'guy code'

[Berlin]

What do you all think?

Whe it comes to women, each man for his own. Friend A should have learned this by now , and move on with his own life.

The friendship is not that solid if B had to lie about low grade man/woman shit like this, or we are not hearing the whole story

 

[RTRD]

Except Friend "A"...

With that being said it depends on how close these two were. If they were very close then there is a certain level of loyalty that should exist whereby they don't "mow each other's lawn" so to speak. Obviously the honorable thing for him to do was own up to the fact that he was interested and wanted to pursue the lady in question.

...never mowed the lawn in the first place.

Here is the deal: Friend "A" does have a right be upset that Friend "B" LIED TO HIM. Be it about a woman or anything else, your boy...if he is REALLY your boy...should always tell you truth, even if that shit hurts.

Now, does Friend "A" have a right to be upset about Friend "B" getting places with a chick he got nowhere with? Fuck no. You have NO CLAIM on any woman who doesn't claim you are her man. Period. If you are fool ass enough to get all "sprung" over pussy that is not yours (let alone that you haven't even had yet), you don't deserve to be respected as a man. And apparently the woman in question already knows this.

We aren’t in grade school anymore. We don’t pass notes in class. No more “pretend” GF and BF games. You either have closed the deal on some booty, or you haven’t. Period. If you haven’t, then get the fuck out the way so another man can.

One exception to this rule – if you really do know some female well enough to REALLY feel like she might be “the one”…and your boy comes along a year after the fact and meets her…yeah, he should stay clear. Your boy shouldn’t do something that he KNOWS will fuck with you…and if you are already close friends with some female and you feel like you REALLY could be REALLY serious about her (‘soul mates” and all that stupid shit) then your boy, if he is your boy, isn’t going to leave you all fucked up and depressed just for a chance to bag some new pussy. Plenty of other pussy out there, why does he have to go after the girl of your dreams?

But some chick that you both essentially meet at the same time? Get real dog…his game was more tight than yours…you snooze, you lose.

Fiancées, wives, and “soul mates” are off limits. Anything else…including girlfriends in 3 week old relationships…hey, I’m just showing you her true nature player…she sucked and fucked me KNOWING I was your boy and that you’d find out….you should thank me for the favor…

Friend “A” needs to grow up and grow a pair…

 

[RTRD]

Word....

Whe it comes to women, each man for his own. Friend A should have learned this by now , and move on with his own life.

The friendship is not that solid if B had to lie about low grade man/woman shit like this, or we are not hearing the whole story

...exactly.

"B" should been like "yo dog...I'm banging that babe...move on".

Or, if they are really tight, given him the secret password so he could bang her later...

 

[RTRD]

Agreed...

The underlying principle of the "Guy Code" says no girl is worth fucking over your friendship.

You can't make old friends, yet it is easy to find new women. Another chick will be along shortly so taking a pass on this one and letting your buddy go first will pay off in the long run if he is a worthwhile friend. In fact, really good guys feel that they owe their buddy for stepping aside and will often work to get their pal laid another time!

The "Guy Code" says that guys should always be frank between each other and especially about their intentions/interest towards a girl.

Furthermore, the Code says that no pussy shall go to waste so whoever has the better chance of scoring takes the lead.

So, Friend A should have stepped aside when it seemed that the chick was digging Friend B as he seemed to have a better chance of scoring.

However, no offence was committed by A since he did NOT speak up and tell B to back off since he really wanted this chick.

BUT, Friend B was definitely in violation of the no lying provisions of the Guy Code when he told A that there was nothing and also because he "went behind" the other guys back to take a run at the chick.

BANG... the gavel drops.

...what he said.

