Cheating issue
- Thread starter mymojosup
- Start date
It's called love buddy...and with love comes RESPECT, would you do something intentionally to hurt your kids or your mother or father...or even a very close friend for that matter...then why are you hurting your SO (when she finds out).fuji said:
I would like to know what planet you are from
fuji said:
Holy crap. I am not judging you fuji and I really enjoy your previous posts fuji and you seem to really have it together but in my opinion and on this particular topic, you don't have a clue and I am truly surprised because you seem quite educated and intelligent. Absolute hypoctical comments made on your part. It's ok for you but not for her? WTF? If you want to enjoy other women's company then why stay in a relationship? Just asking.
lawyerman said:
Absolutely. I'm aware it's hypocritical. My claim is that humans in this case haved evolved to be hypocritical over this issue, it is hardwired into our biology, and that denying it is similar to saying you don't believe in breathing air.
Implicit in what I am saying is that there is a fundamental conflict in every relationship. Each partner is likely to position to find opportunities to cheat, and each is likely to take measures to prevent cheating by the other.
It is the way we are as human beings.
Put it this way, which of the following claims do you deny:
1. Men and women (in different ways) are biologically hard-wired to have incredibly strong desires to cheat on their partners.
2. Men and women (in different ways) are biologically hard-wired to feel horrendously destructive emotions when they detect cheating by their parther.
3. Men and women (in different ways) are biologically hard-wired to derive great satisfaction from successful long-term relationships.
Evolution has set us up the bomb. We cannot meet all of the above biological imperatives without either denying who we are as physical beings or being hypocritical about it.
I've chosen to be hypocritical about it. You may have chosen to live in denial about who you are instead--I respect your choice.
JohnFK said:Fuji, I know you do but I had fun in justifying it from your handle or namesake.
In fact this issue is fundamentally why I chose my handle and my signature. I agree. I acknowledge it is hypocritical. My claim is those of you who see that as a flaw are in fundamental denial about who we all are as human beings.
Failing to be hypocritical over this issue I see as a form of self-hatred. Any "logically consistent" position on this issue will leave you either denying the emotions you feel when someone cheats on you, or denying yourself activities you most certainly feel a deep, biological desire to engage in.
Yes, conflict is built into relationships. Deal with it. More than deal with it--LOVE it, it is who we really are.
Yes, conflict is built into relationships. Deal with it. More than deal with it--LOVE it, it is who we really are.
My SO has never cheated on me so spare me the BS about all of us are "hard-wired" to cheat. It's not right. If you want to cheat then stay single and enjoy yourself. Do you really want to hurt your SO in the process? Oh, I forgot, you are too smart to get caught. That smarmy attitude is not very becoming. You are going to get burned one day and do you want that one day when your wife takes your kids away? Wake up man.
lawyerman said:
Are you sure? My wife would say the same thing about me.
I'm in communication with a number of married women, all of whom have husbands who believe they are angels. Maybe one of them is your wife?
I guarantee you, absolutely guarantee you, that she has an instinctual urge to cheat on you, whether you like it or not, whether she likes it or not. You don't get to have a choice in your biology--we were all born to cheat.
lawyerman said:
I am pretty good at this. Your wife, in all probability, is pretty good at this. As humans we are all evolved to be good at this. It is as natural as fucking. Literally.
Yup, it's possible I might get caught one day, and in that case my marriage would fail like you say. Would not be the end of the world honestly, I would go on, and the quality and enjoyment of life I get in the meantime is well worth the risk I am taking.
...I think I agree with Fuji.
If you're stuck with two fundamentally irreconcilable emotions:
a) I love my wife, I respect my wife, and we are concur that cheating is unacceptable for our partner
and b) I have the intense desire to have sex with other women and I cannot suppress it.
Then your best solution may very be:
c) I cheat on my wife with escorts and will be very careful to "have the fucking decency not to get caught."
Yeah, its hypocritical and it might make him look like a jerk, but the complexity and range of human emotion make a lot of things possible and even justifiable.
If you're stuck with two fundamentally irreconcilable emotions:
a) I love my wife, I respect my wife, and we are concur that cheating is unacceptable for our partner
and b) I have the intense desire to have sex with other women and I cannot suppress it.
Then your best solution may very be:
c) I cheat on my wife with escorts and will be very careful to "have the fucking decency not to get caught."
Yeah, its hypocritical and it might make him look like a jerk, but the complexity and range of human emotion make a lot of things possible and even justifiable.
fuji said:
Do you really believe that? LMFAO. You don't have a clue and how dare you insinuate something like that. My SO goes to work and comes home and she leaves 5 minutes before and she is home 5 minutes after she is finished work as she is a stone's throw away from work.
She totally digs what I can do to her and maybe that's something you aren't getting at home. It is perfectly normal to think that someone is attractive and so forth and she can get pretty much can have anyone. I have it in my mindset that I am the best thing for her (I truly believe this because I believe in myself) and she thinks the same thing as well. I know what the hell to do to make her achieve true pleasure and she does the same for me.lawyerman said:
Looks like you are feeling one of those biological imperatives I was talking about--a deep rooted emotional reaction to the possibility of your partner cheating on you.
Next try denying that you have a strong desire to fuck as many women as you can.
You face a simple choice, dude, either be hypocritical about this, or deny yourself.
In my opinion life is just too short for self denial. I live my life to the fullest, I love who I am, and I find that the conflict built into my relationship makes my life more exciting, makes me feel more alive.
I figure I am living more than you are--but yes, if you are actually living a life of self-denial, you can say you are a more logically consistent person than I am.
Welcome to it. I have a date tonight.
My SO goes to work and comes home and she leaves 5 minutes before and she is home 5 minutes after she is finished work as she is a stone's throw away from work.
Yup. I cheat with a woman like that. She is only able to find opportunities to step out once or twice a month, and generally with very short notice. She has me, and a few other guys, on a list. When she gets her opportunity she runs down her list--the whole thing is over and she's home within an hour. She literally fucks the first guy on her list who is available at the moment she can pull it off.
Ever go away on business???
I believe you. I love my wife too. Marriage is highly rewarding. So is fucking other women.
I don't often agree with fuji, but I'll give him credit. At least he is not one of those guys spouting "it's not cheating if it's with an escort".
He would not forgive his wife's cheating. He accepts the fact that she would not forgive his cheating.
I also agree that we as humans are hard wired to seek out many different partners. Biologically, you simply cannot deny this fact. You can choose to overcome the urge. He has chosen not to.
He would not forgive his wife's cheating. He accepts the fact that she would not forgive his cheating.
I also agree that we as humans are hard wired to seek out many different partners. Biologically, you simply cannot deny this fact. You can choose to overcome the urge. He has chosen not to.
Fuji. it's quite obvious that you're not happy in your relationship and if there is no solution to rectifying your problems then get the hell out. It's not worth it. You say it is but it's time to get a reality check. Maybe your relationship is great with the exception of the physical aspect since you are seeing so many other women per week. Just a thought.
Dude, my wife is 10 years younger than me, 110 pounds, tall, with C cups, and pretty as a button. She's smart, well educated, and we have SO many common interests and I am absolutely in love with her in every way. You might call her a "trophy wife" except that she earns enough money to cover half the bills.
If there was anybody who has it all at home it's me, and I'm out there fucking other women every week.
I have this cheating thing down to the point where I know how much sex I can have outside the marriage and still be able to perform whenever I'm called on to do so at home.
I would absolutely NOT want my wife getting suspicious about why i am sexually exhausted or even just feel that I am not attracted to her.
So I make sure and leave at least a couple of hours between cheating on her, and spending any time with her that could lead to me fucking her brains out.
I can give you some more tips on how to cheat if you like, I really am pretty good at it.
If there was anybody who has it all at home it's me, and I'm out there fucking other women every week.
I have this cheating thing down to the point where I know how much sex I can have outside the marriage and still be able to perform whenever I'm called on to do so at home.
I would absolutely NOT want my wife getting suspicious about why i am sexually exhausted or even just feel that I am not attracted to her.
So I make sure and leave at least a couple of hours between cheating on her, and spending any time with her that could lead to me fucking her brains out.
I can give you some more tips on how to cheat if you like, I really am pretty good at it.
As I'm an escort one could argue I'd be more than a tad biasedlawyerman said:
I don't think where its coming from necessarily means the statement is untrue.That having been said... I'm not sure if I'm okay with cheating if, like Fuji's implying, he's seeing 'civilians' and dating. That might be a solution to the problem of the irreconcilable emotions but it may not be the best one. Bias aside I'd rather an SO cheated with an SP than a civilian if I were the woman involved as well.
Cheating is whatever your SO defines it as, but is there a scale of cheating?
