Anybody else hobby while in a "happy" marriage

[HobbyHorse]

" I hobby because it keeps me content and helps me stay true and honest."

Am I the only one who sees humor or an oxymoron aspect to this? lol

Actually I get it entirely.

If I did not occasionally hobby, I know from experience I would fall into an affair and possibly even delude myself into thinking I was in "love". That, much faster than hobbying, will destroy a marriage.

 

[HobbyHorse]

My buddy's wife does not give blowjobs (she thinks it's demeaning)... that's how he rationalized cheating! LOL

Giving blowjobs is demeaning. That's one of the best things about receiving them!

 

[mynameisearl11]

Actually I get it entirely.

If I did not occasionally hobby, I know from experience I would fall into an affair and possibly even delude myself into thinking I was in "love". That, much faster than hobbying, will destroy a marriage.

Smart point,indeed.
Interesting to know what the percentages of wives NOT doing BJ's to husbands outthere. My guess could be 70-75% do not like to blow to their husbands at home. Also, how many current SPs would quit giving out BJ after marriage?

 

[GPIDEAL]

I have a wonderful marriage with love lots of xos and all the other wonderful stuff and bs that comes with it.

I hobby because it keeps me content and helps me stay true and honest.

The sex part...whatever its an excuse people use to justify this hobby...blaming the wife or this and that. Lets be fucking be real here...its you, its only you to blame or thank depending on your perspective.

I chose to see it as a positive in that it helps me stay true to my core and is a part of the spiritual healing and strengthening aspect of my life. Kinda look at it like going to the gym is for the physical or church is for some people for the spiritual. I chose this hobby for my spiritual healing and health and maintenance.

how do I know it works. Well I can still have fun smile and make my family smile and happy vs. contributing negatively to it. That's all I need honestly.

Don't make excuses...just accept it. They don't need to know everything.

Not judging you Rain but your reasoning at first glance "sounds" hypocritical. However, I hear you loud and clear (and I'm not even married but know what marriage can be like from friends). It maintains your sanity for your marriage. Maybe you love your wife more because you can exorcise those libido demons out of your body elsewhere, and focus on your relationship when you are with her. It works, especially if she doesn't enjoy sex anymore.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Actually I get it entirely.

If I did not occasionally hobby, I know from experience I would fall into an affair and possibly even delude myself into thinking I was in "love". That, much faster than hobbying, will destroy a marriage.

Smart point,indeed.
Interesting to know what the percentages of wives NOT doing BJ's to husbands outthere. My guess could be 70-75% do not like to blow to their husbands at home. Also, how many current SPs would quit giving out BJ after marriage?

All valid points.

 

[GPIDEAL]

Then why did you get married and not dump her for someone you were more compatible with sexually? I've had stunning looking GFs in the past, but some were so lame in the sack that I quickly moved on. There's no way I'd marry a woman and settle for a life of vanilla sex, then have to pay regularly to get my fix.

I know, kinda strange saying that in a forum like this. lol

Indeed. I think you see SPs with your S.O., no?

 

[CoconutLove]

The best is being married to an SP and still hobbying, as a couple even.

 

[trippingwalker]

Then why did you get married and not dump her for someone you were more compatible with sexually? I've had stunning looking GFs in the past, but some were so lame in the sack that I quickly moved on. There's no way I'd marry a woman and settle for a life of vanilla sex, then have to pay regularly to get my fix.

I know, kinda strange saying that in a forum like this. lol

I can only speak based on my experiences but James T Kirk claimed that his situation was comparable to my situation. In my particular case, the vanilla sex is the only thing worth complaining about. She steps it up big time and no matter what she does there's always an extra hint of "I LOVE YOU!" and she's giving 110% always. I've had plenty of relationships to know that what I had with her was way too valuable to set aside because of borning sex sex. But that's what I thought. I guess I was completely wrong because I continue to risk my happy life, my well-being, and her happiness over anal sex, BBBJDTCIM, and so I can stick my tongue up an amazingly sexy woman's ass, among other things, but you get the point. I don't know.. it's a tricky and complex topic. If the wife finds out the marriage is fucking over. However, it seems like i don't give a fuck lol I continue to bang hot women and live a sort of double life. Yet there is some guilt and remorse. I don't know... I still haven't seen Yasmina @ Minx or Ryan Lagosee or a ton of other girls so I gotta focus.

 

[GameBoy27]

Indeed. I think you see SPs with your S.O., no?

No, we just play with friends. We did have a threesome once with a friend who's a part time SP, but she wasn't on the clock. I would pay to take her to a female dom, but haven't found the right one yet.

