Funny one (true) from work

[alexmst]

True story from my work yesterday:

So the senior manager walks into the meeting (50 people - 35 men, 15 women) and gives a talk about inter-departmental unity and cross-sharing of information.

"If I wasn't from Toronto (from another branch office for example) and arrived here I should be able to ask you guys where a good restaurant is rather than have to find one myself. If I wanted a good brothel, I should be able to ask you guys where a good one is and not have to find one myself..."

(grumbles from a couple of the women)

"...Oh, (trying to smooth over the grumbling women)...I didn't mean to be male specific...If I wanted to know where a good brothel was in Toronto I could always ask the women in the room."

(more grumbles from more women; some guys chuckling)

" Err...that didn't come out right...what I meant was that if I was a woman, I could ask the women here where good brothels were that had men in them for women to enjoy..."

He should have moved on...backtracking and trying to make his comment politically correct was just digging a deeper hole for himself.

 

[Prim0]

I think he has a future in politics!

 

[Mongrel4u]

LMAO.. this guy is off his trolley.

Could you imagine that? "Hey Johnson, I'm horny...where can a guy go to get his dick wet?"

Some things you just gotta do your own leg work for.

Alex...What industry are you in?

 

[LancsLad]

So where were the good brothels, and please provide pics of the women who knew.



.

 

[alexmst]

It was a great way to start of a Monday.

Know how I first got into the hobby? I mean, OK, some very limited experience prior to this event, icluding one set up I got out of, but how I really got to know the hobby (pre-Terb)...

I was working in a major U.S. city - this is many years ago - new job, new company (banking back office). I was the newbie, and of course that meant I got all the jobs no one else wanted. My boss was an uber-bitch...not all bad, just a tough as nails broad who would slug a guy if he didn't watch himself.

I get called into her office and she says a group of male executives (6) from a foreign bank are visiting to see how we operate the back office in America. They'll be at lectures and tours during the day. Their English isn't good, but they have a translator with them. We're having a dinner for them, and I want you to come to it. I'll be there, as well as some of our executives. Then after dinner, your assignment will be to entertain them.

Me: "Entertain them how?"

Her: "They're away from home and they're men - do I have to spell everything out for you for craps sake - use your imagination. Go to the petty cash office and request $2,000 for entertainment expense. If you spend more, get the rest reimbursed tomorrow. And don't let them get arrested or you're fired."

So after the dinner I say to the translator "What do you think they want to do?" and he's like, "Women?". So I take them to an upscale SC. They are having a ball...pouring back shots, dancing next to the stage (in suits)...dancers can't understand a word they're saying. I ask a dancer if they know anyone who could spend some quality time with them. I get a number (outcall agency) and then take them back to their hotel. One takes a piss in the lobby ashtray, but a big tip to the hotel staff from me means no fuss.

Next day they sing my praises to the executives. My boss calls me in...now she is kind of like Judy Dench playing "M" in the Bond films of the last 10 years (although this is before Judy Dench had that role, but I'm just saying to give you guys a visual of this no-nonsence gal). She says I did a good job, and my job description would now include entertaining out of town VIP's.

Me: "So I have to work nights...do I get to come in late, or get a raise?"

Her: "No."

Me: "Why me?" (I mean this is the U.S. and risks are higher)

Her: "Because you're expendable. You're not married, live alone, are Canadian...so if you get deported back to Canada it won't cause much fuss for us."

Me: (OK, how to I get something out of this...) OK, I'll do it...but I can't just blindly hope the entertainment will work out without doing...research."

Her: "Fine. Do your research."

Me: "I should do it on company time, since it is job-related."

Her: "That's reasonable, as long as it doesn't interfere with your other duties."

Me: "...and I'll need expense money...five hundred a week."

Her: "Put in a request every week for $500 for research expense, and I'll sign off on it. Just so you know, if you get arrested we never had this conversation, you misappropriated the funds, and you'll be fired."

So for 5 months I tested the waters every week on company time and on the company dime. I didn't even have to report my findings. I only had three entertaining jobs in that time...one other group of execs from the same foreign bank, and two individual out of towners from Europe that wanted a pointer in the right direction.

After 5 months there was a management shift and I didn't have that boss anymore and I got a promotion and I guess this entertainment facilitator job went to someone else.

Anyway that was a different company than the funny meeting story from yesterday...but, yeah, some out of towners DO ask where they can have a good time...not out in the open like that...but in a subtle way.

 

[james t kirk]

Great story(s)

Love the one about your US job especially. Did you ever bone your boss? Sounds like she'd be into humiliation. (Hers)

 

[alexmst]

Great story(s)

Love the one about your US job especially. Did you ever bone your boss? Sounds like she'd be into humiliation. (Hers)

No, I never did her. Never asked her. Didn't want to ask ha ha...

A year later a former lover of hers (who got made a senior VP at another bank) poached her away to his bank with a bigger salary and better title. I ran into her 6 months after her departure at a conference in Dallas. That was the last time I saw her. She's probably enjoying early retirement in Florida by now. Yeah Rub, she was quite the gal she was. She got the job done...always maintaining plausible deniability too.

 

[WoodPeckr]

So where were the good brothels, and please provide pics of the women who knew.

LOL!!!!!
I knew all along it was you Laddie giving the talk at that meeting!....

 

[Questor]

Great stories Alex, both of them. Thanks for sharing. Sounds like a dream job...$500 a week in expenses and company time to do research.