divorce/seperation advice

[chazz_matzz]

I am planning to separate from my wife in the new year.....it won't be a shock to her but I want to try to do it with minimal lawyer involvement if possible.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

[calloway]

Sit down with your wife and come to an agreement. The both of you will save a fortune.

 

[dragnbiz]

get a template and write up your own seperation agreement or at worst use a mediator. It all depends on how many assets you have to split, if you are both willing to be fair and even then it will be a breeze. The most contentious issue is always children so it's much easier if you have none.

 

[MuffDiver]

Really depends on your situation and relationship. I separated and then divorced and it happened, although I forced it and she did not resist since she knew I would never stay.

We settled on our own and the whole thing cost about $1700 - separation agreement and divorce fees.

 

[shack]

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Don't do it when she's on her period.

 

[papasmerf]

transfer all lquid assets into your name.

 

[Liquid Snake]

I hope you had a prenup. How easy or hard this is totally depends on the party you are dealing with. No way to know until you drop the bomb so to speak.

 

[Jimmy C]

Prepare yourself financially and follow all of the above advice.

Seriously though, planning is the most important aspect so do a cheap 1 hour consult with your lawyer first to determine the best method of insulating yourself financially no matter what her reaction is. There are many ways of doing this depending on your individual situation so be the first one to figure it out and you will feel much better with a gameplan.

You are both going to need to bring different lawyers (conflict of interest concerns) into this situation at some point to sign off on any potential separation agreement so get yours to advise you of other "friendly" lawyers to refer her to in order to "push" any settlement through efficiently.

Also, mutually create a rough draft of an agreement if that is possible that you can submit to be legally re-written. This will save you many, many steps of back and forth between lawyers and lots of $$$.

As for the divorce part, you cannot seek a divorce for 1 year from separation date unless one of you wants to admit to adultery or there is unusual cruelty involved. If the latter 2 are the case, prepare for a long, expensive divorce. Best just to wait for the year (and you can apply as soon as you separate).

Good luck bro, you are going to need it!

 

[Sexy_Dave]

Step One: Get to a Lawyer

You say it won't be a shock to her....even so Hell hath no fury.

When she begins to talk with her "support network"and she tells them you are both trying to do this amicably, they will tell her she's crazy, to get a lawyer, and to take you for everything you got.

Regardless of the dis- and misinformation, separation and divorce is considered an adversarial solution by lawyers and the courts. Get a Lawyer, plan strategy and tactics of possible outcomes and responses, and then tell her you want to separate. PROTECT YOUR ASS!!!!

 

[lickrolaine]

transfer all lquid assets into your name.

but make sure you disclose,100 percent all and any assets and money.

 

[STM]

Hate to say it! It's cheaper to her!

 

[Anderson]

Hmmmmmmm,

I am planning to separate from my wife in the new year.....it won't be a shock to her but I want to try to do it with minimal lawyer involvement if possible.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

So you don't want a lawyer and are looking for advice here ?

I can hear her lawyer licking his chops from here !

 

[james t kirk]

I agree with the above, if you can hammer out an agreement with her on your own, then get it drawn up by a lawyer, you will both save a shit load of money. (That's what I did with my ex - though it did take 4 months. My ex was a lot of things, but when it came to money, she wasn't stupid.)

Often times, you spend 20 or 30 grand on a lawyer, only to end up where you would have been in the first place if you were both just fair with one another.

If you don't have a marriage contract, then roughly speaking, joint assets purchased after the date of the marriage are split 50 50 regardless of who paid for them.

Roughly speaking, assets you owned prior to the marriage remain yours, with the exception of "the marital home". Even if you owned your house outright prior to marriage, she automatically owns half when you get married. (The exception may be if you have a marital contract, though, there is often times debate about this whether or not it's enforceable.) (Personally, as a homeowner now, I think that this is a crock of shit and would keep me from getting married in the future.)

Sames goes with pensions and investments, you may have owned them prior to your marriage, however, he is entitled to half of any appreciation during the time you were married.

Child support is based on the federal tables I believe which are based on your salary.