I can only speak based on my experiences but James T Kirk claimed that his situation was comparable to my situation. In my particular case, the vanilla sex is the only thing worth complaining about. She steps it up big time and no matter what she does there's always an extra hint of "I LOVE YOU!" and she's giving 110% always. I've had plenty of relationships to know that what I had with her was way too valuable to set aside because of borning sex sex. But that's what I thought. I guess I was completely wrong because I continue to risk my happy life, my well-being, and her happiness over anal sex, BBBJDTCIM, and so I can stick my tongue up an amazingly sexy woman's ass, among other things, but you get the point. I don't know.. it's a tricky and complex topic. If the wife finds out the marriage is fucking over. However, it seems like i don't give a fuck lol I continue to bang hot women and live a sort of double life. Yet there is some guilt and remorse. I don't know... I still haven't seen Yasmina @ Minx or Ryan Lagosee or a ton of other girls so I gotta focus.

That makes sense. It doesn't sound like your wife is that far off the mark sexually. I meant why stick around if the sex is really lame or you were from two different planets.

Enjoy your next adventure.

 

[Galseigin]

Just wondering if anybody else hobbies while being a loving marriage. My wife and I are happy together but the sex is terrible. I just go through the motions but she seems to like it. We love each other and get along well but sometimes I just need to have a good steak not the same old hamburger. I know I'm playing with a loaded gun but I've made my choice. Anybody else in similar situation?

Have you tried to improve the situation with ideas ..to spruce it up with her?

 

[trippingwalker]

No, we just play with friends. We did have a threesome once with a friend who's a part time SP, but she wasn't on the clock. I would pay to take her to a female dom, but haven't found the right one yet.



That makes sense. It doesn't sound like your wife is that far off the mark sexually. I meant why stick around if the sex is really lame or you were from two different planets.

Enjoy your next adventure.

she tries... but it's a buzz kill. Contrived. Like, when I want to be DATO it ain't no joke, i want it, i crave it, i desire it. I enjoy it. My wife just doesn't feel that way about giving me a BBBJ. To be honest, my cock is a great size, looks great, and is always very well groomed. I do everything possible to make that area as appealing as possible lmfao SPs always go the extra mile with BBBJ and often compliment it. My wife is just not a cock-sucker. She just doesn't love to do it. Anyway, I've contributed everything I can to this thread lol

 

[Mishman527]

Hobbying is like stealing freezies from the pantry freezer. You do it because you want to. You don't expect it will be alright if you get caught. You are not comitting a crime. Your wife doesn't own you. You are breaking the terms of the contract between you and her, hoping she doesn't find out. If you do it once, you might as well do it again and again, you have broken the trust; even if you are the only one who knows. It isn't fair to her. Life isn't fair. Enjoy yourself while you are alive. Chances are you have been or will also be cheated on. Hobbying is not as bad as having an affair, as you are not manipulating a second woman emotionally or playing anyone really. You are, undeniably participating in sex acts with a paid provider, and you aren't likely permitted to by your wife. Again, she is your wife, not your mother and you don't need her permission. Paying MPA's and escorts for bj's, hj's and the odd covered pen... is barely more than masturbating. The larger wrong is really the money you are funneling out of your family. If you are not extremely wealthy, you have to keep your habit in check. Having a skeleton in your closet, knowing you sin, keeps you humble. You are less likely to pull a self righteous morality trip on your wife or others, and that is a GOOD thing....

Amen to that, my friend. Well said.

 

[bigshot]

I find the premise of this question to be interesting. Why would someone in a happy marriage not want to have great sex with multiple gorgeous women? If that's not your thing, you're probably not a member of the board. It strikes me that most guys, if they were honest, would love to have sex with various women and love seeing good looking women when they go about their day, whether at work, in a mall or just walking down the street. It reminds you of what you may be missing and has little to do with your satisfaction at home...

 

[Damondean]

If Tony Soprano could do it, so can TERBites! )

 

[hobbist]

A wife is an expensive SP.

Terribly fucked up reply even for TERB standards

 

[Johnny Utah]

Terribly fucked up reply even for TERB standards

It’s funny because I posted about rekindling a FWB and I got more morality responses than I expected from us perverts. Very interesting.

I get all the current responses to this topic but I wonder if it’s possible to enter a relationship with the honesty that she may not be able to satisfy your perverted sexuality forever? I’m sure that would be a deal breaker for most women but I am talking when you are seriously involved....any thoughts.

