Common stereotypes and misconceptions [escort edition]

[LC18]

She’s an escort, she must not have a present father or father figure.
I know a lot of service providers that have amazing relationships with their fathers me included.

She was probably se*ually abused as a teen*ger.
Being a victim of S A doesn’t mean you are going to become more sexually promiscuous or that you will turn to a career in the adult entertainment industry. However some of our peers have been victims of S A and that is why you should never ask a provider you meet. If she wants to talk about it, she’ll do it.

They’re all on dr*gs, there’s no way they can do this job sober.
I’ve actually met more sober colleagues than in my “day job”. Being sober or limiting your substance/alcohol use while on the job is a good idea for many reasons.

I know they don’t actually find their clients attractive
We are not insensitive to good looks, charisma and a nice attitude. Some of my clients were very intimidating on our first meeting because of how good looking I thought they were.

She’s going to be single for as long as she does this job
Many sex workers are partnered up, engaged and even married. I will not lie, it makes dating a bit more complicated but not impossible. It might not be a situation you’d put yourself in but some men/women don’t see an issue with it.

She charges X/hour, that means she must make YY per year
This one is probably one of our favourite, we call it “client maths”. For some reasons, they always seem to assume that we are fully booked every day and don’t take days off.

She for sure doesn’t pay taxes
While a lot of providers don’t, we are required to do so and some of us have registered businesses or numbers to do so. Costly but at least we are not tax evading.

Pronouns “she” and “her” are used in this post to make reading easier.

 

[onomatopoeia]

 

[LC18]

View attachment 289946

Pretty much it

 

[Vera.Reis]

That we spend our money irresponsibly.

That even if we do have partners, they are not good ones and they probably live off of us, or abuse us in someway.

That we do not like our jobs.

That we do this job because we do not have other options.

That this job is "easy" money.

Many of the stereotypes that people believe are due to a lack of respect for us or our jobs, so if anyone reading these has ever had these thoughts, it is probably a good time to examine your unconscious bias about sex work and escorts.

 

[kherg007]

The greatest revelation I've had in this industry was how normal/interesting my fave ladies are. We've all got a dent or two, but they don't strike me as any more or less than us regular folks. I feel my fave ladies do this as an act of autonomy, not an act of desperation.

 

[Uncharted]

I would just like to thank @LC18 and @Vera.Reis for their continued interaction with us here, despite the shit they often get, in topics they participate in.
Especially LC18 for continuing to make these types of threads.

I for one appreciate the various SPs talking with us guys here, as well as answering questions, and offering information and advice. It allows us to learn, and to see different perspectives.

I know you ladies get shot down in some threads, for reasons I know not why, but I ask that you please continue to participate the way you do. It is actually appreciated by a great number of us here.

 

[LC18]

I would just like to thank @LC18 and @Vera.Reis for their continued interaction with us here, despite the shit they often get, in topics they participate in.
Especially LC18 for continuing to make these types of threads.

Thank you, I don’t mind the occasional trolls and I’m not planning on leaving the website

 

[Mr.Gr33k]

It's not a myth if some of it is true.

Misconceptions - definitely.

Then, there's such thing as a rule vs exception.

 

[rex_baner]

It's not a myth if some of it is true.

Misconceptions - definitely.

Then, there's such thing as a rule vs exception.

Pretty much sums it all up.

 

[superman12]

I do agree with a lot of these misconconceptions and that they don't apply to ALL sp's. It's just like stereotypes people have of certain races, religion, creed etc. However, a lot of these misconconceptions or stereotypes are formed due to people's own experiences especially if they have been in this hobby for a while.

 

[Vera.Reis]

I do agree with a lot of these misconconceptions and that they don't apply to ALL sp's. It's just like stereotypes people have of certain races, religion, creed etc. However, a lot of these misconconceptions or stereotypes are formed due to people's own experiences especially if they have been in this hobby for a while.

The problem is that from these experiences clients then treat us differently than another doing the exact same thing. Most businesses don't pay all their taxes, I'm starting to see that lots of lawyers have alcohol and other substance issues, something crazy like 1 in 4 women experience sexual assault, many people are living pay cheque to pay cheque, many people have absent fathers, and I have seen zero proof that these things occur more frequently in sex workers than other populations and I've read basically every frequently cited academic articles on sex work in Canada given that I've written like, 7 term papers on various issues in sex work.

So assuming any of these things of sex workers, without assuming it of the population in general, is 100% your bias against sex workers.

