Best places to meet women?
- Thread starter bob_sapp
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LOL. Well, you could try a night class in accounting basics...MLAM said:
Mlam has some good points here. I overheard a woman in a hair salon once telling her hairdresser that she ran a speed dating service and became rich off of women too clueless to get a man. She said getting women to pay to go was easy, but the work was getting men to show up, even when the fees were waived. Sort of the opposite to the club scene where women get in free and get free drinks and men have to pay for admission and drinks. Women seem to like the idea of speed dating more than men do.
Mlam's point about the age of women also is very true. I like dating younger women which is why I have trouble. Women 40-50 actually flirt with me a lot - I wouldn't have to work much at all to date them. But since I like dating girls 18-22, I have lots of effort and problems to deal with. There is a good book that came out in 1987 (with more recent revisions) by R. Don Steele called "Date Young Women For Men Over 35". The author was 46 when he wrote it, and liked dating women who were 18-20. His basic point was that yes, if you're a tycoon it isn't that hard, but what if you are just an average guy money wise who likes young women? He said he gets mail from hundreds of guys asking for advice, mostly divorced guys who want to "start over". He shares his own successes and failures in the book, and draws lessons from them.
My favourite line from the introduction (on older men asking young model types out):
"When Hugh Hefner first asked Barbi Benton out she said 'Well, I've, uh, never dated anyone over 23 before.' Hef responded without hesitation, 'That's okay. Neither have I.'"
I personally find that dating older women - say, 35 and up - makes a lot more sense. They're far more sure of themselves, are more likely to be sexually assertive and are less likely to flake out on you.alexmst said:
There is a price to be paid, though. If you approach a 35+ woman with the express purpose of trying "game" on her, she's far more likely to see right through it and tell you to get stuffed.
I'm in my 40s so I can't really speak to that.bob_sapp said:
There is, however, a close single friend of mine who's also in her 40s (she's pretty damn hot too). She's not a cougar in the traditional sense because she's simply not interested in a relationship at this point. She's one of those very lucky women who have the looks, the shape, the sexual drive and the confidence to have pretty much any man she wants. But if you approach her in a club or whatever, you're sunk. She will not abide a man approaching her. She just hates it. And if you offer her a compliment - "Say, your hair looks nice" or "Good looking outfit" - you'll get vaporized from the glare.
If she's going to hook up - and she does, on occasion - it's going to be on her terms. She'll make the approach, she'll make the first move. It's her way or the highway.
In her case, there really is nothing you can do. If she approaches you, you've got better than even odds of going home with her. But if you approach her, any chance you had was just flushed down the toilet.
Now, I think she's an exception to the rule insofar as I don't imagine all women over 40 have the same abhorrence of being approached. But the point is that if you think you'll be able to "game" them with your witty repartee/the standard "cocky and funny" routines and all the rest, you won't get very far.
Bob_Sapp, the second part of MLAM's advise which followed the above is pretty much spot on.MLAM said:
As you may have already discovered, times have changed, and the old advice about meeting people through churches, social organizations (be it Children of Ukraine or Descendants of Founders of York) or cultural organizations (Friends of the ROM, Friends of the Toronto Symphony) really doesn't work anymore here in North America. There are a number of reasons for this that have been proposed but that is neither here nor there - Bottom line perhaps the best way anymore is to look for those who are also looking, rather than expecting lightning to strike.
The more you play golf, the better you become at it.
The more you talk to women, the better you become at it.
I lose more golf games than I win, and I strike out more often than not with women. It does not mean however that I want to stop doing either. I just like meeting people. If something comes out of it great, if not oh well. I do not base my ego on the number of women I meet or the number of dates I get or the number of times I get laid. If there is a person that does, I can pretty well bet that they have low esteem.
The more you talk to women, the better you become at it.
I lose more golf games than I win, and I strike out more often than not with women. It does not mean however that I want to stop doing either. I just like meeting people. If something comes out of it great, if not oh well. I do not base my ego on the number of women I meet or the number of dates I get or the number of times I get laid. If there is a person that does, I can pretty well bet that they have low esteem.
I go to my local watering hole and out of nowhere this beautiful young lady shows up. Alone. It appears she is becoming a regular. I have noticed her in the past month or so but have not been in lately so just recently realized she is turning up alot. She is in her early 30's, is very pleasant, talks to anyone, is quite poised and smells great! And yes, I have made contact, know her name and her basic situation (single and looking for an apartment downtown). I have found it VERY unusual for a young thing like this to show up unescorted to a bar/restaurant, sit at the bar and have some drinks -- alone. She is attractive enough that every boner in the place is at full alert, including mine! And yes, of course, she is approached. So how does an older guy (like me --I have about 15 years on her) approach this situation. Don't want to blow it and don't want to look like an idiot as many people know me here. And, what do you think she wants? A young, single girl frequenting a bar, alone. I have honestly never seen this happen before. They usually travel in packs.
This might sound crazy, but maybe she just wants a drink and it is a bar she is comfortable in. That being said, I would just approach her the same way as you would any guy in the bar and strike up a conversation. Any luck finding an apartment yet? Have you tried kijiji? I didn't realize it would be so hard to find one? Would taking a day off work better your odds?Mable said:
Ask questions, and open ended ones. The goal is to meet her, not to bed her.
I have heard this...
...a few times from a few different women, except the comparison was Canadians to Americans.
My soon 2Bx dated an American before me...and said her and her GF would "cruise" for Americans in Montreal before that. Americans were known to friendly, charming and "aggressive"...as in if you just sent the slightest signal, they would come around in short order.
