Divorce

[Perry Mason]

I will repeat what I said above because some people either can't read or simply don't understand.

If you want the kind of solution that quitting your job will bring, a much more effective strategy is to commit suicide.

Perry

 

[mandrill]

Why doesn't the OP actually Google "Ontario family law" and read well informed articles on government websites or law firm websites?? Much of the "advice" on this thread is ludicrous and pathetic.

I don't intend getting bogged down in this thread since I am on a "reduce TERB" diet. But if I ever catch a guy quitting work to avoid child support, the judge and I are talking about jail terms or vesting the lady with the GUY's HALF of the matrimonial home and his business - as well as her own half - to teach him a lesson. For real.

 

[essguy_]

I don't intend getting bogged down in this thread since I am on a "reduce TERB" diet. But if I ever catch a guy quitting work to avoid child support, the judge and I are talking about jail terms or vesting the lady with the GUY's HALF of the matrimonial home and his business - as well as her own half - to teach him a lesson. For real.

Exactly. You can be sure that any judge or opposing counsel (if they're any good) will have seen and heard everything. So quitting your job as a strategy to avoid child support will fool nobody.
Quitting your job as a divorce strategy is the definition of cutting off your nose to spite your face. And think about it. Anybody responding to this thread is here on TERB. How are you going to finance your hobby? Setup a "Go Fund Me" page? What about dating in the future? If you're in an unhappy marriage, you might want to go on to another phase of your life, possibly with another significant other. Do you think being unemployed is a major attraction as you re-enter the single's life?

 

[freedom3]

Exactly. You can be sure that any judge or opposing counsel (if they're any good) will have seen and heard everything. So quitting your job as a strategy to avoid child support will fool nobody.
Quitting your job as a divorce strategy is the definition of cutting off your nose to spite your face. And think about it. Anybody responding to this thread is here on TERB. How are you going to finance your hobby? Setup a "Go Fund Me" page? What about dating in the future? If you're in an unhappy marriage, you might want to go on to another phase of your life, possibly with another significant other. Do you think being unemployed is a major attraction as you re-enter the single's life?

Absolutely. You need to quit at the first sign of trouble. After the divorce starts, it's too late.

 

[dirkd101]

Opposing counsel will see that you quit your job and as such you will owe her in arrears for any support. On top of this, your case will go straight to FRO, the Family Responsibility Office, so when you do start work again your wages will be garnisheed at the source.

This tactic is not new to counsel or the courts. They see you were working and they will still assess you at whatever yearly wage you were at before this went down. Hell, they'll ask for your income tax filings going back 5 years if they have to, in order to establish what you are capable of earning.

If you work part-time she's entitled to that money too. You can go ahead and quit that too, but the courts will say that you still have to find her half of the money that you were making.

Don't be stupid.

Educate yourself.

 

[Smooth60]

Not only quitting is stupid but even if you were to "under employ" yourself, going to work for minimum wage if you are a qualified Engineer with previous salary of 100K for insttance. The judge and her lawyer will point that out and you will be screwed.
Furthermore, what the dummy said about you automatically getting the kids and support because you are now unemployed is just to stupid to comment on.

 

[freedom3]

I know you all want him to spend the rest of his life busting his ass, sending 50% to the government and the remaining 50% to her, and struggling to see his kids, but my method is his best chance to stop that train. Once a man gets married, has kids, and supports his loving wife who stays home with the kids, his life is pretty much over, that is true. This is his hope to stop that doomsday cycle.

 

[essguy_]

I know you all want him to spend the rest of his life busting his ass, sending 50% to the government and the remaining 50% to her, and struggling to see his kids, but my method is his best chance to stop that train. Once a man gets married, has kids, and supports his loving wife who stays home with the kids, his life is pretty much over, that is true. This is his hope to stop that doomsday cycle.

You're just wrong. Period. In fact I wonder if you're speaking from experience or merely repeating what you heard from a friend of a friend? If the OP tried to do this, even in advance of the divorce process he is simply screwing himself. The wife's counsel will apply for support (his wife is not working) and will use historical tax filings as a way to calculate income. If the OP has no source of income because he has quit his job, the counsel will ask for assets (eg: the house) to be used in lieu of wages. You forget that spousal support can be ongoing, or it can be lump sum. Any family court judge would see this situation for what it is (total BS) and will act accordingly against the OP. Thus, he will lose equity in the house, will likely STILL owe additional on-going support and he will be unemployed.

