Married but I want a side chick, what do I do?

[Jenesis]

Not a smart decision. Your wife will eventually find out and be prepared to lose half of your shit over this.

This.

The point of an escort is they won't get attached and start calling you and causing trouble. The side chick is going to want more at some point and the wife is going to figure it out at sometime.


Best solution is to find a regular SP that you can have a long term arrangement with.

At $700 a month, you can get a couple of visits in a month.

I say this admitting that I don’t know the SB scene but I know it can be a lot of work to find the right arrangement. So if you not willing to put in the work, an SP regular is a great option.

 

[Soccersweeper]

This.

The point of an escort is they won't get attached and start calling you and causing trouble. The side chick is going to want more at some point and the wife is going to figure it out at sometime.


Best solution is to find a regular SP that you can have a long term arrangement with.

At $700 a month, you can get a couple of visits in a month.

Exactly. I've done the mistress route before. Best sex I've ever had for sure, but also the most drama. Maybe less if she's also married and understands the dynamics at play, but having a regular escort is a far better situation. You can still get the personalized attention and knowledge of what gets you off, but not have to worry about threats or extortion, and you can schedule for whenever works for you. With a mistress you're going to need to spend 10 hours messaging/dating her for every hour in bed, which is how it should be but do you have time for that? And if you do get caught, it's better to be able to say it was over professional paid sex rather than an actual emotional relationship.

 

[itd131]

This will ultimately destroy your relationship with your wife.

 

[countd]

pad your wallet!

 

[Spawn88]

Why not open up your marriage, propose the idea to your wife. My wife and I both have fun, it's not one sided and we have our own lovers. It will also work for you in the case of a divorce, if it's one sided and she finds out it will not work well. Also if you open up your marriage for her to get some you have to be comfortable that she will have more options available.

 

[Hip]

Hey guys, i need your advice. I am married and I am hooked on the hobby but I am looking for something more long-term with a side chick.
I think this is safer (health, legal) ....

What do you guys think? I m mid-30's guy. Do you think flirting with women (I prefer older) would get me somewhere ?
My plan is to tell the side chick from day 1 about my situation (being married and all) and that I just need her for "me time"

Cheers!

Been There. Did it for a couple years. In my case, my partner was drifting in and out of my life so cavalierly, I didn't know where we stood.

I suspect my side girl, a semi-retired aging SP, was desperate and lonesome at the time and therefore super accomodating.

I loved the experience she played out for me. Lasted about 2.5 years. She presents herself as a polygamist / polyamorous and I was glad to be supportive.

Eventually when she hooked up with a longer term arrangement with more money to spare, she must have felt less lonesome and less desperate.

She put an end to us by inviting me to refer to her advertised rates for future encounters. But our custom arrangement has come to an end due to her new partners insecurities.

It took me half a year to come to my senses and not be heartbroken about it. Just proves her talents were genuine even if her feelings were not.

This experience was a Unicorn and I don't expect it will ever present itself in the future. I will forever look back on it with gratitude for what it essentially was. An extended fantasy.

I hope you find what you're looking for.

 

[massman]

As others have said, don’t do it. Odds are, sooner or later one or both of you will catch feelings and / or start to develop more expectations in terms of time, emotional commitment etc, and then it gets really complicated, and will risk your marriage for sure and will also risk your happiness and psychological well being. Sure, sometimes a man and a woman can sustain a pure fwb experience, but it’s rare and even if it starts that way, with time, familiarity and inevitable development of stronger feelings by you and / or her, it will not be sustainable in that form.

If you want some sex on the side for whatever reason (we all have our own different ones) just hire an escort. There are a lot of great girls who you can have fun with, and enjoy their company both physical and non physical. But after you leave, that fantasy stays behind.

 

[Soccersweeper]

Why not open up your marriage, propose the idea to your wife. My wife and I both have fun, it's not one sided and we have our own lovers. It will also work for you in the case of a divorce, if it's one sided and she finds out it will not work well. Also if you open up your marriage for her to get some you have to be comfortable that she will have more options available.

Typically the need for a side chick is due to a decline in interest in sex generally from her. Suggesting an open marriage will work in a very small percentage of cases, and in the rest possibly put the relationship to the test with small chance of recovery. Escort is likely the better overall option for most, though I applaud anyone that can pull off the open marriage. Certainly a more enlightened attitude more common in other cultures.

 

[Cholla]

An open marriage … such a sweet dream. I wonder how long would it take for .0000000000000000000000000001 percent of population to keep this marriage for a long time? I love kinky stuff, but I doubt that a husband would enjoy his wife coming back home in the morning soaked in sperm?

 

[Bucksnort]

Find someone (paid or fwb) that ONLY meets to have sex in a discreet location. No coffees in public, no lunches in public, certainly no dinners, no shopping, no movies no nothing but sex in a private place.

Otherwise. You. Will. Get. Busted.

 

[Hybrid7]

Why not just try to split the difference and start seeing the same good SP as a regular? You’ll get some emotional engagement and familiarity that way, but with a lot less risk of it blowing up in your face. Have her pretend to be your side chick with some light roleplay if that’s on the table.

 

[massman]

Why not just try to split the difference and start seeing the same good SP as a regular? You’ll get some emotional engagement and familiarity that way, but with a lot less risk of it blowing up in your face. Have her pretend to be your side chick with some light roleplay if that’s on the table.

Very logical solution.

 

[xix]

Hey guys, i need your advice. I am married and I am hooked on the hobby but I am looking for something more long-term with a side chick.
I think this is safer (health, legal) ....

What do you guys think? I m mid-30's guy. Do you think flirting with women (I prefer older) would get me somewhere ?
My plan is to tell the side chick from day 1 about my situation (being married and all) and that I just need her for "me time"

Cheers!

Get one. You don't need our approval.
Don't ask how to get one. This is not our specialty, we simply search / look up and pay for it. Simple.

 

[Ceiling Cat]

Cheer up, Easter is just around the corner.

 

[highpark]

Get one. You don't need our approval.
Don't ask how to get one. This is not our specialty, we simply search / look up and pay for it. Simple.

Love this response. I agree percent

 

[SinnamonFairbanks]

You'll probably have to pay for this scenario in some way. Either with a prostitute or sugar baby. I've never seen a long term affair work out from the end of the other woman. I've never been the other woman in a serious relationship but I've known women who have been and it makes them crazy. As soon as feelings get intense, they go mental. They expect you to leave and plan to try and break up your marriage. Men promise a bunch of things they can't follow through on like leaving their wife and kids and it gets complicated and messy. I had a hard time even being around people going through the "other woman" drama. It was so intense and dramatic all the time. Their relationship was never peaceful.

That being said... it's hard to cheat and get away with it forever. I think it's easier for women to accept a man saw prostitutes than if the man was deeply in love with another woman for years or tried to form an emotional connection. Eventually, feelings get deep whether you want them to or not.

You eventually get caught and you pay for the therapy to keep your marriage or you pay for the divorce.

I'm on here reading all the time about men trying to cheat on their wives but I'm also part of the groups where women spill their hearts out about finding out they've been cheated on.

They recommend a therapist or a divorce lawyer and there's always a hoard of women offering support because they've been through the same thing.

Is it worth risking your marriage?
Would you feel comfortable with your wife doing the same thing?

If you don't care and you and you and your wife are in an open marriage go for it.

You get to remain relatively anonymous with a prostitute. Jealous women get mean and vindictive. It's hard to keep crucial details secret from an intimate partner and that could blow up in your face later when she's crying and begging you to get a divorce and marry her.

I have no idea what kind of marriage you have or what leads you to cheat but relationships (even side piece ones) are messy. I would argue they're even messier than traditional relationships if you catch feelings.

Women also, mostly don't like being approached with these types of arrangements and we generally don't think we exist to satisfy a man's need for "me time". Be prepared to get yelled at, blocked and called out if you're not careful. One example I'm thinking of is a guy who was married flaunting his businesses and women flocked to tell his wife about his online profiles looking for a side piece. Everyone knew about it. I knew the guy from the website I was on. My own mother told me about the guy and him cheating on his wife. I asked her how she knew and apparently EVERYONE knew. It was well known just from this one profile he created. He wasn't smart about it, but small details can lead to big issues.

On the opposite end of the spectrum I knew a lady who was dating a guy. She had suspicions he was married. Turns out he was. She wanted to tell the wife. The guy was a ghost. No social media. Unlisted number. Probably lied about his name, his workplace, where he lived. She had to hire a private investigator and I don't think she ever got anywhere with it.

You can be smart about it, but be willing to end it when it gets messy and cover your tracks. At least out of respect for your wife.

I don't condone cheating but I also don't get into relationships I'm not totally committed to and I haven't been with someone for decades and get tired of fucking them... so I don't know what that's like. I just know how hurt women are when they find out.

Hey guys, i need your advice. I am married and I am hooked on the hobby but I am looking for something more long-term with a side chick.
I think this is safer (health, legal) ....

What do you guys think? I m mid-30's guy. Do you think flirting with women (I prefer older) would get me somewhere ?
My plan is to tell the side chick from day 1 about my situation (being married and all) and that I just need her for "me time"

Cheers!

 

[PvtJoker]

This reminds me of the cheap-good-fast relationship; you can only have two.
If you want a good side chick, fast; it won’t be cheap
If you want a good side chick, cheap; it won’t be fast,
if you want a cheap side chick, fast; it won’t be good.

I think the last one describes your situation, and your goal is attainable, provided you are willing to lower your standards. In the old days Lavalife was the go-to. I found a steady stream of larger/older women there; On a scale of 1-10, most were in the 3-6 range (given that in my prime I was at best a 7, this was a pretty good haul). I would frequently land 8s with issues (usually angry at husbands or daddy issues…or just generally crazy). Seemings how I was married I made sure they never knew where I lived.

Another alternative is a swingers club. Some, like club 4M, will allow single men on certain nights. If you are patient, persistent, and open to a wide variety of ages/sizes, you’ll find you get similar results to lavalife but with a larger proportion of 7-9s with issues. Also, you will almost certainly have an audience ranging in size from the chick’s husband right up to everyone in the club including the guy who is waiting to fuck her after you finish.

For $700 a month, you won’t get a true sugar baby, but you should be able to get a time share. These are women on Seeking who will do a pay-per-meet. You won’t be the only guy who fucks them that week (or even day), but the experience is much less transactional than with an escort; no set time limit, fuck as many times as you can get it up in an afternoon, wider variety of activities. These women tend to be the 6-8s, hot enough that people will pay, but not hot enough to attract a full on sugar daddy; or women who want to make money from prostitution without admitting to themselves that they are prostitutes.

 

[DesRicardo]

You want to cheat. Say it right.

 

[Bucktee]

You men are never satisfied!

 

[Goodfellow]

You'll probably have to pay for this scenario in some way. Either with a prostitute or sugar baby. I've never seen a long term affair work out from the end of the other woman. I've never been the other woman in a serious relationship but I've known women who have been and it makes them crazy. As soon as feelings get intense, they go mental. They expect you to leave and plan to try and break up your marriage. Men promise a bunch of things they can't follow through on like leaving their wife and kids and it gets complicated and messy. I had a hard time even being around people going through the "other woman" drama. It was so intense and dramatic all the time. Their relationship was never peaceful.

That being said... it's hard to cheat and get away with it forever. I think it's easier for women to accept a man saw prostitutes than if the man was deeply in love with another woman for years or tried to form an emotional connection. Eventually, feelings get deep whether you want them to or not.

You eventually get caught and you pay for the therapy to keep your marriage or you pay for the divorce.

I'm on here reading all the time about men trying to cheat on their wives but I'm also part of the groups where women spill their hearts out about finding out they've been cheated on.

They recommend a therapist or a divorce lawyer and there's always a hoard of women offering support because they've been through the same thing.

Is it worth risking your marriage?
Would you feel comfortable with your wife doing the same thing?

If you don't care and you and you and your wife are in an open marriage go for it.

You get to remain relatively anonymous with a prostitute. Jealous women get mean and vindictive. It's hard to keep crucial details secret from an intimate partner and that could blow up in your face later when she's crying and begging you to get a divorce and marry her.

I have no idea what kind of marriage you have or what leads you to cheat but relationships (even side piece ones) are messy. I would argue they're even messier than traditional relationships if you catch feelings.

Women also, mostly don't like being approached with these types of arrangements and we generally don't think we exist to satisfy a man's need for "me time". Be prepared to get yelled at, blocked and called out if you're not careful. One example I'm thinking of is a guy who was married flaunting his businesses and women flocked to tell his wife about his online profiles looking for a side piece. Everyone knew about it. I knew the guy from the website I was on. My own mother told me about the guy and him cheating on his wife. I asked her how she knew and apparently EVERYONE knew. It was well known just from this one profile he created. He wasn't smart about it, but small details can lead to big issues.

On the opposite end of the spectrum I knew a lady who was dating a guy. She had suspicions he was married. Turns out he was. She wanted to tell the wife. The guy was a ghost. No social media. Unlisted number. Probably lied about his name, his workplace, where he lived. She had to hire a private investigator and I don't think she ever got anywhere with it.

You can be smart about it, but be willing to end it when it gets messy and cover your tracks. At least out of respect for your wife.

I don't condone cheating but I also don't get into relationships I'm not totally committed to and I haven't been with someone for decades and get tired of fucking them... so I don't know what that like. I just know how hurt women are when they find out.

Excellent post. Took me (harrowingly) back to memories of my first marriage 40 years ago (FWIW, I ended up happily with the “other woman” ever since.) Too many good points (well -asked) here to mention. So, a good read, especially from the perspective of a woman.
One of her many good statements: “Jealous women get mean and vindictive.” Shakespeare said something similar. The memory of this chills me to the bone.