Well it was bound to happen sooner or later. My SO wakes me up around 130 am yesterday morning telling me I got a text message about a half hour ago. Before she woke me up though she read the text first and looked up all the acronyms and the hotel of the person that sent it. I messaged this person early the pevious morning not expecting her to reply more than half a day later. Guys, turn off your phone volume and vibrate if you have an SO.
Sorry to hear but thanks for sharing the story and the advice for other guys. I hope you're willing to update us about what happens. Good luck.
I'm feeling inspired to share a story, for those in the mood to read a novel.
I got busted about 5 years ago.
I feel like I should include a little background. She was a GF I had lived with for about 6 years at the time. She was practically perfect in every way, and marriage had crossed my mind, but maybe 4 or 5 years into it she totally lost her libido. She saw doctors about it, and was apologetic about it, which made me feel bad, so I always just tried to reassure her it was "OK", never pressure her, and tell her we'll make it work (while keeping my fingers crossed). But it felt like sex like maybe once or twice a month became more a chore for her which was just depressing to me.
The reason I got caught is I just got really complacent and lazy. Maybe subconsciously I wanted to get caught, that's the only rational explanation for my carelessness. But my GF was not a snooper, and would never have gone searching through my phone. So I never bothered to get a burner. I would just delete my texts
when I got around to it, and that was my version of being careful. One day, I opened up a text conversation with an SP to delete it and then I got distracted. Sometime later that day, my GF innocently borrowed my phone in front of me to play a game. But the conversation with the SP was still open, so the first thing she saw upon opening my phone was my complimentary message to the SP after a session, something along the lines of "That was awesome. You're the best, and you have an amazing butt!".
So of course, she suddenly flipped out and was extremely hurt. So much so, that she didn't keep reading the conversation history and shoved the phone towards me. She knew I had cheated but not that it was with an escort.
The rest of that day and night was particularly hellish (probably the following days and weeks too, kinda hard to remember now). I don't blame her, but it was pretty hard to take, the way she would be yelling at me, then ask a question, and interrupt to yell some more. I could not get a single word in. Also when I was feeling like the yelling was too much, she would tell me I wasn't allowed to step outside for a breather. I just needed to sit there and listen. That night when I thought we were going to "call it quits" till tomorrow, when I'm on the verge of falling asleep, she yells in my ear to start up again.
Sometime in the days after that, she told me she obviously didn't forgive me, but was feeling extremely horny. And we had the best sex we had had in years, maybe ever. (Apparently, that's a pretty common thing, maybe it's the cheated-on person feeling subconsciously that they need to prove their worth, and getting genuinely unbelievably horny).
At times, I was very tempted to explain to her that those texts were to an escort. Just because she assumed it was like an "affair". And I think, for many women, that's more hurtful than the idea that her SO just needed sex. So I kinda hinted around that, just saying things like "it was just about sex", "she meant nothing to me", and even "it was very business-like. We were just there for sex, no affection and nothing personal, it was casual." She was skeptical about that. I did that pussy-footing because, if I know her, she has the idea that visiting an escort is particularly repulsive.
We stuck together for 2 years after that to see if we could make it work. And we had some decent moments during that period, but generally she could always be quite mean to me after that. I would always be on eggshells and trying to make her happy, but I had turned her into a completely different person. She was suddenly pretty mean and crazy at times, and we never had sex again during those two years. It always seemed like we might attempt to have sex again one day, but I never wanted to pressure her and I just felt very guilty about how much it hurt her. And she would seem mostly disgusted if I tried to cuddle or massage or something, so that was our lives.
After two years, I was the one to finally end it because I realized we both had to move on. Pretty quickly our relationship became much more friendly than it had been in years. And we're still friends. I have a lot of regrets, mostly just how much my decisions hurt her. Another regret is I didn't make more of an effort communicating with her about how frustrated I was sexually. But I have to admit I've also enjoyed the about 3 years since breaking up. Been thoroughly enjoying meeting new people, had some great relationships mostly focusing on women who are into the "ethically non-monogamous" scene. And I'm still figuring it out, but that seems to be my speed for the moment, since almost every monogamous relationship I've had has ended in issues about sex (just either a lack of it or a need for variety). Thankfully, I think "ENM" is becoming more common. On dating apps, I find it's not a deal-breaker to say right off the bat that "I'm exploring ENM". Many women are into it and just very thankful for the honesty and willing to see where it goes.