You could do well by starting to read this website....

http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/

and this....

http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/familyla.pdf

 

[viciouscycle]

I am planning to separate from my wife in the new year.....it won't be a shock to her but I want to try to do it with minimal lawyer involvement if possible.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Sorry to hear about your situation chazz. All of the above are good advice, and even if your spouse is agreeable to mediation, her lawyer will likely suggests that she "protects" herself and get as much as she can - this is the lawyers saying that they're doing their job.
Rough seas ahead...but there's usually calm after the storm, hang in there.

 

[jackd1959]

Get a lawyer if:

ANY OF THE FOLLOWING ARE TRUE:

1) You have children under the age of 18. Be fair with support payments up front. Kids shouldn't suffer... but be sure it is specified as child support and not alimony. Child support ends when kids turn 18. Alimony continues indefinatley depnding on x-wife's ability to sustain herself and years married.

2) She gets one.

3) She doesn't work and you will be expected to pay support. See item one above. If you had money she could claim "lifestyle" dependencies.

4) If you have substantial assets. See item 3 above.

5) You have been married for a significant period of time. See items 3 and 4.

Amicable divorce is possible when assets are limited and their aren't any children involved. Things get hostile when any of the 5 above come in to play.

 

[chazz_matzz]

We are both in our Late 20's and have a modest amount of savings plus some Equity in our home. If she wants to fight over it....not likely there would be much left after the lawyers get their share...

Thanks for everyone's advice thus far

 

[papasmerf]

We are both in our Late 20's and have a modest amount of savings plus some Equity in our home. If she wants to fight over it....not likely there would be much left after the lawyers get their share...

Thanks for everyone's advice thus far

take the three to five in jail and exercise the death do us part clause of the vows

 

[boffo]

Well, I'm glad to hear that you and your spouse are pretty young and that there's no kids involved.

Still be aware of one thing, when a marriage goes to divorce women generally speaking want dead bodies all over the place; so, don't have any illusions about that.

If you think she's going to be "nice" and "co-operative" with you; well, you need to get off the space shuttle and beam back down to planet earth because women are genetically programmed to go medieval on your ass in a divorce situation.

 

[Sexy_Dave]

If she wants to fight over it....not likely there would be much left after the lawyers get their share...

If??? What do you mean If??

Be aware that when the judge decides on who has "made their argument" in court and 85% of the time (minimum) they find for the woman, her lawyer will be entitled to recoup "costs" from YOU!!! She pays NOTHING!!! to her lawyer. So that in the eventuality that you get some of the equity from the home you may be required to pay her costs out of that money.

 

[yeet]

I agree with the above, if you can hammer out an agreement with her on your own, then get it drawn up by a lawyer, you will both save a shit load of money. (That's what I did with my ex - though it did take 4 months. My ex was a lot of things, but when it came to money, she wasn't stupid.)

Often times, you spend 20 or 30 grand on a lawyer, only to end up where you would have been in the first place if you were both just fair with one another.

If you don't have a marriage contract, then roughly speaking, joint assets purchased after the date of the marriage are split 50 50 regardless of who paid for them.

Roughly speaking, assets you owned prior to the marriage remain yours, with the exception of "the marital home". Even if you owned your house outright prior to marriage, she automatically owns half when you get married. (The exception may be if you have a marital contract, though, there is often times debate about this whether or not it's enforceable.) (Personally, as a homeowner now, I think that this is a crock of shit and would keep me from getting married in the future.)

Sames goes with pensions and investments, you may have owned them prior to your marriage, however, he is entitled to half of any appreciation during the time you were married.

Child support is based on the federal tables I believe which are based on your salary.

You could do well by starting to read this website....

http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/

and this....

http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/familyla.pdf

That's good advice if you want to save money. Jimmy C's post is good advice too.

Separation Agreements are much cheaper than litigation, and if you can help your lawyer by hammering out the framework of an agreement first, then its even cheaper.

The only caveat is that you're going to have to live with your separation agreement for a long time, so make sure your're happy with it. Also you need a good lawyer who specializes in family law, and you need to trust them.

My advice is to get a referral from a person you trust, for a family lawyer whose practice is focused on family law, and has at least five years experience , and try to negotiate a flat-fee if at all possible.