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breakup rules

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jw01

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Jul 3, 2005
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Hola amigos,
So I posted earlier bout relationship issues but it feel retarded and I don't want to leave her but no point being in something where I'm giving 100prcnt and she doesn't care....yet she gets pissed when I look at other women etc and says she loves me etc...anyz

So my question is, if we end up leaving each other (which is becoming more and more apparent from her behavior); do I get or ask for everything I have given her to date?

I have spent a lot of $ on her, buying clothes, louis, gucci bags over 5k, and so much more, which depresses me cause its a big sum!!!! So do I want all the items back and being a bitch like she is?!? I'm not sure what to do, cause I don't want to leave her but...ur input guys will be helpful and pls no wise_guy comments here...I'm being emotionally drained so suxs ass....thxs

Cheers
 
I understand the pain your in. It sucks when what was a great relationship turns sour and your doing everything you can on your part and seeing nothing in return, not even a smile. It hurts. But...when it comes to the purses and the things you gave her, they were gifts, you can't really expect to get them back and I think it's a bit foolish to even ask for it back. I know it was a lot of money, a lot of energy into the work you did for the money and energy into making the purchases themselves and that's what burns but getting the items back won't make this hurt any less and you'll be left with a bunch of stuff that you gave her when you were in love and all those things will just remind you of all the trouble every time you look at them. Those things were given to her with love, you gave those things to her because you wanted to make her happy, just because the relationship is now over you don't get to ask for them back. Let the things go, they aren't what's important at the end of the day. As time and your emotions permit, you will be able to let her go too and move on, and next time you'll be a smarter man for it.
 
Get as much as you can back and try to sell it on Kijiji or a pawn shop.

Maybe this'll cheer you up?

 
^^^
But if you do that then you have the headache of trying to sell it and having all that crap sitting in your place until you do. And I doubt you'll get anything near what you paid for it. I suppose you could re-gift the items... but seriously at the end of the day when you get all that stuff back, are you going to feel any better? Sure, I guess you'd get some revenge but I don't see that making you feel better, even if it is just the principle. Maybe since you say you want to stay with her you should focus your attention on how to do that and figuring out whats going wrong between you two instead of how to get all the gifts you gave her back.
 
If you share the home/apartment or it's hers:
One day, when she's not home, gather up everything that's yours (and everything you gave her that you want back) and move out.

If it's your apartment or home:
One day, when she's not home, gather up everything that's not yours and put it our in front of the house/building. Change the locks.
 
getwhatuwant said:
I understand the pain your in. It sucks when what was a great relationship turns sour and your doing everything you can on your part and seeing nothing in return, not even a smile. It hurts. But...when it comes to the purses and the things you gave her, they were gifts, you can't really expect to get them back and I think it's a bit foolish to even ask for it back. I know it was a lot of money, a lot of energy into the work you did for the money and energy into making the purchases themselves and that's what burns but getting the items back won't make this hurt any less and you'll be left with a bunch of stuff that you gave her when you were in love and all those things will just remind you of all the trouble every time you look at them. Those things were given to her with love, you gave those things to her because you wanted to make her happy, just because the relationship is now over you don't get to ask for them back. Let the things go, they aren't what's important at the end of the day. As time and your emotions permit, you will be able to let her go too and move on, and next time you'll be a smarter man for it.
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Yep....very nicely said....with time you will be get over it and hopefully will learn from it...

For what it's worth....you were lucky enough to see all these bad signs early in a relationship.....and can end it without too much of a mess

what if you had end up marrying that girl and have a kid with her, only to find out later that your relationship is only a one way street (i.e. you doing all the giving financially and emotionally)....a divorce will be extremely costly and a lot of people are just financially ruined from divorces....now that $5k does not seem that much....just move on and let it go....
 
jw01 said:
Hola amigos,
So I posted earlier bout relationship issues but it feel retarded and I don't want to leave her but no point being in something where I'm giving 100prcnt and she doesn't care....yet she gets pissed when I look at other women etc and says she loves me etc...anyz

So my question is, if we end up leaving each other (which is becoming more and more apparent from her behavior); do I get or ask for everything I have given her to date?

I have spent a lot of $ on her, buying clothes, louis, gucci bags over 5k, and so much more, which depresses me cause its a big sum!!!! So do I want all the items back and being a bitch like she is?!? I'm not sure what to do, cause I don't want to leave her but...ur input guys will be helpful and pls no wise_guy comments here...I'm being emotionally drained so suxs ass....thxs

Cheers
Click to expand...