 

[tboy]

Well, there are certainly some interesting points in this thread but the underlying factor that we don't know is when/where did they meet? Did they both meet her at the same time? How long before going after the woman did FB wait? I mean come on, some guys take a little time to hook up. For eg: only 2 times in 30 yrs have I personally ever met a woman and closed the deal in the same night. With that being said the ones that took 2 3 or even 6 weeks to close, ended up lasting for 4 yrs plus. In fact, one time I was workin it with this one chick and it took about 6 weeks to finally get her to go out with me. During that time (she worked at a bar where we all hung out) every one of my friends etc who also went to that bar, backed off and gave me my shot (btw, the relationship lasted for 5 yrs). That is called respect.......Now thinking back, some of these friends/aquaintances even gave me pointers and passed on info to help me along....

Now guys who "got game" are just that, game players and the women typically mean nothing to these guys. All FB had to do was own up to his intentions and there would be no foul. IMHO this is typical of "gamers" because while they land the women, they have no honor.....

If A and B were friends the honorable thing to do was for A to say I'm interested, and B to say "Have your shot man" let me know what happens...then if nothing happens then take his shot...EOS.

All I can say is thank god I had/have honorable friends....WOmen fuck us around enough do we need our "friends" to do that too?

 

[sarasota]

gg,

Seems as though there is enough info here for you; and, like some have said, there are some facts that need clearing up. In any case, when I say "not mature," it's not a condemnation, just a statement as to how I see it.

Take it or leave it. If you take it, then you'll be working to improve yourself and your life like alot of people do. If you leave it, then, whatever.

Hope that all makes sense.

 

[fuji]

I agree, the only problem here is the lying. Friend A had nothing with this woman so he can't complain about the other guy picking her up. On the other hand, the other guy lied to him, and lying to your friend is just a shitty thing to do.

B is not a friend for the reason of the lying only.

EXCEPTION... if B and A both know full well that A would through some kind of hissy fit if B told the truth, then it is A's problem and not B'd and they are still not friends, just the fault has changed.

 

[freshbreath]

why is the woman "Woman A", if there are no other women in the story?

the problem is obvious then - "Friend A" overly and technically complicates situations
no wonder they are obsessed with "codes" and structured behaviour patterns, especially when they try to explain things by adding too much superfluous detail

simplify!

 

[ggaleazz]

Some interesting responses here that's for sure. Most seem to be a stereotypical 'type A/player' response, which is what I expected.

As for getting more information. A and B are good/close friends. Friend A approached friend B and asked for the truth and was cool with friend B taking his shot. Provided he came clean. In the end the woman made her choice. Friend A was upset about being lied too, not having the 2 'hook up'.

^

why is the woman "Woman A", if there are no other women in the story?

What's the difference?

 

[Agraman]

Rule number one in the 'Guy Code' or 'player's testament', or whatever you wish to call it....

"No beef before brethren."

Based on the story, "Friend A" and "Friend B" are not really friends at all. Friend B was wrong to take out the girl that Friend A liked, but Friend A was such a punk that he practically deserved it. True friends would have sized up the situation quickly. If they both had an interest for her, they would have either decided on the 'I saw her first' rule. Or else, the much better, "okay, we'll play fairly, but we'll both present ourselves as viable candidates and the guy that she shows more interest in gets to pursue the situation further with no interference from the other 'friend'." That way, at the end of the day, they are still 'friends'. These two guys in the story have no game...and yeah, I guess to answer your question, Friend A should be upset that Friend B wasn't up front with him about his intentions.

 

[RTRD]

No...

While I agree all is fair in Love and War, there is a certain amount of common respect you should ahve for your friends. Friend B was given a chncece a couple of times to just say "ya, I think I am into her" and that is what I assume Friend A is upset about. It has nothing to do with the girl, but the fact that Friend B couldn't tell Friend A the truth for whatever reason.

KWI

...it isn't.

That is what "Friend A" has a RIGHT to be upset about, but I can tell by the two posts that isn't what "Friend A" actually IS upset about. He is upset because his boy banged the girl he was all sprung over...the one he couldn't (ok...I'll give him the benefit of the doubt...hadn't yet) closed the deal with.