After I moved out I very briefly dated a lovely, lovely woman who said a similar thing...that when she was out at clubs, Canadian guys would NEVER approach her...so if she saw a guy walking her way, she knew he had to be American.
Andrea Sweet said:
...a few times from a few different women, except the comparison was Canadians to Americans.
My soon 2Bx dated an American before me...and said her and her GF would "cruise" for Americans in Montreal before that. Americans were known to friendly, charming and "aggressive"...as in if you just sent the slightest signal, they would come around in short order.
After I moved out I very briefly dated a lovely, lovely woman who said a similar thing...that when she was out at clubs, Canadian guys would NEVER approach her...so if she saw a guy walking her way, she knew he had to be American.
Interesting indeed. I have never paid attention to this, but now I will. Usually, if I see someone interesting, I just go up and introduce myself, but I am not aggressive.MLAM said:
I do not think introducing myself is being aggressive, (and I never slap my buddies on the back or make a scene of meeting someone). What I mean by aggressive is that I let the women keep all the power, and that I am ready to cut the conversation short if things are not going well. I would rather walk away having tried and failed with pride, than trying to force the issue and having to walk away with my tail between my legs in shame. That is all I meant.MLAM said:
MLAM has posted a lot of good advice here, but there's one further perspective I want to add.
When people discuss this topic, it usually sounds like they're talking about going fishing - where to go, what kind of bait, how to reel in the catch. However, I think that's the wrong mindset. When you're served fish, you generally don't care whether it was the finest specimen of it's school, or whether it's the "right fish for you". To put it another way, your objective should be to meet women who improve your life by their presence in some way, not just to meet "lots of women". By definition, the number of women you should be trying to meet is a very small percertage of the population (much less than 1%). You need to be selective and you need to be honest with yourself.
As a result, the first step is to figure out who you are, and why you want a woman in your life. If you are a quiet guy who enjoys model railroading, and would like someone who really makes a mean hot chocolate, stop hanging out at clubs full of rapidly deteriorating women looking for a rich man to solve all their financial problems and to entertain them. You ever notice how many women never want to go back to the club where you met? Why were they there in the first place? In other words, the best way to meet someone who you can have a real relationship with is to be yourself. Join clubs that you would join even if it wasn't about meeting people. Go to places that you enjoy. Just be realistic and understand that you're likely to be seeing a lot more of Palmela Handerson than Pamela Anderson in the meantime!
I have found that no matter what you think your flaws are: hairy, bald, short, fat, bad teeth, small dick, etc., there is some attractive woman who doesn't think your flaws are that significant. Most women will think you have these flaws, but you wouldn't want those women any more than they want you.
Finding a woman is not a competition or a measure of self worth. There are no prizes awarded. You're going to have to leave your front door, but you don't have to "awaken the giant within". If you are comfortable in your own skin, think about the sort of woman who fits into your life, and meeting her will suddenly seem natural and stress free.
When people discuss this topic, it usually sounds like they're talking about going fishing - where to go, what kind of bait, how to reel in the catch. However, I think that's the wrong mindset. When you're served fish, you generally don't care whether it was the finest specimen of it's school, or whether it's the "right fish for you". To put it another way, your objective should be to meet women who improve your life by their presence in some way, not just to meet "lots of women". By definition, the number of women you should be trying to meet is a very small percertage of the population (much less than 1%). You need to be selective and you need to be honest with yourself.
As a result, the first step is to figure out who you are, and why you want a woman in your life. If you are a quiet guy who enjoys model railroading, and would like someone who really makes a mean hot chocolate, stop hanging out at clubs full of rapidly deteriorating women looking for a rich man to solve all their financial problems and to entertain them. You ever notice how many women never want to go back to the club where you met? Why were they there in the first place? In other words, the best way to meet someone who you can have a real relationship with is to be yourself. Join clubs that you would join even if it wasn't about meeting people. Go to places that you enjoy. Just be realistic and understand that you're likely to be seeing a lot more of Palmela Handerson than Pamela Anderson in the meantime!
I have found that no matter what you think your flaws are: hairy, bald, short, fat, bad teeth, small dick, etc., there is some attractive woman who doesn't think your flaws are that significant. Most women will think you have these flaws, but you wouldn't want those women any more than they want you.
Finding a woman is not a competition or a measure of self worth. There are no prizes awarded. You're going to have to leave your front door, but you don't have to "awaken the giant within". If you are comfortable in your own skin, think about the sort of woman who fits into your life, and meeting her will suddenly seem natural and stress free.
Right...of course...
...I am saying that MY use of the word "aggressive" was not meant to be negative...I was just saying that my friend commented that American men "pursue", versus just waiting around for some miracle to occur that will bring them and this woman together.
a 1 player said:
...I am saying that MY use of the word "aggressive" was not meant to be negative...I was just saying that my friend commented that American men "pursue", versus just waiting around for some miracle to occur that will bring them and this woman together.
hello, I was a lonely guy just like you and then I realize i was just setting my standards way too high.bob_sapp said:Where's the best place to meet women or get a girlfriend(besides family or your immediate friends)? Lots of people say just to join lots of clubs or activities so you have mutual interests to build on? I am talking about a dating relationship, not one night stands. No stupid answers please
Here are two nice ladies I meet online and dating now:
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member8104208.htm#in
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member5240400.htm#in
as long as you don't set your standards so high you will find a lot of nice ladies just like I find for myself. good luck!
I agree with that statement. I would probably never have had a date if I never tried. Lets just say the stars don't align too often for me without at least a little effort on my part.MLAM said:
