Anyone have any luck with SP as therapy?

[DunkyDo]

Bit of an oddball question I admit but I'm genuinely curious if anyone's had any luck with this type of exposure therapy

My case I had received trauma at a young age and got a serious hang up over intimacy with others. Not going to go into details, but the biggest take away I had from the experience was the Freeze response when initiating intimacy. I've had people hit on me before and I pretty much failed each time to relax and act on it, think I'm borderline asexual when in person. I get it's the PTSD acting and I try not to beat myself up over it, but I'm almost turning 29 and the time is ticking on my youth for acting on my interests and looking for a partner, even if it's a temporary thing. It's extremely frustrating fumbling the rare crush. I'm sociable enough when I'm with friends and I'm blessed with a good community. I'm friends with plenty of men and women, and I'm thankful for that. But I still flinch at touch, even with friends.

I've been fortunate enough to be with some version caring workers since starting the "hobby" a year ago to try to work on it via exposure, but honestly I still feel incredibly shy and anxious. I'm hoping I can normalize and take the "danger" out of that type of interaction. Some part of my mind feels it's a bit more safe as I'm working with professionals who, so far at least, haven't been interested in hurting me. Trying to relax while having a panic attack is something I'm just getting really tired of dealing with, but I know I need to challenge to get better.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or things they've tried. I'm starting to get a bit old (I think? ) to be hitting on young people in the wild so I'm just really interested in any techniques or suggestions. I've read of some luck of shared mdma helping in these situations, and that's something I'm interested in pursuing, but that's also a bit frightening to jump into with a stranger.

Has anyone in the community had any luck reclaiming their ability to be intimate?

 

[Kracker]

This is an awful place to ask for psychological help - this hobby is clearly dangerous and often detrimental.

That said, I’m not seeing any downside, except your expectations. It takes 5-10 tries to find a girl you like spending time with, then usually another 2-3 with her before you’re essentially “done”. The few left are your ATFs, but woe betide you if you actually start to catch feelings, esp at your age when everything can feel like it’s “clicking”.

My limited guess is that It would help you, if all you’re looking for is confidence that you can perform when in intimate settings.

But this isn’t “reality” - you’re paying for the fantasy that you’re hot and fuckable, and it’s the first thing good SPs learn how to fake.

 

[Uncharted]

So, you have been hobbying. So showing up to a in-call location and dealing with that situation you are obviously able to do.
What you describe is freezing up when people hit on you.

I think you should concentrate on finding an SP for a longer session, where you go out to dinner first. Try some role playing, if the SP is willing, that puts you in these more real world social situations.
This way it is a more realistic illusion of meeting someone out in the world, or being on a date., and then the evening progressing from there.
Desensitizing yourself to the fear of intimacy can only go so far, if you are only doing so in a very contrived, and let's be honest, a very unrealistic scenario which is what just an in-call situation is.

 

[massman]

Bit of an oddball question I admit but I'm genuinely curious if anyone's had any luck with this type of exposure therapy

My case I had received trauma at a young age and got a serious hang up over intimacy with others. Not going to go into details, but the biggest take away I had from the experience was the Freeze response when initiating intimacy. I've had people hit on me before and I pretty much failed each time to relax and act on it, think I'm borderline asexual when in person. I get it's the PTSD acting and I try not to beat myself up over it, but I'm almost turning 29 and the time is ticking on my youth for acting on my interests and looking for a partner, even if it's a temporary thing. It's extremely frustrating fumbling the rare crush. I'm sociable enough when I'm with friends and I'm blessed with a good community. I'm friends with plenty of men and women, and I'm thankful for that. But I still flinch at touch, even with friends.

I've been fortunate enough to be with some version caring workers since starting the "hobby" a year ago to try to work on it via exposure, but honestly I still feel incredibly shy and anxious. I'm hoping I can normalize and take the "danger" out of that type of interaction. Some part of my mind feels it's a bit more safe as I'm working with professionals who, so far at least, haven't been interested in hurting me. Trying to relax while having a panic attack is something I'm just getting really tired of dealing with, but I know I need to challenge to get better.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice or things they've tried. I'm starting to get a bit old (I think? ) to be hitting on young people in the wild so I'm just really interested in any techniques or suggestions. I've read of some luck of shared mdma helping in these situations, and that's something I'm interested in pursuing, but that's also a bit frightening to jump into with a stranger.

Has anyone in the community had any luck reclaiming their ability to be intimate?