No, I don't think you can ask for that stuff back and leave with dignity. Not to mention she probably wouldn't give it back if you asked. The only thing I'd ever consider going after in a breakup is an engagement ring and that's only because it symbolizes something that doesn't actually or no longer exists. Legally, you probably couldn't even get that back, but if she's a decent person hopefully she'll see its the right thing to do.
 
rhuarc29 said:
The only thing I'd ever consider going after in a breakup is an engagement ring and that's only because it symbolizes something that doesn't actually or no longer exists. Legally, you probably couldn't even get that back, but if she's a decent person hopefully she'll see its the right thing to do.
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I think you could, at least in the US. Judge Judy gives them back every time.
 
I agree with the second poster. Leave it all behind, you can always make money. Coupled with the fact that each item will be a memory of her, by letting her have it all, they become memories of you.
 
jw01 said:
Hola amigos,
So I posted earlier bout relationship issues but it feel retarded and I don't want to leave her but no point being in something where I'm giving 100prcnt and she doesn't care....yet she gets pissed when I look at other women etc and says she loves me etc...anyz

So my question is, if we end up leaving each other (which is becoming more and more apparent from her behavior); do I get or ask for everything I have given her to date?

I have spent a lot of $ on her, buying clothes, louis, gucci bags over 5k, and so much more, which depresses me cause its a big sum!!!! So do I want all the items back and being a bitch like she is?!? I'm not sure what to do, cause I don't want to leave her but...ur input guys will be helpful and pls no wise_guy comments here...I'm being emotionally drained so suxs ass....thxs

Cheers
Click to expand...

Surprise her by planning a trip to Mexico. On the last night of the trip drive to Tijuana... Just ensure that you're holding her money and passport. Sell her off in the middle of the night on a street on the east side of Tijuana. Voila! Going rate is about $5,000 US.

OR

You can just move on... LOL.
 
I have some questions all rhetorical and a few comments, and I'm not being a wise guy.

1. How old are you that you need to ask strangers advice?
2. Could you not discuss this with your family or friends?
3. Could you not discuss this with a counsellor, clergy or doctor?
4. Do you have access to employee assistance programs for counselling?
5. Why would you want any of it back? You mentioned that you spent 5K on someone that you are involved with. Did you spending that money come with an expectation or motivation on your part, or did you do these things because you cared for this girl? If you ask for these items back, it won't make you feel better because you'll be thinking about things too much. She'll be able to say things like he tried to buy me with gifts.
6. If it were me, I would put anything and everything that she gave me or was of sentimental value in a box and just leave it for her, without asking for anything back. That would demonstrate how much she hurt you.

I'm wondering if this is your first serious relationship and I'm not being a wise guy. If it is, it makes more sense for you to be asking these particular questions and most of, if not all of us have been there. It's part of growing up unfortunately; however, it is fortunate that we can learn from our mistakes. When you leave her, take time to recover and reacquaint yourself with family and friends, enjoy life and you'll be happy.

Advice:
When you leave, don't tell everyone what happened, it keeps you down. When you meet the next woman, don't tell her about all of this, it's not attractive. If the current woman wants you back, just say NO!

You know what you want to do here, just do it.

Best of luck.
 
Aren't you same guy who posted a thread saying that you don't want to leave her (even though she's "retarded" and "bipolar") because she has $$$ and her parents are loaded?
So, everything in this relationship has to do with $$$?
There's no way I would ever ask an ex for all the stuff I've given her (i.e. gifts). However, I'm guessing that you're going to try. GL with your gold-digging.
 
Steal back everything you gave her, and some of her stuff as well. Does her daddy leave large amounts of cash laying around his house?
 
jw01 said:
Hola amigos,
So I posted earlier bout relationship issues but it feel retarded and I don't want to leave her but no point being in something where I'm giving 100prcnt and she doesn't care....yet she gets pissed when I look at other women etc and says she loves me etc...anyz

So my question is, if we end up leaving each other (which is becoming more and more apparent from her behavior); do I get or ask for everything I have given her to date?

I have spent a lot of $ on her, buying clothes, louis, gucci bags over 5k, and so much more, which depresses me cause its a big sum!!!! So do I want all the items back and being a bitch like she is?!? I'm not sure what to do, cause I don't want to leave her but...ur input guys will be helpful and pls no wise_guy comments here...I'm being emotionally drained so suxs ass....thxs

Cheers
Click to expand...

"It sucks when what was a great relationship turns sour"

When was this ever great? Sounds like it sucked from the get go. But for some reason the OP thought it would get better. To many men and women continue in shitty relationships for god only knows why reasons. Just leave. End the drama and move on. You screwed up. Do better next time. Good luck.
 
I say there is no harm in asking for those things back. The worst that happens is she says no.

Take me for example. My ex gave me a gift (after we broke up (I don't know why)). I have since terminated the friendship, and she asked for the gift back. I obliged, because it was something I didn't want in the first place.
But, I have kept and continue to use some of the things she gave me when we were together.
 
Dude, don't be petty. Let her have everything you gave her and take your freedom. Stuff is just stuff. Freedom to find real happiness is what is truely valuable.
 
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