and practicing too much.
You've left it too long, now everyone in the entire office is watching you and laughing/cringing at what will happen next. You should have asked her to the art gallery last month.
Quit your job, move on to another place immediately and start fresh with another unsuspecting victim.
Quit your job, move on to another place immediately and start fresh with another unsuspecting victim.
Subtle, that would work too, but ..................
He needs a scar to remember this fumble by for the next time.
DID I GET THE GREEN LIGHT?
Ok, so on Monday morning I went to her mailbox to see if my card was still there. It was, but the envelop had been opened, which means that she had read the card and left it in her mailbox. I had the feeling that she didn't want to take the card home because she wasn't sure who it was from. I got pessimistic about the whole thing at that point, but I went through the trouble of going to work super-early, so I may as well finish the job. I wrote my name in the card. But then I realize that she would be creeped out when she finds out I went back into her mailbox, so I had to attached a sticky and wrote a full explanation: that I got nervous and ended up writing my initials, etc. Hence it was a full confirmation that I was interested in her (and remember that she was already pretty sure of that anyway).
For 2 days, I didn't see her. I even found out that she took a day off the day after she got the card, though I don't know if it had anything to do with the card (but she last month had also taken a day off on the day after she first heard from other colleagues that I was interested her). Then yesterday, we ended up in the same room by accident. I had no idea how she felt about the card, so I just laid low and went about my business in the room, not saying hi to her unless I knew she wanted me to. Then it happened. She called out my name in a jovial manner and said thank-you for the card. I hesitantly said you're welcome, still not sure if she was just being polite or not. After a few minutes, she then approached me and started making conversation (it was also the first time ever that she approached me to talk). And for the first time, she asked personal questions about me. First she asked what happened to my legs, and I told her that I had an accident and was getting better. She seemed pleased that I was down to just one crutch now. Then the conversation flowed on and on, without any lull, and she asked me more personal questions, with a smile here and there and jovial look throughout. She seemed very relaxed and comfortable throughout and gave full eye contact. In the end, I asked her a question to test out my chances. I told her that the boss asked me to pair up with someone outside my department to discuss some strategies, and asked her if she would like to pair up with me. She knew that I knew many more people outside my department better than I knew her, and that I was asking her only because of my interest in her. Nevertheless, she said yes immediately.
So did I get the green light from her to ask her out? She kind of assured me that she is not uncomfortable about my leg problems by telling me a story about her knee injury in the past. She asked me if I played a musical instrument and I told her I played classical music on piano. So, if I do ask her out, I'm thinking of telling her about the Chopin exhibition at the ROM, that I would be interested in seeing his original scores and stuff, and that I was wondering if she would like to come with me. This is following the earlier advice of asking her out to an art gallery. Now our 2-week holiday has begun and I didn't ask for her phone number, so if I do this I was thinking the first week when we get back to work. Sounds good? I was told by a friend that if I don't ask her out or wait too long to do so she may start to think that I lost interest or something else bad, ruining whatever chances I may have developed. Did I put myself in the position where I must ask her out now and she expects it?
Ok, so on Monday morning I went to her mailbox to see if my card was still there. It was, but the envelop had been opened, which means that she had read the card and left it in her mailbox. I had the feeling that she didn't want to take the card home because she wasn't sure who it was from. I got pessimistic about the whole thing at that point, but I went through the trouble of going to work super-early, so I may as well finish the job. I wrote my name in the card. But then I realize that she would be creeped out when she finds out I went back into her mailbox, so I had to attached a sticky and wrote a full explanation: that I got nervous and ended up writing my initials, etc. Hence it was a full confirmation that I was interested in her (and remember that she was already pretty sure of that anyway).
For 2 days, I didn't see her. I even found out that she took a day off the day after she got the card, though I don't know if it had anything to do with the card (but she last month had also taken a day off on the day after she first heard from other colleagues that I was interested her). Then yesterday, we ended up in the same room by accident. I had no idea how she felt about the card, so I just laid low and went about my business in the room, not saying hi to her unless I knew she wanted me to. Then it happened. She called out my name in a jovial manner and said thank-you for the card. I hesitantly said you're welcome, still not sure if she was just being polite or not. After a few minutes, she then approached me and started making conversation (it was also the first time ever that she approached me to talk). And for the first time, she asked personal questions about me. First she asked what happened to my legs, and I told her that I had an accident and was getting better. She seemed pleased that I was down to just one crutch now. Then the conversation flowed on and on, without any lull, and she asked me more personal questions, with a smile here and there and jovial look throughout. She seemed very relaxed and comfortable throughout and gave full eye contact. In the end, I asked her a question to test out my chances. I told her that the boss asked me to pair up with someone outside my department to discuss some strategies, and asked her if she would like to pair up with me. She knew that I knew many more people outside my department better than I knew her, and that I was asking her only because of my interest in her. Nevertheless, she said yes immediately.