You aren't wrong for assuming that as a woman, because that is what would make sense, but trust me, being a guy...I ("we"?) know what the deal is here...

 

[RTRD]

I kinda see what you are saying...

Well, there are certainly some interesting points in this thread but the underlying factor that we don't know is when/where did they meet? Did they both meet her at the same time? How long before going after the woman did FB wait? I mean come on, some guys take a little time to hook up. For eg: only 2 times in 30 yrs have I personally ever met a woman and closed the deal in the same night. With that being said the ones that took 2 3 or even 6 weeks to close, ended up lasting for 4 yrs plus. In fact, one time I was workin it with this one chick and it took about 6 weeks to finally get her to go out with me. During that time (she worked at a bar where we all hung out) every one of my friends etc who also went to that bar, backed off and gave me my shot (btw, the relationship lasted for 5 yrs). That is called respect.......Now thinking back, some of these friends/aquaintances even gave me pointers and passed on info to help me along....

Now guys who "got game" are just that, game players and the women typically mean nothing to these guys. All FB had to do was own up to his intentions and there would be no foul. IMHO this is typical of "gamers" because while they land the women, they have no honor.....

If A and B were friends the honorable thing to do was for A to say I'm interested, and B to say "Have your shot man" let me know what happens...then if nothing happens then take his shot...EOS.

All I can say is thank god I had/have honorable friends....WOmen fuck us around enough do we need our "friends" to do that too?

...and agree on some points, disagree on others. But you apparently missed some key details:

"Friend A and friend B are 2 men who both meet Woman A at relatively the same time."

FA has no claim to her. They both met her at the same time. My exception rule is for something like this - FA works with this chick...has known her for a year or something like that...knows her about as well as you can know somebody in this circumstances, thinks her shit is aromatic. FB meets this chick one day while waiting in the lobby of their office building to give FA a lift home...gets her number because she is feeling him. FA comes downstairs...sees them chatting...her walk away....FA walks up to FB....says "I see you met 'Jenna'...isn't she perfect?"...or some shit like that. FB should trash the number. At that point she is just new puss....why send his buddy into rehab over new puss?

Met her at the same time? Every man for himself....

Friend A begins to notice, through body language, some chemestry between Friend B and Woman A.

FA KNEW FB and "The Woman" were into each other. He asks because he doesn't wanna believe that shit is true, because his punk ass is in denial. Sorry, no sympathy.

"Friend A approaches friend B and tells friend B that he knows there is attraction between friend B and woman A, and asks simply for an honest answer about friend B's relationship with woman A. Friend B responds with 'nothing'

Friend A then learns that friend B had gone behind friend A's back and taken woman A out for drinks/dinner without saying anything to friend A."

See...this is the give away. Note that FA never actually TELLS FB that he is all sprung over this chick...just asks if he is banging her. Then FA...err..."ggaleazz"...posts that FB "went behind his back". How the fuck can you "go behind the back" of somebody without knowing they have an interest in the first place? If we both meet the same girl and you don't TELL ME you are feeling her (not that I owe you shit anyway, but)...how the fuck am I supposed to know it? How can I "go behind" your back?

The truth is FA was to punk ass to step to the female (correctly), and too punk ass to tell his friend that he was sprung. As someone else said, he got what he deserved.

The single crime here is that FB didn't tell FA he was banging ole girl when asked. But, having given it more thought...if these two aren't REALLY tight, why the fuck does FB owe FA a detailed account of who he is fucking anyway? Perhaps he was just practicing a bit of discretion...you never have a fuck buddy in your circle of friends that neither of you wanted to have everybody else know you were fuck buddies?

Now...having said all that...like I said, I do see where you are coming from, but I have some questions...

