Date an escort or stripper?

[TigerJane]

I find this all very interesting, as I am an ex-dancer. Both my husband and my current boyfriend knew about by job. I have not danced for 15 yrs, but the stigma still follows.

But it is my boyfriend who has brought me here to this site. I have been going out with him for 8 yrs, so basicaly I am his mistress, as he is married too. We met through ADF and he was one of five guys I was seening.
We hit it off amazingly and he asked me to give up the other four guys. Maybe I was the fool, but I did. I have fallen deeply for him and we were spending 5 days a week together, outside of our regular day jobs ( I now work in an office). Then I changed locations of work and things started to go bad. I discovered his was visiting sp's. We talked about it and I told him that I was more than willing to provide and fulfill his exotic desires.

Things got better, until lately. He bacame the same moody person he was 3 yrs ago and I had noticed several different tastes on his vip area. So I did a search on his alter ego and bam I found him here. He has been a member since 2004.

The truth be told, I am more jealous of the fact that I was not invited to come play - I have a very open mind and have lots of experience with many different combinations. I have even participated in lifestyle with my husband.

So here the shoe is on the other foot.

You may think that sp's and dancers are not capable of living great lives with a partner, but we are and we can prove that we are trustwothy - hell folks it is just a job! No different than being a drywaller installer, taxi driver or a CEO.

---the view from the other side.

 

[pepsiman]

I believe once a girl starts to escort and then gives it up it is so easy too return when the money is not there on your regular job.
I had met a girl through a local agency ; and then one day she was walking down street. She waved me down and we chatted a bit and
She invited me too her house and we had sex. Then I find out >>
She gave up the agency and is going too school ::??? but has regulars coming too her house . Her boyfriend goes into another room and she does her thing. She says he is OK with it ::??
She gave me her number and Maybe someday I will call ..
But it does seem a bit different that her boyfriend that she has a child with lets her ESCORT in the next room .
When I asked her she said sometimes that money is the difference between food for the kid or not .
Not sure what he does for a living but I thought I wanted too think about it before going back LOL

 

[TigerJane]

True it can be easier to go back too, if you can not make a decent living with other work. But if you have strenght of conviction and determination, it can be done. I know, this is what I have done to change my life.
Now having your current partner go to the other room with your child so you can make money, is a tad odd.
Hope he is not running a camera to make additional money from the show.

 

[amber-jade]

sorry Jane but it's not "just a job."

a Profession



.

 

[TigerJane]

Yes it is just a job and it takes a strong minded person to keep it that way. I danced for 10yrs and saw lots of women who could keep it that way and lots who were swallowed up by it. There were and still are women who do it just to pay for college or university, to support their parents in nusring homes and even to give their children a better future.
Just because this is how you make your living, does not mean you live that way.
Does a construction worker, who get thithy dirty at work, live thithy dirty?
Does a mechanic who is covered in grease and dirt, live in grease and dirt?

The answer some do - but most don't!

 

[RTRD]

Maybe...

I find you wont find someone to be happy and in love with someone if your can't understand or get mad at all the small faults.

Forgive, forget, and forgive again.

...it wasn't a small fault to him...and the only unconditional love that exists is a parent for their child. Every other relationship comes with conditions of some sort.

 

[RTRD]

So...

An sp, does not make $300 on "her back". Especially if she is employed by an agency. Usually it equals to about 80/hr not including travel time, which takes just as long as the call. I'm sorry, but it amounts to approx. $40/h, which if indie, is the same as she has the book the room and or continually buy the clothes/toys that will please men, as well as updating her website. So that being said, an sp making $40/hr which also has to act as a counsellor, friend, lover, porn-star, nurse and various other roles she must enact to earn this living does come at a high cost. How many others do you know that do all this while trying to fullfill a person's need and are incredibly aware of their scruples?

I'm sorry if you think that the escort's job is easy, but it isin't. I've had severe back pain for days due to being bent over for hours on end. Or a sore throat by a client whom was sick and still wanted his rockers off. Or a sore cookie because the man thought I was a piece of meat, not a woman. Of course the money is more than I would make ordinarily starting out as a teacher or nurse, but it does come with it's hazards and pains. Please remember that.

*I've worked as both a nanny and a secretary and neither could have prepared for what I encountered as an sp*

...why do it?

For the money?

That is my fundamental problem with the concept - to me, it indicates a sense of priorities and values that are not in line with mine. It isn't about "owning" anyone...I think monogamy is WAY overrated. I just could not relate to how someone could do something for a living that came with such risks...real and immediate...long term and potential.

