Vance/Walz debate!!
- Thread starter mitchell76
- Start date
Even Trump's fuckboy is getting prepared for your vomit session!!!
Mitchy needs love and understanding.
Mitchy needs a Trump watch to complete him!!!
DO IT MITCHY!!!! Best 100K you will ever spend!!!!!
Get to know the real Tim Walz. Walz once supported private health insurance, then he joined a ticket with a candidate who believes in eliminating private healthcare and instituting communist style price controls. Will the debate moderators ask Walz about his evolving positions tonight? Don’t hold your breath.
Here you go, Mitch!
Your own little Trump action figure that you can treasure and play with. Without involving any other people.
Mitchy buying one of the King of Kings zircon encrusted watches, all he'll need is a pygmy pony!
Mitchy don't forget to keep the wax.
Mitchy don't forget to keep the wax.
Meet Mitchy, a quirky 68-year-old with an insatiable love for bizarre, over-the-top collectibles. He’s the kind of guy who wears a Hawaiian shirt to a black-tie event and still somehow pulls it off. His latest obsession? Watches. But not just any watches—watches with stories. He’s already got one supposedly worn by a guy who once high-fived Elton John, so naturally, he needs something even crazier to top that.
One day, Mitchy’s scrolling through some underground collector forum when he spots it: Trump’s watch. It’s a gold Rolex, blinged out with diamonds the size of Tic Tacs, and the kicker? It has “DJT” engraved on the back. Rumor has it Trump wore it during the most “tremendous, luxurious, record-breaking deals” (Trump's words, probably). Mitchy knows instantly—he needs this ridiculous piece of history on his wrist.
A week later, Mitchy finds himself sitting in Trump Tower, waiting for the man himself. He’s surrounded by gold everything—gold furniture, gold walls, heck, there’s probably a gold toilet nearby. Mitchy nervously wipes his hands on his neon-green suit jacket, feeling woefully underdressed but also too committed to his "chaotic fashion" aesthetic to care.
Suddenly, Trump strides in, wearing his signature smirk. A slight stench of a dirty diaper and says "So you want the watch, huh?" Trump says, pointing dramatically as if they were negotiating over nuclear codes.
Mitchy plays it cool. “Well, you know, I have a watch that might have been owned by Mick Jagger, sold to me by the Terb Condom Vomit suit salesman Squeezer so… I’m not easily impressed.” (He doesn't mention that the Mick Jagger watch came with no proof other than Squeezer's word stating" it's probably Mick Jagger's.")
Trump, of course, launches into a 20-minute monologue about how the watch has been with him through “the greatest, most successful business deals the world has ever seen.” Apparently, wearing the watch alone guarantees success. Mitchy is pretty sure he hears the phrase "best timepiece ever made in the history of timepieces" at least twice.
After Trump finishes his sales pitch—complete with hand gestures that make it seem like he's selling a country, not a watch—Mitchy figures it's time to play his trump card (pun intended). “I dunno, Don,” Mitchy says, stroking his non-existent beard. “I’ve seen a lot of watches. This one looks a little… understated.”
Trump pauses, confused. Understated? His watch? "Are you kidding? This is a tremendous watch. Look at the diamonds! Look at the gold! I even thought about putting my face on it—thought about it."
Mitchy pretends to think it over. "Yeah, okay, it’s got some flair. But… I feel like it’s missing something. Maybe if it played ‘Hail to the Chief’ every hour?"
Trump looks genuinely interested. "We could add that. I know people. You want lasers too? We can do lasers."
Mitchy grins. "Now we’re talking."
After a bit more banter, they finally agree on a price—a price which is still ridiculously high, but Mitchy convinces himself it’s worth it for the story alone. He leaves Trump Tower with the watch and a business card that says, “If you ever need a golf buddy, call me.”
Later that night, Mitchy shows off his new prize at an escort agency's Social meetup. “Check it out, guys and gal,” he says, flashing the watch. “It’s got diamonds, gold, AND the ability to improve your self-esteem by 300%—just like its last owner.” All the ladies were impressed and all walked away making the small sign with their index finger and thumb but all were excited to get a booking with mark Mitchy.
One day, Mitchy’s scrolling through some underground collector forum when he spots it: Trump’s watch. It’s a gold Rolex, blinged out with diamonds the size of Tic Tacs, and the kicker? It has “DJT” engraved on the back. Rumor has it Trump wore it during the most “tremendous, luxurious, record-breaking deals” (Trump's words, probably). Mitchy knows instantly—he needs this ridiculous piece of history on his wrist.
A week later, Mitchy finds himself sitting in Trump Tower, waiting for the man himself. He’s surrounded by gold everything—gold furniture, gold walls, heck, there’s probably a gold toilet nearby. Mitchy nervously wipes his hands on his neon-green suit jacket, feeling woefully underdressed but also too committed to his "chaotic fashion" aesthetic to care.
Suddenly, Trump strides in, wearing his signature smirk. A slight stench of a dirty diaper and says "So you want the watch, huh?" Trump says, pointing dramatically as if they were negotiating over nuclear codes.
Mitchy plays it cool. “Well, you know, I have a watch that might have been owned by Mick Jagger, sold to me by the Terb Condom Vomit suit salesman Squeezer so… I’m not easily impressed.” (He doesn't mention that the Mick Jagger watch came with no proof other than Squeezer's word stating" it's probably Mick Jagger's.")
Trump, of course, launches into a 20-minute monologue about how the watch has been with him through “the greatest, most successful business deals the world has ever seen.” Apparently, wearing the watch alone guarantees success. Mitchy is pretty sure he hears the phrase "best timepiece ever made in the history of timepieces" at least twice.
After Trump finishes his sales pitch—complete with hand gestures that make it seem like he's selling a country, not a watch—Mitchy figures it's time to play his trump card (pun intended). “I dunno, Don,” Mitchy says, stroking his non-existent beard. “I’ve seen a lot of watches. This one looks a little… understated.”
Trump pauses, confused. Understated? His watch? "Are you kidding? This is a tremendous watch. Look at the diamonds! Look at the gold! I even thought about putting my face on it—thought about it."
Mitchy pretends to think it over. "Yeah, okay, it’s got some flair. But… I feel like it’s missing something. Maybe if it played ‘Hail to the Chief’ every hour?"
Trump looks genuinely interested. "We could add that. I know people. You want lasers too? We can do lasers."
Mitchy grins. "Now we’re talking."
After a bit more banter, they finally agree on a price—a price which is still ridiculously high, but Mitchy convinces himself it’s worth it for the story alone. He leaves Trump Tower with the watch and a business card that says, “If you ever need a golf buddy, call me.”
Later that night, Mitchy shows off his new prize at an escort agency's Social meetup. “Check it out, guys and gal,” he says, flashing the watch. “It’s got diamonds, gold, AND the ability to improve your self-esteem by 300%—just like its last owner.” All the ladies were impressed and all walked away making the small sign with their index finger and thumb but all were excited to get a booking with mark Mitchy.
Trump will be closely following the debate during his late Dinner:
