I find that the younger crowd doesn't seem capable of acting like an adult and saying its over. or it never was. they prefer to hide behind texting or email or ignoring a person.
How NOT to get a second date: banker's 1,600 word email to girl who didn't call back
- Thread starter alexmst
- Start date
We can see that he is a bit out to lunch, but we have no idea if he did things during the first date that gave her that impression and therefore led to her just saying, "Thanks, nice to meet you, had a nice time. Goodnight." and knowing full well she would not be in contact with him again. That is a key part that is missing. If he did all this because she didn't come out and say in what he would need as a clear cut, black and white message of No from her. It needs to be asked, what would he have done if at the end of the date, she said "Thanks, I had a nice time, but I not interested in another date." Or if he called and she answered and said the same thing.
We can also go even further. What if she replied via email, voicemail or text and said no. Then would he have reason to bitch that is was done so impersonal? Should have been said live, face to face? Should she have set up a second date to sit him down and itemize for him why she is not interested. Defend her hair playing etc when he points out all of it to her?
Clearly this guy has some issues and if he has this much of an over reaction to not being responded to, it begs the question of how he would react to being given a response he didn't like and doesn't agree with.
Fair enough, we don't know what his reaction would have been had she clearly told him "no" to another date. But I think things would have turned out better if she did.. maybe not in person, if she (with some justification) thinks this guy has a few screws loose, but after one date.. phone, e-mail, or even text is fine, as far as I'm concerned.
But everyone is different. Just look at this thread. Makes for great debates and I love that. And please don't get me wrong. I am very upfront person, so I would have said something personally to him during that first date. That is just me though.
However, Red's reply is a prefect example. His opinion, voicemail, texting, email is hiding. Taking the chicken shit way out and acting childish. You feel that after a first date, it is acceptable. So either way, she loses.
Still makes for a great debate that kept my attention for a longer then normal. LOL
I have had a similar experience with my 8 year relationship with my female friend/ex girlfriend There was never any details on if we are together or not 
. The funny thing about our relationship is that if I don't call her for a week or 2, she calls me at 3 am hammered and she would be blabbering about how I don't call or leave a text msg but then if I call she wouldn't pick up and when I text she don't reply. What's that logic? Is funny sometimes how us man can't read a female's mind because they often don't know what exactly what they wanted. It is not our fault for feeling this way because when it comes to love most men are stupid.
. The funny thing about our relationship is that if I don't call her for a week or 2, she calls me at 3 am hammered and she would be blabbering about how I don't call or leave a text msg but then if I call she wouldn't pick up and when I text she don't reply. What's that logic? Is funny sometimes how us man can't read a female's mind because they often don't know what exactly what they wanted. It is not our fault for feeling this way because when it comes to love most men are stupid.The onus is always on you to be an adult in an adult world. You deal with every situation presented to you equally. You don't accept the ones that you like and discard the ones you don't. That's irresponsible, childish and damaging. So much harm comes from lack of communication and bad interpretation due to no responses.
"The family wants you over for Christmas dinner?" I'll just ignore their phone calls and they'll figure out I'm not coming.
"There's a meeting at 11:00am of the regional departments:"I'll just ignore their e-mails and they'll figure out I'm not coming.
"The spouse broke up with me. I need a friend so I can talk about it." I'll just leave them sitting there and they'll figure out I'm not coming.
The point is that it is your responsibility to communicate your thoughts clearly and precisely. Communication is essential to the human condition in all aspects of life, not just the ones you choose. It's not an option to stick your head in the sand regarding the ones you don't want to deal with. You are not responsible for the deeds of other people but you are responsible for yourself and a question, any question asked of you, always deserves an answer.
Once you have done the responsible thing, you have taken the high road, you need never look over your shoulder and you can hold your head high knowing you have done the right and responsible thing instead of ducking out and hiding in immature and irresponsible fashion.
That's just abhorrent.
I sounds like what a seventh grader would say. Not an adult.
Okay Don. You win!!!! Ya YOU!!!