Divorce is a total shit-show. There is no getting around it. But the OP has to look forward and protect himself as much as he can. Yes, he may end up paying a lot of support (child and spousal) but he will always be better off with a job vs without - even with the limited info from the OP, this is pretty obvious. He's going to end up paying and both he and his wife will be in a worse financial condition vs when they were married. He'll need to re-build post-divorce and being unemployed is NO way to re-build, either financially, or socially.

Oh - and if you think the OP will stop the divorce by being unemployed, I'll have what you're smoking. "Hi Honey, I quit my job. Do you love me more NOW?" Yeah, that'll work.

 

[mandrill]

Absolutely. You need to quit at the first sign of trouble. After the divorce starts, it's too late.

I'm going to indulge you....

When do you suggest quitting your job? A year before you split? Two years? Two months?

"Your Honour, my husband had a great job making $100,000 a year until we had a fight about a month before he moved out and he suddenly quit the job. Now he says he can't find a job."

Judge: "Oh then he COULD be making $100,000. My support order is based on your husband earning $100,000. We'll involve FRO to put him in jail if he says he can't pay."

Guy: "I can't pay. I have no job. And now I really can't find another job."

Judge: "Okay. Sign over your assets or FRO will put you in jail."

Etc. :encouragement:

 

[Wes2017]

First, I think you are not sure if you want to divorce or if a divorce is the right choice. Think about the kids, is the house as it stands today still a good “home” for them? Or are you and your wife fighting so much to the point where it is better to separate and eventually divorce?

Beyond that, don’t focus on the money, and get professional advice. I liked the advice of Catherine St. Clair above about getting separation therapy. You and your wife were partners for some time, had children together, and will continue to need each other to raise the kids to be healthy and successful. You don’t need to get nasty with each other, and neither of you should try to short change the other party.

Lots of adivce above sound like a bad idea, so think about your family and consult professionals.

 

[harrypalm]

I will repeat what I said above because some people either can't read or simply don't understand.

If you want the kind of solution that quitting your job will bring, a much more effective strategy is to commit suicide.

Perry

I lost my job. I became a stay at home dad and I guess she got jealous of me getting to be with kids while she worked. She said she wanted a divorce and me out of her house. I would not get kids.

Suicide came to mind constantly with the depression caused by being away from kids.
Wish I knew my rights back then. :fencing::doh:layball:

Anyhow, make sure you have a support structure to help you mentally through this. Talk therapy, support group, family, and/or friends. Or us here....

 

[koreanjames]

stumbled upon this old thread.

some great advice here i should have been paying attention to when it was my turn re divorce.

@bourne78 how did everything turn out in the end?

 

[bourne78]

stumbled upon this old thread.

some great advice here i should have been paying attention to when it was my turn re divorce.

@bourne78 how did everything turn out in the end?

hi all

just wanted to update. It’s been 4 years since I started this thread.

as of today, I’ve decided to leave her. She cheated on me with a coworker for the last 3 months. She confessed and begged for forgiveness to start over. Because of this guilt this spiralled her back in her depression and she’s off work on short term leave. Then I felt distrust in the last month or so. I know why she cheated, I really messed up our finances but all money was spent on family spending what I couldn’t afford to keep her happy. It’s a lame excuse. I mean I know i see MPs and escorts but that’s to fill a sexual void and no feelings of love was placed in those transactions.
I found out she is still talking to him. I confirmed it on the phone bills. She denies seeing him, but I see her location via google timeline.
She mad that I am stalking her and checking her stufff. But she lied, she said she won’t talk to him. She said she needs to talk to him coz she lead him on. He’s divorce, has no family in Toronto and because of her he’s suffering from mental disorders. She did not feel the need to tell me this is going on. I’m going thru hell all this time, even went on meds. I’ve lost 20 lbs and can’t sleep at all or eat. I cannot even enjoy a cigarette and alcohol, I’m a sad, angry, and hurt.
I’ve decided to leave her. It’s not fair for the kids. But no choice. I cannot live in a loveless marriage. She’s cautioning me about my future financial losses with a divorce. But I don’t care anymore. I hate her. I truly hate her. She tells me she won’t leave me and to trust her. How can I?
Am I selfish? I spent everything on family. I can’t even look her in the eye. She does not want try couples therapy. I swear if she does I’d quit hobbying.
I’m afraid of the future without my children. But I cannot live with distrust.
I want to kill myself. I don’t want to see this world anymore. But I don’t want my children to be without a father. What should I do?

