"Cigareetes and Whisky and Wild, Wild Women....

[shack]

Re: Wisodm

A very old man once told me "Sonny, a man marries a woman because of what he sees in front of him. A woman marries a man because of what she thinks she can make him into".

Ain't it the truth.

The day I moved out, my wife (at the time) made 2 comments.
1) You haven't changed in the 10 years we were married.
2) Maybe you'll find someone who will accept you as you are.

WTF did that mean? Basically what she saw was what she got, and after 10 years wasn't willing to accept me for who I was.
I guess she married me because she thought there was potential to mold me into her ideal, but gave up trying to change me after 10 years.

It's never easy Willy and it doesn't seem like it's going to get easier any time soon. I guess you've got to decide whether there's more mental anguish in staying with her over the long run (assuming neither of you can change sufficiently to suit the other) or walking away and dealing with a more intense emotional trauma in the short term and then dealing with being on your own. (With the way all the ladies speak so glowingly of you here, I don't think the on your own part would last very long.)

 

[Chivas Regal]

Re: No Bristles Here!

Hey CR! No umbrage taken on my part!

She has always had that most aggravating of attitudes, "I'm alright! What's the matter with you?" Not bad for her own mental health, but devastating on others when she goes about trying to prove that someone else has the problem or is the problem!

Know anyone like that in your life?
It's a very narcissistic trait!

Willy

As a matter of fact I do know someone like that. Ex # 2. The ex I dealt with. It is hard to deal with people that travel through life with their heads in the sand. Sometimes I get frustrated, I then I take a step back and realize that it must be very lonely being that close minded to other possibilities.

However, I have also learned that I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it!

Good luck Willy, and above all focus on you...

Chivas

 

[wop]

shades of an older wop?

Willy wants says;
__________________________________________________
"I am running away from a stifling relationship that thwarts any possibility of expressing ones individuality, imagination and creativity!

What is life without the freedom to express one's self in all respects and not be castigated for it!

What doesn't manifest itself in words is the fact that she cannot accept the failure of a marriage and whatever stigmatism she attaches to that.

Loneliness can often be the price one has to pay, simply for the lack of understanding, the inability of others to empathize and understand who we really are!

My wife will never be lonely! She has an absolute plethora of friends, who, by the way, think she has been abused and hard done by for all her married life

The pursuit of other women was a search for acceptance as a man! I needed to know that I was a man and that I really was okay!

Always an open option for me, but not for the wife!
It would mean airing dirty laundry in front of an outsider!
Heaven forbid!!!

She will not seek help and will only listen to those who agree with her and support her ego! The facade is wonderful! Everybody loves her! But deep, deep down I would not want to venture!"
__________________________________________________

Willy, your wisdom and eloquence has been sorely missed. Congratulations on your courageous battle for self expression and self acceptance.
Your struggles with your marriage freedom and acceptance are closer to my own personal battles than I care to admit. My family is much younger, and I'm not so sure that the solution you have come to will work for me, but I don't know anything for sure these days. Thank-you for your willingness to be open so that younger men like me can try and learn from your experiences.
Judging from the response to this thread, your situation is becoming quite universal, and that is a sad commentary on how this modern western society teaches us to behave in our relationships.
Thanks and good luck
Ciao
wop

 

[minnie_me]

Another point of view

I should probably keep my mouth shut as Willywants has many supporters and I'll probably end up being ousted from Terb for offering a different perspective than what has been provided - but here goes ....

Many of us have followed Willy's saga. It is clear that he is unhappy in his relationship with his - as Willy describes, an overbearing, opinionated, conservative - wife. Through all of his posts on this subject matter, he has clearly pointed the finger at the failings of his wife for his unhappiness.

How many Terb members would love to have another point of view? Seeing that Willy has continually beat up on his wife on this board, wouldn't it be appropriate for Mrs. Willy to offer another perspective?

Willy has admitted that he overindulges in many 'sinful' areas. I'm not judging his behaviour, but lets stop for a second and ask ourselves how we would react if our wive's overindulged in the same way that Willy has. Wouldn't each of you become a little stifling? Why the double standard?

Willy, I don't know much as I'm recently married, but I do know that action speaks louder than words. If freedom is the solution to your happiness - then for crying out loud - GO! GO Willy, just GO.

Apologeticaly yours,

Minnie me

 

[FriendlyGreek]

Very good points Minnie me!

Willy, when you talk about freedom, expressing your own individuality and creativity, etc., what is it that you really mean? Can you be very specific (e. g. give concrete examples)?

 

[widowmaker]

Cold reality

Interesting! For many the thought of being alone is to much to bare. I love being truly alone because I find most of my company never stops talking long enough to say anything relevant. Men and women alike. The darkness of ones soul is sometimes is a unique place to dwell. You would be amazed at what you can learn about yourself if you take a look at your dark side. Don't confuse this with evil, that is something completely different. Being alone will help you make the life altering decisions you need to make. But remember, your actions will reach many, and you will reap the consequences good and bad. Be careful what you wish for.

 

[Willywants]

Does Reality Really Suck??

Friend minnie-me, I appreciate your directness and honesty!
There are indeed three sides to this story! Mine, the wifes and the truth!
You might say I suffer the plague of the Sagittarean, the need for freedom and the ensuing pursuits, whether intellectual, philisophical or idealogical! They are admirable pursuits, but they require space! There is a need to extricate oneself from the mundane, something my wife could not fathom nor abide!
Her needs would be best served with me toeing her line, which for the most part, her being a Cancer, meant sitting in a corner waiting for her beck and call! She wanted me 100% her way and was not willing to even try to understand the need to explore the unknown!
My many wayward ways were a result of being too stifled and uncomfortable! Being unable to join me in my interests, she effectively left the relationship 5 years ago by dedicating herself to her job! I'm talking almost 24/7 here!
With loneliness comes desperate measures! Drink sorrow away?
Spend endless, often fruitless moments in front of a slot machine to numb the mind? Give expression to ones passion and desire for a woman, that you know the wife will not accept, by seeking elsewhere?
All escapes from the fetters that bind!

Hey! I'm rambling here and not doing justice to the questions asked!
I'm heading out for a taste of freedom and I'm late!
Pick up the thread later!

Willy