LMAO
Honestly, If I have nothing to say, then I have nothing to say. Period. Sorry that is way it goes. Thankfully I am woman and usually I always have something to say. But seriously, I didn't date the guy, ignore the guy, or anything of the sort, so maybe you should go back to woman who did this to you and give her your crap. I don't personally care about this situation with Mike and Lauren as much as you appear too. Me thinks it hits a little too close to home for you.
I think that no communication is a form of communication however. That is my opinion. You want to have a different opinion and debate that, I am game. For example, we tell people to ignore a bully. Don't engage them at all. This goes for all ages, but you would have the victim of bully sit down and have a pow wow over drinks and tell the bully just how they feel and how they want to be left alone so the bully knows for sure. DAMN why can't I post another eye rolling smilie????
As for every question being asked deserves an answer..... you really want to test that theory on a board like this? You may want to rethink that one. Just a friendly suggestion.
EDIT, just so you don't feel ignored. I have to go now. I need to eat, shower and get dressed up in something very slutty so I can get kissed, licked and pounded in many different positions and then repeated squirt all over the place, making a huge mess that I will probably have the BF clean up afterwards because I will be so sexually exhausted.
I may be back in the morning though.
Sorry if that is too much detail but I wanted to be sure that you feel completely comfortable in knowing that I am not ignoring you, I just have life to live and it is more important then you.
Thanks
Your very words: 'No Communication' point out the fact that nothing exists. There is no communication where there is nothing. That is fact, not opinion.
How often does lack of communication lead to resentment, anger and even physical abuse between people? The question is clearly rhetorical.
This couple has nothing to do with my life, so it is a futile interpretation to assume that it does.
I have, however, fired people or ended relationships due to bad or lack of communication. Several options at response and retribution went purposely ignored.
'No Response' is not a form of communication and will never be.
That 70'S song says it well........You've got to be cruel to be kind" No response by the princess after what seemed like a civil date, would call for the civility to respond. Choosing to put the email on the net was just plain low.
I am beginning suspect that "Don Draper" has never really had a girlfriend. At least not a real life, unpaid one.
People with actual social relationships are very aware of just how powerful "no communication" is as a form of communication.
Certainly if the family called you over for Christmas, and you refused to communicate, they would understand that you were seriously pissed off with them. That would be communicated quite plainly. In the context of a close relationship, like family, it is a very powerful communication.
On the other hand with someone you've been on a date with once, it is a very clear way of communicating "meh, I don't care for you". The message gets through.
I had a girl I was dating that became far too clingy at one point. She was trying to move things way too fast. I communicated to her very effectively just where she stood in my life by not calling her for a couple of weeks. She definitely got the message.
What exactly "no communication" communicates depends on the relationship and the situation--but I guess they just don't do these sorts of things on TV shows, so "Don Draper" doesn't know this.
People with actual social relationships are very aware of just how powerful "no communication" is as a form of communication.
Certainly if the family called you over for Christmas, and you refused to communicate, they would understand that you were seriously pissed off with them. That would be communicated quite plainly. In the context of a close relationship, like family, it is a very powerful communication.
On the other hand with someone you've been on a date with once, it is a very clear way of communicating "meh, I don't care for you". The message gets through.
I had a girl I was dating that became far too clingy at one point. She was trying to move things way too fast. I communicated to her very effectively just where she stood in my life by not calling her for a couple of weeks. She definitely got the message.
What exactly "no communication" communicates depends on the relationship and the situation--but I guess they just don't do these sorts of things on TV shows, so "Don Draper" doesn't know this.
I would of just phoned her, don't email.... And said I had a great time, and I would love to see you again. If you're interested, give me a shout.
However... On that Notion... Dating is sick these days. Everyone is looking for someone perfect and no-one is satisfied. Everything is so superficial, the days of just getting a girlfriend and settling down and getting married are over. I blame TV and Magazines. Thank god there's countries like Ukraine where you don't find stuck-up obnoxious people if you know what I mean...
However... On that Notion... Dating is sick these days. Everyone is looking for someone perfect and no-one is satisfied. Everything is so superficial, the days of just getting a girlfriend and settling down and getting married are over. I blame TV and Magazines. Thank god there's countries like Ukraine where you don't find stuck-up obnoxious people if you know what I mean...
I manage a Communication department for a large firm, and I don't agree with your line of reasoning in this thread. Of course there are situations where not communicating is both appropriate and effective.
