Hello Sinnamon - first let me start by wishing you a Merry Christmas and all the best for 2017. Guys get weird because the line between fantasy and reality becomes blurred when they start seeing you on a weekly or be-weekly basis. Us men are really pathetic creatures when it comes to our dealings with women. I would think that most of they guys who see you on a frequent basis are lonely and not in a relationship. WHy are they not in a realationship - many reasons...maybe they are ugly, fat, poor, socially inept etc. When they start seeing you on a weekly basis, something in the brain makes them believe that there is more to the business relationship than there actually is. Intimacy with you is mistaken to be genuine feelings on his side and they are delusional to believe that you too have those feelings as you are having sex together on a weekly basis. My advice is to lay down the law with clients up front - no bbfs, no dinner dates, no off the clock time, immediate cut off at any hint of verbal abuse or general weirdness. I wish you well for 2017 and be safe.
Can someone please tell me why regulars get so weird?
- Thread starter SinnamonFairbanks
- Start date
Many agencies have loyalty programs, so it's not just normal business. Business is business, normal or otherwise.
OP even mentioned she'd feel the loss in business. If one appreciates/needs the business and it would make the client happy an occasional freebie sounds lie a win/win situation.
I am strictly referring to the $$$, not the BBFS.
I think you're wrong about assholes. Assholes can easily form long-term social contracts, though such contracts are often abusive.
I think the people the OP is referring to are simply socially inept (as you also noted). They may have an illness (such as Asperger's) that renders them unable to form strong social bonds with most people. And so they are lacking a very significant part of life. Paying for social interaction is a way for them to fill that necessity. The problem is that they become chained to that, as they're not getting it anywhere else. Obviously this leads to difficulties as SPs are often highly desirable and therefore have their social needs met elsewhere, and so they don't form the same bond with their clients. No relationship is more toxic than where one party is absolutely dependent and the other party is independent. Obviously such an arrangement leads to a dissonance of respect, and feelings of ill will on both sides. Over time the relationship breaks down and gets increasingly nasty.
I don't look down on such people because in a lot of cases I believe they suffer from mental illness. But I do feel sorry for them and for the SPs that get involved with them. It's a shitty deal all around.
I would recommend that SPs don't mix business with personal interaction. Make it clear with clients that the transaction is purely business. If they have a problem with that, don't see them.
On the flip side, if you do develop a personal relationship with them, cut off the business side of things. See them off-the-clock and only then.
Mixing the two causes problems in a lot of cases, and the blame falls with both the client and the SP.
I've been in the hobby for awhile now and know that some SPs will purposefully see you off the clock in order to make you feel "special" so that you'll spend more money on them. I find this predatory, and I can especially see why socially inept people would find themselves in trouble.
I've also been lucky enough to form some lasting bonds with SPs that exist outside of the industry, as evidenced by continued interaction when the money flow stops.
That said, even I have had difficulty distinguishing between the two at times, so how many fall into that trap, then have misgivings about it and decide to lash out?
I don't know the OP in this case, but how innocent is she in this situation? She admits that money was a factor and she didn't want to lose what I'd call "whales", and so continued her relationship with them despite knowing things were off. What worries me the most is that she says she tries to maintain "friendships" with all of them, which tells me she is absolutely crossing the line between business and personal.
As with most situations, both parties probably bear some responsibility, and as is often the case, neither party will admit their own.
Honestly, it is like any long term relationship regardless of your status. Once you become too comfortable, several things happen: some people's true colours are exposed; some have become too complacent and comfortable and sometimes they feel they can get away with being rude or inconsiderate: expectations increase without actually discussing with your partners/clients. Thus many of them become angry or annoy at each other which inevitably lead to a mutual or bitter break up or potential cases of abuse.
That is why it is important to appreciate healthy long term relationships as much as possible and dont take them for granted.
That is why it is important to appreciate healthy long term relationships as much as possible and dont take them for granted.
As others have previously commented, sex is intimate, and because of that men are susceptible to believing the rapport they've built with so and so SP are real. SPs are very good at what they do, which is providing an experience that you would not often experience in your personal life.
My ATF SP, up until recently, was affable and open to talking about a lot of topics. I saw her often in the summer, but I was cognizant that it was beginning to become unhealthy as lines between fantasy and reality were blurred; therefore, I made the hardest decision to simply stop seeing her, temporarily. It was for the better, to be honest. I just knew too much about her and she knew too much about me.
My ATF SP, up until recently, was affable and open to talking about a lot of topics. I saw her often in the summer, but I was cognizant that it was beginning to become unhealthy as lines between fantasy and reality were blurred; therefore, I made the hardest decision to simply stop seeing her, temporarily. It was for the better, to be honest. I just knew too much about her and she knew too much about me.
Just wait until they try to stop paying you and try to tell you that they don't have to pay anymore. Instead of paying you, they 'lend' you money then tell them you owe them sex for the rest of their lives to thank them for their kindness and generosity. And then want you to pay back their 'loan'.
There are some sick people out there. I have learned my lesson that as soon as I see any warning signs, I am gone. The money is just not worth it.
The psychos always seem normal in the beginning. That is why I don't even bother with references.
There are some sick people out there. I have learned my lesson that as soon as I see any warning signs, I am gone. The money is just not worth it.
The psychos always seem normal in the beginning. That is why I don't even bother with references.
Guys get played too. Michael Eustace lost $2million, his job and marriage because dancer Denise played him.
It does seem like there are as many (or more) problems posted about regulars than new clients.