I want to leave her. But miss what we have, what we’ve built. She said give her time to fix her depression then we talk. I can’t wait like this. She said to trust her. If she was going to leave me she wouldn’t be on leave and she’d be with him.

i fucked up. I called the guy today. He wouldn’t talk to me. Said he’d call me at night. I told him not to tell her or you’d fuck up her depression state. The mofu decided to text her to rat me out. I found out coz her sister told me that my wife told that I had called him. I asked her today right after my sister in law told me, did sheI have something to tell me. She said no. I was so mad, i confronted her. She admitted to speaking with him but She denies visiting him. Fucking google timelines shows she was at his fucking house.

she is fucking me up. She first said she slept with him and now denies it. Fuck!
I know I am wrong for checking. I gave her many chances to confesses.
I have to leave. I cannot do this anymore. I won’t kill myself.
What road lies ahead?

 

[MrMessi]

Not directly related but is it possible to do an uncontested divorce and receive spousal support?

 

[Butler1000]

Get a damn good lawyer now. Don't move out of the house no matter what. Remain calm no matter what. Keep your phone handy to record all interactions with her as of now in case she tries to claim assault. Do not get into stupid arguments. Do not bad mouth her in front of the kids. Let her be the bad guy.

No matter what its going to be a rough ride. Time to avoid alcohol, drugs and anything to stop your having a clear head. You need to get cold now. Keep thinking about the kids, and eventual freedom. Dont weaponize them no matter what. In the long run they will see the truth.

Password all your shit, get your own bank accounts started. In a separate bank. Get lean right now with spending, you are going to need it.

Good luck.

 

[Jenesis]

This is fucking classic. LMAO

You spend how much money and how much time fucking escorts and MPs? How many years of the marriage? And she cheats for three months and your lose your shit?!?!?! You little fucking hypocrite.

Did you tell her you have fucked someone’s else? And paid them? I think not. How many lies did you tell? I take it more then her. How many times did she think you were at work or with friends or playing “pick a sport” and instead were balls deep in some hot chick for an hour? Doesn’t feel that great when you think of her doing it but totally excusable when you do it right????
LOL

You say it is to fill the void and I am going to guess she has the same reason. You probably stopped giving emotional attention and just wanted sex as is typical and she went and found that emotional attention and gave up the booty. That is what happens. She doesn’t love him. Not after three months. And emotions aside, you both are cheaters. There is no difference in that. And also, she will have just as much upset about you spending family money on sex as you do for her getting emotional attention. You didn’t spend everything on the family. Calculate how much you spent on escorts and MPs. Women invest emotions, men invest money. It is the way it is.

Now I agree, the marriage is off. Call a lawyer. Don’t move out until the house is settled. If you do, continue to pay the half the mortgage, property taxes and house insurance so that you don’t lose your house due to abandonment. Be amicable, fight for your right to access to the kids (it Is called access, not visitation) and be done with it all.

But don’t think for one second you are so hard done by in this relationship. You are just as guilty of cheating as she is. You just didn’t get caught, but you are a guilty ass MoFo just like her. You both fucked each other over. Own your part in it.

 

[bourne78]

This is fucking classic. LMAO

You spend how much money and how much time fucking escorts and MPs? How many years of the marriage? And she cheats for three months and your lose your shit?!?!?! You little fucking hypocrite.

Did you tell her you have fucked someone’s else? And paid them? I think not. How many lies did you tell? I take it more then her. How many times did she think you were at work or with friends or playing “pick a sport” and instead were balls deep in some hot chick for an hour? Doesn’t feel that great when you think of her doing it but totally excusable when you do it right????
LOL

You say it is to fill the void and I am going to guess she has the same reason. You probably stopped giving emotional attention and just wanted sex as is typical and she went and found that emotional attention and gave up the booty. That is what happens. She doesn’t love him. Not after three months. And emotions aside, you both are cheaters. There is no difference in that. And also, she will have just as much upset about you spending family money on sex as you do for her getting emotional attention. You didn’t spend everything on the family. Calculate how much you spent on escorts and MPs. Women invest emotions, men invest money. It is the way it is.