Interesting idea using SP encounters as a sort of exposure therapy. May help. However, it sounds like your issues are pretty serious and deep seated. Maybe real therapy (if you haven’t been doing it) is an even better idea. PTSD is a real thing and it can be treated by therapy (and sometimes meds help too).

 

[|2 /-\ | /|/]

This hobby improved my life, marriage and allowed me to find my most deepest truth. This is why “they” keep it illegal and think they are justified to tell women what to do with their bodies and men how to spend their money. It’s really about control because they can’t yet control the working girls behind closed doors. They don’t want us to take control of our life.

Remember they want you over medicated, under educated and labeled and boxed-in to shit. If you even show signs outside their acceptable narrative of what they deem for you to be they will come after you in one form or another or through others and impact you psychologically.

Now that we got that out of the way this industry is a great way to fulfill your urge of intimacy without expectations once you close the deal, pay the bill, and close the door. Don’t ever expect any relationship. Just enjoy and savour the experience. Sometimes you will fulfill what you seek while other times you will wish the session is over and think about just getting away from there. On very rare occasions you might click with a provider and might get more but many times this can be a tricky situation and you sound like you might not be ready for that realm of possibly and risk to your well being might not be worth it yet.

Outside of this just try to date women maybe on dating sites and stuff. I would think you will find many jaded and used up ones on there but at least you are not desperate anymore and might find the rare valuable ones that will impact your life in a positive way.

Outside of this try to find a hobby like disc frisbee or some coed sports club like ultimate frisbee or volleyball or badminton whatever to get you out and interacting with people. Also try to join a gym and hit it 3x a week. If you can’t afford a gym try running or walking or biking or canoeing or kayaking. Maybe even join a book club.

You keep this up and eventually you will come across people that you click with even if you suck socially. Try to avoid social media because they like to fabricate problems in people because that’s how they makemoney off people that are sick depressed radicalized etc. Doing stuff outdoors and just watching the sun rise every day is your grounding anchor.

Regarding drugs they are a great way to kill your ego and illusion of self where you won’t have a need to validate your existence to yourself family and friends. The only ones I would entertain are mushrooms and Ayahuasca but under professional supervision or some trusted safety net there. Just look at how mushrooms and dmt chsnged Mike Tyson. It re wires your brain but you still need to do the work. Can you still exist without ego or purpose or identity? That may be tough for some s and takes time & effort but can be very effective and life changing IMO. However it is also risky and can be dangerous if your mind and will are not strong enough once your paradigm and illusion of reality shatters to a billion pieces.

Hope any of this helps brother. Also be careful on here because you will receive a lot of bad advice. Assume my advice is also bad and figure out yourself. Never give up on yourself and always get up and try even if you fail 1000s of times. They can never take away your will to live and find your potential. Always know you are NOT alone! Eventually you will break the forces That are trying to keep you down both physically and metaphorical just like the rain and water erodes and destroys mountains

 

[Erosboy]

Whatever reason you do this, keep it to yourself and don't expect the ladies to offer you anything other than the services they offer you. If you get anything other than a great sexual experience then good for you but don't expect this to be therapy or for your provider to be a therapist.

 

[SexB]

The ladies I've been to see have done a lot to make me feel confident about myself and open-minded when it comes to sex.

As someone who was plagued by insecurity about their looks due to severe bullying when I was younger, it means a lot.

Hell, the providers I see have done more to encourage me to put myself out there and start civvie dating again than someone I thought was a friend and truly regret letting myself get close to ever did.

 

[DunkyDo]

So, you have been hobbying. So showing up to a in-call location and dealing with that situation you are obviously able to do.
What you describe is freezing up when people hit on you.

I think you should concentrate on finding an SP for a longer session, where you go out to dinner first. Try some role playing, if the SP is willing, that puts you in these more real world social situations.
This way it is a more realistic illusion of meeting someone out in the world, or being on a date., and then the evening progressing from there.
Desensitizing yourself to the fear of intimacy can only go so far, if you are only doing so in a very contrived, and let's be honest, a very unrealistic scenario which is what just an in-call situation is.

For an incall I'm showing up, taking a 20m shower to shake the nerves. Then mostly cuddling while quiet to be real with you. Talking a bit about life, then usually leave. Haven't nutted once from fear had one SP call me a porn star because of it, definitely not a relaxed environment for me. Physical touch is definitely a struggle.

