Vaughan Spa

Girlfriend Advice...

E

emailme84

Active member
Oct 27, 2005
362
80
28
I am looking for some girlfriend advice...

To make a long story short. I have been with my girlfriend almost 6 months. Since day 1 she has been working 2 jobs. At first it didn't really bother me that much. As things progressed and we got more serious it started to bother me more and more as to the fact that she never has time for me. I see her approximately one - two times per week for a couple of hours each time maximum. When we do see each other it seems rushed and her mind really isn't there. I really do not know if it has gotten worse or that its I pay attention to it more now. When I invite her to family events she is never able to come as she is always working.

I really do see this relationship being long term and I really do care about her. However, when I tell her how I feel, she acts as though she doesn't have a problem with it and I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I do not know what to do anymore. I do not want to break up with her but I don't want a "part time girlfriend". What can I do to help her understand how I feel? What should I do?

Thanks
 
Well let's get the "tell her how you feel" stuff out of the way, because that's about to come sooner or later.

But if you want to real truth. It's over. Anyone who cares about you wants to spend time with you, and they make the time.

Solution, don't break up but move on. Hobby (I hear there's an escort board around). When she see's you're not showing her attention, one of two things will happen. She'll want to break up, or she'll miss you. On those days that you're supposed to hook up, make other plans, go out with other friends.
Do not crack and become her lap puppy that comes running everytime she calls.

Or just do the Costanza, and break up with her first.
 
emailme84 said:
I am looking for some girlfriend advice...

To make a long story short. I have been with my girlfriend almost 6 months. Since day 1 she has been working 2 jobs. At first it didn't really bother me that much. As things progressed and we got more serious it started to bother me more and more as to the fact that she never has time for me. I see her approximately one - two times per week for a couple of hours each time maximum. When we do see each other it seems rushed and her mind really isn't there. I really do not know if it has gotten worse or that its I pay attention to it more now. When I invite her to family events she is never able to come as she is always working.

I really do see this relationship being long term and I really do care about her. However, when I tell her how I feel, she acts as though she doesn't have a problem with it and I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I do not know what to do anymore. I do not want to break up with her but I don't want a "part time girlfriend". What can I do to help her understand how I feel? What should I do?

Thanks
Click to expand...

I agree with the previous dudes, she just not that much into you. When a chick likes you, it's usually the opposite. They want to do everything with you, and set most of their free time to be with you.

Time to let go and heal.
 
All jokes aside. The girl three posts above me is totally right.

Also, the guy above me is totally right.
 
I think Lady of the Night makes some good points. However there's a difference between being ambitious and being a workaholic.
I once dated a girl just like this and one of my best male friends is also the same. Based on my experience with both of them, I would say it's pretty unlikely she'll change or make much extra time for you. If you're looking for a casual relationship, it may be ideal but based on what you're saying it seems that you're looking for something a bit more substantial. If I were you I would either try what beckham suggested or just walk away. I know that that's easier said than done and I would not have followed that advice myself when I was smitten but I believe it to be the best course of action..

Good luck...
 
You know that only saying: where there's a will, there's a way? Well, it certainly applies in this case. Even if she were working two jobs, she'd have more than 2-4 hours to spare per week. I suspect she is seeing someone else, and she's seeing you on the side. Or, as everyone else has said, she's not really into you.

On the other hand, some people can get by with little affection, and need their space. She could be one of those girls. The question is, do you really want to be with someone who isn't crazy about you?
 
If she's got a nice rack, you owe it too yourself to work it out!
 
ladyofthenite said:
K can I add one thing? What's with the "when a chick likes you she spends time with you?" .... As a grown woman, I have my own dreams and aspirations and I wouldn't dare give up my independence to go chasing after a guy and prove that I like him. Most of us wouldn't...would any of you guys? ....
Click to expand...

I excerpted for space savings but, this is the old double standard when it comes to the male/female perspective.

Sorry, but she isn't chasing him, she has to do something to keep him.

Now would you be saying the same thing if a woman came on here and said "my boyfriend works all the time and never has time for me"??? I will bet every penny I have that you'd say to her: dump him because he doesn't care about your feelings.

Why is it that when a guy states he wants to spend time with his gf, woman say that he's imposing on her independence? How about she's being selfish and not giving him what he wants? (which is, gasp, to spend TIME with his gf the fucking bastard how dare he.....)

Sorry, but my advice to the originator of this thread is to dump her like she's got the crabs. I have never met a man or a woman who, if they really want to, can't make time for the one they love.

BTW: I speak from experience. I dated a woman who would continually pick up extra shifts at work, book every saturday and friday night, and when she wasn't working she was spending time with her family. If she finally decided she wanted to spend time with me, and I happened to have something to do, all hell broke loose and I'd hear "I finally freed up some time to spend with you and you're BUSY, you FUCKING asshole..." well, I wasn't the asshole in the equation.....I had plenty of other times to spend with her but SHE didn't care to.....Not my problem......

BTW: it is also of my opinion that you can't have your independence AND be in a relationship. If you want independence, stay single.....
 
Thanks for all the responses,

She definitely isn't cheated, I've thought that myself too, have checked into it on a few occasions and I do not believe she is.