Now I agree, the marriage is off. Call a lawyer. Don’t move out until the house is settled. If you do, continue to pay the half the mortgage, property taxes and house insurance so that you don’t lose your house due to abandonment. Be amicable, fight for your right to access to the kids (it Is called access, not visitation) and be done with it all.

But don’t think for one second you are so hard done by in this relationship. You are just as guilty of cheating as she is. You just didn’t get caught, but you are a guilty ass MoFo just like her. You both fucked each other over. Own your part in it.

You are right. I am as guilty as she is. I fill the void because she didn’t want sex. I gave her emotional support. I was always there for her. She didn’t work for 10 years, it was tough on the finances. She always wanted to spend and spend. All my bills I have collected over the years. Parties, gifts, vacations, and excessive spending on the children. One income was hard. I’ve calculated and kept track of my hobbying habits, I only hobby 4 times a year. The money spent is money I earned from my mileage redemptions at work. I know it’s not right. But I have needs. I do everything for her, all she has to do is cook. I gave her emotional support for her schooling and her return to work. Not saying my hobbying is right. But you are right, I am a hypocrite. Thank you.

 

[Jenesis]

You are right. I am as guilty as she is. I fill the void because she didn’t want sex. I gave her emotional support. I was always there for her. She didn’t work for 10 years, it was tough on the finances. She always wanted to spend and spend. All my bills I have collected over the years. Parties, gifts, vacations, and excessive spending on the children. One income was hard. I’ve calculated and kept track of my hobbying habits, I only hobby 4 times a year. The money spent is money I earned from my mileage redemptions at work. I know it’s not right. But I have needs. I do everything for her, all she has to do is cook. I gave her emotional support for her schooling and her return to work. Not saying my hobbying is right. But you are right, I am a hypocrite. Thank you.

I was honestly just coming back online to write I was slightly harsh. Like I stopped fishing because I felt bad.

I want to explain why I was pointing it however. It will help you heal. It will help you lose the anger fast. Not diminish what she did but this is a guilt/shame/betrayal/hurt you can both share in and I don’t think truly sharing is something you two have done in a while. Even though she won’t know, for you, it can help you heal knowing you both did it.

Second, and only because I am woman I would know, emotional support and emotional attention are two different things. Just like jacking off and being jerked off. They are just different. She wasn’t getting emotional attention. That is why she wandered. She still loves you in her way just as you actually do still love her in yours. You don’t hate her. You’re just rightfully hurt.

But take knowing that you did it as well as a healing tool. You are both guilty, now focus on the kids, be amicable to each other and move on to co-parent living separate li that are hopefully able to be fulfilling to your both individually.

I hope that made better sense and came across better. Fuck I’m such a bitch sometimes. So I’m sorry for the hard dose. I should have been softer with my approach considering the hurt and pain you are going through.

PS - DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB OR LEAVE THE HOUSE!

And watch for fights started so police can be called in order to get you out.

Look up imputed income and abandon property in regards to family law in Ontario.

 

[y2kmark]

The best thing to do is to quit your job. Don't threaten to quit. Just quit (because of, ie. depression). Or better yet, get fired.

The key to understanding women after marriage and kids is realizing that she now has to deal with the big question in her life: "What do I need him for? If we divorce, I get the kids, house, and cheques for life!" Before marriage, she was very attracted to you because of your economic power. (Do you remember the sex back then?) But, because you got married without a prenup, your economic power is now hers and so she has lost her attraction for you. At this point, your salvation is to make it clear that there will be no big cash payment on a divorce. All of a sudden you will go from being the household idiot to a valued member of the household because everyone will want you to get back to work. Don't do it. From now on: She works and you are staying home with the kids.

You're welcome.

Beats working, anyway....

 

[xix]

Record everything and save it on a hard drive. Buy an audio recorder save all files transfer to HDD or cloud.
AT the divorce ask to sell the house and sell everything and when ever you give her money I been told have evidence. One guy told me he used Credit card then etransfer and kept all receipts never cash even a dollar.

Keep all court records. - to show children once grown.

Live in an apartment yearly and move out, don't stay longer than 18 months, move to next apartment. One guy found this to be therapeutic.