That carries over to dating, I'll be able to walk around have the normal interactions, but the moment it comes to escalating I freeze up and I "lose the window" to go further, even when I'm pretty sure they're interested.

That's a great idea about focusing more on the dinner date aspect, I think you're hitting pay dirt with making sure it's more of an accurate simulation with role playing and real world situations.

 

[DunkyDo]

Whatever reason you do this, keep it to yourself and don't expect the ladies to offer you anything other than the services they offer you. If you get anything other than a great sexual experience then good for you but don't expect this to be therapy or for your provider to be a therapist.

I'm not asking emotional burden of the SP, and I am upfront with my difficulty in a short description of "I'm definitely going to be nervous, the session might just end up be cuddling, is that okay with you?"

I've had some SP volunteer to talk themselves, and only in that situation have I lightly spoken of the issues. They are definitely NOT my therapist. I appreciate what you're saying about respecting professional boundaries, as I fully agree.

 

[DunkyDo]

This hobby improved my life, marriage and allowed me to find my most deepest truth. This is why “they” keep it illegal and think they are justified to tell women what to do with their bodies and men how to spend their money. It’s really about control because they can’t yet control the working girls behind closed doors. They don’t want us to take control of our life.

Remember they want you over medicated, under educated and labeled and boxed-in to shit. If you even show signs outside their acceptable narrative of what they deem for you to be they will come after you in one form or another or through others and impact you psychologically.

Now that we got that out of the way this industry is a great way to fulfill your urge of intimacy without expectations once you close the deal, pay the bill, and close the door. Don’t ever expect any relationship. Just enjoy and savour the experience. Sometimes you will fulfill what you seek while other times you will wish the session is over and think about just getting away from there. On very rare occasions you might click with a provider and might get more but many times this can be a tricky situation and you sound like you might not be ready for that realm of possibly and risk to your well being might not be worth it yet.

Outside of this just try to date women maybe on dating sites and stuff. I would think you will find many jaded and used up ones on there but at least you are not desperate anymore and might find the rare valuable ones that will impact your life in a positive way.

Outside of this try to find a hobby like disc frisbee or some coed sports club like ultimate frisbee or volleyball or badminton whatever to get you out and interacting with people. Also try to join a gym and hit it 3x a week. If you can’t afford a gym try running or walking or biking or canoeing or kayaking. Maybe even join a book club.

You keep this up and eventually you will come across people that you click with even if you suck socially. Try to avoid social media because they like to fabricate problems in people because that’s how they makemoney off people that are sick depressed radicalized etc. Doing stuff outdoors and just watching the sun rise every day is your grounding anchor.

Regarding drugs they are a great way to kill your ego and illusion of self where you won’t have a need to validate your existence to yourself family and friends. The only ones I would entertain are mushrooms and Ayahuasca but under professional supervision or some trusted safety net there. Just look at how mushrooms and dmt chsnged Mike Tyson. It re wires your brain but you still need to do the work. Can you still exist without ego or purpose or identity? That may be tough for some s and takes time & effort but can be very effective and life changing IMO. However it is also risky and can be dangerous if your mind and will are not strong enough once your paradigm and illusion of reality shatters to a billion pieces.

Hope any of this helps brother. Also be careful on here because you will receive a lot of bad advice. Assume my advice is also bad and figure out yourself. Never give up on yourself and always get up and try even if you fail 1000s of times. They can never take away your will to live and find your potential. Always know you are NOT alone! Eventually you will break the forces That are trying to keep you down both physically and metaphorical just like the rain and water erodes and destroys mountains

Definitely man I whole heartedly agree. I was able to start facing and breaking my assumptions with DMT back in 2021, and the progress has been great across the board. Challenging aversion, and vulnerability were the 2 big key points I learned from the experience, and it's with that lens that I've *added* this to my therapy options. I have discussed this with my therapist, and they supported it under the reasoning I've used.

Ego death is healthy, I might be overdue for another trip at this point. Graduated college, started dating, started doing gym regularly, I look after myself more, actually investing into fashion for myself. All new things that I never did pre 2021.

I don't take any advice as word of god, but I think most people do genuinely want to help, so even positive and negative comments can yield some wisdom. Getting advice on how to better apply the SP experience and warnings are all beneficial so long as I think on how to properly apply it.

 

[DunkyDo]

The ladies I've been to see have done a lot to make me feel confident about myself and open-minded when it comes to sex.

As someone who was plagued by insecurity about their looks due to severe bullying when I was younger, it means a lot.

Hell, the providers I see have done more to encourage me to put myself out there and start civvie dating again than someone I thought was a friend and truly regret letting myself get close to ever did.

We're fortunate to have a lot of friendly and caring people in our community. Appreciate the share.

 

[DunkyDo]

This is an awful place to ask for psychological help - this hobby is clearly dangerous and often detrimental.

That said, I’m not seeing any downside, except your expectations. It takes 5-10 tries to find a girl you like spending time with, then usually another 2-3 with her before you’re essentially “done”. The few left are your ATFs, but woe betide you if you actually start to catch feelings, esp at your age when everything can feel like it’s “clicking”.

My limited guess is that It would help you, if all you’re looking for is confidence that you can perform when in intimate settings.

But this isn’t “reality” - you’re paying for the fantasy that you’re hot and fuckable, and it’s the first thing good SPs learn how to fake.

I'm not worried about catching feelings, as I'm already very much compartmentalizing the process. Part of the reason I can expect a degree of trust is that I am in fact paying them for their time, and it's a strictly "Professional" relationship. I was raised in a really white collar house, so that type of divide I'm used to. I appreciate the warning.

This is definitely not a reality, the mindset I'm going in with is "Relax, enjoy the time the best I can, leave, pat myself on the back for putting in effort" I am under no illusion that they actually like me. Couple of them I think started liking me, but I'm really not interested in pursuing anything on such an unhealthy power balance. Time is the greatest gift someone can share, if I'm paying for it, it's not a gift it's a transaction.

Also just to clarify, I already pay for therapy, I'm just trying to find if anyone has worked on these issues in a similar fashion, and any advice they may have to best make use of the opportunity. I'm glad I did, as I've already gotten a couple of good ideas out of doing so. I'm not going into detail about the shit I've gone through, exactly because this isn't therapy. Also emotional burden on strangers, kinda no bueno.

 

[DunkyDo]

Interesting idea using SP encounters as a sort of exposure therapy. May help. However, it sounds like your issues are pretty serious and deep seated. Maybe real therapy (if you haven’t been doing it) is an even better idea. PTSD is a real thing and it can be treated by therapy (and sometimes meds help too).

PTSD most definitely is real. I've got my CBT, Gym, Meds. Problem I have with therapy, especially CBT, is that it feels too abstract without actual practice behind it. That and I'm already 10 G's deep into it. I find in life it's best to have a multi prong attack, so this is one of the side avenues. I still go on dates, I just tend to freeze up and dip out early. I'm hoping to get around that as much as possible to allow myself to approach 100% me in more situations, and let my personality shine versus be oppressed from the past. It'll be a long road still, but ideas on how to best use my money in these situations would help.

Honestly, I see this as no different from someone asking on a therapy forum how to best organize and use their time with a therapist. I'm asking advice on how to best refine my use of time with SPs to get the best bang (hah) for buck for my intention of healing.

I'm definitely not an ugly guy, so finding that peace will let me grab opportunities as they come by in the wild instead of freezing and losing the moment.

 

[Deviant]

Before your last post this was my reply
Intimacy and Sex are two different things.
Get Professional Help Right NOW (Psychiatrist or Psychologist).
Stop looking for easy answers and diagnosis.
Before you know it, you will be 50 and in the EXACT same situation, except with a lot less options and a lot more struggle.

After your last post this was my additional reply
Whatever "problem with therapy" means in your post, it has to be much easier to solve than intimacy.
I have no clue how practice intimacy?
I think mindfullness is important for you, to be comfortable(intimate) with yourself. Ask your problem therapist.

 

[DunkyDo]

Before your last post this was my reply
Intimacy and Sex are two different things.
Get Professional Help Right NOW (Psychiatrist or Psychologist).
Stop looking for easy answers and diagnosis.
Before you know it, you will be 50 and in the EXACT same situation, except with a lot less options and a lot more struggle.

After your last post this was my additional reply
Whatever "problem with therapy" means in your post, it has to be much easier to solve than intimacy.
I have no clue how practice intimacy?
I think mindfullness is important for you, to be comfortable(intimate) with yourself. Ask your problem therapist.

I do therapy, Mens group, Meditate, practice mindfulness, and have ongoing biweekly appointments with a therapist. They're all incredibly important to me, and I follow it regularly. I don't think you know me anywhere near enough to assume I'm looking for easy answers, my friends that do know me think if anything I should slow down. I'm not saying I don't do therapy, I'm just saying I need to find more situations to apply the lessons I *practice* in therapy, in the real world. If you're getting the impression that I don't do therapy on TOP of other things, then that is not based in my lived experience.

Nothing I've been doing over the last 2 years has been the easy way. I know what the easy way looks amongst my peers. I'm thriving as a fact. I just have more to go.

Appreciate the concern.

 

[SexB]

I'm not worried about catching feelings, as I'm already very much compartmentalizing the process. Part of the reason I can expect a degree of trust is that I am in fact paying them for their time, and it's a strictly "Professional" relationship. I was raised in a really white collar house, so that type of divide I'm used to. I appreciate the warning.

This is definitely not a reality, the mindset I'm going in with is "Relax, enjoy the time the best I can, leave, pat myself on the back for putting in effort" I am under no illusion that they actually like me. Couple of them I think started liking me, but I'm really not interested in pursuing anything on such an unhealthy power balance. Time is the greatest gift someone can share, if I'm paying for it, it's not a gift it's a transaction.

Also just to clarify, I already pay for therapy, I'm just trying to find if anyone has worked on these issues in a similar fashion, and any advice they may have to best make use of the opportunity. I'm glad I did, as I've already gotten a couple of good ideas out of doing so. I'm not going into detail about the shit I've gone through, exactly because this isn't therapy. Also emotional burden on strangers, kinda no bueno.

I always say that I have ladies who I'm quite fond of and who I like to think enjoy my company as well but at the end of the day, I'm realistic about things between us.

I've had a couple ladies tell me they couldn't see me anymore and while there was that sense of disappointment, I was able to move on because, again, I'm realistic about the nature of my relationship with the providers I see.

Same thing with a provider retiring, yes, it sucks when someone you hit it off with leaves the business but ultimately, it's her decision and it's best to respect that and move on. That happened with one lady whose company I enjoyed and while I was sad to see her go, I wished her all the best, thanked her for all the amazing memories and hoped that amazing things happened for her.

 

[Deviant]

I do therapy, Mens group, Meditate, practice mindfulness, and have ongoing biweekly appointments with a therapist.

I personally feel that the therapy is where the break through will be. They should be able to see the forest through the trees.

Good for you covering all the bases.

 

[kherg007]

These ladies made my life heaps better. Ptsd from a different situation, but it ruined marriage etc. Just getting lost in the moment with ladies that make you lose your own sense of time...extraordinary. Spent a lot of time at the now defunct Naughty Nuru luvvin' up those ebony beauties who treated me so kindly. Even wrote a thanks to dahlia for her ladies and how they helped.

Your situation is different as it IS the intimacy. Keep up with the therapy. But my suggestion is to go "on offense" rather than being on defense when that panic starts to roil. Thus you examine and cut down to size your feelings rather than cover up and batten down the hatches. Techniques that originate out of the old rational-emotive tradition (Albert Ellis, etc) are in this approach.

And good idea to give the lady a heads up. That alone takes away a chunk of anxiety. Good luck mate!

 

[heartthrob]

If you are working on fixing your intimacy game. This is it.

Pick girls with great reviews, especially regarding their personality. Work the angles so you build that confidence to be touchy feely. Be that guy who walks the walk and talks the talk. Good luck.

 

[|2 /-\ | /|/]

Definitely man I whole heartedly agree. I was able to start facing and breaking my assumptions with DMT back in 2021, and the progress has been great across the board. Challenging aversion, and vulnerability were the 2 big key points I learned from the experience, and it's with that lens that I've *added* this to my therapy options. I have discussed this with my therapist, and they supported it under the reasoning I've used.

Ego death is healthy, I might be overdue for another trip at this point. Graduated college, started dating, started doing gym regularly, I look after myself more, actually investing into fashion for myself. All new things that I never did pre 2021.

I don't take any advice as word of god, but I think most people do genuinely want to help, so even positive and negative comments can yield some wisdom. Getting advice on how to better apply the SP experience and warnings are all beneficial so long as I think on how to properly apply it.

I remember having this discussion with you in the past. If not you then it was a very similar story with some else. I don’t remember names but I remembered these type of exchanges. Glad things are getting better and you’re getting your shit together I think others may benefit from your positive experiences with SPs. There are many lurkers on here I find who never or rarely comment but you can tell are going through similar experiences and mindset.