"For eg: only 2 times in 30 yrs have I personally ever met a woman and closed the deal in the same night. With that being said the ones that took 2 3 or even 6 weeks to close, ended up lasting for 4 yrs plus. In fact, one time I was workin it with this one chick and it took about 6 weeks to finally get her to go out with me. During that time (she worked at a bar where we all hung out) every one of my friends etc who also went to that bar, backed off and gave me my shot"

How come in this situation it isn't "may the best man win"? how is it that you were somehow more deserving than they were? I am asking...keep in mind what I above about the guy and the girl at work...why isn't that YOU were the guy who got to proceed? Did you somehow "feel" the two of you (you and the bartender) were really going to hit it off? Ok...I buy that you could feel that way after 6 weeks....but if it didn't happen...if she instead went out with one of your buddies instead...wouldn't that have just proven you wrong?

I am not being beligerent here - I just don't understand the rationale behind you being more deserving than they...unless they actually weren't interested, in which case why did they need to "back off"?

"If A and B were friends the honorable thing to do was for A to say I'm interested, and B to say "Have your shot man" let me know what happens...then if nothing happens then take his shot...EOS."

Ok...again...I understand what you are saying here in principle...but again I ask...why is FA any more deserving than FB? Why can't they let the female decide who she wants to kick it with?

 

[RTRD]

Exactly What I Am Saying....

Rule number one in the 'Guy Code' or 'player's testament', or whatever you wish to call it....

"No beef before brethren."

Based on the story, "Friend A" and "Friend B" are not really friends at all. Friend B was wrong to take out the girl that Friend A liked, but Friend A was such a punk that he practically deserved it. True friends would have sized up the situation quickly. If they both had an interest for her, they would have either decided on the 'I saw her first' rule. Or else, the much better, "okay, we'll play fairly, but we'll both present ourselves as viable candidates and the guy that she shows more interest in gets to pursue the situation further with no interference from the other 'friend'." That way, at the end of the day, they are still 'friends'. These two guys in the story have no game...and yeah, I guess to answer your question, Friend A should be upset that Friend B wasn't up front with him about his intentions.

...let HER decide!!!

Only a punk ass counts on scoring a girl by hoping there is no competition....

 

[tboy]

MLAM: after everything else you wrote, the bottom line is your question "why is friend A, or in my situation me, more deserving"?? We/he isn't, it's just that out of respect, for each other, as human beings, my cohorts/friends backed off. Why? Because a) it was the honorable thing to do, b) because there are many more fish in the sea they could have/did go after why rain on someone else's parade?

I have known many guys in my life that would do something like Friend B just because he could....in other words, just to mow someone else's grass. This is the type of guy that you hear about getting shot by a jealous husband. Hey, I'm not saying friend B is this type of guy, but when approached and questioned by Friend A, he HAD to know the reason behind the questions and if he was honest, he would have said "yea, I'm interested and want to ___ her..."

As with everything else posted in this thread, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I can thankfully say that none of my friends would ever do something like this, ever. In fact, one time my closest male friend and I met a chick at a party. We both were going to another party and this same chick was going to be there. When we got there this chick kind of was showing more attention to my bud....In a quiet moment I said to him "hmmm since we talked so much before this party I thought I'd have a crack at her..." My bro said "hey, dude, if you want her, just say the word, I'll just politely tell her I'm not interested and sell ya up"!!! THAT"S a friend.......and THAT'S my point....Did I deserve her more? Probably not....Am I more deserving than my bud? Not....but a true friend will NOT mow another friend's grass....

 

[Keebler Elf]

Hell ya there's a problem. Both of these "guys" should have followed the guy code and done the proper thing: put a bet on who bangs her first. Problem solved.

 

[RTRD]

I guess I just don't get it...

MLAM: after everything else you wrote, the bottom line is your question "why is friend A, or in my situation me, more deserving"?? We/he isn't, it's just that out of respect, for each other, as human beings, my cohorts/friends backed off. Why? Because a) it was the honorable thing to do, b) because there are many more fish in the sea they could have/did go after why rain on someone else's parade?

