Dating with kids

[surferboy]

So been out on a few dates with a smoke show of a single mom. Very career focussed, fit, treats her parents like saints, organized as duck, awesome laugh & two kids that live with her through the week. Spent a couple weekends with her & she was very upfront that she wasn't looking for anything casual & I reluctantly told her (aka lied through my teeth)...same for me. Well the ex couldn't make it home from his travels on the weekend & she said no sense putting it off, if your up to it come over Saturday & will do the family day thing.

Always a little awkward when you meet the kids for the first time. Knock knock & mom answers with daughter in hand...jesus cripes it's mini me! If I didn't know any better i'd swear she was cloned, she reaches up to give me a hug & whispers mom he's cute...young or old that still gets you dessert & a high five! Offspring number two is still upstairs & she says please come down...no answer then walks upstairs closes the door & after a few seconds number two comes down with mom & the best fake smile he could make. Definitely the 11yr old attitude vibe that's saying your not my dad & I know your trying to bang my mom!

Got to go to dance class, hockey practice, fresh eggs from the farm, a little shopping, dinner out & dropped off junior to his buddy's house for a sleep over. Watched a movie with mom & mini me & she fell asleep with us on the couch. Carried her up to her room & mom tucked her in & as she closed the door I had a big smile on my face that I was going to get laid. So drinking a little wine by the fireplace watching another movie it comes up...do you think you can handle the package deal here? Me thinking with my small head & wanting to get laid says yes the kids are awesome I can handle this. Getting a little frisky on the couch then the door bell rings, it's junior he needs his iPad & ten bucks..then off he goes. Relaxing on the couch & getting back to where we left off & mini me appears out of nowhere! Were still fully clothed under the blanket & she says my ears bubbling(I'm praying there's something in the house to remedy this qwik!) mom gets the thermometer & says sweetie you got a fever get dressed & will go to the emerg...not winning here! Off to the emerg….ffs what's wrong with the gawddam health care system to have a two hour wait. We finally get assigned a room & no more than ten mins later she gets a call from the kids mom where junior is that one of the kids is sick with a fever & maybe it's best he doesn't spend the nite. She asks if I wouldn't mind picking him up & taking him home...sure why not. So I Pick him up & take him home & we play a video game for a bit & he starts to let his guard down & says my stomach hurts. I grab him a gingerale from the fridge & he drinks it, has some chips & fifteen minutes later jumps off the couch & runs to the kitchen & throws up in the sink ffs! I'm like the bathroom was only another 20' bud! So I say lay down on the couch & take this little pale with you. I don't like cleaning up my own puke let alone someone else's...don't know what he ate at his friends but pretty sure it was pizza with olives & anchovies! Laid on the couch with him & was dosing off when mom & mini me came in. At this point sex was the last thing on my mind I just wanted too crash! Mom gave junior something for his stomach & I carried him upstairs & tucked him in. Made it to bed by 1 & she says you did great...i'm thinking one more incident & i'm gonna hit the remote start & make a run for it!

Sunday mornings in the winter are the best day ever...because it's the only effin day I can sleep in! Well fack me if the phone doesn't ring at quarter to seven, your father is dizzy & fell in the bathroom can you come over mom says to her on the phone. Superwomen jumps out of bed gets dressed & says keep an eye on the kids. I fall back asleep & get awoken by mini me & she climbs into bed & shortly after junior comes in. I look at the phone & missed a bunch of texts & superwoman calls from the hospital can you make them a quick breakfast...sure I say. Well mini me decides she wants to make breakfast for me & junior lends a hand...yeah they made a complete mess of the pancakes & stove but I ate them & smiled & got to clean up one of the biggest kitchens I've ever had to clean! Kitchen cleaned, we went upstairs made the beds & then watched some cartoons & I came to the conclusion two kids this age are still a fack of a lot of work!

Had lunch with my mom on Monday & told her about my adventure & she laughed & said that's an everyday occurrence if I couldn't handle that to quit now. I really like this woman but not sure I could handle this on a daily basis, by what age do kids not want to hang out with the parents & need so much attention? Man being a bachelor for quite some time & having your overnite guests making you breakfast the next morning & then leave is such a beautiful thing...the family gig could prematurely age me! This should be the last thing keeping me up at night but for some reason this one has gotten under my skin. Whats a guy to do that's already set in his ways

 

[giajolie]

First when I looked at your story I was like wow too much, but you got my attention because your funny.

How long is a few dates before she introduced you to the kids? 3 or 5 or so. Seems a bit early no? and why did you lye about wanting a serious relationship, so you could get in her pants? dating someone with kids is a package deal your either in or out.

When you have been a single person for so long we become a little selfish which is fine but not when kids are involved. Thing is you need to ask yourself "do you really really like her?" if so stay if not go before the kids get used to you.

 

[asian_sampler]

I have been down this road before.

do NOT think with the little head.

if things go south between you and her, you are not just emotionally hurting 1 person, you could potentially be hurting 3.

good luck!

 

[Smallcock]

No thanks

 

[apoptygma]

Been there, done that... big, HARD, NO!!!!
Run... fast.

When the woman is a smoke show and wild in bed, I know, it is very difficult to extricate yourself... but extricate yourself you must.

 

[trm]

Her kids will always be more important than you are. If you can't handle that stop now.

 

[Ref]

Hilarious story.

You actually caught things on a shit storm evening just like the snow storm yesterday. To have both kids come down with the flu and her father get ill at the same time is NOT a common occurrence.

Once kids are 11 - 12 they pretty much manage things on their own (as long as they have internet connectivity of some sort).

The advice is good - Her priority is family then you. You also need to determine if the ex is an asshole, which can be another fucked up challenge in itself. Also, the cost of dating can be big as any trips or outings will involve the kids. And one other thing to consider as part time daddy is that you get to be chauffeur, baby-sitter and butler.

The good thing is that they are not babies in diapers.

Stay - you lose your life as it is but enjoy great sex every once in a while. Leave - you miss out on the joy of having an instant family but can have sex with numerous hot girls out there who do not have the family baggage.

Good luck.

 

[jazzbox]

This!

 

[massman]

2 hour wait in the ER? Man, you got off easy!

Seriously tho, agree with the others. If life with someone like her who has young kids appeals (it actually sounds like from your story that although the kids disrupted all the plans, you enjoyed yourself with them and did a pretty good job) then go with it and see what happens. If that is not compatible with your life plan, I’d get out soon, to avoid a very messy entanglement later.

 

[Don Draper]

Either both in the relationship have kids or both don't.

I don't have kids and in my experience, those are the only combinations that work successfully.

 

[Jasmine Raine]

Leave.

You see what she already deals with on a regular. It would be completely unfair for you to let her heart get in this and then take off because we all know, you and the kids are not mixing for a lifetime here. You admit this is not for you, so don't string her along. As I said, it is not fair to her.

If you like her and have any respect for her and what she does as a single mom, dutiful daughter, etc, leave her now with a nice - "I can do this physically, but I don't think I can do this for the long haul, so I will bow out now" type message.

 

[rhuarc29]

Doesn't sound like you're right for her situation. You're there for something casual, and she's couldn't get further from that. Do her a favour and move on. If you stick around, you better make an effort to change your priorities, otherwise you're just the ass who emotionally manipulated someone in a vulnerable situation merely so you could get laid.

Also, who takes their kid to the emergency room for a mere fever? Unless she's like 1 or 2 years old, which I doubt as you said she has dance class. Of course it'd be a long wait! That's very low priority.

 

[essguy_]

Divorced Dad with two kids here. This is my experience and advice: Kids come with the package, so you will only be compatible long term with somebody who either understands this or is in a similar situation. If you don't have kids but your date does - you have to realize that for a parent - kids come first (at least when they're younger).

I had a long separation period and dated on and off while both kids were in their early to mid-teen years. Teen years come with a lot of parenting issues that can interfere with dating sometimes - if your date doesn't understand this (or vice versa) then there's a basic incompatibility. Because of the custody arrangements (shared) it was a lot easier for me to date on "off" weeks. If your date has kids and shared custody too - it helps to make sure your weeks are synchronized - in fact - this is perfect as "off" weeks become like a regular vacation for both of you (or to put it crudely: a fuckfest). For the OP - you mention she has the kids during the week - so does that mean every weekend is usually free? If so, that can work out nicely - and your introduction to being a quasi parent can happen slowly.

I never introduced any dates to my kids unless we'd been out a few times and were compatible. What's the point otherwise? The longest relationship I had was maybe 6 months with a woman who had two kids (much younger than mine). My kids really liked her and loved her kids - but I kind of blew it because I didn't want to get too serious. Anyway, I'm not in a commitment stage of life right now, so it doesn't really matter what the kids situation is, and now my kids are older anyway.

 

[niniveh]

Here's your answer:

Spent a couple weekends with her & she was very upfront that she wasn't looking for anything casual & I reluctantly told her (aka lied through my teeth)...same for me.

 

[malata]

Whats a guy to do that's already set in his ways

suck it up. Do it for Mini Me

 

[RZG]

Her kids will always be more important than you are. If you can't handle that stop now.

Exactly...I married a woman with a 22 y.o. son, he was a disaster. Him and his spun out girlfriend ALWAYS relegated me to second place. It was the cause of my divorce. Get out and stay the hell out.

 

[giajolie]

Her kids will always be more important than you are. If you can't handle that stop now.

As they should, nothing worse than having a step father hate you because your mom loves you...gross. I just don't think it's meant to be and plus why would she leave you alone with her kids when she only dated you a few times? that's too much and unsafe (in my opinion)

 

[giajolie]

Exactly...I married a woman with a 22 y.o. son, he was a disaster. Him and his spun out girlfriend ALWAYS relegated me to second place. It was the cause of my divorce. Get out and stay the hell out.

Kids not grown adults...lol there's a difference.

 

[james t kirk]

People.........

It's suferboy. Terb's resident Walter Mitty.

He posts all kinds of tall tales. None of which are believable. (I seem to recall him posting a story about some jail-bait experience he had with a young girl till eventually that thread got spiked.). There's always some BS yarn or another. Now it's the sex starved MILF.

 

[malata]

People.........

It's suferboy. Terb's resident Walter Mitty.

He posts all kinds of tall tales. None of which are believable. (I seem to recall him posting a story about some jail-bait experience he had with a young girl till eventually that thread got spiked.). There's always some BS yarn or another. Now it's the sex starved MILF.

i knew that. His story is based on this movie, without the midget