Addiction help

[jimieboe]

Most people aren't going to respond well. In a perfect world, he wouldn't have been paying for sex outside of marriage, but he's not in that situation. Telling her will create wounds which he will need to be prepared to deal with. This isn't the first time someone has made a post like this in the past. In most cases, either the person can't break the addiction and keeps seeing escorts secretly or they eventually get caught. He's been incapable of breaking the habit behind her back. He's just going to have to think long and hard how he wants to approach that situation. It won't be rainbows and butterflies, but taking responsibility for his actions is a starting point. If he wants to pussy out of having to deal with the situation, so be it, but the conflict will only continue to multiply.

You married???? Because sounds like you don't have a clue of what's involved...just my 2 cents

 

[shadeau]

The best book that I read about addiction was The Freedom Model For Addictions:

Amazon.ca

Reading the description on Amazon should give you some notion of the book’s approach. Of course, it deals with booze and drug problems, and I don’t remember it mentioning sexual addictions, but a lot of the same thinking applies.

If you’d rather watch video than read, the authors have a YouTube channel that you can watch for free:

The Freedom Model

Break free from addiction with The Freedom Model for Addictions—the most successful approach available today. As the pioneers of the non-12-step movement since the 1990s, we remain the only true Non-12 Step program. Our Freedom Model Workshops and Coaching Programs empower you to overcome...

www.youtube.com

The same material can be listened to as audio-only podcasts.

 

[Sweetface09]

Well I hope the OP finds the help he is seeking as it would be on his best interest. As someone who has gone through divorce, seeing SW's is not worth losing your family and not to mention possible debt that might incurred

Focus on your family and you will overcome the challenges and addiction

 

[Ahri]

Get the agencies who you frequent to self ban your self

No shame in that I had a client tell me he did this before to be forced to take a break.

 

[lir2016]

Get the agencies who you frequent to self ban your self

No shame in that I had a client tell me he did this before to be forced to take a break.

By any chance, did he go into detail of how it works? I have thought about requesting SFT to temp ban before, but I’m just worried that they’ll make it a permanent ban

 

[Ahri]

By any chance, did he go into detail of how it works? I have thought about requesting SFT to temp ban before, but I’m just worried that they’ll make it a permanent ban

I actually don’t know how it worked - so I’m sorry I can’t help you with that but give SFT a message and take screenshots that your requesting a TEMP ban.

 

[Climberx]

You married???? Because sounds like you don't have a clue of what's involved...just my 2 cents

Yes and we have GREAT communication. Some of you guys don't know how to talk with woman! Not all woman are out with a pitchfork!

 

[Portishead]

Get the agencies who you frequent to self ban your self

Just as casinos do.

 

[Portishead]

I have thought about requesting SFT to temp ban before, but I’m just worried that they’ll make it a permanent ban

PM SFT here so you have a record of your request.

 

[SinnamonFairbanks]

Addiction is hard. You have to recognize your triggers and work through them.

Quitting anything is hard and sometimes people just switch out one addiction for another. Make your family or something you do with your family your addiction. Prioritize yourself and them. Sex is sex. Its not worth losing ANYTHING over. Definitely not worth losing a family you love.

 

[Sweetface09]

Go on to pornhub right away. Internet porn helps me with my own sex addiction. Once you "blow your load", the urge to go to SP's or MP's at least dies down for the moment.

I'm not an expert but don't you think visiting porn sites adds fuel to the fire?

 

[Sweetface09]

Yes, but if you're watching porn again, you're not spending money. I agree with you. The porn cycle will keep repeating itself.

Yea to me this is the thing, porn just adds fuel to the fire because it makes you want to experience that same feeling that you're watching. So seeing a SP is the easiest thing to do. I thought the same thing, "oh if I get the urge just jerk off" but it made me wanted to get a BJ more.

 

[Ahri]

I did do something similar. Set appointments with the escorts i love so much and then ghost them after they give me the room number on the appt time hahahahahaha

Don’t find this funny at all the most infuriating thing a client can do is just ghost a SP they just booked

 

[jimieboe]

Yes and we have GREAT communication. Some of you guys don't know how to talk with woman! Not all woman are out with a pitchfork!

So she knows you cheat? Does she as well?

 

[maxers]

You would think so, but I can only speak for myself. I'm presently single, but have a high sex drive. By partaking in internet porn, I save myself thousands and thousands of dollars a year. Internet porn has literally saved me from declaring bankruptcy. With that being said, when I do occasionally see an SP, I have a lot of performance issues because I'm so used to porn. Sometimes I'm on pornhub and other porn websites for 5 hrs straight.

I admit I have a porn addiction, but it's financially better for me, then having an SP addiction. On another subject, if I was married or in a relationship, and was seeing SP's behind my wife's or girlfriends back, I would have trouble doing it, as I'm a bad liar. I totally admire married guys on terb, who can lead double lives etc. For example, seeing SP's on their lunch break, and then coming home to their wife of girlfriend at night, like nothing happened during the day.

i think id rather be addicted to a real life interaction even if it drains my bank account, idk the way u phrase internet porn is very dystopian/black mirror to me. but to each their own what works for u works for u

 

[maxers]

Don’t find this funny at all the most infuriating thing a client can do is just ghost a SP they just booked

like insane, what goes around comes around. people who leave ppl in the dark, waiting are scum

 

[Climberx]

So she knows you cheat? Does she as well?

We maintain open communication on everything. Nothing wrong with spicing things up in the bedroom with others, but we've spent years developing that trust, that sex with others doesn't make things turn messy. Some people here clearly don't have much conversation re sex with their partners (or know how to initiate it well). You can't pigeon hole all woman as fitting in "x" category nor the same for men.

 

[johnyboy]

Keeping & seeing only one escort while going into debt is not smart. A friend did something like this years ago and was about 20K in debt. He then went cold turkey until he cleared his debt. And in your situation with a family you won't be able to hide your debt forever. Just quit cold turkey and whenever the urge hits think of you family and then grab your wife and bang her instead.

LTO_3

Or jerk off...10 minutes later and your like what was I thinking

 

[MelaniCarmelo]

Clearly your family isn't everything for you if you are coming here asking for advice. If it was, you would of stopped your addiction. You want to know how to stop? Tell your wife about your addiction and work through it together with her. If she leaves, well, then you learn the lesson and, will likely, have more motivation to stop this "addiction". I had a neighbor who was addicted to smoking for years and years. Didn't matter what people told him, he just wouldn't stopped. Then one day he stopped. You want to know why? He got lung cancer and had to get one of his lungs removed. He died about a year after surgery. You can either wait for the cancer to hit you to decide to stop (and hope to make it out the other end) or just take responsibility today.

That's not how addiction works my friend! If people could just stop after being in so deep there would be no such thing as addiction and rehab would be non-existent! Addiction is both mental and physical torment and asking for help isn't a bad thing if you find you're genuinely having a hard time doing it alone. If a person feels they've tried everything then their desire to seek support, advice, tools and resources actually shows that they really are serious about stopping and working on ways to work through whatever it is that triggers such urges!

 

[MelaniCarmelo]

Any tip/suggestion to get out of this addiction? Have a beautiful wife, young daughter and i know what i am gambling with. My family is everything for me and i am really feeling stressed and concerned about their health and safety. I really don't want to spoil my life for a 20 mins fun and really want to come out if this hobby. Any suggestions? Thank you.

When you get those urges do you ever think of ways to redirect that towards your wife? Or if the spark is gone have you guys talked about how to make it exciting again? Have you tried roleplay? Have her pretend to be an escort and after work show up to her "incall", pay her and you know the rest lol I'm not a guy so I don't know the perspective of having a wife and being on the hunt for more but if you've already tried talking to her about your physical desires and urges to be touched, ravaged and wanted... you've already tried to spice things up in the bedroom and you've already tried talking to her about what she needs from YOU in order to feel sexually charged for you more often... then my only other suggestions are couples counselling.

OR

I've even seen instances where some guys try to bypass this guilt of hiding this lifestyle by seeing if their wife is open to hiring an escort together but they had to gauge her interest slowly over time. If she agrees eventually then hubby gets to have his cake and eat it too! A couple I know in particular now hires me and/or someone else every year for their anniversary and sometimes for valentines day. The husband explained to the wife that hiring a professional is no drama, no strings attached, open, honest, upfront and more likely to have the best time because a professional would obviously know what they are doing. Now although this means they can't play as often as they would like, to them its a great compromise and something is better than nothing. Especially if you've been in the relationship for a long time. Great way to start the conversation is to mention how you had a fantasy or even a dream that your wife was making out with a woman and it turned you on so much. Then ask her how she feels about it or if it would be something SHE would enjoy too. Some women its a hard NO and so this route would never work but others are either readily open to it or can be warmed up to the idea over time.

In any case, I hope something from this helps you or gives you some ideas of what to do next. I wish you the best of luck!