 

[essguy_]

Happiness is different for everybody, so a happy marriage might be different for everybody. I was married for a long time (20 plus years) and can honestly say that the majority of those years were happy even though I hobbied throughout. Not proud of that but not ashamed either. My ex-wife (by all accounts) was very good looking, and loved sex. Gave stellar blow jobs too. So what was the problem? Me! I just like variety and have always had a problem being faithful. I'm just not cut out for monogamy. So people may ask - how could the marriage be happy? Well, we loved each other, had two wonderful kids together, supported each other as we built successful careers, made each other feel good and nobody was left wanting for anything despite my hobbying (which I always did during the day from work). Hobbying is a victimless "crime" (assuming you only see escorts who are willing participants and assuming nobody suffers because of the time and money you spend). At least that's how I rationalize it.

So why did the "happy" marriage end? Again, I'll take the bulk of the responsibility but it basically came down to the kids getting older and starting to leave the nest and my wife and I starting to spend more and more time together as just a couple (vs as a family). Mainly because if me this just would not have worked. I have no guilt about this, my kids are happy, my ex is happy, and I'm happy (and my divorce lawyer better be happy - the only whore in this post!)

 

[lomotil]

It is true that many men love the freedom to act as sexual predators with a clear conscience, that comes from their belief that doing so is in his DNA.
But it ain't so. The DNA of chimpanzees, lions, elephant seals, and many other animals, is that of a sexual predator -- but not men.

The DNA of every living creature has been passed down to the creature from its parents, grandparents, and on back through the generations. The one thing all those ancestors had in common is that they all raised offspring to maturity - humans, hyenas, every species.
But throughout the countless human generations, becoming a grandfather must have been something of an unusual achievement, what with disease, predators, etc. And yet every single man jack of your forefathers fathered at least one kid, being a kid who reached maturity and had kids of his own. Not one single exception to that iron rule.

Now, humans are very unusual in that human offspring are helpless and vulnerable for ten years or more. No other animal comes anywhere near that period of dependency. What is the trick to protecting and nurturing vulnerable offspring for ten years or more -- why, sharing the load of course.

It can't be ruled out that, over the generations, one of your ancestors might have been raised to maturity by a single parent - but you'd better believe that having two parents around for most of your childhood was a key factor whether or not you reached maturity, and by far the huge majority of kids who made it were raised by parents who stayed together and raised the kids together.

Even the most virulent men of the my-genes-make-me-a-sexual-predator persuasion, is forced to acknowledge that in fact we get our DNA from ancestors who stayed together to raise their families. Those ancestors had genes that gave them the abilities to raise a family, and genes that made them want to do it -- and because they succeeded, they have passed their genes for succeeding onto us.

Genes for being a sexual predator work for gorillas, lions, hyenas, and many other species. But not for humans.


Do you want real proof that you have genes that equip you to fall in love with a woman and raise a family with her?
Think of this: all the species in which the males have genes for being sexual predators do not discriminate between females. But human males have a distinct DNA-generated preference for females with smooth clear complexion, high hips-to-waist ratio, firm round breasts, strong arms and legs, and all the other things that signal health and vigour to the subconscious male mind.

But human men are repulsed by wrinkled saggy females. The revulsion comes from our genes, just as much as does the attraction to young healthy women. Our genes tell us not to bother with the wrinkled woman, as she is not a good bet for the long term relationship needed for raising a family -- which is all our genes care about.
The fact that you have the genes that make you attracted to healthy fit young women, and repulsed by saggy tired old women, is proof that your genes want you to choose someone to stick with long enough to raise your kids, together, to maturity, to have kids of their own.
True sexual predators of the animal kingdom don't have genes that give them the will-she-make-a-good-mother preference. Only humans have genes that do that.

If your DNA really wants you to be a sexual predator (like a chimpanzee), you wouldn't be repulsed by saggy wrinkled women. The fact that you prefer young healthy women proves that what your genes are really telling you is to fall in love and raise a family.

It is not that simple, genes were developed long before divorce lawyers, so if we play, we should expect to have to pay if we are caught, unless the SO doesn't give a shit. Pecuniary genetic evolution is it a fact? Saggy wrinkled old women seems to be better caregivers for their male counterparts than younger ladies, now why is that?

 

[_Melissa]

Am I the only one who sees humor or an oxymoron aspect to this? lol

No indefinitely caught on to that to lol In other words "I cheat to stay honest." That's a little confusing lol

 

[lomotil]

TERB traffic is inversely proportional to the incidence and prevalence of "happy marriages"