For example, the woman who was the subject of this fellow's email sent him a very clear message by not replying to him directly and posting his email as a way of ridiculing. I take your point that it's rude not to reply to family, friends or colleagues, but communication is a complex thing and you can't have one rule that applies in every situation. I can assure you that as a company, we sometimes choose to communicate by not distributing a message.
Well we are getting away from Mike a Lauren a bit, but in general I have to agree with Don Draper that it is socially polite to convey your feelings to someone who sends a request.
For example, there was a hot chick I met at a party. We exchanged e-mails. I e-mailed her a brief "Want to get a drink?" and got no response. So then a few weeks later I'm at another party and run into her again. This time she is drunk and acting very sexy to everyone. She does the hair twirl thing, talks about different guys she's banged, and what sexual positions she likes best. Lots of eye contact. Granted she was hammered. So I sent her another e-mail, also brief, this time saying it was good to see you again. You know, if you are flirting with me with the sex talk, let's not beat around the bush here - invite me out for a drink and then we can see what happens. So after a day she replied with a brief e-mail and said "Sorry, I don't like you 'that way' and am not interested. If you want to chat at parties we meet up at because we have mutial friends, that is cool, but I'm not interested in more as you're not my type." So I stopped communicating with her - asked and answered. I did meet her again at another party 3 months later and while it was slightly awkward at first we both got over it and chatted in groups about this and that.
If she had ignored me instead of comminicatingm well, hey, there is the 0.0001% chance she might have been abducted by aliens LOL. Seroiusly though, guys need to ask and girls need to answer - it makes the world a more polite, easier place.
Back to Mike - it was pretty obvious she wasn't responding to him by not returning his e-mails and phone messages - after only one date many girls do that nowadays as a communication tool when they are not into the guy and want him to fade away.
I know girls who say they go crazy for a week after a first date when the guy doesn't call or text them back, then after a week give up that he will. When they e-mail him he responds that "I'm busy in Tokyo on work" or something, but on his Facebook is posting that he is in Toronto hanging out with friends. He clearly hopes she will get the hint he isn't interested in date #2 and go away.
It would be nice if in life people of both sexes would respond to requests without using the wall of silence, as Don is saying. We don't live in a perfect world though.
For example, there was a hot chick I met at a party. We exchanged e-mails. I e-mailed her a brief "Want to get a drink?" and got no response. So then a few weeks later I'm at another party and run into her again. This time she is drunk and acting very sexy to everyone. She does the hair twirl thing, talks about different guys she's banged, and what sexual positions she likes best. Lots of eye contact. Granted she was hammered. So I sent her another e-mail, also brief, this time saying it was good to see you again. You know, if you are flirting with me with the sex talk, let's not beat around the bush here - invite me out for a drink and then we can see what happens. So after a day she replied with a brief e-mail and said "Sorry, I don't like you 'that way' and am not interested. If you want to chat at parties we meet up at because we have mutial friends, that is cool, but I'm not interested in more as you're not my type." So I stopped communicating with her - asked and answered. I did meet her again at another party 3 months later and while it was slightly awkward at first we both got over it and chatted in groups about this and that.
If she had ignored me instead of comminicatingm well, hey, there is the 0.0001% chance she might have been abducted by aliens LOL. Seroiusly though, guys need to ask and girls need to answer - it makes the world a more polite, easier place.
Back to Mike - it was pretty obvious she wasn't responding to him by not returning his e-mails and phone messages - after only one date many girls do that nowadays as a communication tool when they are not into the guy and want him to fade away.
I know girls who say they go crazy for a week after a first date when the guy doesn't call or text them back, then after a week give up that he will. When they e-mail him he responds that "I'm busy in Tokyo on work" or something, but on his Facebook is posting that he is in Toronto hanging out with friends. He clearly hopes she will get the hint he isn't interested in date #2 and go away.
It would be nice if in life people of both sexes would respond to requests without using the wall of silence, as Don is saying. We don't live in a perfect world though.
Girls don't know what they want these days. They want the Mr.Bad Ass, who doesn't give a shit about them, and then they bitch when they get hurt.
Tough cookie dough.
Again, we're in a society where things will get worse....
