Thankfully, I keep out of debt and I am employed in a corporate job and have a small side hustle BUT I feel this hobbying is causing me NOT TO FOCUS on career improvement, upgrade etc.
Huge part of the guilt is because of the fact that I am trying to be religious person. As I am believer Muslim, in Islam this is a huge grave sin if you dont repent.
I’m in the same boat. I get a massive rush out of new sex partners, be they civilian or hookers. I go through the same up/down cycle you describe: A gradually building urge to stick Mr Happy in something new which gets to the point where it overcomes your better sense so you book a girl and have her rebalance your hormones. Feels really great in the moment and right after, but eventually you start to kick yourself for blowing all that cash and letting your self discipline slip. However, the urges builds and a month later your balls deep in a Japanese hooker and happy as hell.
The one thing that does seem to help is age; as you get older it slows down. I’m now going every month or two. In my twenties - thirties was a different story; luckily I was better looking back then so I could get some civi action. I used to be really bad. When I lived in Winnipeg there was this on-premise swingers place called Oasis. I remember one weekend when my GF was out of town; in went to the Oasis on Saturday afternoon and lucked out; there was a chick who was doing a gang bang, (decent looking, had a weird bush; very tight/stiff/curl-felt like a wire brush), I did her, hopped off cleaned up and wandered around. About 30 minutes later I‘m walking by a room with an open door, older couple in it, both kind of chunky; I’m not really attracted to her, but we end up chatting. After about ten minutes she asks if I’d like to have sex while her husband watches. I’m not really all that into her, but figure while not? So I do her; nothing special, just a standard screw. I head out, clean up, and then just go hang out in the sauna and steam room for an hour or so. I wander back downstairs to the common area and there is another chick doing a gang bang. She’s set up for doggy style on the central divan. Again, she’s big, which is something that I’m not fond of, but she’s young and she’s sticking her ass in the air and pretty much literally saying “Fuck Me”, so I get in line and I fuck her. Another clean up, and I’m off for a wander. A couple of hours later I come across a decent looking chick kneeling in one of the rooms a ring of guys around her; she’s got a cock in each hand and one in her mouth and every one else is jerking it looking at her. I work my way into the circle once one of the guys leaves. She never gets around to me, but I jerk off and eventual get a small load off onto her back/legs. At this point it’s after mid night and I’m tired so I head out. At the front there is this really hot, petite girl. I hear her ask the guy at the desk to call her a cab. I figure, what the hell, and ask her if she’d like a lift home. She accepts. Get to the car and start driving. She seems a little distracted, so I ask if everything is all right. She tells me she came to the club with her boyfriend, and the two of them got into a threesome with another chick, and when she wanted to leave the boyfriend decided to stay behind and fuck the other chick some more. I’m not really sure what to say to that, so half joking tell her she should fuck some other guy for revenge. She kind of shrugs. She was really good looking, just my type, petite, hand full tits and 80ish hair, so I figure, give it a shot and ask her if she’d like to fuck. She waits for a second and says ‘sure’, so I find a secluded parking lot, park and ask again if she is sure. She just adjusts herself in her seat, pulls her skirt up an moves her knees apart. I’m really ready at this point, so I climb over the centre console, move her panties to the side and slide in. She was very wet (I figured it was her BFs cum, and didn’t care). We finish, I hop back in my seat and drive her home. I drop her off with my mess still inside. I go home, hit the sack. I wake up the next morning, and all I can think about is that chick walking up her stairs, taking my mess in with her, and it gets me going. About 1pm, I can’t deal with it; I open up back page, get an appointment and go do a chunky red head with big tits that really flop when I thrust. I shoot a big load in her, head home, clean up. GF comes back that night; I’m still turned on thinking about the girl,I did in my car. I eat my GF out, fuck her, take a break, then she blows me, we take a break, the I eat her while my dick recovers, the I fuck her. I wanted to fuck her again but she said her pussy was sore from getting eaten twice and fucked twice, so I tit fuck her.
That is what sexual addiction looks like when you are 33 years old and hitting the gym on a regular basis. You hit 55, and sexual addiction looks more like ”I wish I had the energy to jerk off”.
