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What was your most gruesome injury? Come and relive the memories that make you flinch. (read at your own risk!)

rhuarc29

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2009
9,648
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I was out to lunch with a friend and we were discussing our most gruesome injuries. He once had a snowboard accident that caused his Tibia to fracture and protrude out of his skin. While I've personally had some breaks, any injury I had was vanilla by comparison. Except one, which I didn't feel like relating to him for reasons that'll become obvious. So I'll share it here instead!

Only a year ago I was sitting at my desk late at night doing some crafts with a surgical knife, using one of those blades that taper to a razor tip. I was done, and was removing the tip from the handle when I fumbled it. Now, that was a nice handle, made of stainless steel, and with some decent heft to it, and wouldn't you know it but that blade fell point down towards my crotch area. It was summertime, and all I was wearing were thin shorts. That blade went through the shorts, my underwear....and straight into the head of my penis.

Let that sink in a moment.

Shock caused me to pull the blade out immediately. Then the pain hit. My first thought was "Oh my god, did I just seriously mess myself up to the point I'll need a hospital visit to correct?". Followed immediately by my second thought "Holy crap, that's a lot of blood". I mean, it was pooling in my computer chair. I sat there long enough to register that the blade was bloody about half an inch deep, then I stumbled to the washroom with blood running down my leg and stripped. At first I couldn't even tell where the injury was because there was so much blood. I sat on the floor with a wet, soapy wash cloth cleaning up the blood. Kudos to my body's ability to clot, because the bleeding stopped within a couple minutes, though I think that's common with puncture wounds. I hopped in the shower and cleaned up vigorously, and let me tell you that was less than enjoyable, but I wasn't about to have my dick rot off.

I probably should have seen a doctor at that point, but that sounded dreadful so I held off. And surprisingly the pain tapered rather quickly. By one week after there was no more than a dull ache, and by two weeks there was barely a visual mark. Just a rather unpleasant memory that still makes me flinch.

Made me think though: if my penis hadn't been in the way, that blade could very well have pierced my femoral artery. Lucky? That said, I'm going to go ahead and not recommend using your junk as a shield.
 

shack

Nitpicker Extraordinaire
Oct 2, 2001
51,719
10,122
113
Toronto
I suffered mine 4 weeks ago today.

Just for fun I bought some fresh oysters at Metro to take home. I'd never done that before. Once home I got the hot sauce and some horseradish and got to shucking. I started with a flat screwdriver tip as it is not overly sharp. Alas, it was too wide and I switched to a paring knife. Still could not open it. Moved to the next one. Success and very tasty.

The third one was also very stubborn but I persisted. Finally the knife slipped and I drove it into the base of my thumb. I felt it hit a bone. I knew immediately that it was bad. I got a towel, wrapped it and squeezed hard. I called my son who took me to emerge and they stitched me up. While they were finishing I noticed that I could not bend my thumb. They set me up with plastic surgery 3 days later.

Diagnosis is that I severed a tendon in my thumb as well as a nerve. I had the surgery 9 days later and have been in 5 different splints/casts since the initial injury.

No golf for 4 months.:confused:o_O:cry:😣😖🤬 My season is gone and currently I'm basically disabled. I can't do up shoe laces one-handed so I ordered some velcro walking shoes so I can have some activity.

As an epilogue, when I got home after my emerge visit, I managed to open one more. LOL I'm such a fucking idiot.
 
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AndrewX

Well-known member
Apr 7, 2020
1,992
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Fell off the bike as a teen and stabbed my belly with the brake handle. They didn't put me under at the hospital (local) and the Doc kept putting his finger inside the cut in my belly looking for rocks or debris
 
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Robert Mugabe

Well-known member
Nov 5, 2017
9,518
6,529
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I suffered mine 4 weeks ago today.

Just for fun I bought some fresh oysters at Metro to take home. I'd never done that before. Once home I got the hot sauce and some horseradish and got to shucking. I started with a flat screwdriver tip as it is not overly sharp. Alas, it was too wide and I switched to a paring knife. Still could not open it. Moved to the next one. Success and very tasty.

The third one was also very stubborn but I persisted. Finally the knife slipped and I drove it into the base of my thumb. I felt it hit a bone. I knew immediately that it was bad. I got a towel, wrapped it and squeezed hard. I called my son who took me to emerge and they stitched me up. While they were finishing I noticed that I could not bend my thumb. They set me up with plastic surgery 3 days later.

Diagnosis is that I severed a tendon in my thumb as well as a nerve. I had the surgery 9 days later and have been in 5 different splints/casts since the initial injury.

No golf for 4 months.:confused:o_O:cry:😣😖🤬 My season is gone and currently I'm basically disabled. I can't do up shoe laces one-handed so I ordered some velcro walking shoes so I can have some activity.

As an epilogue, when I got home after my emerge visit, I managed to open one more. LOL I'm such a fucking idiot.
That's God punishing you

Bible verses related to Eating Shellfish from the King James Version (KJV) by Relevance. - Sort By Book Order. Leviticus 11:9 - These shall ye eat of all that [are] in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat. Leviticus 11:10 - And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which [is] in the waters, they [shall be] an abomination unto you:
 

poker

Everyone's hero's, tell everyone's lies.
Jun 1, 2006
7,741
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Niagara
A scary story from Quagmire....

47 seconds

 

shack

Nitpicker Extraordinaire
Oct 2, 2001
51,719
10,122
113
Toronto
That's God punishing you

Bible verses related to Eating Shellfish from the King James Version (KJV) by Relevance. - Sort By Book Order. Leviticus 11:9 - These shall ye eat of all that [are] in the waters: whatsoever hath fins and scales in the waters, in the seas, and in the rivers, them shall ye eat. Leviticus 11:10 - And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, and of any living thing which [is] in the waters, they [shall be] an abomination unto you:
There it is. If I only knew before.😁
 

Butler1000

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2011
30,551
4,770
113
I suffered mine 4 weeks ago today.

Just for fun I bought some fresh oysters at Metro to take home. I'd never done that before. Once home I got the hot sauce and some horseradish and got to shucking. I started with a flat screwdriver tip as it is not overly sharp. Alas, it was too wide and I switched to a paring knife. Still could not open it. Moved to the next one. Success and very tasty.

The third one was also very stubborn but I persisted. Finally the knife slipped and I drove it into the base of my thumb. I felt it hit a bone. I knew immediately that it was bad. I got a towel, wrapped it and squeezed hard. I called my son who took me to emerge and they stitched me up. While they were finishing I noticed that I could not bend my thumb. They set me up with plastic surgery 3 days later.

Diagnosis is that I severed a tendon in my thumb as well as a nerve. I had the surgery 9 days later and have been in 5 different splints/casts since the initial injury.

No golf for 4 months.:confused:o_O:cry:😣😖🤬 My season is gone and currently I'm basically disabled. I can't do up shoe laces one-handed so I ordered some velcro walking shoes so I can have some activity.

As an epilogue, when I got home after my emerge visit, I managed to open one more. LOL I'm such a fucking idiot.
There are special knives for this. And while I have done it before I won't again without a frickin chainmail glove for the one hand.
 
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