anybody have children?

[Dirk Diggler69]

well....me and the wife are thinking of having some. and well...I love my niece and nephew like crazy, i have a great time when I'm with them...but....I come from a background where most, if not all the trouble I've had in my life came from a terrible upbringing (divorce, substance abuse, incest...etc)

I myself am stable now after alot of fighting to get where I am have a good job, no drugs, etc...

I just can't look past what happened. I've never really been around a "normal" family, if they exist and I guess I'll always be a little apprehensive about having children because of my history.

I guess, I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say...but, has anybody here had children here? and maybe you could post what your experience has been..

thanx

 

[langeweile]

i can relate to some of your past.

1) Define normal family?

2) Children do not come with an instruction manual. So you have to do what all parents do "The best you can".

3) For me, having children is the greatest experience of my life. Yeah they give you grey hair and headache, but in the final analysis, the good outweighs the bad.
One "daddy daddy I love you" combined with a hug from your child, makes up for everything else.
They will teach you things about you, you have either forgotten or just never knew.


Finally,go for it. Have fun. enjoy.

 

[The Truman Show]

I have children, two boys. Each of them is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Everything else is secondary. The 'experience' has not been without its ups and downs, but I would not trade it for anything. Not only are my wife and I raising two fine young men (in my humble opinion), but they have taught me much about myself, my priorities, my values, my life.
Sure, the world is screwed up, and it's populated by screwed up people, but if everyone were to wait for a perfect situation before having children, there would be no one on the planet.
In order to raise a child, all you can do is try your best, and sometimes that won't be good enough.

 

[langeweile]

I have children, two boys. Each of them is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Everything else is secondary. The 'experience' has not been without its ups and downs, but I would not trade it for anything. Not only are my wife and I raising two fine young men (in my humble opinion), but they have taught me much about myself, my priorities, my values, my life.
Sure, the world is screwed up, and it's populated by screwed up people, but if everyone were to wait for a perfect situation before having children, there would be no one on the planet.
In order to raise a child, all you can do is try your best, and sometimes that won't be good enough.

It is great to know, that we parents share the same values and experiences.
Thanks Truman

 

[Dirk Diggler69]

normal = a family that somewhat enjoys each other
my family is so broken up. I never knew what it was like to have x-mas or even have a family dinner. In some way I'm worried that I'll treat my kids the same way I was treated. In my life..the way I've seen things, the family has been more of a source of pain rather than a positive force

 

[stang]

2) Children do not come with an instruction manual.....

That's what scares me. I just hope motherly instincts really do come naturally to the woman I marry.

 

[JeremytheWicked]

In my life..the way I've seen things, the family has been more of a source of pain rather than a positive force

Sounds like you are in position to change that ideal.

Maybe, just maybe, you could find the things you missed out on growing up, in a family of your own. Your parents teach you, sometimes in a negative way. At least you know where your family went wrong, and you can correct from there.

It's totally worth the effort, in my opinion.

 

[langeweile]

normal = a family that somewhat enjoys each other
my family is so broken up. I never knew what it was like to have x-mas or even have a family dinner. In some way I'm worried that I'll treat my kids the same way I was treated. In my life..the way I've seen things, the family has been more of a source of pain rather than a positive force

It will be what you make it....being aware of how not to want to do things, is more than some of us know.

 

[mtl_guy]

I dont have kids.

I have a lot of friends who have kids who bring much joy to their lives.

However, I do NOT believe you need to have kids to make your life whole. In fact, you should have your life as whole and as much in order as possible before having kids.

Ive also seen kids destroy their parents lives. Ive seen this back when I was a kid and had friends or acquaintances who really fucked up their parents. Theres kids who can be bad and you can work through this and have them grow up to be good adults. Theres also kids who are awful and ruin their parents lives - financially, emotionaly, relationship wise, etc.

I dont think you should have kids for the sake of having kids or because its the thing to do.
You should have kids because youre in a relationship and in a point in your life where you are ready for kids and you want kids.

 

[Shades]

One major change in having kids is that your world goes from one focused on "I" to one focused on "them". (the kids).
You will find yourself less introspective and focused on your history as the kids will inevitably expand the meaning of your life.
Love them unconditionally and they will reward your life in so many ways you'll lose count. And as others have said...there is no manual, there is no right way...you do the best you can and if you need help...there are lots of great counsellors and resources.
Conceive and raise them in love.

 

[jamesbond49]

No Time Like the Present

DirkDiggler69

Having children is having sex without a condom!!

I have two daughters--the first was an "accident" and the second one was in wedlock.

Sharing Christmas with my seven brothers and parents when I was young was priceless.

The warmth, the love, the chaos gave life meaning.

When the girls were young we had close to a "perfect" family; and then they became teenagers with peers.