I know it is not easy. How could it be???

But if you have the looks, it is easy to get into. And if you don't manage it well...I suspect difficult to get out of...at least unscathed.....

 

[RTRD]

Well....

I find this all very interesting, as I am an ex-dancer. Both my husband and my current boyfriend knew about by job. I have not danced for 15 yrs, but the stigma still follows.

But it is my boyfriend who has brought me here to this site. I have been going out with him for 8 yrs, so basicaly I am his mistress, as he is married too. We met through ADF and he was one of five guys I was seening.
We hit it off amazingly and he asked me to give up the other four guys. Maybe I was the fool, but I did. I have fallen deeply for him and we were spending 5 days a week together, outside of our regular day jobs ( I now work in an office). Then I changed locations of work and things started to go bad. I discovered his was visiting sp's. We talked about it and I told him that I was more than willing to provide and fulfill his exotic desires.

Things got better, until lately. He bacame the same moody person he was 3 yrs ago and I had noticed several different tastes on his vip area. So I did a search on his alter ego and bam I found him here. He has been a member since 2004.

The truth be told, I am more jealous of the fact that I was not invited to come play - I have a very open mind and have lots of experience with many different combinations. I have even participated in lifestyle with my husband.

So here the shoe is on the other foot.

You may think that sp's and dancers are not capable of living great lives with a partner, but we are and we can prove that we are trustwothy - hell folks it is just a job! No different than being a drywaller installer, taxi driver or a CEO.

---the view from the other side.

...that depends on what you mean by "no different".

it is "just a job" on one level...though it has impacts and consequences that are pretty unique.

On the other hand...it takes a pretty unique person to do "this" job. that...more than anything else...is what would keep me from a serious relationship with someone in the sex industry.


" I have been going out with him for 8 yrs, so basicaly I am his mistress, as he is married too. We met through ADF and he was one of five guys I was seening."

"I have fallen deeply for him "

" I discovered his was visiting sp's. We talked about it and I told him that I was more than willing to provide and fulfill his exotic desires."

" He bacame the same moody person he was 3 yrs ago and I had noticed several different tastes on his vip area. So I did a search on his alter ego and bam I found him here. He has been a member since 2004."

So - what you've said is that you are a woman who at one point was engaged in a sexual relationship with several partners, and was looking for more...but you ended that at the behest of a married guy who sees escorts...because you had "fallen deeply for him". Now...you might have implied you were ok with all this...or maybe you didn't mean to imply that...but what we know is that you came looking for him...and apparently were not happy to find him here.

But you did not say he was your "ex" BF.

This just isn't the sort of self image / esteem / worth / value I want in an SO....

 

[RTRD]

So....

Yes it is just a job and it takes a strong minded person to keep it that way. I danced for 10yrs and saw lots of women who could keep it that way and lots who were swallowed up by it. There were and still are women who do it just to pay for college or university, to support their parents in nusring homes and even to give their children a better future.
Just because this is how you make your living, does not mean you live that way.
Does a construction worker, who get thithy dirty at work, live thithy dirty?
Does a mechanic who is covered in grease and dirt, live in grease and dirt?

The answer some do - but most don't!

...given your post dancing life...would you say "you live that way" or not?

 

[hickorysticks]

...why do it?

For the money?

That is my fundamental problem with the concept - to me, it indicates a sense of priorities and values that are not in line with mine. it isn't about "owning" anyone...I think monogamy is WAY overrated. I just could not relate to how someone could do something for a living that came with such risks...real and immediate...long term and potential.

I know it is not easy. How could it be???

But if you have the looks, it is easy to get into. And if you don't manage it well...I suspect difficult to get out of...at least unscathed.....

Hi there MLAM,

Thankyou for asking as it's a valid question and one that deserves a response. You're absolutely correct in saying that escorting does not always line up with ones priorities and values. Although I do wonder though why the men whom frequent escorts, mps, strip clubs, etc.. also speak so scathingly about those very woman?! My post was in response to a gentleman whom seemed to think that all a woman must do is "lie on her back" and collect the money. This is not so. I also understand that there is a love/hate relationship between the client and escort. Love that she can fullfill a need he has, and he can provide financial relief for her; and hate *because* she fullfills a need but it must be paid for. This can pose an ethical/moral dilemma to both parties. But of course, not always... this is just my thoughts on men that degrade the very woman they use. Or woman that are bitterly upset about working in the industry and feel all men are "sugar daddies" or "pigs".

