Actually ive been there and am still am there but it doesnt hurt as much. As we all know, men do fall in love faster than women. A punani fest might be a distraction for an hour but thats it. What really helped me was to find another girl and to be blunt, fall in love with her. Once you do that, no other girl will matter to you anymore, not even your mom (well maybe LOL)
Dealing with rejection
- Thread starter youwontknow
- Start date
so i guess if one is sure that the girl was the one and only and one lost her forever, then maybe one really should not bother with treatment and should just kill himself with a clear conscience
First of all, you have to lose the whole "over idealization" trip you're on about your ex-sweetie. If you continue to think she is the "only one", every other girl will be a useless cheap fuck. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Be objective about the girl you lost and equally objective about the new girls you meet. You might figure out that a newcomer is actually more interesting than the ex. And yes, we need them and they need us. The only thing that replaces a woman is another woman. Unless you want to cut your balls off.
Very well put!
I was going to say that it may take more than one good lay to get over her, but I agree that it won't be cured by just having sex with another gal once, although sometimes that's all it takes.
Well rejection stings, yes, and here's another little secret about life - there's always regrets and relationships rarely culminate with a nice tidy resolution, i.e. "we met, we married, we lived happily ever after." Even the best of relationships have their secret "what if's?" There isn't "the one," there isn't a "soul mate" and there's only "the one who got away" if you choose to dwell on some idealized fantasy of "what could have, should have been."
BUT there's lots of real life, great times and great women out there waiting for you to SNAP OUT OF IT AND GET IT TOGETHER DUDE! Two years and counting. What are you waiting for? For her to come to her senses? Some rom-com reconciliation? Take it from someone who dwelt on "whys" and pined like a morose idiot when he was younger: It ain't worth it! It don't amount to squat! Sorry, I've said before if I could go back in time I'd grab my younger moonstruck self and slap myself silly. Since I can't, guess I'm giving you the metaphorical wake up. Young, single, the best of your life ahead of you. Get at it you lucky dog and stop being so melodramatic. Waste of time, boring, enough said.
BUT there's lots of real life, great times and great women out there waiting for you to SNAP OUT OF IT AND GET IT TOGETHER DUDE! Two years and counting. What are you waiting for? For her to come to her senses? Some rom-com reconciliation? Take it from someone who dwelt on "whys" and pined like a morose idiot when he was younger: It ain't worth it! It don't amount to squat! Sorry, I've said before if I could go back in time I'd grab my younger moonstruck self and slap myself silly. Since I can't, guess I'm giving you the metaphorical wake up. Young, single, the best of your life ahead of you. Get at it you lucky dog and stop being so melodramatic. Waste of time, boring, enough said.
Exactly...get that idea out of your head first. Especially since, as you say, she rejected you. That means she can't be the one and only.
Having said all that I know from personal experience that it is hard, and takes time, to get over something like this. Brain chemistry "hooks" you as solidly as any drug addiction. Time, other experiences, other relationships, some good rational thought around the issue...all of these things can help you get over it...and you will get over it.
Don't know if you see her due to work or anything like that...but it helps to eliminate that, if that is the case. Nothing wrong with avoiding things that bring her to mind...within reason of course.
If you are depressed about it then see a doctor.
So true, and if you were his big brother, you'd give him a kick in the ass and maybe a slap in the face, but not to ridicule him, only to steer him in the right direction with sound advice based on age-old experience.
To the OP: Unless she was your love of many, many years (in which you had a relationship), then I can understand a lengthy healing period, but it's simply not worth it. Life is short. Make the most of it. Don't let her make it miserable for you. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
To the OP: Unless she was your love of many, many years (in which you had a relationship), then I can understand a lengthy healing period, but it's simply not worth it. Life is short. Make the most of it. Don't let her make it miserable for you. There's plenty of fish in the sea.
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Youwontknow, there is physical and there is emotional - in some ways when the problem is a feeling of rejection, seeing an SP who is of the "slam, bam, thank you ma'am" school of SPdom will only make things worse.
Much of what The Saint wrote is on the money, especially about getting some counseling.
Sorry that I don't have an "ah ah this is the answer" for you, but I have been there myself and I am sorry.
Much of what The Saint wrote is on the money, especially about getting some counseling.
Sorry that I don't have an "ah ah this is the answer" for you, but I have been there myself and I am sorry.
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Relationships, especially long term, are overrated. Look at how many marriages end up in divorce and just about all those people thought, like you, that this is/was the one.
Too many people cause lifelong misery for themselves by making lifelong commitments.
Just think of Meatloaf and "Paradise By The Dashboard Light". "I swore I'd love you 'til the end of time but now I'm praying for the end of time, cause if I gotta spend another minute with you I don't think that I can really survive."
Okay buddy, then listen to The Saint's advice.
May I ask how close you were to her and for how long?
Been there, done that. Even so, something about your post reminded me about the hospital scene in Patton where he scolds a shellshocked soldier. Sympathy and compassion from a bunch of whoremongers? I never would have expected it!
Never mind you, does the poor girl need a restraining order? I hope you've had the decency to leave her alone and get on with her life.
Sounds like you're blaming the situation for all your problems. It could be that the way you're feeling is just a symptom of something broader.
I vote for the medical approach. Write down all your symptoms, and keep track of the way you're feeling. Get on the phone immediately and ask for an appointment with your family doctor, and explain the problem to him. Failing that, call one of the nice nurses at Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000, discuss the situation, and ask how to seek treatment.
Never mind you, does the poor girl need a restraining order? I hope you've had the decency to leave her alone and get on with her life.
Sounds like you're blaming the situation for all your problems. It could be that the way you're feeling is just a symptom of something broader.
I vote for the medical approach. Write down all your symptoms, and keep track of the way you're feeling. Get on the phone immediately and ask for an appointment with your family doctor, and explain the problem to him. Failing that, call one of the nice nurses at Telehealth Ontario 1-866-797-0000, discuss the situation, and ask how to seek treatment.
No one here truly has the "answer" for you. Only you can figure that out. Hell, I was married for 18 years. Before it fell apart I was actually thinking of leaving. When she actually left me first it destoryed me. The divorce was pretty smooth and easy but for the next couple of years I swear I saw her everywhere I went. Was pissed, heartbroken, depressed, felt used.. the whole 9 yards. Started drinking and headed to a pretty dark place. Then a really good friend took me out one night. She saw I was just falling apart. Literally looked me in the eyes and said "its over....its been over for a while. It was a moment time that's come to an end. Embrace the next one and live you life." I know its melodramatic but its true.
Now the pain and the hurt didn't go away and you'll be thinking about her until someone else comes along until then just try to focus on yourslef for now. Whether its meditating, excercising, banging as many SPs as you can, seeing a shrink etc...just make yourself happy. Whether for 15 min an hour or a day.
Just keep moving and try to figure out what works for u.
Now the pain and the hurt didn't go away and you'll be thinking about her until someone else comes along until then just try to focus on yourslef for now. Whether its meditating, excercising, banging as many SPs as you can, seeing a shrink etc...just make yourself happy. Whether for 15 min an hour or a day.
Just keep moving and try to figure out what works for u.
After seeking professional help, I'm sure the overall message that you will get from it is right here.
I asked that too in post #35.
If this was hardly a relationship, then our friend should seek help. Another question I want to ask is, can he just be a friend if he's known her for a long time? It may be best to forget her and move one, but if he can't avoid bumping into her, at least be civil and cordial, and perhaps friends. People can love friends too.
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