 

[onomatopoeia]

The problem is that from these experiences clients then treat us differently than another doing the exact same thing. Most businesses don't pay all their taxes, I'm starting to see that lots of lawyers have alcohol and other substance issues, something crazy like 1 in 4 women experience sexual assault, many people are living pay cheque to pay cheque, many people have absent fathers, and I have seen zero proof that these things occur more frequently in sex workers than other populations and I've read basically every frequently cited academic articles on sex work in Canada given that I've written like, 7 term papers on various issues in sex work.

So assuming any of these things of sex workers, without assuming it of the population in general, is 100% your bias against sex workers.

The problem that I have with this statistic is that 'sexual assault' does not have a clear, precise and universally accepted definition.

There was a case where a woman 'felt' she had been sexually assaulted by her gynecologist because she didn't like his facial expression during a pelvic examination. Some women include 'sex with regret' in their personal definition of sexual assault, as in if they're ghosted after a consensual hook-up. Someone else might consider themself to have been sexually assaulted if they eavesdrop on a vulgar joke, if someone calls them fat, or if they see a graphic film, and identify with the actress. I'm in no way trying to advocate that involuntary sex is NOT a problem; the problem is solely with how the term 'sexual assault' is subjectively defined.

 

[Vera.Reis]

The problem that I have with this statistic is that 'sexual assault' does not have a clear, precise and universally accepted definition.

There was a case where a woman 'felt' she had been sexually assaulted by her gynecologist because she didn't like his facial expression during a pelvic examination. Some women include 'sex with regret' in their personal definition of sexual assault, as in if they're ghosted after a consensual hook-up. Someone else might consider themself to have been sexually assaulted if they eavesdrop on a vulgar joke, if someone calls them fat, or if they see a graphic film, and identify with the actress. I'm in no way trying to advocate that involuntary sex is NOT a problem; the problem is solely with how the term 'sexual assault' is subjectively defined.

I'm not arguing with extremely rare outliers that would never actually affect the statistic as they they do not occur at any meaningful level, so you have a great day!

 

[Cbr20152012]

She’s an escort, she must not have a present father or father figure.
I know a lot of service providers that have amazing relationships with their fathers me included.

She was probably se*ually abused as a teen*ger.
Being a victim of S A doesn’t mean you are going to become more sexually promiscuous or that you will turn to a career in the adult entertainment industry. However some of our peers have been victims of S A and that is why you should never ask a provider you meet. If she wants to talk about it, she’ll do it.

They’re all on dr*gs, there’s no way they can do this job sober.
I’ve actually met more sober colleagues than in my “day job”. Being sober or limiting your substance/alcohol use while on the job is a good idea for many reasons.

I know they don’t actually find their clients attractive
We are not insensitive to good looks, charisma and a nice attitude. Some of my clients were very intimidating on our first meeting because of how good looking I thought they were.

She’s going to be single for as long as she does this job
Many sex workers are partnered up, engaged and even married. I will not lie, it makes dating a bit more complicated but not impossible. It might not be a situation you’d put yourself in but some men/women don’t see an issue with it.

She charges X/hour, that means she must make YY per year
This one is probably one of our favourite, we call it “client maths”. For some reasons, they always seem to assume that we are fully booked every day and don’t take days off.

She for sure doesn’t pay taxes
While a lot of providers don’t, we are required to do so and some of us have registered businesses or numbers to do so. Costly but at least we are not tax evading.

Pronouns “she” and “her” are used in this post to make reading easier.

Another interesting thread. Thank you.

When I started with this hobby, I wasn’t sure what to expect. So far, I have been pleasantly surprised with how professional the experience has been.

I won’t lie, I do worry about walking into a session and having to deal with #3.

I try very hard to not think about #4.

I wonder about #5 (curiosity as to the various ways in which is works and it would be interesting to know if male/female SP have similar experiences).

#7 - one of better sexual experiences of my entire life (which I truly never expected to have in this hobby), occurred because I spent the first 15 minutes of a session helping a lady solve a problem that was stressing her out with respect to filing her taxes and how to pay herself so that she could get an apartment rental. These ladies are self employed just like many of us and struggle with the same tax and cra bullshit as many of us. Multiple lessons were learned/validated that day

 

[LC18]

I try very hard to not think about #4.

You don’t have to worry about that one

 

[Uncharted]

Perhaps some of these stereotypes for Sex workers came from a time when the majority of them were street walkers, soliciting on the corners of bad areas, in unsafe environments, appealing to a rather lower class type of client, who was willing to take such risks.

However, since the dawn of the internet, and things going that route, and street soliciting almost non existent at this point, I think it has allowed a different demographic of lady to get into Sex work. One that is more upscale. Less desperate. More business oriented, educated, ambitious, and less dare I say damaged than your typical street walker.

Just a thought.