So did I get the green light from her to ask her out? She kind of assured me that she is not uncomfortable about my leg problems by telling me a story about her knee injury in the past. She asked me if I played a musical instrument and I told her I played classical music on piano. So, if I do ask her out, I'm thinking of telling her about the Chopin exhibition at the ROM, that I would be interested in seeing his original scores and stuff, and that I was wondering if she would like to come with me. This is following the earlier advice of asking her out to an art gallery. Now our 2-week holiday has begun and I didn't ask for her phone number, so if I do this I was thinking the first week when we get back to work. Sounds good? I was told by a friend that if I don't ask her out or wait too long to do so she may start to think that I lost interest or something else bad, ruining whatever chances I may have developed. Did I put myself in the position where I must ask her out now and she expects it?
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Personal questions, common interests, flowing conversation. The signs are good and you should've asked her out, like yesterday man. Keep in mind that at this time of year single chicks are probably more open minded (vulnerable?) since they see friends and family all happy with significant others, or mom and dad are inquiring as to why they're still single. Shit, two weeks is going to be an eternity so you better start stepping.
Cut to the chase.
You have about another day or two at most to man up and ask her out properly and put an end to the suspense. Wait any longer and you will have crossed the line from cute, awkward guy with a crush to a problem employee who displays inappropriate behaviour, bordering on harrassment. An unsigned card in her mailbox ... did you forget you're at work? Do you want her going to HR about the guy in the other department who hangs around her desk without invitation and leaves creepy cards in her inbox?
Ask her out this week or just let it go. This has dragged on long enough and it's beginning to look as if you're completely out of her league.
You have about another day or two at most to man up and ask her out properly and put an end to the suspense. Wait any longer and you will have crossed the line from cute, awkward guy with a crush to a problem employee who displays inappropriate behaviour, bordering on harrassment. An unsigned card in her mailbox ... did you forget you're at work? Do you want her going to HR about the guy in the other department who hangs around her desk without invitation and leaves creepy cards in her inbox?
Ask her out this week or just let it go. This has dragged on long enough and it's beginning to look as if you're completely out of her league.
There's nothing to be afraid off! Tell her about the TERB Community and this thread you started. Assign her a login and password on TERB beforehand and tell her to view this thread. How can she not be moved by your thoughtfulness?... just do it brother!
Ok, the first day back at work, which is Jan 3, I will directly ask her out because based on your responses:
1. She knows I'm interested in her and has acted in a way that invited me to ask her out.
2. She expects me to ask her out soon.
3. If I wait any longer than a week after the first day back at work, she will think I've been playing with her and consider my behaviour to be harassment.
And I think that asking her out on the first day back at work is the only good time because she will then know that I would have asked her out during the Christmas holidays if I only had her number.
1. She knows I'm interested in her and has acted in a way that invited me to ask her out.
2. She expects me to ask her out soon.
3. If I wait any longer than a week after the first day back at work, she will think I've been playing with her and consider my behaviour to be harassment.
And I think that asking her out on the first day back at work is the only good time because she will then know that I would have asked her out during the Christmas holidays if I only had her number.
What?! That's a leap, buddy. And, that's also a bold-faced lie because you've had more than enough time to express your interest in her and always found a reason not to.
By January 3, she will have had two weeks to think this through ... and the more she thinks about it, the more she's going to be put off by the thought that you were too cowardly to approach her earlier. She's going to think about all the opportunities you missed and wonder what the problem is. If she's anything like you, she's going to wonder what's wrong with her and/or what's wrong with you.
If she's not like you, she's going to think about how she has become fodder for the rumour mill at work ... and she'll start wondering how her professional credibility has been affected.
I'm not saying she won't go out with you. I'm saying it will be more difficult to persuade her to go out with you, because you've shown yourself to be timid, somewhat manipulative, awkward and socially inept. And, none of that is attractive to a woman.
Good luck.
Well, that leg lengthening procedure has done wonders for your confidence and your love life. Its clear from this thread that your height was the only thing holding you back. I'm really looking forward to hearing about short-bald's new and improved life. </sarcasm>
Yes, that verges on creepy. Geeesh, she works at the same company as you. What's the problem with talking to her there at first. It gives you or her a perfect way to retreat if things get uncomfortable.. Stop sneaking around or you're going to lose any good thing you've got going as of now. You're losing it fast guy.