Their compulsion to please their friends superseded all my wife and I did as parents. We went through some hellish years.

Now that my daughters are in their early 30's ; my wife and I see that many of their values are a result of the "roots" we gave them when they were young!

Now having a granddaughter is wonderful; especially since she is only two years old !

We see our daughter's image in her--it's scary how life recycles.

All in all, I agree wholeheartedly with the above posts that there is no perfect family or perfect time to be a parent.

Your human instincts will take over when you become a father and guide you through parenthood.

I learned a lot from my older brother by not committing the stupid mistakes that got him into trouble with my dad.

The same can be true with you; not repeating the mistakes that occurred in your disfunctional family.

With that said--I wish you the best of luck if you choose to delve into fatherhood and advise you to learn to change a diaper prior to the big event!! Luckily, I had a lot of practice while babysitting my six younger brothers!!

 

[mtl_guy]

Just wait till your boys hit the teenage years. Smoking, drinking, sex. Shoplifting, car theft, juvie... Or when they tell you they got some girl pregnant. Drugs. And then they drop out in grade 10. they steal from. they hate you. Some will grow out of it. Others will become adults who hate your guts and want to have no part of your family.

And its even funner with girls. When your 12 or 13yr old daughter smokes, drinks, sleeps around. Her boyfriend who comes to pick her up drives a car. She comes home pregnant. Runs away.
Then at 18 you see her on an internet site or porn box cover "Her first gang bang" or "All holes filled" getting fucked by 15 guys and left a gaping, cum covered mess.

Ah, all fun stuff to talk about around the Xmas table.

 

[langeweile]

Just wait till your boys hit the teenage years. Smoking, drinking, sex. Shoplifting, car theft, juvie... Or when they tell you they got some girl pregnant. Drugs. And then they drop out in grade 10. they steal from. they hate you. Some will grow out of it. Others will become adults who hate your guts and want to have no part of your family.

And its even funner with girls. When your 12 or 13yr old daughter smokes, drinks, sleeps around. Her boyfriend who comes to pick her up drives a car. She comes home pregnant. Runs away.
Then at 18 you see her on an internet site or porn box cover "Her first gang bang" or "All holes filled" getting fucked by 15 guys and left a gaping, cum covered mess.

Ah, all fun stuff to talk about around the Xmas table.

You either have sick sense of humour or you speak of personal experience.

 

[Jade4u]

There's no guarantee that your children will grow up to be the perfect Gentlemen/Ladies all you can do is do your best and to always be there for them and love them unconditionally and if they do wrong hope that the love they had in thier childhood will turn them around.

Regardless, you will always have the memories of that baby, toddler, young child, teen etc.. Most teens get into mischief of some sort at some point and time, but does not mean they will be an awful adult.

When you have children you have to enjoy them when you can. I think a life without children would be so incomplete. An experience if you do not go for you and let if pass you by you may regret later.

 

[gibsomstreet]

I'm sure I'm not the only wise guy who saw the thread title and jokingly expected anecdotes of illicit encounters in Bangkok or wherever;-)

(Sorry. That's sick. But once again, I'll betcha I'm not the only one...)

 

[Gord's Bro]

. . . so I am worried that I will not know what to do with a real family. . . .

Sometimes, Jennifer, what you learn as a child can be a positive influence of your ability to HAVE a child. You know what's missing and, with loving support of either a S.O. or an extended family, you can build -- actually more evolve and grow into -- a positive family unit. But, as has been said here before, there is no rule book. Nor are two parents -- or two children -- exaclty the same.

Form the times we've talked, you seem to have a positive focus, that's a good start!

As for the original question, Dirk, I've been fortunate with my two children -- now in their 20s -- turning out pretty good. One thing that I do miss is the LAST TIME -- the last time you push your child on a swing in the park, the last time you take them tobogganing, the last trip to the Santa Calus parade. As they grow older there comes a time things that had become traditions quietly become family memories just because your "youngsters" feel they're too old to "do that again, Dad!"

That LAST TIME isn't necessarily a bad thing just memory that grows with the passage of time.

Gord's Bro

 

[Dirk Diggler69]

thanks for the replies and insight!

 

[highland_rr]

I have always felt that life wouldn't be complete without having children.
But that's my opinion.
I'm doing the best I can.
One of my goals is to be a better father to my children than my father was to me and my sibling.
Tomorrow, I get to enjoy Christmas morning with my kids.
Dream come true.
h

 

[papasmerf]

Dirk

I have a 17 year old daughter and an ex wife.

All in all I would never ever consider doing things differently, if I had it to do all over again. There is no greater joy, that a man can have than a child. His eyes will be alight by the smile of this child and his joys are tied to them. Never forget that our children are the hope for tomorrow.

 

[The Truman Show]

... teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside ...