Most people DON'T WANT RELATIONSHIPS: understanding the decline in romantic relationships..... thoughts?

[carvesg]

Staying single all your life by choice might be a generational thing these days but....

But in my experience a big portion by the time they turn 50 are uncompromising, impatient and jaded . I spot those people a mile away.

Humans are social animals that live longer if in a relationship and surrounded by family. The studies are plentiful on that subject. Crossing fingers that the new generation has done quite the leap in evolution over the last decade to overcome what's coming in later life.

 

[jeff2]

Staying single all your life by choice might be a generational thing these days but....

But in my experience a big portion by the time they turn 50 are uncompromising, impatient and jaded . I spot those people a mile away.

Humans are social animals that live longer if in a relationship and surrounded by family. The studies are plentiful on that subject. Crossing fingers that the new generation has done quite the leap in evolution over the last decade to overcome what's coming in later life.

The elephant in the room is when they are early 30s and want kids.

 

[Player#13]

I wouldn't be surprise if a Resort in Cuba or Cancun advertise saying Straight Men only for the third week of October and no Women allowed it would fill up quickly. The same would happen if it was for Women in November.

Not sure about that one. Why would you spend all that money for a sausage feast. A get it getting some peace a quiet, but you would want to see some scenerie at the beach and not a bunch of guys in speedo's. Would be better going to regular resort and be as interactive as you want. Might even get lucky and get laid. Not worrying about relationship when vaca is done.

 

[Not getting younger]

Staying single all your life by choice might be a generational thing these days but....

But in my experience a big portion by the time they turn 50 are uncompromising, impatient and jaded . I spot those people a mile away.

Humans are social animals that live longer if in a relationship and surrounded by family. The studies are plentiful on that subject. Crossing fingers that the new generation has done quite the leap in evolution over the last decade to overcome what's coming in later life.

True to an extent.

Humans are social creatures, LTRs ( be that marriage, or just LTRs) are a big part of it. And yep, proven over and over again. That said. Plenty of people are introverts. They are just fine on their own, isolated from people. In fact, social functions, too much stimulus overwhelms them. And they retreat in their caves to re-charge..

Regarding the world today and younger generations. I suppose I could, like you, X my fingers and hope…and I suppose I do. But I don’t have much hope.

Between social media, texting and whatnot. People have and are forgetting how to communicate, interact, etc and what not. It’s cold, dispassionate, lacking in tone, texture, inflection, facial expression and body language. It has about as much flavour as mud..

 

[John Wick]

In my experience, individuals who are perpetually single and claim they are oh so happy that way, and have no desire to be in any relationship are the very people who are so socially and emotionally dysfunctional that they couldn't successfully secure or maintain a relationship no matter how hard they tried. Same people often have a very badly skewed image of themselves and simply can't recognize or accept the reality that they are alone for a reason, and it's not by choice. For these people, it's easier to claim happiness through solitude than to admit the truth about who/what they are as humans and work to change themselves for the better.

 

[y2kmark]

everytime i go out i see couples.

And many of them couple, but do they procreate? Pad vs. nest...

 

[poker]

Did not watch the video but I have no desire to be in a relationship.

I have friends for dinners, movies, travel, fishing, etc.

I don’t need a man for his money, car, house, etc. I don’t want someone who needs my money, car, house, etc.

I’m not looking to have anymore children. I don’t want to deal with someone else’s kids and I don’t really want someone else dealing with mine. Even if an adult themselves.

I get sex on a regular.

I just don’t see what a relationship would bring me other than having to share, having to think about someone else, care for them, be concerned for them, cook and clean and entertain. Not mention dealing with bullshit fights and drama. No thanks.

You have Terb for bullshit, fights, and drama.

 

[stevehunter909]

In my experience, individuals who are perpetually single and claim they are oh so happy that way, and have no desire to be in any relationship are the very people who are so socially and emotionally dysfunctional that they couldn't successfully secure or maintain a relationship no matter how hard they tried. Same people often have a very badly skewed image of themselves and simply can't recognize or accept the reality that they are alone for a reason, and it's not by choice. For these people, it's easier to claim happiness through solitude than to admit the truth about who/what they are as humans and work to change themselves for the better.

That seems very anecdotal. I'm happy to be single. Do not want a relationship and do not want a family. Believe it or not there are just very introverted people in the world who don't need others to be happy. I like to do pretty much everything myself, movies, restaurants, travel. Of course....... there are things you can't get by perpetually alone, hence this place.

 

[jeff2]

Be careful with women who make a big deal about the wedding. It has nothing to do with the guy. It is just to show off to the other women.
In some ways, modern marriage is like an olympic competition.

 

[Jenesis]

That seems very anecdotal. I'm happy to be single. Do not want a relationship and do not want a family. Believe it or not there are just very introverted people in the world who don't need others to be happy. I like to do pretty much everything myself, movies, restaurants, travel. Of course....... there are things you can't get by perpetually alone, hence this place.

Except being single doesn’t even mean you have to go do those things alone. I have amazing friendships that have lasted since childhood and some that developed from adulthood. We go to movies, restaurants, and travel together all the time.

I was just at my trailer for about 10 days. I had 3 different friends come out and visit. One stayed 3 nights, one came for the day for some fishing and one stayed for a single night. We went boating, kayaking, suntanning, played games, fishing, went to a couple towns near me for shopping, went to dinner at a local pizzeria, did BBQ, had camp fires (yeah I know fire ban, we still did it). The list goes on. And there is an excitement for seeing a new friend, taking a break alone for a day or two and then have another friend come up.

Sometimes though - I take the whole week and stay completely by myself because I just want a break from people. And when I want a morning coffee with someone - I have my neighbours. When I want to fish with someone - I have my friends in the park. If I want to fish alone - I go on my own.

This is not even talking about family. I have awesome relationships with family as well.

I have many fun “acquaintances/co-workers”. We often go to dinner now or go play pool or dart since we are all remote working now.

I feel I have the best of all worlds. Great friends, awesome family and great clients that cover all the relationship and intimate needs that most people have.

 

[stevehunter909]

Except being single doesn’t even mean you have to go do those things alone. I have amazing friendships that have lasted since childhood and some that developed from adulthood. We go to movies, restaurants, and travel together all the time.

You're right, but very introverted people like myself prefer to do those things alone even though there are friends to do with - it depends on the mood / activity I guess. For example if I'm going to see a comedy or fun movie I've already seen before, I might go with a friend, but for anything else I probably want to go alone so I'm not distracted and can mull it over myself after watching it. Doesn't mean I HAVE to do things alone all the time, but I tend to default to doing things alone because solitude is what I need, especially since my job requires me to interact with people the entire time.

But yeah you need a good balance of social / solitude, but the ratio depends on what that balance is for you - taking a week for yourself is absolutely fine if you need that to create some balance in your life and is even pretty healthy. The world leans towards extroversion, there's stigma in doing things along and people get weird when you say you tell them that, places default to assuming you're with others, sometimes it's even hard to book activities because there's no option for 1. It's unfortunately easy to think there's something wrong with you for not fitting in that mold. Took me a while to come around it actually. I would either go do things with others and not enjoy it as much, or do things myself and lie that I was with someone, or just avoid doing things altogether. Nowadays I embrace it openly because it shouldn't be something to be embarrassed about, although as you can see there's plenty of stigma around this in this thread which makes it challenging sometimes. So for me having a relationship where I have to see someone all the time? Oof that's a big no no.

 

[John Wick]

That seems very anecdotal. I'm happy to be single. Do not want a relationship and do not want a family. Believe it or not there are just very introverted people in the world who don't need others to be happy. I like to do pretty much everything myself, movies, restaurants, travel. Of course....... there are things you can't get by perpetually alone, hence this place.

I hear you, but have to consider that through this statement and others that followed, you are essentially proving the points I made earlier through yours and others' expressions of justification for being single. Let's not forget that this thread is about romantic relationships, not cursory friendships or family relationships.

 

[richaceg]

It's progress...hook up culture is the trend...you smash and dash...on to the next...well...that's for the 19-25 at least and the 26-38 are following the trend but most women that reach 35 are now trying to settle...good for those who can manage to be alone and chose that path but for most women, motherhood calling is for real...they bang the hottest guys they can at their peak, and settle for less than that once familyhood starts knocking, and their window to motherhood shrinks...the desperation sets in...majority that is...that's why women's peak is 19-25 and men's peak is 25-40.

 

[richaceg]

I watched a little and it seems like total BS.

My observations are that a vast majority of people are scared shitless to be alone and are prepared to give up a lot if not anything to be in a relationship.

if there was any truth to what the video claims we’d have ten or twenty times more people on seeking arrangements

Online dating apps no matter how you present it are all the same...they are still Tinder...there are fools who believe you can find real relationships in there...

 

[richaceg]

With today's high interest rates, it's best to pay cash.

and no paper trail...

 

[richaceg]

I had 3 different friends come out and visit. One stayed 3 nights, one came for the day for some fishing and one stayed for a single night. We went boating, kayaking, suntanning, played games, fishing,

I take fishing seriously so I ban my friends from coming up to my cottage when i have my boat out...so they usually visit late afternoon and leave the next day...LoL...

 

[Jenesis]

I take fishing seriously so I ban my friends from coming up to my cottage when i have my boat out...so they usually visit late afternoon and leave the next day...LoL...

My one GF screamed bloody murder when she caught her first bass. You would have thought it was a horror movie being filmed. I nearly pissed my pants laughing to hard.

can’t pass up the chance for those types of experiences. LOL

but then I have plenty of time to fish alone too when I want.

 

[Jenesis]

Here is my thing -

What is the purpose of a relationship? For companionship???? Does that mean the only type of companionship fulfillment one can have is if they are romantically involved with the person???? That seems somewhat limiting.

To grow old with someone - I ask why? Why does one NEED to grow old with someone? Is it to have someone to care for you when you are old? Well that is not exactly fair. Having cared for people at the end, it is not easy.

To procreate? Ok this one I get. I mean it is not the only way to build and maintain a family but I get this one. My question is - when the procreations is done, if the relationship between the parents doesn’t work out - why do they individually have to go find another one. If they don’t plan of having anymore kids, what do they need the relationship for?

I am not saying I would say no if someone truly came into my life that I naturally develop those feelings for. I mean I say I won’t but I would. However - I’m not actively going out and looking for it. I’m happy being single and it would take a lot for me to change all that and make a life long commitment.

 

[Not getting younger]

I’m a particular type of introvert, on steroids. I typically don’t get overwhelmed when at social functions, amongst crowds as a lot of introverts do ( those with Empathy ).But I absolutely need to distance myself from people periodically. The further the better, the more isolated the better.

Using broad brush strokes men need relationships more than women. A lot of couples get divorced in the 40/50s. Men will seek out another LTR, marriage. A lot of women are quite to content to remain single thereafter.

My one GF screamed bloody murder when she caught her first bass. You would have thought it was a horror movie being filmed. I nearly pissed my pants laughing to hard.

can’t pass up the chance for those types of experiences. LOL

but then I have plenty of time to fish alone too when I want.

There’s days I want to be on the water with friends. There’s days I need to be on the water, just me and my dog. Thankfully I live on water. I avoid fishing most weekends. Too many stinky, rude, Crotch rockets and others that think they own the lake humans.

 

[Not getting younger]

Here is my thing -

What is the purpose of a relationship? For companionship???? Does that mean the only type of companionship fulfillment one can have is if they are romantically involved with the person???? That seems somewhat limiting.

To grow old with someone - I ask why? Why does one NEED to grow old with someone? Is it to have someone to care for you when you are old? Well that is not exactly fair. Having cared for people at the end, it is not easy.

To procreate? Ok this one I get. I mean it is not the only way to build and maintain a family but I get this one. My question is - when the procreations is done, if the relationship between the parents doesn’t work out - why do they individually have to go find another one. If they don’t plan of having anymore kids, what do they need the relationship for?

I am not saying I would say no if someone truly came into my life that I naturally develop those feelings for. I mean I say I won’t but I would. However - I’m not actively going out and looking for it. I’m happy being single and it would take a lot for me to change all that and make a life long commitment.

Depends Jenesis.
Some people need co-dependent relationships. Others want/need a relationship that has intimacy but is more like two adults. Free to live their own lives, but are not “free”. If that makes sense.