I believe neither. Rather, as TigerJane wisely stated above: there "are women who do it just to pay for college or university, to support their parents in nusring homes and even to give their children a better future." I am currently unattached, and for my own personal beliefs do not wish to pursue a relationship while working as an sp. I enjoy people, of all walks of life and while this profession is sometimes hard, it can also be very rewarding in more ways than just the obvious first reason for starting, financial stability. It has liberated me sexually, moreso than I could have imagined, for I was incredibly shy in that regards. And I've come to have a newfound respect for relationships that are monogamous and stay that way.

 

[RTRD]

It isn't...

Hi there MLAM,

Thankyou for asking as it's a valid question and one that deserves a response. You're absolutely correct in saying that escorting does not always line up with ones priorities and values. Although I do wonder though why the men whom frequent escorts, mps, strip clubs, etc.. also speak so scathingly about those very woman?!

...in my case, a morality judgment, if that is what you are thinking here.

To me, I call into question the very core of the person. Who and what they are.

What I mean by that is this - I think that is a person does something that they know if self damaging....be it drugs, gambling, sex, whatever.....you have to question the psychological / emotional / mental health of that person. I just do not see how you can do something that you dislike....if you dislike it....and that is so harmful potentially...for something as fleeting and banal as money.

Money is critical to our day to day existence...no question. But you don't just wake up one day and discover that. Accordingly, most of us make provisions well in advance for how we are going to make a life of acquiring it....make a living. And...typically...we chose a method that is neither distasteful (to ourselves at least) or puts us in harms way....again, both in the immediate physical and long term psychological sense.

I simply have to question the sanity of someone who would do differently. Moreover - and more to the point - I am certainly not going to become emotionally involved with such a person....follow them down the rabbit hole if you will.

Now, I am certain there are escorts who are completely on top and in control of their escorting lives and persona. They have found a way to disassociate themselves from what they do, and the potential harm. They also operate at a level whereby the other, more immediate risks, are marginalized...they have exclusive, high end clients that they screen, they do not put themselves in risky situations, they do most things "safe", etc. And I still maintain that I have a deep admiration for a woman who is so smart, sophisticated, interesting, intelligent and beautiful....and so sexual....that men of means are prepared to pay her very good money for her time. I've spent time with such a person, in a "civilian" setting...and it was in fact a treat.

Could I have dated her? Absofuckinglutely. Hell - that was the point.

Could I be in a "relationship" with her? No.

I suspect the very same elements of her psyche that allowed her to escort and (seemingly) be not much worse for wear, would also make her incompatible with me. She had a different take of life in general, including relationships, than I. Her take wasn't "wrong"....it just wasn't compatible with mine. As I have stated before...if I am going to be emotionally, psychologically, and financially involved with someone, I'd want them to be as vanilla as possible...at least out of the bedroom. And she most certainly was / is not.

Which is fine. Great, in fact. But just not my cup of tea.

Experience has taught me that those who live out of the mainstream tend to have drama that comes with the package. And I hate drama.

Am I biased? Absolutely. But my bias is not unfounded. As I said...it is based on experience.

And since it would be my life we are talking about, along with my emotional, psychological and financial well being...I get to be biased.

I mean....lets look at the converse....honestly...what percentage of your clients would you want to be in a relationship with? And would you be comfortable with them still seeing SPs?

As you see...just because something is hypocritical doesn't mean it ain't right....

 

[hickorysticks]

"I suspect the very same elements of her psyche that allowed her to escort and (seemingly) be not mush worse for wear, would also make her incompatible with me."

May I ask: How has your "emotional, psychological and financial well-being" affected *you* since you've seen sp's? Do you think your future partner will feel you unstable and insecure and devoid of sanity for doing so...?

 

[RTRD]

Sure you can...

"I suspect the very same elements of her psyche that allowed her to escort and (seemingly) be not mush worse for wear, would also make her incompatible with me."

May I ask: How has your "emotional, psychological and financial well-being" affected *you* since you've seen sp's? Do you think your future partner will feel you unstable and insecure and devoid of sanity for doing so...?

...and I'll even answer.

I would think any reasonable and unbiased person would feel that having seen an escort once is not in the same realm as BEING an escort...

However, since I know you didn't realize that was the case for me...I'll go with what you PROBABLY meant...

I would think...and I have said as much here, though the guys disagree with me (they are biased as well) that the VAST majority of women would be MUCH more comfortable knowing that their SO fucked around with civilians, versus SPs.

