I agree with that in most cases, but I don't think this guy was going to leave it at that. His email would probably still be near as long as the one he did write and concern the various reasons she might be turning him down for.
How NOT to get a second date: banker's 1,600 word email to girl who didn't call back
- Thread starter alexmst
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I agree with that in most cases, but I don't think this guy was going to leave it at that. His email would probably still be near as long as the one he did write and concern the various reasons she might be turning him down for.
Agreed.
Women see this type of man alot in out lifetime and by the age of 30+, it is even easier to see.
It would not have matter how she said no. He has it in his mind, she should be saying yes. He has already debated the whole thing for her. You can read it clearly in his email. He has thought of all her possible feelings except the one that is clear. She is not into him. He just can't accept it.
That's all well, good and very true. This guy has clear, dysfunctional tendencies and she's better off without him.
However, she still shirked her adult responsibilities of communication, so by being unclear and unresponsive, she fueled his misplaced fire.
Once she does the adult thing, she has complied with her adult duties. The rest is his problem.
Your opinion is all well and good too but until you are a woman, dealing with a man such as this, you can't really say what the best course of action was.
Just as I, a woman, can not tell a man how he should deal with a physco chick. I can make suggestions all I want, but I don't have to deal with it.
She was quite clear with her response in my opinion. No communication means in my mind, just that. I want no communication. I don't return calls, texts, emails, or carrier pigeons if I have nothing to say to the person and if the person is not adult enough to figure that out for themselves then that is as you said, his problem. Women over the centuries have figured that out after the many one night stands men have put them through.
I am too busy to hand hold someone through a non break up after 1 date. Besides he is a left and right brain person. His one side should be able to console the other.
Sorry, but that's not true in the least.
No communication does not indicate what anyone does or does not want. In this case, the guy cannot infer whether she's been busy but otherwise interested in getting together again, or if she isn't interested. Despite your experience, there are a lot of guys who lead full lives who actually understand how difficult it is to get back to everyone you want to get back to. Guys who don't immediately think that a girl is being dishonest and two-faced when she says something nice.
You don't seem to agree; you seem to suggest that if a girl says something nice but then doesn't respond that she's likely lying to your face. Well, that's your problem. And a problem for other people you encounter. And that's really too bad for everyone.
There's another thread about MP replying PM in terms of how fast how frequent etc....
I think a lot of us just overthink too much and the lightning speed of modern day communication (email / text / chatroom) doesn't help. A lot of people send a text/email to someone and after 5 min of not getting a response they start thinking why they're being "ignored" LOL.
Everyone, chill. Relationship, friendship, business responses or any great communications happen when both sides are being respectful and more importantly, patient and keep a +ve attitude. Stalking / repeating sending text / email will only cause more harm. If it's meant to happen it will happen. If it doesn't happen after a few (gentle) trials, you move on.
The fact that you're not the first priority of the other side doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you. They might be just busy or unintentionally skipped that email. But even if that's the reason and at the end you two's path don't cross, that's life.
Just don't magnify everything in our minds. it's not the other people, it's us who add pains to ourselves.
I think a lot of us just overthink too much and the lightning speed of modern day communication (email / text / chatroom) doesn't help. A lot of people send a text/email to someone and after 5 min of not getting a response they start thinking why they're being "ignored" LOL.
Everyone, chill. Relationship, friendship, business responses or any great communications happen when both sides are being respectful and more importantly, patient and keep a +ve attitude. Stalking / repeating sending text / email will only cause more harm. If it's meant to happen it will happen. If it doesn't happen after a few (gentle) trials, you move on.
The fact that you're not the first priority of the other side doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you. They might be just busy or unintentionally skipped that email. But even if that's the reason and at the end you two's path don't cross, that's life.
Just don't magnify everything in our minds. it's not the other people, it's us who add pains to ourselves.
It's not only women who use silence as a method of communication.
My kudos and respect to those of you who don't, but it's not unusual for guys to just disappear too. When it happens I'll wait a week and send one text or email, but if I don't get a response I listen to what the silence is saying and move along. Yes, that leaves me unsure of why he disappeared, and yes there could be a lot of reasons. But whatever the reason, the end result is the same, and I see no point in pursuing someone who obviously doesn't want to be caught.
Regarding the OP, that's seriously creepy. That guy would scare me.
My kudos and respect to those of you who don't, but it's not unusual for guys to just disappear too. When it happens I'll wait a week and send one text or email, but if I don't get a response I listen to what the silence is saying and move along. Yes, that leaves me unsure of why he disappeared, and yes there could be a lot of reasons. But whatever the reason, the end result is the same, and I see no point in pursuing someone who obviously doesn't want to be caught.
Regarding the OP, that's seriously creepy. That guy would scare me.