 

[massman]

With regard to 1,2 and 3, these are all heavily perpetuated by the anti sex work lobby. They contend that basically ALL sex workers come from abusive childhoods, that they all have been victims of sexual assault and abuse, almost all are pimped/ trafficked and that most are doing it to support addictions. The basic tenet of this group is that ALL sex work is violence against women, perpetrated by male clients. This is a group that advertises as being feminist while denying that women have the ability to choose how they earn a living, if that work happens to be sex work.

As for #5, I’ve known regulars who are in long term, seemingly happy committed relationships (tho I remember one who regularly complained about her BF when she was with me. Lol).

Re #4, what I’ve learned here, and from my interactions with SPs, is that while they are human and can appreciate physical attractiveness, what’s far more important (and likely to be a “turn on”) is that the guy is clean, polite, respectful and gentle (unless she asks him not to be ). Over and over the women here have said that being good looking or ripped is far less important. I think that this is also true of many women in general, that kindness, respect and just being a decent human goes a lot further than a handsome face, or 6 pack abs.

 

[onomatopoeia]

Perhaps some of these stereotypes for Sex workers came from a time when the majority of them were street walkers, soliciting on the corners of bad areas, in unsafe environments, appealing to a rather lower class type of client, who was willing to take such risks.

However, since the dawn of the internet, and things going that route, and street soliciting almost non existent at this point, I think it has allowed a different demographic of lady to get into Sex work. One that is more upscale. Less desperate. More business oriented, educated, ambitious, and less dare I say damaged than your typical street walker.

Just a thought.

Every story about the sex industry on CTV news is coupled with stock footage of streetwalkers or young Asian women with coats over their heads being led out of a building by police. It's probably similar on other Canadian stations.

 

[Knuckle Ball]

I'm not arguing with extremely rare outliers that would never actually affect the statistic as they they do not occur at any meaningful level, so you have a great day!

Indeed.

The statistics on fake sexual assault allegations runs between 2-10% depending on which study you read. Here is a good article on the topic:

What kind of person makes false rape accusations?

Everything we think we know about false accusers is wrong.

qz.com

From the article:
“Innocent men rarely face rape charges
Let’s start with the idea that false rape accusations ruin lives, and are therefore a universal risk to men. Generally, feminists dismiss this idea by arguing that false accusations are rare—only between 2% and 10% of all reports are estimated to be false. What’s equally important to know, however, is that false rape accusations almost never have serious consequences.

This may be hard to believe, especially considering that rape is a felony, punishable with years of prison. However—to start with this worst-case scenario—it’s exceedingly rare for a false rape allegation to end in prison time. According to the National Registry of Exonerations, since records began in 1989, in the US there are only 52 cases where men convicted of sexual assault were exonerated because it turned out they were falsely accused. By way of comparison, in the same period, there are 790 cases in which people were exonerated for murder.

Furthermore, in the most detailed study ever conducted of sexual assault reports to police, undertaken for the British Home Office in the early 2000s, out of 216 complaints that were classified as false, only 126 had even gotten to the stage where the accuser lodged a formal complaint. Only 39 complainants named a suspect. Only six cases led to an arrest, and only two led to charges being brought before they were ultimately deemed false. (Here, as elsewhere, it has to be assumed that some unknown percentage of the cases classified as false actually involved real rapes; what they don’t involve is countless innocent men’s lives being ruined.)

So the evidence suggests that even in the rare case where a man is the subject of a false rape complaint, chances are that the charges will be dropped without him ever learning about the allegations. This raises an obvious question: Why would false accusers go through the trouble of making a report to police, only to instantly withdraw it?”

 

[massman]

So the list you made above are non common place myths- because in your opinion they are. The list you made below in a previous thread are common place and not myths -because in your opinion they are. Got it.

How to be a bad client:

1. Her rate is above my budget. I should convince her to lower it for me because I can find other girls for half the price.

2. She doesn’t give me what I want? I should insult her.

3. She did not answer the first time I called. I should call back 5 more times and leave an obscene voicemail. That should do it!

4. She trusted me and told me her real name. Let me tell all of my “hobby buddies”.

5. She requires a deposit but I don’t do that. I should harass her until she accepts to see me without one. The ambiance will sure be pleasant.

6. She asked me to shower but I don’t want to. I should argue for 5 mins and then go to the bathroom angrily and pretend to shower while I stand next to it.

7. I am not sure who I want to see. I’ll just email 3-4 providers and book for the same exact time. Whoever replies first gets the prize.

8. She’s already here, I’ll pressure her to do things she hasn’t agreed to do (rate, services)

That was a different thread. Maybe discuss over there.

The ability to actually “mansplain” sex work, to a woman who actually does sex work is truly impressive here.