Although I can understand what ladyofthenite is saying there definitely is a double standard and still a lack of effort. I never once said she needs to leave her other job, or her independance, or anything of the sorts. All I'm saying is I would like to spend more time with her. Am I really wrong for wanting to spend more time with her?? What would make me happy isn't giving up everything to chase a guy as you suggest but simply making an effort.

And if I were a woman talking about a guy. I do feel that the general consensus would be to dump him because I'm an asshole who won't make time for her. Which is what I am leaning to right now.

And although it does leave more time for hobbying it doesn't provide the same emotional feelings as spending time with her. And in fact I've stopped hobbying since not long after we got together. Definitely considering getting back into it!
 
alienencounters said:
I dunno guys.
I don't think we have enough info on the situation or on the people involved.
MY view on this goes like this (like you all really care!) :
If she sees him for a couple of nights a week for a couple of hours then we are talking 6 hours per week?"
Shit I wish I could see my girlfriend for 6 hours a week - but we are both professional people - and my girl has children. We do better then that, but some weeks I get to give her a running kiss while I am on my way out of town. But the time we do spend matters. And we still chat every day...
So I guess what I am saying here is that QUALITY of time matters more them quantity. emailme84 -if you guys are sitting around going "Yup, yup, yup..." then whats the incentive to spend time with you?
Click to expand...

One of the key things you said is you say you chat everyday. I do not have that benefit, not even small talk. We both have blackberries which you think would have communication open. But it doesn't cause sometimes a simple message doesn't get a response for hours.
 
emailme84 said:
One of the key things you said is you say you chat everyday. I do not have that benefit, not even small talk. We both have blackberries which you think would have communication open. But it doesn't cause sometimes a simple message doesn't get a response for hours.
Click to expand...
GF and I have cell phones, and we don't necessarily return messages the same day to say nothing of within hours. This is normal for us.

Returning messages within hours may be normal for her.

I find that a change in message return time is a good gauge of relationship interest:
Decrease in time = more interest
Increase in time = less interest

Don't use the first 2 months of the relationship as a baseline for this measurement because people are supposed to be on their best behaviour during this time.

I say chill out, and just enjoy what you got for now.
 
David Beckham 23 said:
Well let's get the "tell her how you feel" stuff out of the way, because that's about to come sooner or later.

But if you want to real truth. It's over. Anyone who cares about you wants to spend time with you, and they make the time.

Solution, don't break up but move on. Hobby (I hear there's an escort board around). When she see's you're not showing her attention, one of two things will happen. She'll want to break up, or she'll miss you. On those days that you're supposed to hook up, make other plans, go out with other friends.
Do not crack and become her lap puppy that comes running everytime she calls.

Or just do the Costanza, and break up with her first.
Click to expand...


couldnt have said it better myself...I'll even take it a step further....go about your life, if you meet a "civilian" girl then so be it
 
ladyofthenite said:
K hold on one sec, sorry must interject with a woman's point of view. This woman works 2 jobs to support herself and you're upset that she can't make time for you? And there are people telling you if she liked you she'd make time? I say the girl is a keeper. She works her butt off to support herself and she should not be punished! She isn't trying to squelch off of you or have you cater to her and financially support her, she wants her independence and you want to punish her for that? If she can only give you so much time, that's all she has to give.
Click to expand...


I'm getting the impression that its not quite so much the amount of time as it is the quality.

I have been in jobs where I worked 70-80hrs a week and juggled a girlfriend. I didnt have much time to give but I made sure that the time I did give her was good time for "us". ie. I didnt rush her off and didnt act distracted.

No matter how busy you are, you can make this kind of time (notice I said "kind of time" not "amount of time").

From my experience.. the rushing and distracted demeanor all the time was a tell tale sign.....
 
Hmmm I don't know about taking relationship advice from markvee, isn't he the one that wants to buy his gf a fake diamond engagement ring?

(lol, couldn't resist that one...seriously lol)
 
emailme84 said:
One of the key things you said is you say you chat everyday. I do not have that benefit, not even small talk. We both have blackberries which you think would have communication open. But it doesn't cause sometimes a simple message doesn't get a response for hours.
Click to expand...


again.. a simply reply she cannot spare you. Think about emails you get and dont reply in a somewhat timely fashion (given you have a crackberry)...were you really THAT busy? or did you just not see it as important enough? or just could be bothered?

Sorry but she really doesn't care, emailme
 
tboy said:
BTW: it is also of my opinion that you can't have your independence AND be in a relationship. If you want independence, stay single.....
Click to expand...

I cant believe I'm agreeing with Tboy
 
emailme84 said:
I do not want to break up with her but I don't want a "part time girlfriend". What can I do to help her understand how I feel? What should I do?
Click to expand...

Off the top of my head, two choices:
1. Tell her that her part-time girlfriend status isn't providing adequate service coverage for your customers (like your balls, for example) and you would like to promote her to a full time girlfriend position. But failing that...
2. Tell her that her part-time girlfriend status isn't providing adequate service coverage for your customers and you would like to hire a 2nd full time or part time girlfriend to help ensure that service needs are being met.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Ashley Madison
Toronto Escorts
Top Bottom
Back