I have known many guys in my life that would do something like Friend B just because he could....in other words, just to mow someone else's grass. This is the type of guy that you hear about getting shot by a jealous husband. Hey, I'm not saying friend B is this type of guy, but when approached and questioned by Friend A, he HAD to know the reason behind the questions and if he was honest, he would have said "yea, I'm interested and want to ___ her..."

As with everything else posted in this thread, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I can thankfully say that none of my friends would ever do something like this, ever. In fact, one time my closest male friend and I met a chick at a party. We both were going to another party and this same chick was going to be there. When we got there this chick kind of was showing more attention to my bud....In a quiet moment I said to him "hmmm since we talked so much before this party I thought I'd have a crack at her..." My bro said "hey, dude, if you want her, just say the word, I'll just politely tell her I'm not interested and sell ya up"!!! THAT"S a friend.......and THAT'S my point....Did I deserve her more? Probably not....Am I more deserving than my bud? Not....but a true friend will NOT mow another friend's grass....

...and that is ok I suppose.

I like her...you like her...but you get a clear shot because you asked me before I asked you? Maybe I just didn't think I needed your permission...

I agree that a friend doesn't mow another friends grass...but if it ain't your grass...it ain't your grass.

 

[sparkyboy]

Guy A missed the boat. Period. If the two of them are friends they will get the fact Guy A was either not playing the right cards or she just wasn't into him, have a beer about it and laugh it off. He should however take note of what Guy B did to score,and use it to either up the ante or go find another girl. He better do it fast 'cause Guy B might grow tired with the girl and move on... Men are like that sometimes....

Guy A was being a high maintenance wuss asking for validation. Grow some scrotes and step up. Guy B was obviously stepping up to the post and for the most part women can find wuss men dime a dozen, so she went for the guy that obviously had a spine.

The guy code comes in when Girl A starts asking Guy A why Guy B dosen't call her anymore when he knows full well Guy B discovered she's a clingy nut job looking to pick china patterns after having sex for the first time...Oh wait...I've gone off track.

 

[Alexis696969]

Guy A missed the boat. Period. If the two of them are friends they will get the fact Guy A was either not playing the right cards or she just wasn't into him, have a beer about it and laugh it off. He should however take note of what Guy B did to score,and use it to either up the ante or go find another girl. He better do it fast 'cause Guy B might grow tired with the girl and move on... Men are like that sometimes....

Guy A was being a high maintenance wuss asking for validation. Grow some scrotes and step up. Guy B was obviously stepping up to the post and for the most part women can find wuss men dime a dozen, so she went for the guy that obviously had a spine.

The guy code comes in when Girl A starts asking Guy A why Guy B dosen't call her anymore when he knows full well Guy B discovered she's a clingy nut job looking to pick china patterns after having sex for the first time...Oh wait...I've gone off track.

LOL agrees !

 

[WhaWhaWha]

So my question is. Is friend A right in being upset and feeling betrayed by friend B for taking woman A out behind friend A's back? Isn't there some sort of 'guy code' for this type of situation? What do you all think?

Intent is big the issue. Friends don't hurt friends on purpose but accidents can happen. If FB was smart he could have plausibly acted oblivious to FA's feelings and admitted he was dating WA from the beginning. Then FB could have had his good time with WA and kept FA's friendship. FB lied to FA proving he knew he was wrong and didn't care. FA needs better friends.

 

[Hard Idle]

Seems like B.S. There is no "code" that Guy "B" has to tell Guy "A" anything.

Friend needs to mind his own business and get a life.

But in the original scenario they're not "guy" A & B, they're supposedly friends.

Now "Friend" B has just as much of a right to pursue the woman as Friend A does, nothing wrong with Mr.B telling Mr.A "sorry bro, but I want her to and I think I have a better chance than you!". it's fair game and she's free to chose.

But to lie about his intentions to the guys face means he has no respect for him whatsoever. Therefore it should be clear to "Friend" A that Mr.B is NOT really his friend at all.