What fuji states is what we are more and more becoming as a society. No regard or courtesy towards others. Don's position reflects a much more courteous approach to interacting with others. "Mike" may be clueless, but we have seen nothing to suggest that he deserved the discourtesy of being ignored after the first date. I simple "no thank you" would have been much more appropriate and would have cost her nothing.
i agree with this.
But when she got this email, she should have sent it to the police with a cc to mike and not posted it on the internet. I am not sure how well stalkers take public humiliation. my guess is not well
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Ahh yes. I love coming out of a meeting to find a wall of texts where I can basically read the emotional state of the sender as she gradually gets more frustrated and paranoid.
Really...creepy? I just find it incredibly sad. The guy seems to be intelligent on some fronts, but obviously interacting with and understanding other people isn't his strong suit. I mean, does any guy actually listen to that dating advice, like the one that says a girl playing with her hair is attracted to you? Seems to me the guy is trying way too hard.
You call and leave a message. I don't call back.
You text and still don't reply. You call again and again I don't call back.
You really don't get the message? Seriously? LOL
You know what email said to me. Mike knows quite clearly that she was not interested but he didn't like that answer. Mike is a smart man, but Mike is a lonely man. Mike is looking for a relationship to help him feel complete in his life. Mike has social interaction issues that he needs to work on but prefers to focus on everyone else because his mommy probably told him that he is a really good sweet boy and one day the right girl will come along. Mike is a little sick of waiting.
All of this is presumed of course. I don`t know Mike or the girl. However I have worked with people in all walks of life and people like me can see exactly what I am talking about and can see exactly why the girl just walked away and said the truth. She had a nice time, and that was it. EOD
The second part of what you wrote makes no sense to me. Sorry.
Since none of us know Lauren or Mike (a fairly safe assumption) and were not privy to their date, no one knows what went on between them. Who knows how he acted on the date and what she really was doing re: hair, eye contact, etc.? Sounds like this guy is in his own little world. Planet Mike.
Courtesy is not always necessary when dealing with crazy folks - sometimes it only stokes the crazy fires. I see it as a person in a no-win situation - given his email to her, it looks like even if she responded politely but pointedly, his feelings more than likely would have been hurt and his reaction may have been even more visceral and scary. And we saw how he responded to her not getting back to him right away... dude's a whacko. There are at least 25 red flags in that email. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
Courtesy is not always necessary when dealing with crazy folks - sometimes it only stokes the crazy fires. I see it as a person in a no-win situation - given his email to her, it looks like even if she responded politely but pointedly, his feelings more than likely would have been hurt and his reaction may have been even more visceral and scary. And we saw how he responded to her not getting back to him right away... dude's a whacko. There are at least 25 red flags in that email. Ignore, ignore, ignore.
I would suggest a little P4P on Lorne Street, and keeping it simple lol.
Dating has got to be the most brutal sport out there.
As for Mike and the princess, someone had crapped on her at one point, she craps on Mike, and Mike will be ready to callously crap on some unsuspecting girl in the future, who then will crap on some unsuspecting guy and so it goes round and round.
There are any number of possible explanations for no response. Obviously, some are more likely than others.. but sometimes we cling to the improbable when the likely reason is undesirable (and I'm not just talking about a dating context).
Okay. I will give you that, but let's look a little deeper.
Clearly, their first date was a first time meet and greet. They had shown each other pictures prior so you know this was some sort of online dating thing in some way, shape or form. Plus, he has her email address in the first place, so there had to email exchanges prior.
He had her phone number too, clearly based on his email.
So he knows her reply turn around time to email, text and voice.
Now add to that how many times he writes "If you don’t want to go again" and then finishes the "her side" of the debate they would have had. He got the message. He just didn't like or agree with it.
He simply hyper-analyzed everything, had the bad judgement to write it down in essay format and even worse judgement to send it to her in an email. Either way, her making it public was a shitty thing to do, even if she kept his identity secret. What did mockery get her? A cheap laugh? Granted, the guy wasn't all roses in his email, but what he wrote seems to be sincere; and to have someone shit on your sincerity probably doesn't feel the greatest.
I sometimes used the "ignore" option when I didn't feel like or didn't have the time for dealing with the inevitable fallout. When I was a teenager. Now, I deal with it, rather than let it foster some sore feelings.
I sometimes used the "ignore" option when I didn't feel like or didn't have the time for dealing with the inevitable fallout. When I was a teenager. Now, I deal with it, rather than let it foster some sore feelings.
In this particular case.. he's desperate. He's delusional. There's no doubt about that. He's grasping at straws "we have so many common interests, like.. classical music.. and.. and.. classical music", and "playing with your hair is a sign of flirtation". Any reasonable person would conclude that she's not at all interested.
But sometimes otherwise rational people do unrational things. He's clinging to the 0.001% chance that somehow she really is interested in him, but for some far-fetched reason hasn't contacted him (maybe she was abducted by aliens, or something..).
Sometimes, it's better to be direct and hurt someone's feelings than beat around the bush and try to spare them the pain. I think this would be one of those cases.