After years on Terb, it does seem that there are a lot of guys looking for "relationships" in the business that they can't find outside the business.
Didn't read the whole thread, so sorry if I'm repeating something.
IMHO, guys who become regulars over a period of time get a sense of entitlement. To a certain extent, I can understand why.
In most businesses, regulars, or best customers are often given some "special" treatment. It may be in pricing, it may be in speed of service, it may be in any facet of the business in question.
So, when it comes to the "relationship" between a SP or MPA, I think there's ample opportunity for this sense of entitlement to occur.
Is it right? No, probably not in most cases.
If there is really any kind of personal connection between the two parties, the guy should know full well what the SP's or MPA's true limits are. There should also be enough respect for her that those limits are not challenged.
IMHO, guys who become regulars over a period of time get a sense of entitlement. To a certain extent, I can understand why.
In most businesses, regulars, or best customers are often given some "special" treatment. It may be in pricing, it may be in speed of service, it may be in any facet of the business in question.
So, when it comes to the "relationship" between a SP or MPA, I think there's ample opportunity for this sense of entitlement to occur.
Is it right? No, probably not in most cases.
If there is really any kind of personal connection between the two parties, the guy should know full well what the SP's or MPA's true limits are. There should also be enough respect for her that those limits are not challenged.
I agree fully with this. There are boundaries that should never be crossed, for both sides.
We're animals, literally, no different than any other species of animal that we think are "weird".
We'll never truly understand ourselves as humans because we all have very different unique experiences, genes, environments, etc.
I'm pretty sure people think you're weird in some way, so----,
We'll never truly understand ourselves as humans because we all have very different unique experiences, genes, environments, etc.
I'm pretty sure people think you're weird in some way, so----,
It sounds to me like those guys are falling in love with you. They want the "relationship" to go somewhere you won't take it, and when it doesn't they eventually get upset and lash out at you and treat you miserably. When you don't cut them off, they tell themselves you must have love for them on some level and continue to push even more. When you do block them, they get desperate and try to force themselves back into your life, then lash out even more because they figure they have nothing to lose and want to hurt you as much as you have hurt them.
I agree with some of the comments that these guys are probably losers in the rest of their life with poor relationship skills and little meaningful experience with women. I think guys with more skills and perspective are well aware of the realities of that type of arrangement and act appropriately.
I can see how it is hard to turn away a regular client but in these cases I'd suggest you do it immediately. No one should ever be insulting you or making you uncomfortable. For your own well being and safety please do not tolerate that type of treatment.
I agree with some of the comments that these guys are probably losers in the rest of their life with poor relationship skills and little meaningful experience with women. I think guys with more skills and perspective are well aware of the realities of that type of arrangement and act appropriately.
I can see how it is hard to turn away a regular client but in these cases I'd suggest you do it immediately. No one should ever be insulting you or making you uncomfortable. For your own well being and safety please do not tolerate that type of treatment.
I can't tell you why those particular regulars got weird. Maybe they're possessive or twisted, obviously a line was crossed and you need to straighten it out.
I see a few ladies regular, and never got that weird.
It is not easy to meet women in this society. Most guys work and go home. So there is not much social interaction in a man's life. Dating someone at work is also really not worth it. Been there, done that, and I got burned. So where is a guy to meet a woman? Beside online dating and tinder, what should we do? I dunno about the bbfs stuff but a lot of us men are frustrated at getting women, and when we do get dates and things don't seem to be going our way, well the guy gets frustrated. The result is them telling you off.
So where should we meet women? If tinder and plenty of fish don't work, what should we do? Where should we meet women to date?
Blame your fellow sisters. They obviously treated these men badly at some point and they feel hurt by that. So now you are feeling the grunt of their former girlfriends/wives hate. This is how I see it.
So where should we meet women? If tinder and plenty of fish don't work, what should we do? Where should we meet women to date?
Blame your fellow sisters. They obviously treated these men badly at some point and they feel hurt by that. So now you are feeling the grunt of their former girlfriends/wives hate. This is how I see it.
Cultivate actual hobbies (and try to have some hobbies that attract a mixed crowd). Meet others that share that hobby. Surprise, you have stuff in common! Sex / relationships pretty much flow as a natural result of that. Yes, it takes effort. Also, get outside of your home. It's way too easy to do 'online everything' and to 'order in' never actually interacting with anybody.
I've never been big on online dating / tinder, and I've also never really had problems with getting sex of the unpaid variety.
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youre right on the point. It does get them nowhere. Like butler said, theyre socially inept and unable to have long term contact with people.
Youre only seeing them because theyre paying u to see them. thats not a real relationship. it is guys like them that eventually realise that if they want ppl to be with them and stay with them, long term, they have to suffer to realise it gets them no where to treat ppl like shit. once they realise this and treat people much better, do they manage to keep people around.
Ujfortunatrly, some ppl never do learn this.
Having someone pay u to b with them is not a real relationship. they cannot have someone stay with them because they do not kno how to earn it with respect, good treatment, etc etc etc. without money to keep someone around. Not through abuse and threats.
ps. Unfortunately, some ppl are like that guy that kicked the lady down the stairs in moscow, thinking she has to always b open to his advances. some guys are just assholes. Stay away from them.
Shouldn't see anyone, regular or not, when they are under the influence.
It does show there 'may' be some underlying issues with these guys.
Next time you feel one of your companions are getting a bit too close, maybe just tell them you'd like to change the pace a bit and have some time off. Let them focus on other things for a bit instead of obsessing about you every week, all the time.
Tell them you want to keep things professional.