That said....one behavior is PROBABLY more expected than the other....as in while a typical woman would probably not think highly of a man with an extensive hobbying history...she'd probably question his emotional and psychological well being less than if she found out one of her GF was an escort. My guess is that one behavior simply aligns with what is expected lowest common denominator behavior....while the other just runs counter...completely counter...to what a woman would expect.

All that said...I notice you didn't answer MY question...which was how would an escort feel about being in a "serious" and supposedly monogamous relationship with a guy she knew was a regular hobbyist? My guess is that her reaction would be like most women...that he cannot be trusted to keep his dick in his pants...nor can he be trusted to not stick it someplace that would put her at risk....

 

[hickorysticks]

Only once? Do you frequent MP's? stripclubs? watch porn?

I can only speak for me, but as I said I am not in a relationship specifically because I began escorting a short while back. If I met someone I fell deeply in love with, I would stop. I should hope if he fell deeply in love with me, his hobbying would also stop. If neither of us could, than it was not meant to be. For me that is.

 

[hickorysticks]

"That said....one behavior is PROBABLY more expected than the other....as in while a typical woman would probably not think highly of a man with an extensive hobbying history...she'd probably question his emotional and psychological well being less than if she found out one of her GF was an escort."

I sincerely disagree with this viewpoint.

 

[RTRD]

Response...

Only once?

So far...

Do you frequent MP's?

Sampled....three times, as chronicled here. Decided it wasn't for me.

stripclubs?

Not much anymore, but I sure do not see the comparison between getting a lap dance and being an escort...

watch porn?

And I know there is no comparison here.

I can only speak for me, but as I said I am not in a relationship specifically because I began escorting a short while back. If I met someone I fell deeply in love with, I would stop. I should hope if he fell deeply in love with me, his hobbying would also stop. If neither of us could, than it was not meant to be. For me that is.

Well, I can understand that.

 

[RTRD]

Of course you do....

"That said....one behavior is PROBABLY more expected than the other....as in while a typical woman would probably not think highly of a man with an extensive hobbying history...she'd probably question his emotional and psychological well being less than if she found out one of her GF was an escort."

I sincerely disagree with this viewpoint.

...you're an escort.

That is EXACTLY my point...

 

[hickorysticks]

I'm not sure I do understand your point MLAM... my being an escort therefor clouds my intelligence in being able to recognize that you justify your actions while judging those of which you know nothing of? Perhaps projecting...

 

[RTRD]

No...

I'm not sure I do understand your point MLAM... my being an escort therefor clouds my intelligence in being able to recognize that you justify your actions while judging those of which you know nothing of? Perhaps projecting...

...my point is that your being an escort means you think different than MOST civilian women. Which is why i couldn't be in a "serious" relationship with an escort or former escort / stripper. The mindset required to be one is going to be something other than what I am prepared to take a risk on.

Insofar as justifying....I am not justifying anything...I am an adult...I can do what I please within the bounds of the law. The question was..."date an escort or stripper". I gave my answer and why.

I think YOU are being defensive....remember, it was a choice you made...knowing full well the consequences. Why are you hating on me?

 

[hickorysticks]

I'm sorry if you felt I was "hating" on you. That certainly wasn't my intention, rather I responded to a question you posed to me. A few actually. If you feel exposed because your words have proven to be biased and/or sexest, I cannot help that, only hope you see it.

Lastly, while you may think it prudent to presuppose a person/profession/situation, I'm afraid that puts everyone and everything into a neat little box. I don't need to tell you that before 2 months ago, I had never considered escorting, and had only been in one long-term, loving, healthy relationship (7 yrs ). I also don't need to tell you I'm a full-time student, child's rights advocate, and social worker. Or that the term "you're an escort" is just as mindless as seeing one's skin colour or race or religion rather than everything which makes up that person. which makes them beautiful and unique. But I also suppose you didn't know I was a bilingual insurace claimes specialist and mortgage rep and amoung many other things, love to cook, and crotchet. that I'm a sister and daughter and friend to many. that I hate social injustice almost as much hypocricy (shown above). and finally, while you would love to relegate me to the "escorts for life" box, I only work when I am able, after all of my other priorities and aspirations and relationships have been fullfilled and I chose to do so. not because I need drugs or am of low self-esteem or need a false sense of love, or companionship. perhaps those are the driving forces in your life...? (no insult intended, I am speaking as openly and frankly as I can in the cyber world that has only you words to go by) but because I want to. I am able to earn money doing something that I enjoy.